RE: I have lost my Dom

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RE: I have lost my Dom - 9/6/2009 5:53:16 PM

trappedinamuseum

Posts: 5066
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

I recognize that there are times when neither of us are in the mood to put forth the effort required to be dominant or submissive at the time. If I feel like my needs are not being met, or if there is something more I can be doing, then we discuss it. Often times, sheer exhaustion is the reason why the dominance or submission has lapsed.

If I find I can't discuss it face to face, I often put it in an e-mail or letter because I find I can articulate better and more clearly that way. He can't read my mind. I have to be willing to share my concerns, wants, needs with him, as much as he as to be willing to do the same. Usually we discuss it afterward, and adjust play / serving as necessary.

Life gets in the way. However, I learned very quickly that it is better to tell him my needs are not being met than to not tell him at all, and face the wrath later. I don't find it disrespectful at all to discuss it calmly.

Of course, it is not like I get into his face and say, "Sucka, you just aren't doing it for me anymore". That would not go over well.

Good luck.

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RE: I have lost my Dom - 9/6/2009 7:35:35 PM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Acer49

One of the biggest complaints I hear from submissives is that the Dom/me have become complacent. If you were faced with that situation, would you say something? And if so, how would you phrase so as not to appear to be sounding disrespectful? Would you do something to bring attention to it and if so, what? Or would you simply accept it and hope that the Dom/me came to realize it on their own.

I wouldn't be so bothered about the dynamic or dom or sub but present the situation in a question, listen to what they had to say and then give my perception of the situation and see what happen next as a human being to another human being. I'd start out with a question because I don't know, I could be the one causing the problem and the complacency could be their reaction to something I'm doing and maybe somewhere a while back they tried to point something out to me which I failed to see. Then again, it could be them and then we would see what could be done to solve the issue.

To me it would be disrespectful to accept it and say nothing, it would be disrespectful to the relationship (and by extension the dynamic) and ultimately the interests of the dominant.

The dynamic may be the reason for the relationship and it might influence or shape the relationship, but from my perspective it never replaces or becomes the entire relationship, but remains just one component of the whole.

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Post #: 22

RE: I have lost my Dom - 9/6/2009 8:57:09 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

Yeah! What Stella said!!!

I'm always in favor of any answer that contains the thought, "like 2 humans". For Carol and I, it's just as simple as "two humans where one obeys the other" so we don't face these sorts of communication dilemmas.

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
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Post #: 23

RE: I have lost my Dom - 9/6/2009 9:37:57 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I would come right out and tell him. All this stuff about doing it "respectfully" has me confused. I see nothing disrespectful in stating a truthful fact. I wouldn't be with a dominant that couldn't handle open communication.

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Post #: 24

RE: I have lost my Dom - 9/7/2009 4:51:08 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

Before we went down this BDSM path we had quite lost eachother... i do not know how other people recognize the fact that they have lost a spouse but for me it was a serious lack of sex to start with and then the realisation that i was not even trying to get his attention about it anymore... and was more into having cyber sex instead... and through that i learned about this BDSM stuff and things started to fall into place...
He is naturally dominant and i am naturally sub...
It was a bit scary to start with but i started politely asking him if i could masturbate...
We are flying high now
Domestically we are still more or less the same as we always were but we both buzz again.

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Post #: 25

RE: I have lost my Dom - 9/7/2009 5:00:46 AM

bobllean

Posts: 3
Joined: 9/4/2009
Status: offline

hi
im he re for you

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Post #: 26

RE: I have lost my Dom - 9/7/2009 5:21:30 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

Thank you that is very nice of you Sir, unfortunately i am not available to you at this time though.
Also the boards are more a place to discuss things and not for picking up anything other than ideas... i think
Good luck

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Post #: 27