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Your first experience - 9/2/2009 2:01:10 PM

Relax79

Posts: 8
Joined: 9/19/2008
Status: offline

Hello,

I am a new dom in this site. I have read a lot about the life style and saw many BDSM movies. But I still feel I need to have a sub girl to start my experiments on her.

any idea where to start?

Relax

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RE: Your first experience - 9/2/2009 4:50:51 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

I would strongly suggest that you first join you local group/s and attend munches and play parties as well perhaps as attending a local dungeon. Watch, listen and ask questions. be polite and in time you will get known and even possibly find a Dominant who is willing to take you in hand and help you through the transition from theoretical to reality regarding BDSM play. remembering that first hand experience under the watchful eye of an experienced person is worth more that all the theory.

< Message edited by IronBear -- 9/2/2009 4:51:18 PM >

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RE: Your first experience - 9/2/2009 4:54:16 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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What Bear said.

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"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Your first experience - 9/2/2009 7:21:17 PM

Miyani

Posts: 248
Joined: 12/4/2007
Status: offline

~FR~

Try putting up a picture of you, instead of a girl I imagine you've played with previously. Also, I would write something about what you have to offer, and not just the menial tasks you need some girl to do for you. If "all you need" is a maid to cook and clean, hire one. If you need someone to cherish, then find a submissive. But make sure you're clear about what she can expect from you, and why she should need you in her life.

The insistence on "no men" makes you seem insecure, homophobic. You're looking only for women, that should be enough of a sign. If it's not, then delete their emails. Who does it hurt, for them to waste a few minutes writing?

Other than that? What Bear said.

< Message edited by Miyani -- 9/2/2009 7:22:33 PM >

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RE: Your first experience - 9/3/2009 9:22:25 AM

peppermint

Posts: 5159
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

Reading is good if you are reading the right type of books. BDSM porn books are not those that will give you any idea as to what to expect in a Dom/sub relationship. If you think The Story of O is reality based, I'm sorry to have to burst your bubble. On the other hand, there are some good books to read. The Loving Dominant, Screw the Roses , Send Me the Thorns, and SM 101 are some of the books you should read.

I've heard that BDSM movies are more fantasy based that reality so they are also not what you should base a relationship upon. As IronBear has said, find your nearest group and attend meetings. Learn from those with experience. If there are no groups near you, then do as I did years ago. I planned my vacation time so I could attend munches and functions.

(in reply to Relax79)

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RE: Your first experience - 9/3/2009 12:20:12 PM

SexyCarrot

Posts: 38
Joined: 9/2/2009
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First experience? Hmmm... the words "tossed salad" cum to mind for some reason.

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RE: Your first experience - 9/3/2009 12:26:02 PM

girlygurl

Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
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As Bear and DS said, munches and play parties are good places to meet like minded people.

Good luck.

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happily forever one

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RE: Your first experience - 9/3/2009 7:06:58 PM

Relax79

Posts: 8
Joined: 9/19/2008
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Well, I don't know to find local parties around me. I heard its private and not too many people get invited.

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RE: Your first experience - 9/3/2009 7:17:23 PM

Relax79

Posts: 8
Joined: 9/19/2008
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@Miyani

I can not put a picture of me since I hold a job in a place that has nothing to do with my life.

As for what I want from the sub depends more on what I want not what she wants. There is another word if she get what she wants, its called "marriage".

As for writing "NO MEN" in my profile, you should see how many gay sub guys asked me to play. Its really silly. I tried to put that I am straight but could not find how.

(in reply to Miyani)

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RE: Your first experience - 9/3/2009 7:42:51 PM

CarrieO

Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
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quote:

Well, I don't know to find local parties around me.

This may help... http://www.drkdesyre.com/meetppl/orgs/canada.html or you can just google 'bdsm groups' in your area.

quote:

I can not put a picture of me since I hold a job in a place that has nothing to do with my life.

No one is telling you to put up a face photo. Perhaps you could come up with something artistic, like a mask, that would be of you and not a woman. Speaking of photos of women...does the young woman in your profile photo know you're using her picture?

quote:

I have read a lot about the life style and saw many BDSM movies. But I still feel I need to have a sub girl to start my experiments on her.

Experiments? I hope you mean practice. This is all the more reason why you would be right in following the advice others have given...get thee to a munch ( different from a play party).

quote:

As for what I want from the sub depends more on what I want not what she wants. There is another word if she get what she wants, its called "marriage".

Ok, this line has me scratching my head in bemusement.

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RE: Your first experience - 9/4/2009 7:11:40 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Become friends.
Be honest and open about your preferences from the beginning.
Experiment with a person who is equally interested in experimenting.

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RE: Your first experience - 9/4/2009 7:32:22 PM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Relax79

Hello,

I am a new dom in this site. I have read a lot about the life style and saw many BDSM movies. But I still feel I need to have a sub girl to start my experiments on her.

any idea where to start?

Relax

I would consider going into the "introduce yourself forum" And get a few pointers on how to improve your profile

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Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
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(in reply to Relax79)

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RE: Your first experience - 9/8/2009 12:23:00 PM

Miyani

Posts: 248
Joined: 12/4/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Relax79

@Miyani

I can not put a picture of me since I hold a job in a place that has nothing to do with my life.

Then put up something meaningful to you, that isn't someone else's picture. Or, as was suggested already, and artistic shot that doesn't show your face. And hopefully doesn't show your penis. I'm wondering, much as Carrie is, if the woman in the picture knows she's on a kink site. Or is even someone you know personally...

quote:

As for what I want from the sub depends more on what I want not what she wants. There is another word if she get what she wants, its called "marriage".

I'm sensing just a little bitterness from the marriage comment. But that's your business. I will say that I would think it would be important for the sub to know whether she wants you. And how can she do that, if she doesn't know what you want?

quote:

As for writing "NO MEN" in my profile, you should see how many gay sub guys asked me to play. Its really silly. I tried to put that I am straight but could not find how.

Same way you put "NO MEN." Your first line could even read something like "I'm a straight guy, looking for..."

But the gay men who ask you to play when you don't say you're looking for men? Won't bother to read your profile. That part will only serve to put off people you might enjoy talking to. And even if they do read it, and email anyway, does it really hurt anyone for them to do so? They waste a couple of minutes, and you have to push a delete button. It's not that bad.

(in reply to Relax79)

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RE: Your first experience - 9/8/2009 12:38:09 PM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Relax79

As for what I want from the sub depends more on what I want not what she wants. There is another word if she get what she wants, its called "marriage".

You realize you have to actually lure them in with something other than declarations of your own needs, right?

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I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
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RE: Your first experience - 9/8/2009 12:49:42 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Relax79
As for what I want from the sub depends more on what I want not what she wants. There is another word if she get what she wants, its called "marriage".

Uh... no.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Your first experience - 9/8/2009 1:10:34 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: Relax79
As for what I want from the sub depends more on what I want not what she wants. There is another word if she get what she wants, its called "marriage".

Uh... no.

Well, technically, he's right. I know I got what I wanted when I was in an egalitarian marriage ....... and I get what I want now, in a D/s relationship...lol

agirl

(in reply to leadership527)

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RE: Your first experience - 9/8/2009 5:36:40 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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*chuckles*

Well, maybe he is onto something after all. I mean, I've tried this before and it's gotten me nowwhere, but hey, posts are cheap.

To all you subs out there who have no needs, wants, or desires other than to serve, I've got a house that needs to be built, laundry and maid service that needs doing, and I'm sure we could find some other miscelleneous ways that you could serve me. Honestly, I won't give you anything back at all, no love, no caring, no nothing. But I will give you an opportunity to serve me in a highly valuable [to me] way. So hurry and cmail me now... operators are standing by. Honestly, I don't think there's any more than maybe 20 or 30 slots open so hurry.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to agirl)

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RE: Your first experience - 9/8/2009 7:35:30 PM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Relax79

@Miyani

I can not put a picture of me since I hold a job in a place that has nothing to do with my life.

As for what I want from the sub depends more on what I want not what she wants. There is another word if she get what she wants, its called "marriage".

As for writing "NO MEN" in my profile, you should see how many gay sub guys asked me to play. Its really silly. I tried to put that I am straight but could not find how.

Well you can try, but most women I have met want something out of a relationship. If they just wanted to clean a house, they would go out and get a job as a maid. This does not mean the right girl for you is not out there, but she is going to be a lot harder to find. Good luck with your search.

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This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

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RE: Your first experience - 9/8/2009 7:38:12 PM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

*chuckles*

Well, maybe he is onto something after all. I mean, I've tried this before and it's gotten me nowwhere, but hey, posts are cheap.

To all you subs out there who have no needs, wants, or desires other than to serve, I've got a house that needs to be built, laundry and maid service that needs doing, and I'm sure we could find some other miscelleneous ways that you could serve me. Honestly, I won't give you anything back at all, no love, no caring, no nothing. But I will give you an opportunity to serve me in a highly valuable [to me] way. So hurry and cmail me now... operators are standing by. Honestly, I don't think there's any more than maybe 20 or 30 slots open so hurry.

Can I have your leftovers, the weeds in back are totally out of control and the grass needs cutting.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert

This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

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