RE: "My Dom"

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

RE: "My Dom"

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: "My Dom"

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: "My Dom" - 9/16/2009 9:00:17 AM

Sunnyfey

Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

quote:

1. Do you use different terms with vanilla people as you do with kinky people? IE is he your boyfriend/husband with vanillas, and your dom/pet with BDSM'ers?

In front of vanillas I call him my boyfriend. They do not need to know the details of our relationship and most likely would not understand them. In front of the kinksters he is my "boy" or "Mr Yummybuns" or whatever I feel like calling him[/color]

2. Do you feel uncomfortable calling your long-term partner a "boyfriend" or "girlfriend' when talking to other BDSM'ers?

No I do not feel uncomfortable calling him my boyfriend, though I have gotten some looks from BDSMer's, which I ignored. What I call him is my business.

3. Do you think this is a sign of what people put primary value on? In other words, do you think that saying "my boyfriend/girlfriend/fiance/husband/wife/partner/significant other" puts a primary value on the relationship you two have, while saying "my Dom/Master/Daddy/Sir/Mistress" puts primary value on your power exchange/BDSM roles?

Saying he is my submissive explains his role in the power exchange of our relationship. Saying that he is my boyfriend explains his role further as my life partner.

omg thats so cute.

_____________________________

Resident Hell Cat

(in reply to Lashra)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: "My Dom" - 9/16/2009 9:33:11 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

when speaking with His parents, this slave refers to Him as "your son".
when speaking with his children, this slave refers to Him as "your father".

when speaking with others about Him, this slave refers to Him as "Master", or "the most wonderful man on the planet" or just "Him...capital H".

this slave avoids using the terms "boyfriend" or "my ________(fill in the blank)", as they don't apply.

(in reply to Elisabella)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: "My Dom" - 9/16/2009 9:46:06 AM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

1. Yes, I use different terms with vanilla folk versus kinky folks out of necessity. I think my momma would die on the spot if I introduced anybody by the terms we use for each other, but in general I keep our role titles to myself because I consider that a sacred part of our identity as a couple and toward each other. I mostly just use partner, except with people who are not equipped to accept my polyamory.

2. I won't be calling anyone a boyfriend the rest of my life. I felt silly using such a term as a kid and think adults just sound ridiculous referring to other adults that way either. That is just a personal preference I guess.

3. I guess if that's the case, then my focus is on my *partner*ship with another human being, which doesn't seem at all sinister. I value the man, not the role(s).

lovingpet

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: "My Dom" - 9/16/2009 9:48:01 AM

lucebella

Posts: 13
Joined: 5/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

1. Do you use different terms with vanilla people as you do with kinky people? IE is he your boyfriend/husband with vanillas, and your dom/pet with BDSM'ers?

2. Do you feel uncomfortable calling your long-term partner a "boyfriend" or "girlfriend' when talking to other BDSM'ers?

3. Do you think this is a sign of what people put primary value on? In other words, do you think that saying "my boyfriend/girlfriend/fiance/husband/wife/partner/significant other" puts a primary value on the relationship you two have, while saying "my Dom/Master/Daddy/Sir/Mistress" puts primary value on your power exchange/BDSM roles?

1.) I called my Husband "Husband" since we first got married. So it definitely still fits, and i still often call him Husband instead of his first name around others. they just think its cute.
2.) He is my husband and my Dom and Husband. So no :)
3. I definitely think in my case it was a beautiful day the day i finally called him my Dom out loud... so for me personally, its important to me and a joy to use those terms.

(in reply to Elisabella)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: "My Dom" - 9/16/2009 10:10:23 AM

daddysprop247

Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

1. Do you use different terms with vanilla people as you do with kinky people? IE is he your boyfriend/husband with vanillas, and your dom/pet with BDSM'ers?

2. Do you feel uncomfortable calling your long-term partner a "boyfriend" or "girlfriend' when talking to other BDSM'ers?

3. Do you think this is a sign of what people put primary value on? In other words, do you think that saying "my boyfriend/girlfriend/fiance/husband/wife/partner/significant other" puts a primary value on the relationship you two have, while saying "my Dom/Master/Daddy/Sir/Mistress" puts primary value on your power exchange/BDSM roles?

first, my life is not compartmentalized like this. i don't have a D/s life and a vanilla life, i just have the one life. my Master is actually my Father first and foremost (and no, he is not a "DaddyDom" and this actually has nothing to do with D/s), so i refer to him as Dad or Daddy most often, even around his family or his son who lives with us the majority of the time. i do not refer to him as Master, not unless perhaps i'm in super big trouble and i am feeling the distance between us emotionally. i have never and would never refer to him by his name.

i do not introduce Daddy to anyone...that is not my place. He introduces himself, and then me if he so desires. He generally introduces me as his daughter, his little one, his slave, or his bitch, depending on his mood and the company. i am never ever his woman/girlfriend/partner/etc.

(in reply to Elisabella)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: "My Dom" - 9/16/2009 10:19:36 AM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline

And how did the subject of being around his work place or work place events come into play, or did you do things like that.

For us I am always going to eat where he works and he'd be mighty upset with me if I was calling him Daddy around his co workers specially since one was his sister in law, whom he had absolutely no desire for her to know more about our relationship than had already been accidently discovered when his sister in law's sister opened her huge mouth and blabbed about finding a riding crop picture on the computer, and they are like I know she does not ride horses.........

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

He was always called Master; in private and in public; no matter who was present.

(in reply to IrishMist)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: "My Dom" - 9/16/2009 1:03:02 PM

shadowowl

Posts: 198
Joined: 5/31/2004
Status: offline

I refer to my Owner as my owner or my love (for vanilla) or by her name depending on the situation.
she refers to me as either her pet or her sub man or her love depending on the situation.
most commonly her pet as it's my favorite term hehe. and I rotate my love or my owner as those are her 2 favorites.

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: "My Dom" - 9/16/2009 2:31:29 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

And how did the subject of being around his work place or work place events come into play, or did you do things like that.

For us I am always going to eat where he works and he'd be mighty upset with me if I was calling him Daddy around his co workers specially since one was his sister in law, whom he had absolutely no desire for her to know more about our relationship than had already been accidently discovered when his sister in law's sister opened her huge mouth and blabbed about finding a riding crop picture on the computer, and they are like I know she does not ride horses.........

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

He was always called Master; in private and in public; no matter who was present.

I will repeat. I always called him Master. In private, in public...no matter who was present.

The one and only time I ever used his first name was the day we got married...and then he had to whisper it in my ear when I stumbled over it

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: "My Dom" - 9/16/2009 2:33:10 PM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

The one and only time I ever used his first name was the day we got married...and then he had to whisper it in my ear when I stumbled over it

do you have any idea how sweet this is?

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)

(in reply to IrishMist)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: "My Dom" - 9/16/2009 2:37:03 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

LOL it was actually kind of funny. Embarassing as hell, but funny. His father could be heard snickering, my sister was grinning, and the kids were trying hard not to laugh.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to sirsholly)

Profile

Post #: 30

RE: "My Dom" - 9/16/2009 2:41:14 PM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

such a precious memory...thank you Irish...you have me smiling!

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)

(in reply to IrishMist)

Profile

Post #: 31

RE: "My Dom" - 9/16/2009 3:50:18 PM

CaringandReal

Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline

1. I called him (accurately) "my husband" around vanilla people whom I was not out to and whom I considered it dangerous (or bad for them) to be out to. People such as my clients, the police, doctors, etc. Around kinky people I'd refer to him as either my master or my owner. Around vanilla people I was out to (there weren't many, because I didn't have that many vanilla friends), I'd still say "husband," or use his actual name usually out of respect for their sensibilities. I thought it would be rude to shove my sexual relationship in their faces. And of course, there were some people whom he ordered me explicitly to use one term or the other around, so I did.

2. Not applicable, but if it were I'd probably use "friend" or SO if I weren't married to them. SO had a special meaning for me. I decided it meant "Significant Orderer." ;)

3. No I see no connection. With me, the term I use has always had to do with social and work survival and/or not being insensitive to other people.

_____________________________

"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo

"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

(in reply to Elisabella)

Profile

Post #: 32

RE: "My Dom" - 9/16/2009 4:33:08 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

To me he's "Master".
To everyone else he's "his given name".
No one's ever asked anything differently.

(in reply to CaringandReal)

Profile

Post #: 33

RE: "My Dom" - 9/17/2009 12:35:01 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline

And it didn't create any problems for him in his job?

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

I will repeat. I always called him Master. In private, in public...no matter who was present.

The one and only time I ever used his first name was the day we got married...and then he had to whisper it in my ear when I stumbled over it

(in reply to IrishMist)

Profile

Post #: 34

RE: "My Dom" - 9/17/2009 1:52:56 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

And it didn't create any problems for him in his job?

Why would it?

Not everyone is so concerned with what others think...the men and women he worked with could give a flying fuck what went on in our relationship...they cared even less what we called each other.

would you like to know how he referred to me with those he worked with? I was the bitch in heat who kept his house. Oh yes, that is what he often called me...and how he often introduced me. Even the women who he worked with did not find offense with it after they met me the first time.

My late husband did not care what others thought; I did not and do not care what others think; and the people that he worked with and that I work with...they could care less.

Some of us...just don't fucking care.

< Message edited by IrishMist -- 9/17/2009 1:53:38 PM >

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

Profile

Post #: 35

RE: "My Dom" - 9/17/2009 2:20:10 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline

Just sometimes things like that can make the working enviroment tougher than it needed to be due to heckling or harrasment. I'm glad it didn't bother people at his place of work.

For Daddy he worked with his sister in law, and his brother also worked in the same chain but a different location and James see's them not only at work but in home life, since he did go over and visit his brother and sister in law and their kids and they already didn't like me, and had tried to tell him I was using him for his money and a relationship with me was a waste of time, us being 2 hours apart. so if they got wind he was my daddy and I was his baby they'd like our relationship even less, approve of me even less and try harder to meddle in it, and stress him out further about it. He of course does not feel it's right to tell them to but out and shut up and even if he did they wouldn't listen.

they feel as long as they're trying to be helpful they know best and they do not need to shut up or butt out, they're in the right because they have good intentions.

It's one of the reasons he no longer goes to see them. But it was a shame that it came down to not seeing them or being around them to get away from their meddling in the name of help.

Now maybe it's our fault for caring what people think but he and I also wants the people who're in his life and around him the most to like me , like me being around, to accept me as a part of his life and not look at us sideways like we're mental cases or crazies, and if certain people found out that'd kill any chance of that.

But I understand that's just us.

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

And it didn't create any problems for him in his job?

Why would it?

Not everyone is so concerned with what others think...the men and women he worked with could give a flying fuck what went on in our relationship...they cared even less what we called each other.

would you like to know how he referred to me with those he worked with? I was the bitch in heat who kept his house. Oh yes, that is what he often called me...and how he often introduced me. Even the women who he worked with did not find offense with it after they met me the first time.

My late husband did not care what others thought; I did not and do not care what others think; and the people that he worked with and that I work with...they could care less.

Some of us...just don't fucking care.

< Message edited by Toppingfrmbottom -- 9/17/2009 2:32:25 PM >

(in reply to IrishMist)

Profile

Post #: 36

RE: "My Dom" - 9/17/2009 3:21:35 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

And it didn't create any problems for him in his job?

Why would it?

Not everyone is so concerned with what others think...the men and women he worked with could give a flying fuck what went on in our relationship...they cared even less what we called each other.

would you like to know how he referred to me with those he worked with? I was the bitch in heat who kept his house. Oh yes, that is what he often called me...and how he often introduced me. Even the women who he worked with did not find offense with it after they met me the first time.

My late husband did not care what others thought; I did not and do not care what others think; and the people that he worked with and that I work with...they could care less.

Some of us...just don't fucking care.

Unfortunately not all are as lucky to work and live in such places where there is such freedom.

Cursing, foul language, using such terms for others even if it is your partner, will get you written up at my place of work. A professional environment means keeping a professional look in all things be it your physical presentation, clothing, your outlook and even the way you speak.

(in reply to IrishMist)

Profile

Post #: 37