RE: Financial Decisions (Full Version)

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ehlovindom -> RE: Financial Decisions (2/25/2006 8:52:19 AM)

Finances have to separated from the "relationship" for the inevitability of growing old and the eventual departure of one of the partners. Whether it be by choice, illness or by death, at some point, you will be left on your own and you better damn well know how to write a cheque, how to spend within a budget and most important, have a complete understanding of your finances including bank accounts, investments, insurance etc. You don't have to be an expert to grasp enough of financial basics to survive on your own should that occur, and as I already said, at some point in your life, you will be on your own. Obviously some people are better at finances. Whether it be the sub or dom in the relationship, taking care of this is negotiable and it doesn't mean that you can't impose some financial restrictions on a sub as one aspect of your relationship. At some point you or your partner will get sick. At some point, you and your partner will retire. At some point, you and your partner will die. The most abusive thing a dom could do is not ensure his sub is able to deal with these situations from a financial aspect.





Lordandmaster -> RE: Financial Decisions (2/25/2006 9:01:14 AM)

I can't help thinking these two statements have to be related:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rayne58

I actually have more money than He does, because of my divorce settlement.


and

quote:


I lived for years with a control freak when it came to money. He would complain when I even bought myself a CD even[8|]




ownedgirlie -> RE: Financial Decisions (2/25/2006 9:42:54 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ehlovindom

Finances have to separated from the "relationship" for the inevitability of growing old and the eventual departure of one of the partners. Whether it be by choice, illness or by death, at some point, you will be left on your own and you better damn well know how to write a cheque, how to spend within a budget and most important, have a complete understanding of your finances including bank accounts, investments, insurance etc. You don't have to be an expert to grasp enough of financial basics to survive on your own should that occur, and as I already said, at some point in your life, you will be on your own. Obviously some people are better at finances. Whether it be the sub or dom in the relationship, taking care of this is negotiable and it doesn't mean that you can't impose some financial restrictions on a sub as one aspect of your relationship. At some point you or your partner will get sick. At some point, you and your partner will retire. At some point, you and your partner will die. The most abusive thing a dom could do is not ensure his sub is able to deal with these situations from a financial aspect.





i think you make good points here, about looking out for the future and retirement, etc. Your post made me think of a time years ago when i was working at a bank. A woman in her late 60s approached me with a completely lost look on her face. Her husband died. She had never written a check in her life. She did not know how much money she had in the bank. She did not know how she was going to get by. i sat with her for a long time, teaching her how to pay her bills (this was WAY before online bill pay!), telling her how much money she had, etc. Set her up with a bookkeeper to help balance her check book. She left quite an impression on me.

i believe the best idea is to not leave someone "strapped" (no pun intended for this message board). my Master is making damned sure that as he ages, i am equipped with the knowledge and skills necessary to take good care of myself. If i lived with him (and the reason i don't has nothing to do with "intimacy issues" as was suggested earlier), it is likely he would take full control of the money, but he would not not leave me handicapped, either.

It's an interesting discussion. i plan to ask him his thoughts on the subject.




Rayne58 -> RE: Financial Decisions (2/25/2006 3:04:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I can't help thinking these two statements have to be related:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rayne58

I actually have more money than He does, because of my divorce settlement.


and

quote:


I lived for years with a control freak when it came to money. He would complain when I even bought myself a CD even[8|]



Those of us who have been burned once, think twice about putting our hand in the fire again[8|]

Luckily my Dom does not want that kind of control over me. In fact it is I who takes care of our finances. His poor health means He has much more to worry about than micro managing me. I have His PIN number so I can get money out of the ATM each week. He trusts me with His debit card [;)]

For 12 years I successfully helped my now ex husband to run a farm. I kept all the accounts and paid the taxes and bills. My ex was not one for "frivolous" things. A CD to him was a waste of money. We hadn't had a holiday for 10 years before I left him. It's true what they say, all work and no play etc. I also watched my mother struggle when my dad became ill and she had to learn how to manage money, pay bills etc. I strongly believe that everyone should retain at least some control over their own money, regardless of their life situation. By control I mean at least be able to access funds if you need to!




Celeste43 -> RE: Financial Decisions (2/25/2006 3:11:05 PM)

For us money is separate from the way we feel. I have known women who stayed in unhappy marriages because they had stayed home to raise the children and could not afford to leave and support themselves at the same level. I am in no way interested in being obligated to stay with him and I know he prefers I be there because I want to be, not because I have to be.

Besides being middle aged, we both have assets and obligations from prior to this relationship. If he had to have financial control, then do I sign over my house? Do I empty my children's college funds and give him this money? Do I allow him to say that they can't attend an Ivy League school if they get in because he wants the extra money to buy a Lamborghini?

Money is not part of the equation for us.




ehlovindom -> RE: Financial Decisions (2/25/2006 3:53:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: ehlovindom

Finances have to separated from the "relationship" for the inevitability of growing old and the eventual departure of one of the partners. ......................The most abusive thing a dom could do is not ensure his sub is able to deal with these situations from a financial aspect.




i think you make good points here, about looking out for the future and retirement, etc. Your post made me think of a time years ago when i was working at a bank. A woman in her late 60s approached me with a completely lost look on her face. Her husband died. She had never written a check in her life. She did not know how much money she had in the bank. She did not know how she was going to get by. i sat with her for a long time, teaching her how to pay her bills (this was WAY before online bill pay!), telling her how much money she had, etc. Set her up with a bookkeeper to help balance her check book. She left quite an impression on me.

i believe the best idea is to not leave someone "strapped" (no pun intended for this message board). my Master is making damned sure that as he ages, i am equipped with the knowledge and skills necessary to take good care of myself. If i lived with him (and the reason i don't has nothing to do with "intimacy issues" as was suggested earlier), it is likely he would take full control of the money, but he would not not leave me handicapped, either.

It's an interesting discussion. i plan to ask him his thoughts on the subject.

I think your experience with this woman whose husband has died has been repeated for many women of the last generation and might be a thing of the past but it has been my experience that many women today are no better at finances. And to be fair, there are quite a few men who are equally inept! One irony is that in the previous generation, many women ran the household and that also meant managing money, except that the husband would give the wife a weekly allowance and most were good at budgeting. It is just that they were not given the entire financial "picture" so when the husband died, they were left wondering why he didn't have enough insurance, what was going on with the mortgage, how many chequing accounts they had, what is a mutual fund etc.

Now I am making generalities here but I have seen a number of posts of slaves who are required to turn over all their possessions to their master and are not allowed to have any money. I wonder, do these slaves have a pension plan? Is money being put aside every month for them? If their master suddenly dies, what happens to the slave who discovers there is no insurance money for her (it went to his ex-wife and kids!), no savings (he spent it all on nice toys), no retirement plan (more toys) and no house (mortgaged to the hilt).

You have to be educated financially to deal with any situation. Suppose your master has a stroke and is unable to communicate for months. It wouldn't be the best time to start asking questions about how to pay bills. If a sub or slave truly becomes the responsibility of a dom/me, then one of the most important things to show them is how to deal with the realities of our everyday financial life. To simply say that it isn't a sub's concern and that the dom/me will take of everything is just keeping the sub in the dark, and the dark is only good for growing mushrooms, fungus and manure.




KnightofMists -> RE: Financial Decisions (2/25/2006 6:39:44 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

owned... the problem is... the question was NOT hypothetical for me...

i was very much involved with one EXACTLY like that... every penny i made went to him... we did not live together but we were r/l.. each and every payday he would ask how much my check was for... because i was this wonderful little slave i told him... i then gave it to him...all of it... He never one time asked me if i needed to pay rent... like duh of course i did... did it matter to him? not one bit... were my very basic of needs met? no!! but because i was simply a slave... i had no rights, correct? absolutely... which is why today i have no pictures of my children when they were babies... because of a man EXACTLY as he portrays himself to be... i LOST EVERYTHING... not just a few things... ALL OF IT except the clothes on my back when i got the call telling me i was being evicted... now... i no longer trust ANYONE that wants complete financial control of anyone...


sad it is when someone scarifices their basic well-being for another, regardless of who they are! This is just another example of a person that failed in their responsibility of self! I find it incredible that anyone would give up the money to pay for the shelter over their head! but, I am not surprized that it happens!




angelic -> RE: Financial Decisions (2/25/2006 6:51:13 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists


quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

owned... the problem is... the question was NOT hypothetical for me...

i was very much involved with one EXACTLY like that... every penny i made went to him... we did not live together but we were r/l.. each and every payday he would ask how much my check was for... because i was this wonderful little slave i told him... i then gave it to him...all of it... He never one time asked me if i needed to pay rent... like duh of course i did... did it matter to him? not one bit... were my very basic of needs met? no!! but because i was simply a slave... i had no rights, correct? absolutely... which is why today i have no pictures of my children when they were babies... because of a man EXACTLY as he portrays himself to be... i LOST EVERYTHING... not just a few things... ALL OF IT except the clothes on my back when i got the call telling me i was being evicted... now... i no longer trust ANYONE that wants complete financial control of anyone...


sad it is when someone scarifices their basic well-being for another, regardless of who they are! This is just another example of a person that failed in their responsibility of self! I find it incredible that anyone would give up the money to pay for the shelter over their head! but, I am not surprized that it happens!


Sir i take much more responsibility for this than i actually blame him for. However in defense of myself, i was a slave (actually called pig) that had zero rights. i thought i was pleasing my One... which of course i was, to my own detriment. Anyway what's done is done... and i have learned a very hard lesson from it.




amayos -> RE: Financial Decisions (2/27/2006 10:18:29 AM)

MrDiscipline44, ownedgirlie, BitaTruble:

Thank you all for your clarity whilst I was away. All three of you were so spot-on, it's pointless for me to add anything more.



Angelic, I offer my heartfelt sympathies for your past abuse.




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