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Who cares! i know what i want! - 2/27/2006 9:47:46 AM

nonuts4thshoney

Posts: 550
Joined: 6/12/2005
From: Southern California
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When i first got into the lifestyle i was excited and eager to TRY IT ALL. i heard many say SLOW DOWN and referred to it as sub frenzy. After trying new things for a while and enjoying my role as a submissive something changed. i became confused. i knew what i wanted in life but Master felt She new better. i didn't understand this. i thought to myself how can She know whats better for me? i went through a very stubborn time that lasted a couple of monthes. i was selfish because i made everything about me. When Master wanted something for me, i'd attack and say "well what about me".

It's been some time now since i was feeling this way. Now looking back i see that i didn't fully understand the M/s dynamic. i was just going with the flow because it was so new to me. i have since then developed a trust that i have never felt for anyone in my entire life. i value Masters wishes for me and She hasn't ever let me down.

The reason for my post is that i have a friend who got into the lifestyle about 4 monthes ago. She just recently wrote me because she happens to be going through exactly what i did and doesn't know how to cope with those feelings. She was having a problem with being told what was best for her by her Daddy. i told her to try what i did because it worked for me. Every time i wanted to fight her on what was best for me it ended up being an arguement. In the end i'd do what she'd say but put up a big fight beforhand. i learned that the way Master wanted me to do things got the same end result as the way i would have. We just had different ways of going about the situation. i learned that just because Her way was different it didn't make it wrong. Every time i did it Her way it always worked out great in the end. i learned alot about trust during this time in my life. My friend told me she tried this and it worked great for her. So i hope i did some good here.

i am wondering if sub frenzy has anything to do with why we went through these difficult periods. Has anyone else gone through a period like this? Does sub frenzy blind us in a way that nothing else matters but ourselves? Is this common amoung newbies? i wonder if things happen for a reason to make us stronger and teach us something. i know i am much much stronger now because of my experiences and have learned a great deal from it.

-carolyn

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RE: Who cares! i know what i want! - 2/27/2006 9:57:02 AM

foxglove716

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I went through it too. I think I did it out of habit. I was brand spankin new to the lifestyle and was still hanging on to something from the life I was leaving behind. We've all been taught to look out for ourselves and its worked pretty well so far... Im still alive! It is a big step in trust, too. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is just letting go.

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RE: Who cares! i know what i want! - 2/27/2006 10:02:59 AM

michaelGA

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when i first say the title of this thread, i thought it said: "who cares what i want" and i was going to post something olong those lines...LOL

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RE: Who cares! i know what i want! - 2/27/2006 12:23:56 PM

typesgirl

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Joined: 10/17/2004
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Carolyn: I totally relate to your experience. I think the dividing line is an ability to truly submit to your Master and be able to honestly say "I may want X, but Master knows best so I'll follow what he/she says." It's sooo hard to do, but I think I would encourage your friend to question and improve the trust she has in her Dom and place that anxiety and energy in His capable hands.
typesgirl

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RE: Who cares! i know what i want! - 2/27/2006 12:47:02 PM

Submotive

Posts: 440
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Oh - - - - - i'm not unique???? LOL

Ah - sub frenzy - been there, done that. i found it absolutely unfullfiling myself. Finally i realized i want love - to give and receive love and the fact that it's a D/s relationship does not change the dynamic of love. That in place, what He wants is what i crave.

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If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

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RE: Who cares! i know what i want! - 2/27/2006 1:40:18 PM

imtempting

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Ive have not been there, the mistress I had was able to speak in a certain tone that whould cut straight though my defenses.

It was rather odd as it never happened before, although there is one person on cm that had the same effect with her writing and picture combination. Feels rather odd.

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RE: Who cares! i know what i want! - 2/27/2006 2:11:10 PM

ownedgirlie

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This section of www.bestslavetraining.com speaks to what you are talking about here. i found it quite interesting when i read it a couple of years ago. Have a look at it and see what you think. It is likely not all are in agreement with this form of training, but this particular section speaks to why a slave may become resistant as more and more control is given over. It also speaks to how to overcome it.

http://bestslavetraining.com/Resistance.htm

Enjoy

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RE: Who cares! i know what i want! - 2/27/2006 2:20:21 PM

nonuts4thshoney

Posts: 550
Joined: 6/12/2005
From: Southern California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

This section of www.bestslavetraining.com speaks to what you are talking about here. i found it quite interesting when i read it a couple of years ago. Have a look at it and see what you think. It is likely not all are in agreement with this form of training, but this particular section speaks to why a slave may become resistant as more and more control is given over. It also speaks to how to overcome it.

http://bestslavetraining.com/Resistance.htm

Enjoy

This was absolutely excellent reading material. i loved every bit of it. As i'm reading it i'm saying to myself "that was me, that was me". i'm gonna forward this site to my friend. Thanks for this link :)

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RE: Who cares! i know what i want! - 2/27/2006 2:31:21 PM

Mercnbeth

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quote:

Now looking back i see that i didn't fully understand the M/s dynamic.

there are plenty of folks who think the "idea" of the M/s dynamic sounds really hot, sexy, cool, dirty and as long as it only happens in the bedroom, they are all for it. they don't even THINK past the toy bag. they don't bother to KNOW themselves and what they are oriented for beyond their sexual fantasies. they read about it in erotica and they fantasize~
they hook up with the first person they meet that "talks the talk"and end up disappointed and confused...they assume a LOT.

they jump into relationships with someone before they know what they are getting into merely because the person calls themSELF Master only to find out later that they are far from it and they are confused...

they put up all sorts of emotional barriers, then wonder why no one wants to scale them, break the barriers and heal their wounds FOR them, riding away on the white horse, armor shining...and these folks aren't newbies, young, or exclusively "sub" in orientation.

quote:

Does sub frenzy blind us in a way that nothing else matters but ourselves?

people also:
get married before really getting to know the person first because that is what they want...marriage frenzy?
contract diseases and get pregnant from not using condoms...sex frenzy?
forget the baby in the car and go inside to take a nap...nap frenzy?
drink WAAAAAAAAAAAY too much and get behind the wheel and take away lives...DUI/killer frenzy?

overt narcissism, making bad choices, getting involved in relationships before one is ready to be fully present in one or what the expectations of the relationship will be, not "knowing" one's own self, not caring about how one's actions affects others lives and the thinking that we know it ALL is something folks have done since they began talking and walking and some continue to do it, regardless of how they have aged--they don't mature--and regardless of their orientation. some folks have random spurts of it, others suffer debilitating and take meds or go to therapy. this slave sees it as bad judgment calls and rushing into a relationship, given that the person had made some progress toward having mature relationships in the first place before the confusion occurred and "par-for-the-course" for those folks that behave like that repeatedly throughout their lives in varying degrees.

this slave doesn't like the label "sub frenzy" but if it helps you, than by all means toss it around like confetti!! this slave didn't have that experience upon discovering that there were folks out there--Dom/mes that might compliment this slave's orientation in a formal relationship. last time anything like "sub frenzy", as this slave has heard it described, happened to this slave it was many moons ago, before being legally allowed to drink here in the states, spent 4 months in France sans parents and to hell with seeing the priceless museums, the Roman ruins, improving foreign language skills, this slave was sucking it up down at the bar and getting served, no questions asked--whoopeeeee!!! missed out on quite a bit, due to that particular "European frenzy".

quote:

i wonder if things happen for a reason to make us stronger and teach us something.

this slave emphatically believes so!

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RE: Who cares! i know what i want! - 2/27/2006 2:52:55 PM

ownedgirlie

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Mercnbeth, you made some great points in your post, but much of this "sub frenzy" (i don't like that term either) is merely growing pains. i went through it and trust me, i by no means jumped into something i wasn't ready for with Master, nor was my vision limited to the bed. Master made damn sure i knew exactly what i was getting into, and even "warned" me how i would be changing and feeling.

That did not prevent occasional anxiety. That also did not prevent me from pushing back at even a subconscious level, to test his power...to test his consistency...to ensure that i would not be tossed in the trash at the first sign of stress. While he corrected and even punished me for this behavior, he understood it, and taught me to anaylize it myself so i could understand. i was so used to Doms who were too weak to stay the course, and who wanted "ready mades," so the first infraction they would send a girl out the door.

Every time something like this happened and i was required to analyze it, i learned more about myself and my own submission. i found a trend - without fail, every single time i was about to take another big step deeper into my submission, there was always (did i say without fail) a push-back just before the step.

What is it? Fear of letting go even more, even if you logically know it is safe. Mostly it was a testing of the waters, to ensure he would still be strong for me as i stepped further. After awhile i stopped doing that (thank god), but i do understand now, exactly where it came from.

The site i posted speaks a bit to that as well. Nonuts4thshoney, i am glad you found it helpful. :)

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