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RE: What is it about verbal abuse? - 10/2/2009 11:47:57 AM

LadyNTrainer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

I've seen the view often, by now, from femdoms. It goes something like "I don't get it. Why would I want to abuse a man in this way if I like him/love him?" Yet, many of the same femdoms will happily set about the same man's back with their whips or floggers until it's lacerated into a nasty messy pulp. Now, what I don't get is - why is there a difference? Both are forms of 'abuse'. And in wider vanilla society, as we all know, physical attacks on a person are considered worse than verbal attacks.

And we care about what vanilla society thinks about our sexuality, why?

Fundamentally it's about what's hot or not to you and your partner. Some people do get turned on by verbal abuse and some don't. Some people get turned on by medical play or shibari or cross dressing or diapers and some don't. Thems who wants some should find compatible partners and get some. Thems who don't want any should find compatible partners and do stuff they both enjoy. Pretty simple, really.

quote:

So what's the squeamishness all about? Why don't you femdoms get in there and do your worst with those cutting tongues? Or are you, when it comes down to it, milksops and girly weeds, after all?

Troll. If someone's not into your kink, it doesn't mean they're better than you or worse than you. They're just not into your kink. Badmouthing people who don't like to play exactly the way you play is childish behavior at best.

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RE: What is it about verbal abuse? - 10/2/2009 1:00:37 PM

looking4princess

Posts: 165
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quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

What noise does a rabbit make ? ........Bzzzzzzzz

Errr allegedly

;-)

I was wondering the same thing. I did not think of such modern interpretations and the best I could come up with was, "What's up Doc?"

Cheers,

Sea

I actually heard a rabbit screech once while watching a premed student inject to draw blood directly from the poor creature's heart. The student had not supplied enough anesthesia. The rabbit awoke, looked down, and let out a high-pitched but rather weak screech. More than you wish to learn, I'm sure. Sorry.

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RE: What is it about verbal abuse? - 10/2/2009 1:07:10 PM

looking4princess

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quote:

Peon, you have often said that you like humiliation, but have a list of words and situations that are not allowed. When in the heat of passion, it's rather difficult to keep all the dos and don'ts straight in one's head. Some of those things that a Domme truely DOES feel (like sneaking is cheating) could come out wheither it is on the forbidden list or not. Therefore, it's frequently best to keep one's mouth shut beyond the obvious "Worm, Filthy Dog, Slut, Bitch". Are you starting to understand how tricky it is?

You made your point most excellently. It is tricky, but isn't that the purpose of "safewords" (no pun intended) to avoid going beyond acceptable lines?

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RE: What is it about verbal abuse? - 10/2/2009 2:39:40 PM

kccuckoldmist

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Well not all female dominants are the same or into the same things. Throw in different personality types and society influences and you are going to get different ways and types a female dominant is going to be.

It is one of the double standards in the D/s life that physical play is assumed to be part of the life and verbal play falling into humiliation and degradation area is optional and often frowned upon or used to promote self idealized delusional thoughts of greatness. In other words when someone comes into this life whether they are truly drawn to it or not they feel the need to learn how to use toys like a paddle or a crop but do not feel the pressure to learn and do things in the humiliation area such as some nice and sharp verbal play.

As others have written when going into this area both for effectiveness and safety the more you know someone and the more you care for someone the easier, safer and more enjoyable it can go. So often if you do not see it communicated out in the world one of the reasons is because a lot of it is practiced is deeply personal between two lovers. But for it to actually work, be effective and enjoyable it requires both people to truly be into it and not just someone saying empty words they take nothing from.

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RE: What is it about verbal abuse? - 10/2/2009 4:47:19 PM

Acer49

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

I've seen the view often, by now, from femdoms. It goes something like "I don't get it. Why would I want to abuse a man in this way if I like him/love him?" Yet, many of the same femdoms will happily set about the same man's back with their whips or floggers until it's lacerated into a nasty messy pulp. Now, what I don't get is - why is there a difference? Both are forms of 'abuse'. And in wider vanilla society, as we all know, physical attacks on a person are considered worse than verbal attacks.

So what's the squeamishness all about? Why don't you femdoms get in there and do your worst with those cutting tongues? Or are you, when it comes down to it, milksops and girly weeds, after all?

we all know, physical attacks on a person are considered worse than verbal attacks.
I believe this statement to be incorrect. The body will heal, the mind may heal, but it will never forget

Words are simply a trigger to illict possible responses, they will only effect you if you believe the statements to be true. There are some submissive men who like being called names as it helps to keep them in a mindset.

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RE: What is it about verbal abuse? - 10/2/2009 5:14:16 PM

MsStarlett

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Did anyone else notice that Peon said "I don't have a list" and "Don't use 'Worm'" in the same post?

Peon, you have also mentioned that you don't like words like delicious or yummy. That's a list of three that I can remember off the top of my head just from skimming through posts this summer. I didn't even read everything, so there were probably more.

And let's not be argumentative with me right now, K? I'm just starting my month of ungodly long hours and I wouldn't want to ruin our friendship.

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RE: What is it about verbal abuse? - 10/5/2009 8:50:01 AM

pixelslave

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Peon,
I take note of the words "verbal abuse" as opposed to "verbal play" in the subject line you've used for this thread.

Verbal play can take many forms, including what many think of as "verbal humiliation"; something that's very common in the lifestyle once a submissive's "button words" have been discovered by their dominant. If misused, this kind of play can also quickly become a form of emotional abuse that cuts very deep and breaks down the self-esteem of the submissive. I strongly suspect that's the reason many Dommes are reluctant to enter into the kind of play you have in mind. Doing so requires very open and honest communication for both to go there safely.

- pixel

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RE: What is it about verbal abuse? - 10/5/2009 9:08:44 AM

Lucienne

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
Could he get up afterward and still trust me? Could he still be my friend? Maybe. I'm just not willing to take that chance, because *I know what I am capable of*.

This. The ability to make people cry is something I work to contain, not seek to nurture.

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RE: What is it about verbal abuse? - 10/6/2009 8:20:28 AM

Andalusite

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Making someone cry can be hot in the right circumstances. In general, verbal stuff doesn't do much for me, and it does feel like playacting, and a bit forced. I might experiment with it in a clearly role-playing based scene, on either side, where it's obvious that it isn't really meant, such as using a different name and a bit of costuming. Also, words that are generally synonymous can have a very different effect due to past triggers, that aren't necessarily predictable.

MsStarlett, yep, I figure that Peon would "red" if someone told him, "You're my scrumptious, delicious, yummy worm! I just want to eat you up!" Someone else would just be amused, or think it's hot, especially if it was followed by nibbling, bites hard enough to leave bruises, and oral sex.

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 10/6/2009 8:21:56 AM >

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RE: What is it about verbal abuse? - 10/6/2009 9:34:56 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

I've seen the view often, by now, from femdoms. It goes something like "I don't get it. Why would I want to abuse a man in this way if I like him/love him?" Yet, many of the same femdoms will happily set about the same man's back with their whips or floggers until it's lacerated into a nasty messy pulp. Now, what I don't get is - why is there a difference? Both are forms of 'abuse'. And in wider vanilla society, as we all know, physical attacks on a person are considered worse than verbal attacks.

So what's the squeamishness all about? Why don't you femdoms get in there and do your worst with those cutting tongues? Or are you, when it comes down to it, milksops and girly weeds, after all?

Ah....and all kinds of other mundane detritus.....without much of the fanfare and enjoyment.

(Why is that?)

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RE: What is it about verbal abuse? - 10/7/2009 9:38:32 PM

pixelslave

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucienne

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
Could he get up afterward and still trust me? Could he still be my friend? Maybe. I'm just not willing to take that chance, because *I know what I am capable of*.

This. The ability to make people cry is something I work to contain, not seek to nurture.

Indeed! Perhaps because of the power exchange or what often becomes a power imbalance in many relationships in our lifestyle, abusive relationships are not uncommon both in female-led and male-led D/s relationships.

Unfortunately, I speak from experience. Our society had difficulty enough accepting a male being submissive to a woman as it is. Understanding that a male can be abused, emotionally or physcally by one, is an even greater leap for most.