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Getting Paid for It - 8/28/2004 6:38:52 PM

Laura

Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

It's tempting, with all the do-me men here, to accept the offer and take their money. But, I can't see myelf doing the McDomme thing. A real Domme doesn't take orders. But, the money would be so nice. Freelance writers are always short on that.

What is it really like to get paid for it? Does it feel like you sold out? sold yourself? I don't think I have the right personality chip to be a paid Domme. But I'd like to hear from others who do.

Thanks. Nothing above was meant to sound snotty. I really am interested in hearing from women who do this.

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Bait & Switch - Adult column

RE: Getting Paid for It - 8/28/2004 8:47:19 PM

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
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Here are a few other threads on this topic that might help you:

question about tribute

sub/slave or piggybank

money slaves

new domme dilemma

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to Laura)

RE: Getting Paid for It - 8/28/2004 9:24:30 PM

Posts: 492
Joined: 7/19/2004
From: Burlington, Ontario
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Laura

It's tempting, with all the do-me men here, to accept the offer and take their money. But, I can't see myelf doing the McDomme thing. A real Domme doesn't take orders. But, the money would be so nice. Freelance writers are always short on that.

What is it really like to get paid for it? Does it feel like you sold out? sold yourself? I don't think I have the right personality chip to be a paid Domme. But I'd like to hear from others who do.

Thanks. Nothing above was meant to sound snotty. I really am interested in hearing from women who do this.

I have 3 "non-paying" subs and one client. The difference is the non-paying subs want to serve me, we have negotiated details. They have given me their limits and boundaries, so our time together is at my discrestion within those limits and boundaries. I am in control. The client contacted me with a set script and list of must haves and must do. I told him he is looking for a session, nothing wrong with that. Nor is there anything wrong with a woman who has established herself as a Domme to be trusted and who enjoys it, to make some money doing it. People who have a hobby of tying fishing flys often turn it into a cottage industry. No one questions their sincerity as fishermen.

I am NOT on the personals sites looking for clients, I haven't gotten a single client from a personals site, however 1 of my part time subs came to me from a personals web site.

A professional has to invest in the wardrobe, the props for role play and be "on" for the whole session, she is the client's fantasy. Keeping in mind that no sexual activity takes place.

My non-paying subs are told, I am not going to go to the trouble of getting into fet gear for their visit, I can dominate every bit as well in my regular clothing. Stay ups and nylons are not cheap! My non-paying subs may or may not be a sex toy for me, it is at my whim.
So - I am in control, dress as I want, do as I want - service sub
He is in control, even though in the role play it appears he isn't, I dress according to his wishes, we act out his fantasy and he goes home for another month to his wife. The man is a client.

*LOL* Try quoting a fee to a "do-me" and watch the fireworks, foul language and temper tantrums. Even though I can Pro-Domme, I still retain the right to be picky about who contributes to my household by paying for my domination.

< Message edited by LadyShoshin -- 8/28/2004 9:28:53 PM >

_____________________________

PHLOX: “It’s unethical for a doctor to cause harm...I can inflict as much pain as I like.”

(in reply to Laura)

RE: Getting Paid for It - 8/28/2004 9:25:01 PM

Posts: 457
Joined: 2/6/2004
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Hello, I also thought about it at one time. But I cannot compartmentalize my mind. I love the control, not even thinking of it as a job could change that.
What I would really like to address is the phrase "do me" submissive. The thing is we all have something we want to get out of a relationship, does that make me a do me Domme? I dont think so. A sub has to trust the one he submits to, and a Domme has to get something out of the submission. I think of it as more of a symbiotic exisitence. Only the ones that want to come to play and leave would leave me feeling cold. Sundew

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~~~~~Enjoy the ride, the landing could get painful~~~~

(in reply to Laura)

RE: Getting Paid for It - 8/29/2004 9:25:57 AM

Posts: 11
Joined: 8/26/2004
Status: offline

New to this site but maybe i can shed a little of my light on it...(hoping i don't ramble) My girlfriend is very much a Domme and i a switch i am submisive to women and Dominate as hell over men. We started just looking for part time "boys" for play and serving, and had an overwhelming response, just replying to the emails seemed like a full time job. so we saw the need for Dominate women...Long story short we decided to do some pro work, and to do it with morals which from what we've seen isn't done much. We help men explore these fantasys and thoughts that they are always told are wrong, and we help them do it in a safe caring enviroment. Must the clients we get have never done anything in the lifestyle, So we explain our understanding, LIsten (a lot), and help them dive in to a whole new world. It's very fulfilling, it really seems like we are helping people. We are very picky about who we play with, their motives, and what we are ok doing. A huge investment went into toys, clothes, and so on. Also a lot of planning goes into each session since these people are paying and we want them to get what they want...it's very different but its also very exciting. Anyway as i said i ramble and its early *LOL* any questions i'd love to answer!!

"If we lived an eye for an eye the entire world would go blind" Gandhi

(in reply to Sundew02)

RE: Getting Paid for It - 8/29/2004 9:28:45 AM

Laura

Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

To me, the do me submissive is one who only thinks of his needs and does not even care who I am or what I want. His focus is on what I will (not can or choose) do for him. I don't think we are even people to them, just tools. If I was spending time with such a person I would expect to be getting paid for it. Other wise I'd be selling myself short.

The irony is that I wrote back to one of them and tried to explain that Domming is personal for me, not professional. He wrote back suggesting I go to a regular online dating site and look there. To him we are all professionals just looking for clients, not women at all.

_____________________________

Bait & Switch - Adult column

(in reply to Sundew02)

RE: Getting Paid for It - 8/29/2004 2:05:34 PM

Posts: 265
Joined: 7/21/2004
From: Dayton, OH
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Laura
I can't see myelf doing the McDomme thing.

Sorry to intrude into a serious discussion, but the McDomme thing just got to me. Can I Supersize that, To Go, with fries and a diet coke?

Actually, to perhaps shed a little actual light on the subject, one of my friends is a professional escort, and she says she just loves her work. It does apparently take work. Suddenly you're the CEO, and you have to advertise, decide what to charge, make all the business deciions, etc.

~smile~

(in reply to Laura)

RE: Getting Paid for It - 8/29/2004 2:26:13 PM

Posts: 40
Joined: 8/14/2004
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I am somewhere in between. personal subs are those with whom I have a relationship, emotionally and mentally as well as physically. But should a sub contact Me and happen to be looking for a Pro Domme, you can bet your ass, that I will respond, as long as I do not have a creepy feeling about that particular person.
Leather is not cheap, nor are toys, and shoes. I am most certainly not getting rich off of it, but you can believe that under the right circumstances you can call Me McDomme DDG!

(in reply to smile2cu)

RE: Getting Paid for It - 8/29/2004 3:18:14 PM

Posts: 492
Joined: 7/19/2004
From: Burlington, Ontario
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkDeadGirrrl

I am somewhere in between. personal subs are those with whom I have a relationship, emotionally and mentally as well as physically. But should a sub contact Me and happen to be looking for a Pro Domme, you can bet your ass, that I will respond, as long as I do not have a creepy feeling about that particular person.
Leather is not cheap, nor are toys, and shoes. I am most certainly not getting rich off of it, but you can believe that under the right circumstances you can call Me McDomme DDG!

Hear, hear!!!! Well said!!!
With only one client and not actively looking for more, the money helps in buying nylons or rubber gloves etc. For some people, what I make would be a good meal out at a restaurant.

_____________________________

PHLOX: “It’s unethical for a doctor to cause harm...I can inflict as much pain as I like.”

(in reply to DarkDeadGirrrl)

RE: Getting Paid for It - 8/29/2004 5:28:37 PM

Posts: 24
Joined: 8/11/2004
Status: offline

Well, there are 2 sides to this subject. There is the getting paid for it and there is, from the submissive side, the paying for it. Personally. I have visited a few Pro Dommes but never got a real satisfaction from it. I found it lacked elements that can only come from an established relationship, such as complicity, friendship etc. and the chemistry that can only be reached between 2 persons who know each other, what turns them on etc. I never had enough money neither to develop a continuous relationship with a Pro Domme.

I guess this could split into 2 new topics:

1- Are Mistresses who get paid but also play with life partners having just as much fun with their paying customers?

2- Are subs having just as much fun when they pay for a Pro Domme as when they have a committed relationship (for those who were fortunate enough to taste both worlds)?

(in reply to LadyShoshin)

RE: Getting Paid for It - 8/29/2004 6:36:25 PM

Posts: 203
Joined: 3/23/2004
Status: offline

This is somewhat related, but one thing hit me in a funny way during a munch I went to in my local area. First off, there are so few pro dommes in the Kalamazoo, MI area to begin with (none, actually, so you end up having to go to Detroit for less than spectacular choices). So, there's really no core group of women doing sessions in this neck of the woods.

Anyway, I was brand new to this group at this munch, and I was mainly an observer, and several of the women who had dommed guys were talking about how they were seriously considering doing pro domme sessions because of the high demand and desire for it. Now, I've lived in several pro domme houses in my earlier years (not that long ago) for years at a time, so I have a VERY good idea of what exactly works and does not work. Most of my long-term partners have been highly paid, well-respected and seriously sought out professional dominants over the years (a few became pro dommes and are still big names today because they were introduced to bdsm after dating me in relationships that started off vanilla). I'm really not trying to turn this into a bragging rant, but the point is: I have some experience in the business end of things.

The lack of common sense about the scene and what submissives are willing to pay for was atrocious during this conversation. At one point, I tried to interject a tiny bit of information because one of the women was just so way off base I thought I would at least try, in as kind of a way as I could think of, to help push the conversation back to reality, and I was dismissed as someone who obviously had a lot to learn, so I stopped trying to help. But what amazed me was how this fantasy of "I do dominant scenes with people, so I can charge for it and I'll get rich" was so overwhelming to the reality of the situation. I didn't even want to get into the reality of what would happen when a woman first started advertising in an area that has ZERO pro dommes, meaning that she would be the first target the local police would go after.

I don't do pay sessions anymore these days, and sadly the reason is because of location. I'm also limited in what I can shell out because I'm paying my way through my Ph.D. program, but even if that wasn't a problem, there are practically no opportunities here, and traveling for an hour or two of a session seems like a serious waste of time and money.

But the point is that I believe that way too often the fantasy of getting money for something you enjoy overwhelms the reality of actually trying to make that work. The business can be extremely frustrating at times, and that's observing some of the women who actually were doing really well. I've seen others that were practically suicidal after a few years when they were quite pleasant and happy a short time before.

_____________________________

Give a man a fish, he eats for a day...
...teach a man to fish, he steals your fishing hole and then charges you for the fish.

(in reply to monsieur42)

RE: Getting Paid for It - 8/30/2004 2:59:57 AM

Posts: 205
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Utah
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Laura

quote:

A real Domme doesn't take orders.

quote:

What is it really like to get paid for it? Does it feel like you sold out? sold yourself?

First of all....let's dispense with words like "REAL". Even as a Pro Domme I don't take orders. I do not sub with a whip. I screen potential clients to make sure we are scene compatable before booking an appointment. I am in control of his fantasy.....not at the control of his.

As to the second part....I have provided an outlet for their kink. Many submissive men do not wish to be submissive all the time, yet occasionally desire to express their masochistic and/or submissive tendencies. With a ProDomme they can escape into a fantasy for a few hours without any expectations thereafter.

Some submissive/masochistic men are married or already involved in a relationship. Expressing these needs with their partner may jeopardise their relationship.

Others are Dominant in their primary relationships. They wish to explore their other side outside their social circle.

And others are simply curious about the lifestyle and want to explore without a relationship involvement.

Have I sold out? No. Have I sold myself? No.

For those who do not want....or cannot have....a 3 dimensional relationship with me, I provide the skill and equipment to satisfy their submissive itch. I keep their confidence. I bear their secrets. I hear their confessions. In return they furnish my Dungeon, my wardrobe and my living expenses.

Ms Sandi

_____________________________

"The Masochist desires to experience stronger sensations, but desires that it should be inflicted with Love. The Sadist desires to inflict stronger sensations, but desires that it should be felt as Love" Havelock Ellis The Project Gutenberg

(in reply to Laura)

RE: Getting Paid for It - 8/30/2004 3:01:43 AM

MistressZanthia

Posts: 88
Joined: 7/2/2004
From: Seattle, Washington, USA
Status: offline

Edited. Sandi said it so well.

About that submissive "itch"... it is more common than those who are submissively natured. I call it a "fetish" for being submissive. It may strike some weekly, monthly, bi monthly, yearly, but it's a fetish, not what I consider submissiveness. That's why I charge for my services, as Sandi said, they can't have a real relationship with me, of the nature I desire (which includes more full time submissiveness) therefore it's a trade off.

Now care to hazard a guess how many actual "submissive" men I've met in my years of pro domming? Three. One was a client. The other two personal boys, and I still have one of them. They are rare, exceedingly rare. Now the hundreds of "fetishists" ...

Male submissives, I wish there were more of, not that I need another but it'd be nice to encounter them more often. Those with a "fetish" for being submissive when the mood strikes them, they are a dime a dozen. I say, know the difference and charge or not charge them accordingly. That's what I do.

< Message edited by MistressZanthia -- 8/30/2004 6:08:51 PM >

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~*Zan*~
www.zanthia.com

(in reply to Laura)

RE: Getting Paid for It - 8/30/2004 3:08:17 AM

Posts: 205
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Utah
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: monsieur42

quote:

1- Are Mistresses who get paid but also play with life partners having just as much fun with their paying customers?

I have fun with everything I do. Otherwise...why bother?

But my Pro relationships are very different from my personal one's. My personal relationships have all the elements of "normal" relationships ..... but souped up and fully accessorised.

My personal relationships are more intimate because (in addition to the obvious sexual component) scening is an expression of our relationship, not the purpose for it.

Ms Sandi

_____________________________

"The Masochist desires to experience stronger sensations, but desires that it should be inflicted with Love. The Sadist desires to inflict stronger sensations, but desires that it should be felt as Love" Havelock Ellis The Project Gutenberg

(in reply to monsieur42)

RE: Getting Paid for It - 8/30/2004 12:03:45 PM

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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There is one thing that I learned about life
at a young age and applyed it to everything
I do in life now. Anything I can do for sumone
else I can do for My self and gain the finance
fully from the actions. Also never kick a gifted
horse in the mouth. If Im offered anything that
is sumthing that I can use, spend, eat, enjoy Ill
take it from Man, Woman or Beast. I should state
here that I do tend to pay for a lot as well. Getting paid
for any experiance in anything you know is simply
good business and lifeskills sence. Those whom choose
to make any particular experiance a specialty
should be rewarded for such effort. If its given freely
they should be reveared, adored and whorshiped. Everyone
whom has a desire to learn sumthing they dont
know has the option to either pay to learn it from
the available teachings in the sumthing desired to
learn or tempt to learn on their own by trial and error.
I dont know about you but I have no time for trial and
error in My life at this juncture and will pay quickly for
what I want to know, learn, experiance in a heartbeat.
Even those whom have no experiance should know
that time is money and their time is of value too
hence it just makes common sence to Me to seek
out the experianced and pay to learn that which
you desire to know and not waste any time that
cannot be gained back in life living. Hurrayyy for
Pro Dom/mes for They fill a need and gain a livlyhood
from it. Hurrayyyy for the Builders of things not of
normal living and that I My self have no time to build
nor the aptitude to takeon so that We can have quality work
for practicing Our Lifestyles ways, Jah knows I couldent
find what is needed to enjoy My lifestyle in a Sears
catalog, well except for the battery run toothbrush,
and those Lifestylers whom build Our Toys
and Tools of Our Lifestyles also get * paid for their
part in Our Lifestyle and are also Pro in Their Fields
of speciality. Wooo ho for the prosub/slaves!!
I have never been a Pro Domme, however if sumone
seeks Me out for My experiance as a Dominant there
will be a charge in order to gain the experiance I have
be it in cash flow or physical commitment to My needs
or simply a fancy meal out at My place of choice with
tulips in hand and depends on the type of experiance
desired to be gained or what type of interaction one whom
approches Me asks for or what commitment I will accept or
cash payed in lew of time investment. What I seek I also expect to give
in value for equally and this is why I state what I seek and
how and when I am approched with a offer if it is benifitial
why would I turn it down. There are just as many prosub/slvs
as there are Pro Dom/mes whom have taken their services
to the Business leval and I say cudos off to them for its hard
work to run any Business and costly as well to keep up and
maintain. Oh yes one more thing......MY Dominance is not defined
by how I earn a living or how I treat those whom come to Me for guidance.
Nor is My ability to profit from any thing I do in My life however My Dominance
is special and it has a unique value just as everything in life has and well in My
opinion My Dominance is priceless or in the least if desired pricy.... My Mangos
were blown off their trees in the hurricane....... Anyone wanna buy any
wholesale mangos state side? ~smiles~ I can only make and jar so much chutney!
~giggles~ makes a call out for mango mushing foot stompin slaves!! Maybe
Ill make a batch of sour mango mash.....hmmmmmm JMO

(in reply to UtahGoddess)

RE: Getting Paid for It - 8/30/2004 12:30:46 PM

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Joined: 8/26/2004
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Awesome post mistressDREAD1!!!! I agree fully

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

RE: Getting Paid for It - 8/30/2004 12:32:19 PM

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

So what do proDommes state on their taxes as their occupation? And how about deductions for their toys and fetish wear? That could give a few IRS reviewers a good laugh.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

RE: Getting Paid for It - 8/31/2004 10:02:31 PM

Posts: 41
Joined: 4/8/2004
From: Houston, Texas
Status: offline

Just because you are getting paid doesn't mean you have to MC Domina...I don't make them earn their fetish by suffering for you, and never take a scene you don't agree with.

If you support yourself as a Dominatirx you may find your are eating humble pie to survive, but if you have to pay for equipment and take time out of your life for them why shouldn't they financially compesate you for the inconvience...especially if they aren't able to commit as a slave.

So many pushy bottoms want to take up your time and energy and return nothing thinking that being able to take a spanking is a valuable skill, and that you don't have plenty of kinky friends that would let you tie them up and spank them.

There is a big difference from a bottom to a submissive and a submissive to a slave. Many men want to call themself a slave because it fits their fantasy, but they aren't wiklling to actually live up to the title of slave.

_____________________________

Mistress Genevieve
http://msgenevieve.com
http://niteflirt.com/MistressGenevieve
http://clips4sale.com/store/4083
http://twitter.com/msgenevieve
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/mistressgenevievesslaves

(in reply to Laura)

RE: Getting Paid for It - 8/31/2004 10:06:04 PM

Posts: 41
Joined: 4/8/2004
From: Houston, Texas
Status: offline

You know what, a smart woman can even control a Do-me sub and show him a better scene than the one he begs for and make him forget the scene he asked for, or turn his own scene against him till he begs for yours.

_____________________________

Mistress Genevieve
http://msgenevieve.com
http://niteflirt.com/MistressGenevieve
http://clips4sale.com/store/4083
http://twitter.com/msgenevieve
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/mistressgenevievesslaves

(in reply to Laura)

RE: Getting Paid for It - 9/4/2004 5:29:36 AM

cbtok

Posts: 70
Joined: 3/2/2004
Status: offline

What some may be objecting to with respect to the domination for hire aspect is the objectification. Everyone here is a real person and wants to be seen as such.

At a "McJob" one puts on a uniform, stands behind a counter, takes orders, flips burgers and -- unfortunately often -- ceases to be a real person in the eyes of the consumer. If the goal is to go to work, do the necessary duty and collect a paycheck, the "McJob" is acceptible to the extent that the money is adequate for the time involved. After a while, the person working the "McJob" begins to objectify just as they, themselves are objectified.

Others have commented that the money makes it easy to build a dungeon, flesh out a wardrobe and generally carry on a good life. one even commented about one's relationship with the IRS, which is really nobody's business (the term "consultant" works for almost every type of occupation).

For those who recoil at the thought of "turning pro" the objectification issue looms large. It is not as bad as it may seem as there are those who tend to see everyone as an individual and treat them with the honor and dignity every person is due. And the professionals here very quickly learn to screen those who tend to only objectify out as undesirables.

(in reply to MsGenevieve)

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