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One liners - 8/19/2009 5:37:41 AM

Aanakaris

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I bet you I could stop gambling.

I can't get enough minimalism.

I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.

Do ten millipedes equal one centipede?

A liberal is just a conservative that hasn't been mugged yet.

Once we had Clinton, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope. Now we have Bush, no Cash and no Hope.

If Helen Keller had ESP, would you say she had a fourth sense?

The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.

Have you been to Wal-Mart lately? You have to be 300 pounds to get the automatic doors to open.

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.

I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.

Those that forget the pasta are doomed to reheat it.

Take everything in moderation. Including moderation.

There are two rules for success: 1.) Don't tell all you know.

Some days it's not worth chewing through the straps.

Do not follow, for I may not lead. Do not lead, for I may not follow. Just go over there somewhere, please?

Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge.

If at first you don't succeed, try left field.

When at the window at the unemployment office, loudly say, "I didn't get to where I am today by listening to people like you!"

Sacred cows make the best hamburgers.

I got some new underwear yesterday. Well, it was new to me.

If #2 pencils are the most popular, are they still #2?

I used to be a lifeguard, but some blue kid got me fired.

I live in California, and my watch is three hours fast, I can't fix it, so I'm moving to New York.

I don't want buns of steel. I want buns of cinnamon.

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RE: One liners - 8/19/2009 6:49:27 AM

Hillwilliam

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It's bad luck to be superstitious

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RE: One liners - 8/19/2009 7:07:01 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
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so.. out of thousands of sperm... YOU were the one that made it?

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RE: One liners - 8/19/2009 10:14:03 AM

VirginPotty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

so.. out of thousands of sperm... YOU were the one that made it?

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RE: One liners - 8/19/2009 10:33:07 PM

ShaharThorne

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That is so evil, GT...

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RE: One liners - 8/19/2009 10:37:15 PM

GreedyTop

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I used to have that on a tshirt :)

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RE: One liners - 8/20/2009 6:54:23 AM

Marc2b

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quote:

A liberal is just a conservative that hasn't been mugged yet.

And a conservative is just a liberal who hasn't been arrested yet.

An urge on the verge of a merge - two young lovers.

The butcher accidentaly backed into a meat slicer and got a little behind in his work.

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RE: One liners - 8/20/2009 6:57:31 AM

Marc2b

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quote:

so.. out of thousands of sperm... YOU were the one that made it?

One of my favorite put downs but it is even funnier if you remember that it is actually millions of sperm.

A good variation if you're trying to motivate someone: "where's that ambition and drive you first showed when you were a sperm cell?"

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RE: One liners - 8/20/2009 8:45:28 AM

GreedyTop

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love that, Marc!! LMAO!

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RE: One liners - 8/20/2009 1:45:36 PM

SteelofUtah

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"You know you are the reason some species eat their young"

"You ought to be the Posterchild for Birthcontrol"

"Water!?! Never drink the stuff, Fish Fuck in it." W.C. Fields

Steel

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