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The Fantasy versus Reality of BDSM - 9/8/2009 4:18:20 AM

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It seems that there are those interested in the reality of BDSM and those only in the fantasy of it.
I'm in the latter category.

I enjoy the fantasy but I've always had my doubts about enjoying the reality of being a submissive.
I appreciate that fantasy is not the same thing as reality. Whereas the former may be terrific, the latter may be horrible.

I've been musings over my doubts recently and came to the pretty firm conclusion I probably wouldn't like to be submissive in real life.
The more I read other peoples' postings about the reality of BDSM, the more those doubts grow.

Hence I ain't going to attempt to hook up with a Domme.

I just wanted to thank said others for their helpful honesty.

RE: The Fantasy versus Reality of BDSM - 9/8/2009 4:26:19 AM

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o.0 your welcome!

You might go to munches and such in your area and figure who identifies as a female top or service Dom. I think you'd be happy then :)

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RE: The Fantasy versus Reality of BDSM - 9/8/2009 4:38:57 AM

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Go to any BDSM thumbnail site (e.g., hqbdsm, seebdsm, bdsma, etc.) and look at all the gorgeous models in all forms of bondage, ass in the air, hands tied, tits available to you, mouth wateringly submissive ... and then think ... think hard ... are these women really into BDSM and available to you?

Of course not (at least not most of 'em).

They're models. It's a fantasy. The director arranges the scene; the model performs the action; the photographer captures the essence of what the directdor wanted to portray ... and you get to enjoy the fantasy of it all (lucky you).

I'll wager half the Internet is porn ... and without the fantasy, porn would just be a bunch of silly pictures of people in weird positions. But, with fantasy ... it's highly erotically charged.

See?

< Message edited by pompeii -- 9/8/2009 4:40:33 AM >

(in reply to Sunnyfey)

RE: The Fantasy versus Reality of BDSM - 9/8/2009 4:49:51 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii

I'll wager half the Internet is porn ...

Get away!

Okay, so my OP probably wasn't very clear.

The Internet has both fantasy (porn) and discussions of what the reality being a male submissive entails.

The point I was trying to make is that I get off on the fantasy (porn) and put off by the reality.

Hence I'm sticking with the porn.

EDITED to improve grammar

< Message edited by anorak -- 9/8/2009 5:14:36 AM >

(in reply to pompeii)

RE: The Fantasy versus Reality of BDSM - 9/8/2009 5:50:55 AM

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Half of being happy in life is knowing what you truly want. So congratulations to you.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: The Fantasy versus Reality of BDSM - 9/8/2009 5:57:31 AM

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I just watched the porn that my new slave has been watching and I am sure she is quite shocked with what reality is now.

She thought it was HOT and I was bored to death with it.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: The Fantasy versus Reality of BDSM - 9/8/2009 7:03:43 AM

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I topped for almost 4 decades before seeking out the "lifestyle" , OP, & this is where I need to be. But noone knows you better than you do - follow your own calling & be happy. Life's so damn short.....

(in reply to CougarStud)

RE: The Fantasy versus Reality of BDSM - 9/8/2009 7:26:35 AM

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There are plenty of people who do some exploring and decide that it's not for them. Kudos to you for coming to your decision before including someone else.

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: The Fantasy versus Reality of BDSM - 9/8/2009 7:54:44 AM

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I think you will find that most of the more shall we say? graphic and colorful accounts of peoples lives within the bdsm community are in fact more fantasy than reality. But it all comes down to one thing. If you decide you want to take a more [real time] active role? just take your time and find someone who is happy with the limitations you need in order to feel safe and comfortable. Both d/s and bdsm are for the enjoyment of both sub, and Dom'me. But sadly too many people seem to forget that.

(in reply to anorak)

RE: The Fantasy versus Reality of BDSM - 9/8/2009 9:05:05 AM

gentlemanprince

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90% of a bdsm relationship is indistingushable from vanilla.

(in reply to quietlycontent)

RE: The Fantasy versus Reality of BDSM - 9/8/2009 9:16:23 AM

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That's a good point. Another good rule of thumb is to only believe about five percent of what people describe
ie- If they say. My Mistress was angry and gave me 100 lashes with the cane? Read five.
I once witnessed a public flogging where one hundred strokes of the cane were administered. I actually only managed to stomach about forty or so before having to leave. And believe me no one will ever convince me they could actually get pleasure from that.
D/s is 90% fantasy, even in real time. But we all love to exaggerate, and hell i enjoy a good yarn as much as the next man. But putting all that aside. Giving false information or an exaggerated idea of what goes on to newcomers to the scene is very dangerous. So i think that those who claim to be experienced should think first, and then offer realistic advice.

< Message edited by quietlycontent -- 9/8/2009 9:17:35 AM >

(in reply to gentlemanprince)

RE: The Fantasy versus Reality of BDSM - 9/8/2009 9:50:29 AM

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One persons fantasy is someone else's hell. I know pain sluts that 100 lashes is not enough. They desire that trip to subspace that I can give them. The relationship between any good Master and sub is communication. Not abuse. you are afraid of being abused, yet you do desire to be used. you just have to find that right person for you that has the key to unlock your deep fantasy desires.

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RE: The Fantasy versus Reality of BDSM - 9/8/2009 9:57:59 AM

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quote:

Life's so damn short

I second this.

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RE: The Fantasy versus Reality of BDSM - 9/8/2009 9:59:11 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: anorak

It seems that there are those interested in the reality of BDSM and those only in the fantasy of it.
I'm in the latter category.

I enjoy the fantasy but I've always had my doubts about enjoying the reality of being a submissive.
I appreciate that fantasy is not the same thing as reality. Whereas the former may be terrific, the latter may be horrible.

actually i believe your feelings are more common than you realize and others are willing to admit. i had this conversation with someone that is new to the lifestyle and pointedly expressed that most fall within the 10/80/10 category. though there's a deviation along those lines how close one might be to center or gravitating in either direction.

10% are truly m/s oriented. they are the exception and not the norm. a little reading and exposure will help you realize how few there really are. self professed whatever the hell you want to call yourselves not included. i'm speaking reality here.

80% fall within the middle and generally have an interest in this. how much they opt to bring into their lifestyles in and outside the bedroom differs. i also find this group has the largest number of super dom/sub/slaves mega sadist/masochist types. because after all, being super duper is hip and neato.

10% are sincerely masochists and sadists. you know when you meet them because you'll either smile or run the hell away scratching your head. they are able to articulate why they do this and what they're getting out of it in a concrete fashion. not the obtuse bell words and acronyms that are the rage. i find the same is true for most on the m/s end as well.

i don't think there's anything wrong. i believe you're light years ahead of many by your willingness to admit that it is the fantasy that appeals most and being comfortable with this. that could change but even if it doesn't you've learned something along the way. it is truly sad that more people cannot admit the same and spend more energy promoting a fantastical version of something they will never live.

porcelaine

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RE: The Fantasy versus Reality of BDSM - 9/8/2009 10:35:03 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: quietlycontent
Another good rule of thumb is to only believe about five percent of what people describe

That pretty much eliminates the entire value of forums like these.

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(in reply to quietlycontent)

RE: The Fantasy versus Reality of BDSM - 9/8/2009 10:57:17 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus

quote:

ORIGINAL: quietlycontent
Another good rule of thumb is to only believe about five percent of what people describe

That pretty much eliminates the entire value of forums like these.

I don't know about that. I'd say that thumb rule is fairly decent for any internet forum, yet I still manage to get a lot of useful information. The trick, of course, is being able to separate the wheat from the chaffe.

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to DomImus)

RE: The Fantasy versus Reality of BDSM - 9/8/2009 11:02:15 AM

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Just do what pleases you. Who cares others judge you.
Your life..do what makes you happy :)

( I did mis a real question in the post?)

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- D stands for Damian....not dude

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RE: The Fantasy versus Reality of BDSM - 9/8/2009 11:15:57 AM

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quote:

Another good rule of thumb is to only believe about five percent of what people describe

which 5% is that?

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- D stands for Damian....not dude

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RE: The Fantasy versus Reality of BDSM - 9/8/2009 11:20:10 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus

quote:

ORIGINAL: quietlycontent
Another good rule of thumb is to only believe about five percent of what people describe

That pretty much eliminates the entire value of forums like these.

I don't know about that. I'd say that thumb rule is fairly decent for any internet forum, yet I still manage to get a lot of useful information. The trick, of course, is being able to separate the wheat from the chaffe.

Bingo!

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to leadership527)

RE: The Fantasy versus Reality of BDSM - 9/8/2009 12:03:22 PM

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I've gone through a similar self-search, and discovered I'm more likely a bottom with submissive tendencies.

I even wrote I'm a sexual submissive unashamedly because at this point I know that definately works for me.

I read a few fellow male profiles here and mostly they are fantasy versions of themselves, I've always wanted to be a slave, I want to be trained 24/7, I can give up my desires for you etc...

So when I write about not being the 'ideal partner' to the lifestyle types, I come away positive in my honesty, not insecure about my lack of BDSM desire.

(in reply to LadyPact)

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