Testing or other? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master



Message

Adelleda -> Testing or other? (9/23/2009 2:01:23 AM)

My owner and I are both university (college) students. We have been on again off again for about four or five years. The on periods are looong, but the off periods are also kind of long. Anyway he is going to uni in a city like a 3 hour drive away, neither of us have a car or license (common where I'm from), and he doesn't come home on weekends. He talks to me during the holiday and mid semester breaks when he is back home and we try to see each other (living an hour of public transport away from each other) but he gets worse at talking to me once he gets back to uni and stops all together after a week or two. Also he cheated on me once a few months after we first started going out but thats it.

Is he testing me or lazy or what? Do you deliberatly ignore your sub/slave? Just to see if she/he will stay obedient despite you not being around to keep control?

I miss him so much :(



ranja -> RE: Testing or other? (9/23/2009 2:25:21 AM)

I might be wrong but i don't think he is testing you... i think he is too busy with other things to be bothered with you to be honest
You can either try to enjoy the missing him, wallow in it for a bit and wait for him
or you can ask him to be released, maybe only until he comes back... so you will be free to receive attention from others
I think for young people like yourselves it is somewhat unrealistic to expect each other to wait for long periods of time and be faithful...



sirsholly -> RE: Testing or other? (9/23/2009 3:07:31 AM)

do not make him your priority when he is making you his option 



LadySweetOrSour -> RE: Testing or other? (9/23/2009 3:28:25 AM)

You're only 18, so he's likely around your age OP. Very young people are often so caught up in their own lives, they neglect people in their lives. It sounds as if you are, as Holly said, an optional extra, which is not surprising the very limited times you do have together.

Have you spoken to him about the way your feeling? Does he understand that you need more than he is capable of giving right now, and for the next few years?

Hanging around waiting for him to call you, come home, see you on holidays is not much of a relationship. Personally, I think he is living his life and I think you should be living yours too.



Focus50 -> RE: Testing or other? (9/23/2009 4:25:29 AM)

Sorry to say this but your post reads like your relationship isn't about the 'why' so much as 'why not'...!? IE, seems like you're both filling in time until someone with real spark comes into your lives.

So no, I don't see any proactive "testing" going on just as there doesn't seem to be anything proactive going on at all.

But hey, welcome to the Forums anyway. :-)

Focus.



dreamerdreaming -> RE: Testing or other? (9/23/2009 5:12:25 AM)

What sirsholly said.


He's just not that into you.


If you want to be all ga-ga over someone who's really not all that much into you, go right ahead and waste your time. Just realize what is going on.

Self-esteem: get some.



IrishMist -> RE: Testing or other? (9/23/2009 5:15:53 AM)

quote:

i think he is too busy with other things to be bothered with you to be honest

Pretty much what it sounds like to me



Lashra -> RE: Testing or other? (9/23/2009 6:26:24 AM)

I never deliberately ignored my male sub unless he was being punished and that would have to be for a serious offense, which he has never done. Being ignored can bring up feelings of abandonment and those can be serious and detrimental to a relationship.

I think the problem with your relationship is your both very busy and as another poster said, he just really isn't into you/relationship right now. He has other priorities at this time. What you may want to consider is asking for release so that you can find what you need and he can find what he needs.

Good luck,
~Lashra



Kirata -> RE: Testing or other? (9/23/2009 8:50:22 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Adelleda

I miss him so much :(

You're both very young, you're growing, you're going through changes, sometimes you will get wrapped up in events in your own lives... yet you keep coming back to each other. You mentioned that he cheated once a few months into the relationship, but you say he hasn't since, and I think that says something too. Sweet talk is cheap. I don't see anying in what you've told us that isn't explainable by your ages and the circumstances.

I'd say hang in there. Hugs and good luck.

K.






Acer49 -> RE: Testing or other? (9/23/2009 2:27:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Adelleda

My owner and I are both university (college) students. We have been on again off again for about four or five years. The on periods are looong, but the off periods are also kind of long. Anyway he is going to uni in a city like a 3 hour drive away, neither of us have a car or license (common where I'm from), and he doesn't come home on weekends. He talks to me during the holiday and mid semester breaks when he is back home and we try to see each other (living an hour of public transport away from each other) but he gets worse at talking to me once he gets back to uni and stops all together after a week or two. Also he cheated on me once a few months after we first started going out but thats it.

Is he testing me or lazy or what? Do you deliberatly ignore your sub/slave? Just to see if she/he will stay obedient despite you not being around to keep control?

I miss him so much :(


Are you so desperate that you would stay with someone who incapble of a mature honest and trust based relationship? you used the termed cheated, there for his activity was not part of a open relationshp, I would strongly urge you to get rid of this pathetic loser and find yourself a real man or woman whichever



aldompdx -> RE: Testing or other? (9/23/2009 2:43:57 PM)

Since you are asking the question, perhaps you have subconsciously decided that it is time to shit or get off the pot.

Own your choice to remain dedicated to him, or make a different choice.



IronBear -> RE: Testing or other? (9/23/2009 3:01:29 PM)

Prioritise.
  1. Finish University with 1st Class Honours
  2. Have fun in a number of healthy areas like sport
  3. enjoy your relationship for what it is 
  4. Remember your age is your asset and time is on your side, plenty of time later to loot at/for a deep relationship with the BF or someone who fits your needs/requirements more adequately. But education first. It's easier now rather than doing a degree later (I know from experience).



windchymes -> RE: Testing or other? (9/23/2009 3:27:25 PM)

It sounds like he just lives in the here and now.  That's not always a bad thing, but it's extremely hard on the party not there or.....now.

My advice, take it or leave it, is to stop thinking of him as your "owner" and live your life, too.  By clinging to him, you're only prolonging your own unhappiness, and keeping yourself closed to something really good for you that will most likely come along.  He's already cheated on you once...that you know about.  Break it off, beg release, or whatever you have to do and start living!  Then, maybe when you're both in a better place to make a committment to each other, he'll be ready, too.




Musicmystery -> RE: Testing or other? (9/23/2009 7:55:24 PM)

You're both too young to get so wrapped up in commitments.

Date. See lots of people.

Do you walk into a store and buy the first coat you see? Or do you try on several first, find what fits you best?

Try on a lot of people. Be honest and considerate. See who fits best.

And there are other coat stores.



Arpig -> RE: Testing or other? (9/23/2009 8:31:37 PM)

Maybe he's just concentrating on his studies...you know, the way he's supposed to be doing[8|]



happylittlepet -> RE: Testing or other? (9/23/2009 8:55:02 PM)

Owner and property.

Distant owner, restless property.

Nothing wrong with writing what you think and feel in a letter.
Letters give room for reflection, on both sides.

Go from there.
Follow your 'instinct', you know when it's right and when it's not right.

(It's a shame that it's the ones with the submissive natures who have to try figure out where the relationship is going, instead of receiving the transparent guidance they need, even if that means release).



Adelleda -> RE: Testing or other? (9/24/2009 12:24:07 AM)

Thanks for your input everyone, seems you all say the same as my friends. But thanks.



DesFIP -> RE: Testing or other? (9/24/2009 3:58:58 AM)

He's doing what both of you ought to be doing. Exploring, spreading his wings, making new friends and finding out what he really needs in life.

You may well be soul mates and marry after college, but more likely you won't.

For now, stay friends, agree to see each other when vacation comes, and go and enjoy to the fullest. Join the ski club, go to parties, have movie marathons, and maybe you'll meet someone else and maybe you won't. But don't put yourself up on a shelf waiting while he's out living.



bliss4us09 -> RE: Testing or other? (9/25/2009 12:38:35 PM)

If it is a test, it's up to him to explain what is being tested. Ask him.



Redoubt -> RE: Testing or other? (9/26/2009 5:50:38 AM)

If youre getting the same message from a number of sources, it's usually a good indication that you should pay attention to the message.

I'm aware that I don't know you, but as has been said here, you're young, prioritize and learn to be comfortable in your own skin, or you risk developing co-dependency issues, which will in the long run cause you a lot of hurt.

Having said that, I wish you the best - be sure to stay in school and graduate with the best grades you can. When you look back in 20 years, that will probably seem more important!



Page: [1] 2   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2024
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
8.203125E-02