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Doms - 8/29/2004 11:55:50 AM

Posts: 303
Joined: 3/23/2004
From: Middle Tennessee
Status: offline

I have chatted with a number of Doms. I've found that there are many different "types". Now, I'm not sure if this has been discussed, or if I'm at all correct. There are the Romantic Doms, the ones who are your basic gentlemen. They seem to see their subs in a different light.

Sadistic Doms. From what I have personally seen, they range from being down right cruel and uncaring, to still being your romantic Dom with a twist. User Doms, the ones who aren't honest, seeming to be predators. They are the ones who are dishonest from the start with subs, using them for their own gain, with no thought as to who gets hurt.

Exhibitionist Doms, unlike the User Doms, they can be honest when playing at parties. With both parties knowing that it's just a play time, nothing serious. I find nothing wrong with that, as long as the intentions are made clearly known.

I know this isn't really a good example of the technical terms. Yet, these are the types I have come across so far. I have a bad habit of placing my own terms out there.

What makes a Dom fit into one of these catigories? Where do you fit yourself? I'm not really knocking any of these, whatever floats your boat. Though, honesty should be a common practice.

Thanks,

Myra

_____________________________

Myra

RE: Doms - 8/29/2004 1:36:55 PM

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I would imagine that most Doms are a blend of different characteristics, with some parts being more emphasized than others. Myself, I do enjoy inflicting pain and being in control, but I also enjoy having a romantic relationship with my slave. And depending on the situation, different aspects of my personality will come to the fore.
And then of course there are the jerks. They seem to always be emphasizing the worst of their personalities.

(in reply to SentForu)

RE: Doms - 8/29/2004 5:36:03 PM

Posts: 919
Joined: 6/4/2004
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Ok...again...why there is a need to place people in convienent packages, I have no idea, I'm not flaming you SentForu...just keep hearing the same question phrased many different ways. I can't think of many submissives that would like to be categorized as:

The needy slave: One who has no responsibility for their actions and needs a dominant as a part of their life because they can't do it on their own.

The gimme girl: One who will submit only because they are getting what they want through their submission. Their submission is conditional upon the dominant giving her exactly what she wants, when she wants it. Otherwise there will be a big dramatic episode.

The twue slave: The one who has read all that castlerealm has to offer, knows the collaring ceremony by heart, is #6884321 on the slave registry, has no limits, no opinions or emotions. AKA: the stepford slaves...

My mission is not to mock you, SentForu. I just hope that you can see the point that you do not fit perfectly into any of these molds...just as I don't come close to fitting into any of the molds that you provided in your post.

I'll tell you about my form of dominance: I am a sadist. I enjoy inflicting pain. I am a gentleman. I am a Pig. I am Daddy. I am Master. I am that Evil fucker that's grinning like a monkey while watching a girl squirm from the Icey Hott on her clit. I have a great deal of respect for strong women that allow me to humiliate and degrade them. I can play at a party and treat some bottom like a piece of wriggly meat, or calmly, cooly lead a slave into subspace with the sound of my voice. I am a sensationist and dabble in a wide variety of sensations...from the extremely pleasant...to the "OHGODPLEASESTOPYOUEVILFUCK...SIR!" I don't limit myself to one form of expression.

I'm not sure if this fits into any of the "boxes" you have encountered so far...

Take care,

~Thorns

_____________________________

~"Do you know what the chain of command is? Its the chain I beat ya with when ya don't follow my command."

"My inner child is a mean little fucker"

(in reply to SentForu)

RE: Doms - 8/29/2004 5:37:21 PM

Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline

Asking what makes a dom fit into a category is like asking what makes people the way they are. I suppose Freud could come up with theories based on the influence of his mother; others might argue if it is nature vs nurture, and astrologers might have their theories as well.

Estring makes an interesting ovservation on how the situation can draw out different characteristics; I'd expand on that to add that different people will draw them out as well. Some gals can really bring out my romantic side; other gals manage to tap into other less pleasant parts of my personality.

(in reply to SentForu)

RE: Doms - 8/29/2004 6:43:22 PM

Posts: 1
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

I have to agree with Estring and happypervert. There are some idiots, assholes, wannabes and neverwillbes out there who are very easy to pigeon hole... just click the "X" in the top right corner of the browser and be done with them.

There are however others of us that fit many of the boxes and some you haven't even listed. Different women bring out different sides of a Dominant and not every woman can bring out every side of me. While you have no doubt come across various dominants that fit into some of those boxes, there are others out there that don't necessarily fit into one or all of them.

I guess the easiest way to find a dominant that fits your interests is to question them, find out if their kink matches your kink and if they also have a side of them that doesn't interest you. It is all about communication and taking your time. And taking your time in finding and accepting a collar from someone seems to be one of the biggest follies of all.

I wish you luck in your search and hope that you keep the lines of communication open, ask questions, and learn as much as you can and need to to make an important decision like taking someone's collar.

All the best.
Brian

(in reply to happypervert)

RE: Doms - 8/29/2004 7:03:24 PM

Posts: 303
Joined: 3/23/2004
From: Middle Tennessee
Status: offline

MrThorns,
Thanks again for your comments. And, I completely agree with you that everyone can't fit into any one catigory. Classifying them is useless. What I was trying to do, was make an example of the Doms I have had the privilege of chatting with. More than likely, I did word it badly. My apologies if I have offended any Doms out there. As in ANY post I write, it is only MY experience and opinion. I'm still learning, so ya'll don't beat me up too bad...lol.

TaliDon,
That was great advice. Thanks for the kind words. "Neverwillbes"...lol, I have encountered those a few times.

Ya'll take care,

Myra

< Message edited by SentForu -- 8/29/2004 7:05:12 PM >

_____________________________

Myra

(in reply to MrThorns)

RE: Doms - 8/30/2004 7:09:19 AM

Posts: 267
Joined: 7/1/2004
Status: offline

*pokes her nose into the Master's channel again* Hope none of You Domly types mind.

Ok, SentForu, please correct me if i'm wrong but what i see being the underlying stimulus for your post is this....

As you stated, you're new to the Lifestyle and trying to learn more and more. Perhaps what you were really seeking is additional ways to clarify the abundance of styles that you've encountered so that you could more readily identify your own style? Perhaps what you were looking for is more along the lines of 'What style of Dominance do You feel drawn towards more?' i.e. DaddyDom/babygirl; SM Master/slave; service oriented M/s; sensual D/s; play-party SM D/s; etc, etc. Often times hearing others voice what is most desirable to themselves is a good way to sort through things - a sort of "*nods* ok, yes that appeals to me too"or "*shakes head* nope, no warm fuzzies there" sorta thing.

_____________________________

Wilted petals fall from a rose like bitters tears wrung from a heart whose dreams have shattered. What hope for the future can be seen by eyes that are darkened with sorrow neverending?

i'm not manic-depressive, i just have an elliptical personality

(in reply to SentForu)

RE: Doms - 8/30/2004 7:52:51 AM

Posts: 303
Joined: 3/23/2004
From: Middle Tennessee
Status: offline

Destiny,
Thanks....exactly.

Sometimes people just take things the wrong way. I was looking for a "who are you" type thing. And, why. Wasn't really trying to offend in any way.

_____________________________

Myra

(in reply to Destinysskeins)

RE: Doms - 8/30/2004 8:57:38 AM

Posts: 241
Status: offline

OK, I guess I'll break the trend here and attempt to pigeonhole myself.

Romantic Dom: 75%
Sadistic Dom: 0%
Fake, User: 0%
Exhibitionist: 0%

A major category I see missing here is for those who have nothing against carefree fun which does not signify any deep relationship, but which isn't conducted in front of a crowd. Personally, I don't care for audiences, the "here we are now, entertain us" vibe in most clubs is something which I can tolerate but not enjoy. A group of *participants* is one thing, but slackers who never join in impress me as deadweight. So much of my remaining percentage probably falls into a category of "enjoys honest sluttishness in private."

(in reply to SentForu)

RE: Doms - 8/30/2004 9:36:55 AM

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

The biggest problem I see here is you are classifying everything that classify's themselves as a Dom a Dom.
They may be a Dom in their imagination. They may be an abuser in yours. The rest of the world's. I'm not so big into classifying people myself. However each and every one of us does it whether we announce it to the world or not. We all have opinions on one another. I've heard a few the people here on collarme have about me. Boggles my mind..but hey I'm ok with it.

Nobody here knows me. Even though the people who have been here the longest may think they do. I read someplace the other day how someone "trusted and respected" someone they know here on the boads. Made me laugh. How can you know someone here enough to trust them?

Anyway, my point is, you see the part of me I allow you to see here. With me, yep that is most of who I am. Yet with others, it is only a tiny part of who they are.
Anyway, my assumption of you or anyone here could be indeed way off. You have to realize that. Then again it could totally be you.

In my personal opinion there are a whole world of people out there who call themselves Dominant who I could Dominate in a heartbeat.
Yet other's I could'nt.
Anyway, what I'm trying to get at is labels will vary by each individual because we are all individuals. Your definition may fit you but it may not fit me.

(in reply to SentForu)

RE: Doms - 8/30/2004 10:09:18 AM

Posts: 267
Joined: 7/1/2004
Status: offline

sub4hire,

*grins* thank you dear. You've hit on exactly what i think we're trying to achieve here. It's not so much the label that might be used to describe you (or anyone else) but how you feel about yourself, how you define yourself in that little part of your head that does admit, however reluctantly at times, that yes, you do have a bit of a label - whatever that might be. We're certainly not trying to pigeonhole anyone - human beings are certainly too complex for a simple stamp on the forehead to classify them for all times as being 'XXX'. Merely trying to broaden the scope of relationships, styles, etc that are present. And yes, there are very, very many of these. That's why at times it's so incredibly confusing and difficult for a person new to this realm to absorb everything and say 'ok, here's my little niche'. And yes, short of actual experience there's not many ways in which to do this but one does need to limit the playing field a bit in order to effectively explore it.

So please, don't take the labels given as a comprehensive list by all means - use your own names, make some up if none you know apply, hell - it's not necessary to have a name or label to apply to it...just explain whatcha like/don't like

p.s. thank You NoCalOwner for expanding on this brief list and for helping clarify Your desires......and.....SentForu - sorry, for overtaking/bullying/etc your topic! i don't mean to at all but really do want to help you to find the clarification that you're seeking.

_____________________________

Wilted petals fall from a rose like bitters tears wrung from a heart whose dreams have shattered. What hope for the future can be seen by eyes that are darkened with sorrow neverending?

i'm not manic-depressive, i just have an elliptical personality

(in reply to sub4hire)

RE: Doms - 8/30/2004 11:04:57 AM

Posts: 241
Status: offline

I think that in theory it's possible to pigeonhole people accurately, but in practice it will NEVER happen. While I may be able to stick myself into one category listed and another of my own creation, that's just one dimension out of zillions. What about how I dominate? Do I use political power, will, social status, intellect, fame, charm, intimidation, wisdom, good looks, creative talent, money, athleticism, other? Am I egoless and altruistic, or the epitomy of selfishness? A living saint or absolutely demonic? Skilled beyong belief, or utterly inept? Any time you can throw Donald Trump, Benito Mussolini, Steven Hawking, Shaquille O'Neal, John Kennedy, Charles Manson, Garry Kasparov, John Lennon and the president of the local Hell's Angels chapter into a single group, you know that there have to be hundreds of ways to slice and measure, and that nobody's going to end up the same.

So I don't mind being pigeonholed. Just remember to consider all 792 ways of measuring me. In the end, you will find that I'm the NoCalOwner kind of Dom.

(in reply to Destinysskeins)

RE: Doms - 9/3/2004 7:44:29 PM

Posts: 3
Joined: 8/30/2004
Status: offline

Myra,

OMG you hit the nail on the head with the Dom list. I was with one for 2 yeras, he promised we would be together and he would collar me , then turned cold as ice and would play head games with me.All this being real time not online. Nice guy to everyone he meets and very careless with me. I had to walk away.

Tara

(in reply to Estring)

RE: Doms - 9/3/2004 8:44:16 PM

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

then turned cold as ice and would play head games with me.All this being real time not online.

Are you sure he didn't die?

(in reply to subtara)

RE: Doms - 9/4/2004 9:08:20 AM

Posts: 230
Joined: 7/27/2004
From: Detroit
Status: offline

I think that it can be confusing as well. However I find that this rule generally holds true. If you find a Dom who is trolling that is almost an automatic sign that the Dom is fake fraud or in other words some jerk just trying to get laid any way they can. Those of us sticking around talking chatting and getting to know each other are the more genuine article. The fakes are usually only around for a month at the most.

_____________________________

LIFE'S JOURNEY IS NOT TO ARRIVE AT THE GRAVE SAFELY IN A WELL PRESERVED
BODY, BUT RATHER TO SKID IN SIDEWAYS, TOTALLY WORN OUT, SHOUTING "HOLY
SHIT......WHAT A RIDE!

(in reply to Estring)

RE: Doms - 9/5/2004 12:10:05 PM

Posts: 1564
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

While classifications have their limits they can also help us make sense of a seemingly chaotic situation. When I first encountered the lifestyle I had two categories, top and bottom. I have since discovered that there is a vast and dynamic spectrum of kinklinations and moral persuasions.

A particular pigeon hole might feel constraining to the person you place there and might blind you to other qualities you have missed, but it can also help you see patterns of behaviour and to be a better predictor of those behaviours in future. Just remember – the map is not the territory.

So don’t stop analysing people merely because they don’t like it. As sub4hire pointed out, just because it calls itself a duck doesn’t necessarily make it one. Keep building your field guide without being attached to your descriptions. Discernment is a lifesaving skill.

As to the categories you name, SentForu, they can equally apply to bottoms. Some of the most devious, manipulative and vindictive (i.e. predatory) people I have encountered have been “submissives”.

Z.

< Message edited by Zensee -- 9/5/2004 1:24:37 PM >

(in reply to cheeba0228)

RE: Doms - 9/10/2004 6:20:29 PM

Posts: 483
Status: offline

The last time I checked, Baskin-Robbins still had 31 flavors, and to think, I don't even like ice cream!

(in reply to Zensee)

RE: Doms - 9/11/2004 9:46:10 PM

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

Personally, My approach to being a Dom is...

I like to do what I want when I want to do it.

This may include making her wear a cheerleader outfit to get anally violated.

It may also include my transferring money into her account to pay her rent.

In either regard, I did it because I wanted to do it.

JM, CBW, BTUG

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to INSIDEYOURMIND)

RE: Doms - 9/12/2004 12:12:27 AM

Posts: 1
Joined: 8/28/2004
Status: offline

Given my mood or circumstance I can be viewed as fitting into one or most of those categories at any given time. I think most of us ebb and flow from one into another, dependent on how the interaction is developing.

Let me make one point on your classification of "user Doms". I personally would not elavate them with the title of Dominant. An abuser and/or predator is just that, an abuser and/or predator. Whether they use dishonesty, coercion, force or all the above no one should claim them as a Dominant.

Sir Cane

(in reply to Sinergy)

RE: Doms - 9/13/2004 12:13:07 PM

Posts: 2
Joined: 8/30/2004
Status: offline

The thng I hate the most.... are the ones that come on fast and furious..... they can talk about anything but sex sex sex sex. The think I am looking for in a Dom is the one that wants to know me first. Who I am, What I think about many many things. What makes me who I am before what makes me who I am as a sub. Now... those two things intertwine, this is true, but there is a side of me that has nothing to do with my submission also. What are my dreams and hopes for the future? If they message me and the first thing they say is........ on your knees bitch....... they dont even get a reply...... they get the iggy finger immediately. I was a freind.....then a relationship...then a lover. if it doenst go in that order... I just dont see how it can work........

With respect
slavedesire....

(in reply to SirCane)

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