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RE: Why are collars important to a slave? - 9/22/2009 11:17:37 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

The American flag stands for a number of things, one of which is freedom of expression. And yet, when someone attempts to protest something, using the flag, there are those seek to prohibit them. To me, that's placing a higher value on the symbol, rather than the act.

If I ever gave a woman a collar, and if she ever placed a higher value on it, than on the acts that made up our life together, then there would be a serious problem. There's nothing wrong with symbols, but some people get hung up on them.


But of course you are quite right. Then again, a length of suitable rope with a noose at one end is but a rope symbol of neck bondage is it not? Yet many people have been hung up with it too.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elipsis

And because of this thread I now know what a dunny is.


You only had to but ask and I could have happily given you some of the folk law regarding the Great Australian Dunny aka little shed at the end of the garden path which ponks.


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

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RE: Why are collars important to a slave? - 9/23/2009 12:44:15 AM   
Elipsis


Posts: 301
Joined: 7/8/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elipsis

And because of this thread I now know what a dunny is.


You only had to but ask and I could have happily given you some of the folk law regarding the Great Australian Dunny aka little shed at the end of the garden path which ponks.



Oh, there's folk law?  All I got out of the dictionary was the definition so feel free to go ahead.

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Why are collars important to a slave? - 9/23/2009 1:00:38 AM   
fadedshadow


Posts: 751
Joined: 4/27/2009
From: a place
Status: offline 		to me it's a symbol of ownership =]

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Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Why are collars important to a slave? - 9/23/2009 1:02:44 AM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		Not mentioned yet in this thread, but something that i have seen time and time again, is the fact that some (not any that seem to have posted so far) seem to make a collar out as a status symbol, something to be obtained at all costs so that it can be shown off with the attitude of "oh look what i have". i have met way too many s-types who seem to be in an endless search for a collar without seeming to understand the depth of significance that a lot of people place on them. For some it seems to be a prize quickly gained and quickly lost, with an ever rotating door for the "Masters/Dominants" in their lives.

With my former Dominant, the "collar" that He gave me was actually a bracelet with a charm that stood for His name. No one looking at it would view it as a collar, but it was important to me as a reminder of His and my connection and relationship.

heartfelt

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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Why are collars important to a slave? - 9/23/2009 5:15:08 AM   
worthlesstrash


Posts: 114
Joined: 9/28/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: utahSteelsandi

because it's something for you, sort of a constant physical reminder of the commitment you made to said person. i also believe that sometimes it is so that everyone stays the fuck away from you. i know that when i am around people that i don't know very well or am feeling uncofortable, the feeling of my wedding ring and collar comfort me.

hope this helps.

andi


You said it perfectly.

I know when I am very uncomfortable in a social situation, I find myself messing with my wedding ring. I have no idea why, but it's a habit I picked up. I don't do that with the other rings I wear though, so maybe it has to do with some sort of a secure feeling.

I still love wearing a collar. Master got me a new one this past week and I love it. I think as we are getting more into this again, I will feel that same security (for lack of a better term right now), and comfort in it also.


_____________________________

~anne

This girl is a slave, but she is also a woman full of love, life, and who has a ton of interests.
Don't judge a book by it's name, judge it by it's content..

His since 10/06/2006
SLRN 166-164-858

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RE: Why are collars important to a slave? - 9/23/2009 6:55:33 AM   
Acer49


Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey

I came across this while doing a bit of research......


"Let's say that the culture around us, for whatever reason, has decided over time that it is the custom for men to give women a gold-colored bow around her right wrist to signify the bethrothed to be.It is hard-wired in the masculine instinct that being of lower status than other men is BAD, and one is less masculine (and feels less fully alive or "passionate" about life) as a result. NOT giving a bow then may not matter much to the man, because they are cheap to come by - a piece of cloth. Not giving one doesn't lower his status. So why not forget about it?To the woman's hard-wired instincts, it is not rank, but BELONGING and "being normal" that is passionately held dear at the reflex level. To not receive a gold cloth bow to her has nothing to do with the financial cost, but the embarrassment of being "excluded" from the cultural norm of women who DO have one. The woman would then feel less feminine, less attractive and less attracted by the oversight by the man."



It speaks to me, I think this is how I would feel to an extent without a collar.....though that really does not explain what it actually means to me.




It is extemely upsetting to come to the realization that both men and women in this day and age seem to need a bow, a collar or another individual to put their stamp of approval on them before they feel, worthy, desirable or sexually acceptible. Hell will freeze over a thousand times and more so before I would ever even consider this a concept with any vaildity.

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Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Why are collars important to a slave? - 9/23/2009 8:10:08 AM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		I was a Domme for 5 years, a submissive for 3 years, and am currently in a M/s relationship. So far, we've only used collars in play, not as a relationship symbol. I think it might be nice to have something tangible, but I don't feel it's important to a commitment. I don't know if a physical collar would be as meaningful for me as it is for someone who has always used them in their D/s or M/s-oriented relationships, or someone who is looking for their first one, and has seen all of the fuss about them online.

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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Why are collars important to a slave? - 9/23/2009 8:28:24 AM   
tammystarm


Posts: 3045
Joined: 7/26/2006
Status: offline 		~~~side note~~~
please forgive the slight hijack of the threads last night.


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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Why are collars important to a slave? - 9/23/2009 1:22:57 PM   
zephyrkajira


Posts: 238
Joined: 8/15/2009
Status: offline 		Greetings Sunny,

zephyr does not wear Master Malkinius' collar although she has been longing to do so for quite a while now. she has never really put much thought into why it is so important to her until she read this thread.

Master Malkinius and zephyr do not live together, he is in the US and zephyr is in Canada. There was a time when zephyr was focused completely on being Master's COLLARED slave; to her she did not and would not belong to him fully until that collar was locked around her neck.

But zephyr's feelings about this have changed.  Leaving Master this past early August to return home was a wrenching experience, a part of her tore off when she left him.  If he decides to lock his collar (necklace, whatever) around her neck at least a part of him will leave with her too - not to remind her of her status but just a small way of having him with her. zephyr used to put importance on wearing his COLLAR but really it could just as easily be a necklace he places around her neck, so long as it is something HE puts there.

she wishes you well,

zephyr

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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Why are collars important to a slave? - 9/23/2009 1:31:30 PM   
BoundDragon


Posts: 265
Joined: 3/20/2007
Status: offline 		Me & my sir live many miles apart and for me having his collar around ny neck is a constant reminder that I am his... If I miss him I find myself givving it a tug, feeling it pull on my flesh. It is feeling wish makes being apart hurt a little less, it gives me comfort but also helps me stay focused. It helps me find my centre and keep it.

Sir is a fan of having more than one collar, he has treated me to two which are very dressy and has allowed me a wire one for when I am at work and doing everyday things. It doesnt matter how it looks, the feeling it gives is what counts.

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Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Why are collars important to a slave? - 9/23/2009 2:25:48 PM   
kagesensei


Posts: 2
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline 		This is My first post on the forums so we'll see if some kind of flame war erupts. I'm in a very hard place on this question. I made a collar for that special someone several years ago. I'm trying not to remember dates right now. I braided it Myself while I had My hand in a cast. It had over 300-400 knots in it. I poured My heart and soul into it. I let her keep it when our relationship went sour. It was a token. A piece of My soul if you will. she wore it with pride while we were together. It was the symbolic link of how I'd tied her to My being. I always look at lifestyle issues from a neo tribal point of view. It just keeps things easier. I had stayed friends with this person even after we parted ways and we both went with other people. I had a very emotional fight with this person recently. I said heartfelt things that cut us both to the bone. I recently got the collar back in the mail. she had said that the day I ever did get it back I'd no longer be in her heart in anyway, shape or form. I'm not sure of this token and all it means or contains. I simply know that seeing the collar in UPS box cut Me to the marrow of My soul. I'm debating untying each knot. Hoping that My heart will ache less with each one. It might be cleansing or simply a waste of time. So many of U/us in the lifestyle are romantic fools deep down inside. It almost seems pathetic.

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RE: Why are collars important to a slave? - 9/23/2009 3:17:47 PM   
Sunnyfey


Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline 		I've seen the "permanent collar" equated to a wedding band so many times its mind boggling. So kids, whats the engagement ring then? Or the promise ring? Whats the first step? Chicken or the egg?

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RE: Why are collars important to a slave? - 9/23/2009 3:27:46 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kagesensei

This is My first post on the forums so we'll see if some kind of flame war erupts. I'm in a very hard place on this question. I made a collar for that special someone several years ago. I'm trying not to remember dates right now. I braided it Myself while I had My hand in a cast. It had over 300-400 knots in it. I poured My heart and soul into it. I let her keep it when our relationship went sour. It was a token. A piece of My soul if you will. she wore it with pride while we were together. It was the symbolic link of how I'd tied her to My being. I always look at lifestyle issues from a neo tribal point of view. It just keeps things easier. I had stayed friends with this person even after we parted ways and we both went with other people. I had a very emotional fight with this person recently. I said heartfelt things that cut us both to the bone. I recently got the collar back in the mail. she had said that the day I ever did get it back I'd no longer be in her heart in anyway, shape or form. I'm not sure of this token and all it means or contains. I simply know that seeing the collar in UPS box cut Me to the marrow of My soul. I'm debating untying each knot. Hoping that My heart will ache less with each one. It might be cleansing or simply a waste of time. So many of U/us in the lifestyle are romantic fools deep down inside. It almost seems pathetic.


I can relate and empathise with this. If it were me, I would untie each knot to release that which binds me. That brother, is not just good emotional sense but good magickal sense too. Pax Vobiscum.


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Why are collars important to a slave? - 9/23/2009 3:35:37 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

"its an outward symbol of an internal commitment".


This is a good description, but it doesn't go quite far enough, IMO. It's been my experience, over the years, that a collar provides -visible-, -tangible-, -physical- evidence that a commitment exists. It provides a measure of security and reality to something that is primarily intangible, and there are specific types of individuals who find those kinds of symbols important in their lives and relationships.

This is the sense in which a collar, in some ways, mimics a wedding ring or the symbol of one's religious faith. It shows -others- that a commitment exists, and, in a sense, marks one's territory in a tangible manner... "This relationship is -mine-, and I can prove that it is real by this symbol." Those who don't need a symbol also tend to internally validate. In many cases, these individuals are introverts as opposed to being extroverts.

I feel the need to clarify the terms "introvert" and "extrovert" here as I use them, since others may define those words differently. For me, introvert and extrovert actually refer to how an individual is energized and validated. Extroverts energize and validate through their interactions with others. They also tend to look to others to reinforce their perceptions of their existence and to provide energy in their processes. Introverts, on the other hand, tend to self-validate and obtain their energy from themselves -- so large groups of people or intrusive relationships tend to drain the introvert, and they pull more inside themselves to recoup.

From my experience and definitions, an extrovert would want symbols of hir relationships, because it would do part of the work of informing those of like mind what hir status is and what hir territory is. An introvert would be more likely to shun such symbols, because xhe would prefer to keep hir own counsel about hir relationship and keep its structure as an internal thing, except where xhe -chooses- to share it.

I don't know if this makes any sense -- just rambling from 14 years of observation.

Dame Calla

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***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

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RE: Why are collars important to a slave? - 9/23/2009 3:43:37 PM   
Sunnyfey


Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline 		Calla, how would an introvert and an extrovert come to a consensus about something like a collar, do you think?

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RE: Why are collars important to a slave? - 9/23/2009 3:47:10 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		perhaps in how wild or gaudy or 'inside' it is.

some girls like to flash that 18 carat diamond, and others a simple band with an actual penis sized diamond.

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RE: Why are collars important to a slave? - 9/23/2009 3:59:02 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		Well, I've been through this more than a few times. I'm an introvert, so for me, collars and rings and symbols hold very little intrinsic meaning... but I've had more than a few servants who are extroverts (an aside: a majority, in fact... I wonder if there is anything -to- the theory that many submissive individuals appear to be extroverts???).

Anyway... my solution has always been to provide the symbol for those who clearly need it. In general, it seems to me that it is most beneficial if peoples needs in a relationship are met, and for those who are externally validated, and for whom those symbols are not only relevant but crucial, I think it is a sign of awareness and good leadership to attend to such needs or provide a medium by which those needs can be met within the structure of the relationship.

Dame Calla

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 9/23/2009 4:01:28 PM >

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

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RE: Why are collars important to a slave? - 9/23/2009 4:23:37 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Kage, love is never pathetic. Painful yes, but fear of pain is not a reason to avoid love. It sounds like you two never really moved on. That the pain you are experiencing now is delayed from when the breakup occurred, that as long as she kept it you both kept hoping you would get back together.

Having an absess drained is painful, but it's also necessary to heal. Treat yourself with kindness, you deserve it.

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Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Why are collars important to a slave? - 9/23/2009 4:24:24 PM   
Slavehandsome


Posts: 382
Joined: 9/19/2004
Status: offline 		They're important for the same reason a wedding ring is to a bride.

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Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Why are collars important to a slave? - 9/23/2009 4:33:41 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey

I've seen the "permanent collar" equated to a wedding band so many times its mind boggling. So kids, whats the engagement ring then?


Personally, I view a collar as a "pre-engagement" ring, with the engagement and wedding rings to follow.  I view it as a progression.... collar, then engagement ring, then wedding ring.





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Profile   Post #: 60
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