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RE: WHAT MAKES A GREAT SUBMISSIVE? - 10/7/2004 2:53:29 PM   
EStrict


Posts: 729
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline
quote:

That depends, would you be willing to offer your assistance? (smirk)

(I enjoy answering a question with a question!)


Are you a salesperson by chance Rain? That's an old sales trick,,, it's used to take control of the conversation. ::laughing:: of course in a BDSM relationship, it could be considered a negative for the submissive or slave to *need* the control in the conversation. I know it's something that Master hates other's doing to him, and doesn't allow me to do often. It's like give someone an either/or choice. You have already basically made the decision and say they can have *this* or *that* only allowing them one of two things. It's a hard habit for me to break (believing it better not to give a child to many choices), but one I have learned isn't something Master condones. Though I do still slip on on occassion :)

_____________________________

Sandy

Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive anyway...

(in reply to rain)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: WHAT MAKES A GREAT SUBMISSIVE? - 10/8/2004 9:30:19 PM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		I prefer a sub who knows themselves enough to understand what they want. There's time enough to learn your top's desires and become the obedient creature of their dreams. Right at the beginning, believe it or not, a sub is searching for a certian kind of top, a certian kind of partner. It is a partnership, whatever you may think about how a submissive ought to be. Too many people mistake the fantasy for the reality. The reality is we are all human beings. We are all looking for something that completes us, makes us better than we are. Why do you begrudge someone the right to say what they want? If it's not what you're looking for, don't respond to their profile.

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to Laceywhips)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: WHAT MAKES A GREAT SUBMISSIVE? - 10/9/2004 6:09:16 AM   
smilezz


Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline 		What makes a great submissive?

Hmmmzz....as i am sure that everyone has their own idea/perception about this....of course i am now going to add my 10 cents. *chucklez*

I guess i prefer not to say 'Great/Wonderful/Perfect/Good' submissive...i just think what makes a submissive is the quality of the person. You seek out information...you never stop learning...you make mistakes, you try not to make them again...and when/if it does...you learn from that too. I have been involved in the scene for many years now...i would not be arrogant enough (well ok, i would be arrogant...but not about this. lol) to think that i am great...or any of the above. I do not want to be those, especially not "Perfect" as so many i hear say they seek. If you are "Perfect" what more can be done?

I suppose it comes down to what each of you think....personally, for me.....i am me, no more....no less. I am valued...loved...treasured. I am an owned slave who is submissive to Thorns....i am comfortable in my own skin.....i think life is to short not to have fun, if you are not having fun...you are doing it wrong. I have the great opportunity in life of learning and growing............. i can't wait for what's around the next corner.

I hope y'all have a great weekend....(more coffee!!!!)

~smilezz~


_____________________________

=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

�*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,-:* �

(in reply to Laceywhips)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: WHAT MAKES A GREAT SUBMISSIVE? - 10/9/2004 9:54:04 AM   
RogueDom


Posts: 21
Joined: 10/8/2004
Status: offline 		The last sub I had in our initial conversation about limits and such,when asked about safe words looked me right in the eye and said " just what is it you think is going on here, I don't need any #!*@&* safe words you think I'm a @!*%#! wimp or what" ? she was the best sub so far ...RogueDom

(in reply to Laceywhips)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: WHAT MAKES A GREAT SUBMISSIVE? - 10/10/2004 2:41:02 PM   
Thanatosian


Posts: 765
Joined: 5/10/2004
From: New Castle, PA
Status: offline
quote:

That depends, would you be willing to offer your assistance? (smirk)

(I enjoy answering a question with a question!)

hehehe,

rain


But of course - I am always willing to help put a damsel in distress

_____________________________

Apply Usual Caveats Here

An expert is somone who has made all the mistakes there are to be made

(in reply to rain)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: WHAT MAKES A GREAT SUBMISSIVE? - 10/13/2004 4:18:37 PM   
MissKittyKat


Posts: 1
Joined: 8/31/2004
Status: offline 		I have to agree with you!
I ust met the world's worst submissive. It was a total waste of time.
First, he was late meeting me, which made me wonder, is he on my time or am I on his? Then when I tried to order beer or food off the menu for him, he would snatch it away and quickly make his decision. I thought, "That's pretty assertive for a submissive". But I overlooked it. I thought maybe he didn't quite "get it" yet. Then when he paid, I sent back his credit card and put more drinks on it and said, "We're on my time, not yours". Then he thought about it, then agreed...which isn't really something that a submissive "agrees to"...it's more or less the whole basis of the relationship. Finally when we left, he insisted on walking instead of driving me, which I thought was wierd, but thought, "Well, he just doesn't get it yet". So we walked by a fetish shop and I said, "Let's buy a dog collar" and he didn't want to. I said, "No, we're getting a dog collar" and he didn't want to. Finally I said, "I'm not going any further unless you buy a dog collar." So he looked at me, turned up his nose, and said, "Then I guess we'll part ways here". Then he took off in the opposite direction!
What!! He said he had had mistresses before, but how could that be??? He was the opposite of obedient! I thought, "Okay, does he want someone on his schedule, who will only be dominant when he wants her to be?" Well, that's not a dom, that's a prostitute who works hourly and specializes in S&M. I just couldn't believe it. And good submissives in Portland are sooo hard to find.
Anyone else have any experiences like this? It's a slap in the face to be treated like a prostitute. But they should know enough by now...you'd think!

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: WHAT MAKES A GREAT SUBMISSIVE? - 10/13/2004 6:32:07 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

I ust met the world's worst submissive. It was a total waste of time.


I'm a little confused MissKitty. Were you meeting this sub for the first time? Had he already agreed to submit to you or was it a get to know each other meeting? Were you planning to collar him on the first meeting? Just because he calls himself submissive doesn't mean he submits to anyone before getting to know them. Just MHO.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to MissKittyKat)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: WHAT MAKES A GREAT SUBMISSIVE? - 10/13/2004 7:53:16 PM   
subbiejenn


Posts: 631
Joined: 7/12/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub

quote:

I ust met the world's worst submissive. It was a total waste of time.


I'm a little confused MissKitty. Were you meeting this sub for the first time? Had he already agreed to submit to you or was it a get to know each other meeting? Were you planning to collar him on the first meeting? Just because he calls himself submissive doesn't mean he submits to anyone before getting to know them. Just MHO.



wow i am confused also... can't wait to hear more from MissKittykat

_____________________________

~Subspace is my perfect paradise vacation from busy-mind... blessed be to the Dominant who can stamp my ticket there.~

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away"

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: WHAT MAKES A GREAT SUBMISSIVE? - 10/13/2004 10:19:34 PM   
EStrict


Posts: 729
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline 		You know Kitty, maybe it's your profile that causes people to misunderstand your intentions in the relationship? You say:

"2) You will accompany me to a fetish store, where you will buy, for me, what exactly you need to satisfy your interest. "

To me that says that as long as they are paying for the stuff, you are willing to what they want *exactly*. It may not be what you mean, but it does appear to be what you are saying. If someone *meets* you thinking that way, perhaps they are not being a poor submissive in exepecting exactly that, they could think you are not being clear in your expectations before the meeting....

_____________________________

Sandy

Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive anyway...

(in reply to MissKittyKat)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: WHAT MAKES A GREAT SUBMISSIVE? - 10/14/2004 10:20:53 AM   
Thanatosian


Posts: 765
Joined: 5/10/2004
From: New Castle, PA
Status: offline 		her submitting to my will even when (or maybe that should read especially when) it is contrary to what she wishes/wants

_____________________________

Apply Usual Caveats Here

An expert is somone who has made all the mistakes there are to be made

(in reply to EStrict)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: WHAT MAKES A GREAT SUBMISSIVE? - 10/25/2004 2:34:04 AM   
sterlingsweet


Posts: 180
Joined: 8/10/2004
Status: offline 		One that is Honest, a Good Communicator, Opened minded...takes risks, try's new things, and is Continually Learning and Growing.

Then to me that is what makes anyone a Great Person.

_____________________________

Who Let the Dommes Out?? (I'd like to Thank them).
~Wink

Peace Out...Sterlingsweet

I finally got my cuffs,
I hope to use them soon ~wink

(in reply to Thanatosian)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: WHAT MAKES A GREAT SUBMISSIVE? - 10/25/2004 4:06:11 AM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		I would be fascinated to hear a further elaboration on this, however my crystal ball says the chances of getting a reply are hazy. Misskitty has been a member for several months now and has only offered the one post, so it would seem doubtful that she will come forward with any further commentary on the subject. Perhaps she simply needed a chance to vent.


quote:

ORIGINAL: subbiejenn


quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub

quote:

I ust met the world's worst submissive. It was a total waste of time.


I'm a little confused MissKitty. Were you meeting this sub for the first time? Had he already agreed to submit to you or was it a get to know each other meeting? Were you planning to collar him on the first meeting? Just because he calls himself submissive doesn't mean he submits to anyone before getting to know them. Just MHO.



wow i am confused also... can't wait to hear more from MissKittykat



_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to subbiejenn)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: WHAT MAKES A GREAT SUBMISSIVE? - 10/26/2004 9:03:05 PM   
MsSteelOrchid


Posts: 2
Joined: 10/1/2004
Status: offline 		I agree with what Mercnbeth posted regarding the difference between a submissive and a slave. Other labels that can be helpful in identifying ourselves are Top and bottom, for those who are looking only to assume a role during a scene.
Seeing limits in profiles gives me a clue into the person who has caught my eye.
If someone's list of limits are annoying, there is a good chance they have done me a favor. There probably wouldn't be a good connection with them anyway.
Limits are not etched in stone because people evolve. What seems bizzare or too much at the moment can become very attractive and hot once trust is established, and the connection between two people intensifies. For this reason I would like to see limits further defined as HARD LIMITS (things we would never consider under ANY circumstances), and SOFT LIMITS (things we are not open to now, but possibly could be for the right person).

Mistress Steel Orchid

(in reply to anthrosub)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: WHAT MAKES A GREAT SUBMISSIVE? - 11/3/2004 4:47:46 PM   
addcted2it


Posts: 78
Joined: 10/28/2004
From: Sonoma County, California, USA
Status: offline 		i don't believe that a submissive or a slave is necessarily "great." It may have been discussed here that each two people (or in polyamorous relationships, each of the participants) react very differently to one another. Some have minor or serious conflicts, which others do not. The relationship between Dom/Domme and submissive/slave has many facits. There are those who require a 24/7 relationship, while others only wish to serve or be served on a limited schedule.
But to sum it up in a few words, what makes a "great submissive," to me would be someone who is willing to give with no expectation of receiving any reward. However, how many are able to do this, or are willing to give of themselves totally and completely without some sort of reward?
To my way of thinking, service and submission is reward in itself. And whatever the Domme (who would be female in my case) decided to give to me would be a gift, not only of Her time and energy, but of Her generosity. Punishments/rewards are a gift from a Dom/Domme, and should be considered heavily when entering into a D/s relationship.
Peace and hope that W/we get through the next four years without loosing everything and everyone!
-philip




Attachment (1)

(in reply to EStrict)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: WHAT MAKES A GREAT SUBMISSIVE? - 11/9/2004 5:07:29 PM   
MistressDidi


Posts: 61
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		It's not so much what you say as how you say it. There is a tremendous difference between a request and a demand. I refuse to deal with subs who don't know the difference. That's one of the reasons clients pay Me -- to teach them so they don't have to do their own research. If a person truly wants to be submissive, s/he will become educated. There are resources everywhere -- as simple as a search engine away.

< Message edited by MistressDidi -- 11/9/2004 5:09:25 PM >

_____________________________

Always MY Pleasure.
The Mistress Didi*

(in reply to Laceywhips)
Profile   Post #: 35
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