Suleiman
Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline
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First, you must understand that dominance is not sadism. It's an easy mistake to make, especially if you're new to the scene, but to be dominant is to be in control, to be sadistic is to inflict pain. Very often both traits are combined, but not always. I do not know why you would want to overcome any emotional attachments (to me, it is the emotional attachment that makes me want to rule or to be rules) but do not worry about your religious requirement towards pacifism. If you can roughhouse or play in violent sports like football, you can play SM games with a clear conscience. You do far more damage to a person as an athelete than you ever will in S&M, assuming you follow the proper safety procedures. Remember that BDSM is supposed to be consensual, as well. While there is a fantasy element of violence, it is not actual violence - it is a game, a sport, at which you and your lover play.
Pacifism is not weakness. I understand this, because I am an avowed pacifist as well. I have not struck another human being in anger since I was a child. I still have the will to interpose myself between a dangerous person and the people I care about, and I have been hurt because I would not willingly do anything to hurt the attacker, but I have still defended those whom I care about. I have often managed to defuse a potentially violent situation without any punches being thrown.
I am a sadist. I enjoy hurting people. This is a large part of why I am an avowed pacifist. I refuse to allow my darker passions to rule me, and if I became a "scrapper", I could very well lose control. Nothing delights me more than when my lover asks to be hurt, or if within the boundaries of our love play, I am allowed to discipline my lover. While I may inflict pain, I never cause harm. I do not injure, I do not maim, I do not maul. I don't even do blood play or play with needles (although I have allowed others to do so with me, if I trusted them enough, and if they desired it). What I do rarely even leaves lasting marks. I do not consider what I do to be a breach of my pacifistic ways, because there are certian very clearly defined lines I do not cross.
How you come to terms with your dominant self is really a matter of self-discovery. Play, experiment, learn. The universe is your laboratory, it's there so that you can experience it. Knowing that it is in you to be dominant, study what it is, to you, to be dominant (and not to anyone else, not to the author of a book, or the faceless mutterings of anonymous web users, or some person you met at a fetish shop, or an acquaintance from a play party or munch).
Since you identify as a switch, consider what it is that YOU desire in a dominant. What is your ideal? Try to become that person, or like that person. Your fantasy is essentially a projection of your own inner self, after all. Introspection is an invaluable tool for self-discovery and self-mastery, and if you can not master yourself, you will never master anyone else.
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Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.
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