quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

The problem with you setting up the rules is that he then has to follow him. A good dominant doesn't make rules that he doesn't plan to enforce. Which means he has to pay attention to them, remember them, ask about how you're doing. So in effect you've just added more chores to his day.

Be glad he's laid back. Because although the micromanagement stuff is hot in the beginning, during the new training period, afterwards its just more work - for both of you.

Let him grow the rules organically. The more time you are together, the more stuff he'll find he doesn't quite like and will change. But one new rule a week is more than enough since you do need time to let it become a habit.

quote:

ORIGINAL: happylittlepet


From what I have bolded here I get the impression that you have a desire for new excitement, signals that he is interested in you and in keeping the relationship fresh. What was new and exciting a while back has become a routine, and even though the male is content (gets his needs met?), the female is not. The dilemma then becomes whether the female/slave is seen as 'nagging' for attention, etc. (as if a desire to keep the relationship fresh is something bad), or whether she is trying to get the male to do something she would like (I would go as far as to say that what you describe is a need - and how is it wrong to express one's needs?).
 
The question I have is: does he get all his needs met? And if so, how about yours? Is his focus on you as a partner, slave or not, or is it on the fear of discovery? (This last point could even be covering up for the fact that keeping a relationship fresh is 'hard' work - and with the territory of Master comes the responsibility to know what the slave thinks/needs/desires). Living with others (like teenage kids) is a challenge for any couple to find ways to be alone (and not heard). In an M/s dynamic I would expect the Master to value/desire that aloneness, and I would expect him to be creative in making that possible. To me, if a male does not want that, I would like to know why he doesn't.     
 
Once rules become routine, and are less enforced (because the expectation is that those rules are obeyed) for me, this quickly becomes a one-way street. It is very hard for me to feel/be slavish when the other party is taking the back-seat, in that he expects obedience but shows no interest in me. Neglect is a quick way to kill the desire to obey. To me, neglect and being a Master do not go together. Or is it simply that males, on average, have different ideas about/ expectations from the relationship than females have? 


As soon as expressing one's needs/desires as slave is labelled as 'overstepping your bounds' I, for me, would say the relationship is on thin ice. It opens the door for starting to get adjusted to situations that are not healthy (even non-consensual), and that are very easily accepted by people with a submissive nature because 'obeying' and going against how those situations make them feel 'proves' they are good slaves/submissives. Even your desire for more strictness and being governed can be a risky thing in the hands of someone who is out for his pleasure only (I don't say that your Master is). It's good you question your feelings about all this. In the end, you are responsible for expressing to him how your experiences makes you think/feel.

As much as it is your desire to please him, it has to be his desire to make this a fulfilling, happy relationship for you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

Doing things that did not impose on me (eg: wearing clothes I like) would not bother me. Doing things that did would bother me (eg: asking permission to leave the house).

Of much much larger concern here though is the fact that you two are out of sync with each other and you cannot resolve it on your own. Please do not read any mal-intent into this next statement, but who is your master? It appears you're willing to take your lead more from random strangers on collarme and yourself than you are him. I could ask him a similar question in reverse.

My own opinon is that with this much emotional distance between you two, you are NOT his sub/slave. Nor is he your master. That is the issue I'd focus on first.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I will say that subs do miss that intense control that comes in during the training period. It's like, now that I've learned all the rules, I don't get my need met any more. Lots of us feel this.

The trick is not to think you need a couple hundred more rules, because you don't. What you need is more control. I like to refer to it as random acts of control. The way he might raise an eyebrow if you started eating before him (if that's one of your rules), just a split second thing. So what cures this is a split second bit of play; pulling you by your hair into him for a kiss during a commercial and then you go back to the show. Seeing you leaning over folding laundry, a few hard spanks.

But this is easier to do when you live together.

quote:

ORIGINAL: worthlesstrash

What I am wondering is, if your sub/slave took it upon herself to do the above would it make you pleased or would you think she was overstepping her bounds? Are there any other little ways I can show him that I am there as his slave without being overly obvious when others are around? Any advice or ideas of any kind are welcome.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSage44

Screams of insecurity and micromanagement

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

I would hope that someone with whom I am partnered would know me well enough to be able to do things of service/pleasure for me without my telling them to do so on each point.  I, however, expect a level of ability to function autonomously and without micromanagement that is different than some.  I enjoy spunk, spirit, initiative, etc. regardless of the side of the kneel. 
  Davan

quote:

ORIGINAL: worthlesstrash

My M and I have sat down and went over some rules he wants followed. The rules aren't anything new to what we have been doing all of these years, so I was a bit thrown off. I was quite prepared and even a tad bit excited that my life was going to be more governed and strict. When I brought up the things I had written down, he didn't really seem that interested in them. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that we don't live alone, and he is afraid that life will interfere with the things I brought up. While that is the case at times, we still have plenty of time we are alone together.

Some of the things I have followed in the past and brought up to him included asking permission to leave the house, go the restroom, to answer him in a more formal way, to wear something that he wants me to whenever we are alone together. I am sure there were a few more, but those are the ones that come to mind as I type this.

What I am wondering is, if your sub/slave took it upon herself to do the above would it make you pleased or would you think she was overstepping her bounds? Are there any other little ways I can show him that I am there as his slave without being overly obvious when others are around? Any advice or ideas of any kind are welcome.

Thank you in advance.