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How does a slave leave its Master? - 8/22/2009 3:11:54 PM   
Falkenstein


Posts: 187
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		Hello to everybody,

Warning: This is broderline to cross posting, But the question I ask is probalby better here

I started recently a relationship with a great trusting girl who is enthousiastic about BDSM , the kinky part is a mix of play and real life submission / change of behavior. I am interested in going down this road and the behavior change part is great (I have done nothing serious yet), but I consider my responsibility to see all future implications.


If she changes her mind in the process or after, how easy will it be for her to leave me and build a new life / relationship. Usually, girls -- well now women -- have no specific difficulties to dump me .-) but since the end of love is the occasion for a new one to start, I am not terribly unhappy. I would be however very upset if this girl were somehow bonded to me agains her will.

So I would like to know if a slave girl has the same possibility, emotionnaly speaking, as a vanilla girl to leaver her master and rebuild her life with another guy?

Kinky regards

Henry

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Henry,

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RE: How does a slave leave its Master? - 8/22/2009 3:17:37 PM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Falkenstein
I would be however very upset if this girl were somehow bonded to me agains her will.


First, seek consentual relationships, communicate that consent throughout the relationship.

quote:


So I would like to know if a slave girl has the same possibility, emotionnaly speaking, as a vanilla girl to leaver her master and rebuild her life with another guy?


Yes.  Slaves are people. 

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RE: How does a slave leave its Master? - 8/22/2009 3:26:38 PM   
kneelinggirl


Posts: 1
Joined: 12/22/2006
Status: offline 		i don't know about that.

i had to walk away from my Master as he crossed several boundaries in ethics that i was not willing to tolerate.

it was and is really hard and emotionally devestating (i have not fully completed the separation, but plan to reach closure very soon).

the fact that i submitted to him emotionally and physically in a way that doesn't happen in vanilla, caused me to feel much closer to him than i had in a relationship previously.

so yes, it is harder.

but i still had the same ability to decide to walk away when required.

just be as thoughtful and responsible as a mature adult human being is supposed to be.

you take just a big a risk as she does in terms of being hurt, it is a mutual risk when you start a new relationship.

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RE: How does a slave leave its Master? - 8/22/2009 3:47:54 PM   
subtlebutterfly


Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline 		OP ..no offense but where is your BRAIN what the hell do you think people involved with bdsm are?? The definition of a slave is not the same as it was back in the year 1021.
I don't believe there's any difference at all. Whether a "slave" is in a vanilla relationship or not it doesn't matter unless the "slave" went into the relationship on false grounds but then that'd be the same thing as if the "slave" in question really was a vanilla.
The bottom line is that all relationships are based on the same foundation. Bdsm just adds a little flavor to it gee.


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RE: How does a slave leave its Master? - 8/22/2009 3:54:13 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		If my Sir and i came to a parting of the ways-   how would i do it?

First i would pack all my stuff ( and there is a lot of it!), hire a truck and mover and move it all out.  Easy.

Why would the OP think there would be any differences in how vanilla and bdsm break up?

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RE: How does a slave leave its Master? - 8/22/2009 3:56:20 PM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		She caught me gone and loaded her truck and on down the road..

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RE: How does a slave leave its Master? - 8/22/2009 5:06:51 PM   
Falkenstein


Posts: 187
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		My brain is in a jar.

More seriously, look at what kneelinggirl beautifully wrote. Breaking up for a slave does not look that easy, at least in some cases, of course you can argue that it is the same in vanilla relations.

Kinky regards

Henry

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Henry,

Part of that power which still
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RE: How does a slave leave its Master? - 8/22/2009 5:42:59 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Really Henry, it's just a relationship. If done well, a D/s or M/s relationship can be intense and bind two people together very tightly. Of course, the same could be said of zillions of vanilla relationships. I just watched a woman leave a long-term marriage and let me tell you, she was crying quite a bit.. purely vanilla. Other totally vanilla women elect, for whatever reasons, to stay in an abusive relationship. Really, it's no different in M/s land.

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RE: How does a slave leave its Master? - 8/22/2009 5:49:36 PM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline
If you create an environment wherein she will become dependant on you because of your Mastery and enslavement of her and you either deliberately or inadvertently take her autonomy and control same, it won't be EASY for her to leave if she decides its best for her. But the very idea she would be capable of making such decision would mean she has retained some of her autonomy. So it will simply be a matter of her regaining all of it and utilizing it to counter the mastery you had on her and regain her own self-determining instinct.

It really depends on how much of her autonomy you will control. However, it is doable and its easier if the Man who is withdrawing his mastery and enslavement and instead giving her back control over her autonomy is there to help. Friends are always good but you as her Master would have to consciously stop being her Master and instead allow her to make the decisions in her life.

I am not sure why some believe your question is silly or whatnot but dependancy in these types of relationships is a very real possibility for slaves any way.

angel

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RE: How does a slave leave its Master? - 8/22/2009 6:56:04 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Don't worry, by the time she walks out on you, she's no longer bonded.
And a vanilla woman who loses her husband after 60 years of marriage will have a lot harder time recovering than Miss Slave Universe 2009.

People wired for power relationships invest more heavily in such relationships than they do in nilla ones.
People wired for vanilla relationships invest more heavily in such relationships than they do in power ones.

Oh, and English doesn't have a neutral pronoun to refer to people. Pick from his, her, or their - we'll all understand what you're getting at.

Hate to burst your bubble...

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 8/22/2009 6:57:43 PM >

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RE: How does a slave leave its Master? - 8/22/2009 7:05:00 PM   
aphotic


Posts: 119
Joined: 5/17/2009
Status: offline 		Henry, no one else has said this...

You can't live your life fearing that those you impart trust in, and love, will leave you. It's a risk we all take. Vanilla or not, the dagger feels the same when it ends.

Men have trouble doing this, even myself, but listening to what someone else is saying will usually give you the implications of their actions.

I wish you the best, but no one on a forum can tell you how it's going to be. Be secure with yourself. Be trusting until your heart is broken. If it ever comes to pieces, then rebuild it the same as it was before.

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RE: How does a slave leave its Master? - 8/23/2009 1:17:43 AM   
Falkenstein


Posts: 187
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline
The parallels with vanilla life are clear to me.

There also, there are a lot of ways to willingly or unwillingly make a person dependent and less free. Sometimes these persons want to be dependent (as in the song of eurythmics "sweet dreams". ...some want to be abused...). but for me, the question is rather the BDSM lifestyle contains elements that could reinforce the dependency to a point that free will is limited: I grow fat, disrespectul, eat with my fingers and force her to watch "friends" all day long but she cannot leave me.


My problem is that submission is alien to me. My preffered poem in English (but then I know only few) is Invictus (William Ernest Henley), so I let you imagine how much away from a submissive I can be. But I am also a good listener.

Barelynangel, Eurythmics also wrote "there must be an angel" any connection with you, beside the obvious?

Kinky regards

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Henry,

Part of that power which still
Produceth good, whilst ever scheming ill.

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RE: How does a slave leave its Master? - 8/23/2009 1:24:27 AM   
Falkenstein


Posts: 187
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		DesFIP,
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP


Oh, and English doesn't have a neutral pronoun to refer to people. Pick from his, her, or their - we'll all understand what you're getting at.

Hate to burst your bubble...


I am aftaid that this was not a grammatical mistake, but a freudian lapsus. My apologies for what it implies.

As for "bursting my bubble" Are you in the banking business ;-)

Kinky regards

Henry

_____________________________

Henry,

Part of that power which still
Produceth good, whilst ever scheming ill.

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: How does a slave leave its Master? - 8/23/2009 4:24:04 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Of course she can leave just like a vanilla woman, provided that she has not been so badly abused that mentally she is so broken that she cannot. Lots of slaves break up with their Dominants, they go on to form new relationships and lives. It happens everyday as slaves are human beings and quite capable of thinking for themselves.

~Lashra

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RE: How does a slave leave its Master? - 8/23/2009 6:50:54 AM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		A relationship is a relationship is a relationship. If one or the other deem it necessary to leave then they are free to leave at any time. Just because it's a person identifies themself as slave or sub: that doesn't over-ride their ability to place one foot in front of the other and walk out that door and away from the failing(ed) relationship.

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RE: How does a slave leave its Master? - 8/23/2009 7:13:15 AM   
cadenas


Posts: 517
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Falkenstein
If she changes her mind in the process or after, how easy will it be for her to leave me and build a new life / relationship. Usually, girls -- well now women -- have no specific difficulties to dump me .-) but since the end of love is the occasion for a new one to start, I am not terribly unhappy. I would be however very upset if this girl were somehow bonded to me agains her will.


This particular question is really a non issue - but there are some other serious issues surrounding it.

It is indeed entirely possible that she can get so attached to you that leaving is mentally impossible - read up on Internal Enslavement if you want to learn more. That is a pretty extreme form of BDSM, but for quite a few people that is something they want and are looking for. It doesn't just happen - rather, you deliberately have to work to achieve this state of nirvana or nightmare (depending on whether or not that is your cup of tea).

But if that was to happen, she would obviously not be bonded to you AGAINST HER WILL.

The bigger question in this context really is: are you ready to take on the responsibility? This type of enslavement is very much a two-way street. If she really does end up so enslaved to you that leaving is impossible for her, that also means that it would be completely irresponsible of you to ever dump her - or to abuse the power you would have over her. Basically, you'd be stuck with her for life. No divorce lawyer can change that.

And while you are at it, you better make preparations for her future care in case she outlives you. Remember - if you do go that far, she really needs you, or somebody like you, for her very survival.

I disagree with Lashra that this would be abuse. Well - in a way of course, but so is spanking, cutting, consensual non-consent, and pretty much everything else we do. The key is to be VERY aware of the consequences. And the more extreme what you are doing is, the more you (both of you) need to be aware and know what you are doing.

Quite honestly - unless you deliberately seek out that extreme, it's not likely going to happen by accident. Just as spanking rarely leads to fatal injuries.


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RE: How does a slave leave its Master? - 8/23/2009 7:27:55 AM   
Ladyofthemanor


Posts: 51
Joined: 11/8/2004
Status: offline 		Ok, have read the mumble jumble, first off if you think a sub or slave will leave you for another, then you have issues with Domination and your own role in it.  Also, most M/s relationships are set up on some type of longevity plan.  Some are strictly play partners, some last for a few months or years, until the magic wears off,  but others offer an IE existence that you know that will last forever because of the commitment the M/s made to each other early on.  If you commit to making the relationship work then it will, if you think that the relationship will fail it will.

LadyoftheManor


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slavelilly

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RE: How does a slave leave its Master? - 8/23/2009 9:30:09 AM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Warning: This is broderline to cross posting


No it's not. It's cross-posting.

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RE: How does a slave leave its Master? - 8/23/2009 9:38:09 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Falkenstein

So I would like to know if a slave girl has the same possibility, emotionnaly speaking, as a vanilla girl to leaver her master and rebuild her life with another guy?

Kinky regards

Henry


technically yes. but in actuality it depends on the nature of the relationship and how it was established. factor in the length of time and the level of surrender and things become more complicated. i will preface this by assuming you have violated her in a manner that would be clearly unethical, harmful, and give her genuine cause to leave.

relationships can and do change. but in general when you're embarking on slavery the idea is for permanence. i have always believed one shouldn't own what he has no intention of keeping. i don't feel this is a journey that happens overnight, and you're right to express concerns about her well being should things dissipate.

the bigger question is why you would seek to establish this kind of relationship at all if you're uncertain where things will head. most that enter into that kind of exchange do so after time has been spent learning and becoming better acquainted. both are generally certain of where they wish to head and comfortable with the person standing beside them. i see no reason to up the ante so to speak into slavery, and would suggest you delay doing so until she's had more time to experience the lifestyle you're introducing her to.

porcelaine


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RE: How does a slave leave its Master? - 8/23/2009 9:53:24 AM   
daintydimples


Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: beargonewild

A relationship is a relationship is a relationship. If one or the other deem it necessary to leave then they are free to leave at any time. Just because it's a person identifies themself as slave or sub: that doesn't over-ride their ability to place one foot in front of the other and walk out that door and away from the failing(ed) relationship.


I agree.

I also agree that it can be quite difficult for a sub/slave to leave, just b/c of the power dynamics involved. Once you given power over to another, it takes an enormous force of will to do an about face and take that back. Most will only do this if they have very good reason. Even with a lot of motivation, many sub/slaves don't exactly walk out, they crawl (I know this was true of myself when I left a 20 year relationship). The important thing is, they move in the right direction for them.


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