RE: I'm a Dominant get me out of here

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RE: I'm a Dominant get me out of here - 9/18/2009 11:43:22 AM

DemonKia

Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
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Maria, this BDSM stuff, done properly, should be fairly introspective . . . . & for those who like to go deep, this has the potential to allow as much growth & learning-about-self & etc as therapy. & that growth is (& / or should be) full of pain, struggle, discomfort, anxiety, fear, regression, & so on & so forth, as growth is far more complicated than some simple always-good . . . .. In my experience much of personal growth is some variant on a two-steps-forward-one-step-back kinda model . . . . . . .

Plunging into our depths carries risk that we may unearth stuff that our psyches buried safely away from us, to protect us at some past point. (Particularly during early childhood, but we humans have tremendous powers in that direction at all ages . . . . ) That same icky subconsciously held stuff may be the source of current 'emotional abscesses' that are in need of draining & healing, so the overall process may be both healthy & painful . . . . .

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RE: I'm a Dominant get me out of here - 9/18/2009 3:36:20 PM

XaviersXian

Posts: 525
Joined: 9/8/2007
From: Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

The switch side of me is ever apparent. Give me an inch and I will take a mile. Well I have not been given an inch but I'm suddenly itching to take that mile.
The Dominance is welling up in me and become a hunger that drives my day.

greetings to all,

OP, welcome to my life. I'm a very strong dominant personality in my own right, but I'm also a very happy slave to my Master. I find that my dominant side will often rear its head in day to day life (it will manifest as just a fierce a presence as my Masters) and I have to take extra care to temper it. That can become a challenge at times!

With my Master's permission, I'm currently working on a solution to the "split" that I feel will be long term. I know that when I'm slave to another, a casual relationship with a submissive male will fulfill my need to be dominant. Thing is, I am yet to find a suitable male to fill the role for me.

You are not alone in your desires. I am sure you will find a solution that works for your relationship. Good luck!!

well wishes,

< Message edited by XaviersXian -- 9/18/2009 3:38:37 PM >

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RE: I'm a Dominant get me out of here - 9/20/2009 11:47:17 PM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

Until I met Steve I only ever Dominated. I knew that one day I would submit but it had to be to someone who had the guts to take me their...... I was never going to be easy. I fight like a tiger and would frighten most Doms or at least earn the label 'not a real submissive'
Steve came along and without hesitation he subdued me. Whats frightening is, he did it with such ease.
Years of teaching Dominant men that if they so much as tried to Dominate me I would have to severely put them in there place and along comes Steve and does it as easily as the flick of a light switch.
I still don't think of myself as a 'real' submissive and I am happy with that but I enjoy being taken down (by him)
The switch side of me is ever apparent. Give me an inch and I will take a mile. Well I have not been given an inch but I'm suddenly itching to take that mile.
The Dominance is welling up in me and become a hunger that drives my day.
I love this man and yet I keep wondering what the hell I'm doing here.
I keep reading on the boards about 'how one should be' and 'My sub would never do that' or 'I do whatever Master pleases' and I can't relate to it at all other than from the Dominants point of view.
I get to play.. to Dominate but its not enough.

Has anyone else been through something similar?
Is this a passing phase or was I really always just a sheep in wolfs clothing.

Well if you ever get the desire to Dom your Dom, you know you are in deep. It appears you have three but choices
You can continue on as you are hoping the feeling will pass. If you continue you play in a dominant role I am thinking it will make you desire it more and not satify the hunger
You can enter in to a more intense intense possibly permanant type relationship with a submissive. But if you do that you have to decide if it is one that will include your partner or not
Or you can terminate your current relationship and keep one where your true self will be satisfied.

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Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
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RE: I'm a Dominant get me out of here - 9/20/2009 11:54:33 PM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey

No, I totally understand exactly where you are coming from.

for me its come to a point, when I want to not only take the mile...but the whole motherfucking world....then I remember this, "Ok, sticking my finger into a light socket isnt as fun as it looks". Granted I MAY enjoy the sensations now and then, but I dont enjoy the emotions that come with it. If I step out of line, and feel the need to jump for that mile, He'll get upset, He'll get mad (as he should I think) and I'll get in trouble. And not just "im going to playfully put you in corner time" trouble, more like "we need to reevaluate if you want to be here or not" trouble. And that hurts me. I dont like doing things to myself that hurt. So I sit back and think about it..."is whatever this is important enough for me to potentially lose my relationship over?" It's never important enough, if I'm happy in the relationship.

It is easy to say that you should adopt a policy of "To thy own self be true" but when faced with the prospect of having to give up one who you have deep emotions for, it is easier said than done. To deny your true self for the sake of love is risky because sometimes those feelings of love will turn into feelings of resentment over time. This also begs the question, do you tell your partner of this emotional turmoil

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Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

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RE: I'm a Dominant get me out of here - 9/21/2009 7:05:58 AM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
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I would always tell my partner about any emotional inner turmoil Acer. I share my dreams, my expectations, my doubts and my inhibitions and that I believe is the key thing for this relationship going so deep.
I have had a few days to think and go over what I wrote on here and re-read what others have written to me.
DemonKia is so close that she could be reaching out and touching me.
This is not about being with the wrong partner or about our love but about why I feel this way. My dominance goes far deeper than play and my submission (for want of a better term) goes deeper still. A relationship with a submissive man would not surfice my needs.... my past is proof of that. You see, I want to submit, I really desire to go deeply into that space but I actually can't. Dominating is easy and comes naturally to me. Dominating puts me in a safe place but still doesn't give me that 100% satisfaction that I can carry with me always. submission on the other hand does not come naturally and makes me feel very unsafe and yet I still reach out and want to embrace it.
I was very young when I got married. In many ways I was a submissive wife, though we knew nothing about all of this stuff. I was blissfully safe and very happy when my husband was killed. Although that was a long time ago and I can talk about it openly, I know this relates very much to what is happening to me now. When I go into that submissive space I start to worry every time Steve leaves the house on his own. When I am Dominant I am far away from that past 'safe box' and I stop worrying about his safety or being generally silly and emotional.

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