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need advice - 2/28/2006 3:15:21 PM

eciujjuice

Posts: 1
Joined: 2/28/2006
Status: offline

I'll try to make a long story short...I have been with my BF for 6 years. I run the house; incoming/outgoing money (bills) and usually set the mood. Recently, i found a stash of female clothes in his closet that is better than mine. we have communicated and now he dresses for me quiet often. I am used to dominating him in an informal way. however, with this new twist of events, my fantasies are growing. we have a strapon and he is practicing with it and i am proud of his efforts. My difficulty lies with the fact that although i am naturally dominering, this seems to be different. I think it is lack of education in the field combined with a descrepency in confidnce? Short of being a sub, how can I learn to dominate effectively?

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RE: need advice - 2/28/2006 6:02:56 PM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: eciujjuice
Short of being a sub, how can I learn to dominate effectively?

I'll make this very short & to the point. First, you don't need to be a sub in order to be a dominant. You either are a submissive or you are a dominant. One can bottom before they top in order to gain some insight, but this is not necessary.

Now as to how you can learn. You must first have it in you. One cannot not just pick up a book, read a web page or find a personal mentor & learn to be a dominant or submissive. You can gain knowledge in order to be a better dominant, but not how to be one.

I would suggest that you get involved with a place you have already ventured, these forums. You will find a lot of good information from a lot of good people.

Welcome to the boards

_____________________________

MstrssPassion

(in reply to eciujjuice)

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RE: need advice - 3/2/2006 12:04:44 AM

MsPurrmeow

Posts: 261
Joined: 10/30/2004
Status: offline

I do recommend some reading, but even more than that, get involved with local groups. Be humble when meeting others, and make no pretenses about your level of experience. People are asking what you know usually so they can help, not because they want to be impressed.
By no means do you need to bottom or sub to learn to be a domme, that's an old elitist viewpoint, don't fall for it. That being said, do not be afraid or embarassed to bottom to someone or submit to someone else if you have that desire. The biggest rule is to be true to yourself. Don't try to force yourself into a label unless you are absolutely sure of it. Even then, always keep an open mind. Humans evolve and grow over time, let your heart and mind grow as well.

As for the standard booklist.

"SM101: A Realistic Introduction" by Jay Wiseman
"Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns"
"The Topping Book" and "The Bottoming Book" Dossie Easton & Janet Hardy
"Partners in Power, Living in Kinky Relationships" Jack Rinella
"The Loving Dominant" John Warren

Most can be found on amazon.com or greenerypress.com or in your local adult store.

Good luck and keep up with the message Forums here. They really ARE informative if you are patient.

(in reply to eciujjuice)

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