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RE: How proactive? - 9/23/2009 8:30:06 PM

Arpig

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depends...if you told her to bring it to you then you should expect her to...but if you didn't tell her to then you shouldn't expect her to do so. You are supposed to be setting the rules, not her.

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RE: How proactive? - 9/23/2009 11:39:48 PM

aldompdx

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It is also important to remember that "it takes two to tango." The manner in which the controller approaches the dynamic is 50% of the interaction. My observations indicate that the majority of relationships fail when one endeavours to assert control over another as a mechanism to compensate for their own lack of self control. No amount of protocol or specificity of rules can ever resolve the resulting and perpetual dichotomy of "never good enough," since that tends to be a projection of the controller's own feeling about their self.

One who has self control or self mastery will lead by example, and earn respect by inspiring greatness in their partner.

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RE: How proactive? - 9/24/2009 8:21:34 AM

RavenMuse

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If I tell My girl to be in bed by a certain time then that is where she will be. If something came up which delayed her then she would let Me know as soon as she saw Me. We live together 24/7, most of the time I don't have to ask because I can see if something is done or not. The rest of the time I KNOW it will be done else I am told why not... sometimes it is something I consider reasonable enough and that it was a situation I would have had her handle the same way.. other times the reason isn't something I consider a good enough excuse and it is 'dealt with' making sure she knows why and what I expect her to do when that sort of thing arrises, that way she is more likely to get it right the next time.

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RE: How proactive? - 9/24/2009 9:49:33 AM

spookyfe

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

If I tell My girl to be in bed by a certain time then that is where she will be. If something came up which delayed her then she would let Me know as soon as she saw Me. We live together 24/7, most of the time I don't have to ask because I can see if something is done or not. The rest of the time I KNOW it will be done else I am told why not... sometimes it is something I consider reasonable enough and that it was a situation I would have had her handle the same way.. other times the reason isn't something I consider a good enough excuse and it is 'dealt with' making sure she knows why and what I expect her to do when that sort of thing arrises, that way she is more likely to get it right the next time.

my master is exactly the same. i woumd always say sometimes i will over say and get myself a punishment he wouldnt have given or just a few words as i can be over honest

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RE: How proactive? - 9/24/2009 10:08:22 AM

worthlesstrash

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Thank you all so much for your answers, I love to get different view points.

I made the decision to be the proactive one in our dynamic. He probably won't ask for the things I am supposed to keep track of, he might not even notice what I did to the house that day..but I will do them anyway. When/if he asks for them, they will be ready.

I guess I just like to hear "good job", or even the opposite if it's called for. I have always craved that feedback in my life, I have no idea why. It probably stems back to childhood, but I can't pinpoint it. I suppose when someone doesn't ask, I feel they don't really give a crap..sad as that is. I always do what I should, but I don't feel anyone notices if no one says anything

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RE: How proactive? - 9/24/2009 1:03:34 PM

ranja

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I do not like to be taken for granted either...

also mostly things are easier to do when He expects me to do them... for some ridiculous reason i function better when ordered than when i have to muster the energy and interest totally by myself. So it helps me enormously when He tells me what He expects of me and then checks that i have done it... when i put it like this it seems i am a child... but this is how i am

He knows me and mostly likes to 'help' me by giving me direction... so in a way it seems that He would cater to my needs and yes He does, so who is the boss? and yes i am needy and greedy... but then, by ordering me about and putting in His own selfish requests He makes it His own and comes out on top always, it does mean more work for Him though... i have been called high maintenance...

If i were to do all my caring things without direction then i would feel invisible and unappreciated and i would not get turned on

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