Would you rather and why?

Would you rather and why? (Full Version)

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yourMissTress -> Would you rather and why? (3/3/2006 11:56:34 AM)
Would you rather find someone that matches your criteria? Or make someone fit?

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Would you rather and why? (3/3/2006 12:18:59 PM)
Being true to the spirit of the question: I would rather find someone who fits my criteria for being a good, stable person. That being said, in every single healthy relationship, everyone fits into eachother. Whether they MADE eachother fit or not, changes happen, shifts occur, it's simply how relationships work. And really, going into a relationship thinking "I've got to change that" or "He'll change once we..." never works out well. While I do look at my partners and think of things they need to progress on, if the essential elements were not already there, I wouldn't be there.

BitaTruble -> RE: Would you rather and why? (3/3/2006 12:25:43 PM)
quote: Would you rather find someone that matches your criteria? Or make someone fit? Preformed works for me. If I wanna make something fit, I'll buy a lump of clay. Celeste

slavejali -> RE: Would you rather and why? (3/3/2006 12:31:33 PM)
Had a chuckle over the "preformed" comment....agree its too much hard work to try to make someone fit you, and a task that may be fruitless in its result.

MHOO314 -> RE: Would you rather and why? (3/3/2006 1:33:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: yourMissTress Would you rather find someone that matches your criteria? Or make someone fit? I looked for one that fit and I wasn't going to stop until I did--good news is I found him, with a lifetime left.

thetammyjo -> RE: Would you rather and why? (3/3/2006 1:36:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: yourMissTress Would you rather find someone that matches your criteria? Or make someone fit? Criteria. I have to "make" husband, students, other faculty do stuff all the time. I sure as heck don't need it in a sub/bottom/slave.

HoosierScorpio -> RE: Would you rather and why? (3/3/2006 1:41:00 PM)
I have come across allot who fit my criteria and my interest or what I am looking for. Because they get so swamped with hits that they get over whelm and it is hard to make the first contact. I also know every thing else will come into play over time as we spend more time together.

KatyLied -> RE: Would you rather and why? (3/3/2006 1:46:53 PM)
I'd rather find someone very close to matching my criteria. I do not want a perfect match. I want to learn and grow from differences, and I'm the type of person who finds differences interesting. As long as there aren't too many. I can't imagine finding someone and then having to mold them into someone they aren't, just to suit me. How can that possibly work? It's best to find someone close to a good match and go from there.

RavenMuse -> RE: Would you rather and why? (3/3/2006 1:49:14 PM)
I've not got my criteria that narrowly set as to be unrealistic, not looking for some lil' miss perfect, so yes I'm looking for someone who already fits. Not going to stop till I find her either[:)]

IrishMist -> RE: Would you rather and why? (3/3/2006 2:13:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: yourMissTress Would you rather find someone that matches your criteria? Or make someone fit? I would perfer someone in between. There is absolutly nothing wrong with compromise.

MrDiscipline44 -> RE: Would you rather and why? (3/3/2006 2:22:13 PM)
Interesting question, Tress. I keep my criteria flexible. I already have a life partner so what I'm looking for isn't about finding the love of my life. It's about finding a slave to make my life and her life (my partners) easier while fulfilling the slaves need to serve someone that will, in the least, appreciate them. I expect them in turn to be "moldable" as well because, as I see it, no ones perfect. Not even myself.

artglfr -> RE: Would you rather and why? (3/3/2006 2:23:14 PM)
I liked the "preformed" opinion also but I enjoy both as long as the mindset is there we have something to build on.

Evanesce -> RE: Would you rather and why? (3/3/2006 2:30:09 PM)
quote: Would you rather find someone that matches your criteria? Or make someone fit? I would prefer they match as closely as possible. Trying to make someone conform to what I want just doesn't work, and it's exhausting trying to make a slave do something or behave in a way they don't want to do. I'd much rather wait for the right fit.

PlayfulOne -> RE: Would you rather and why? (3/3/2006 2:38:41 PM)
It is easier when they fit, when you start making them fit there is a bigger chance, (I think) for things to not work out. Someone emailed us a couple of days ago, there were 5 or 6 things on our profile listed under lives for or loves, that were listed for them as Hard Limits. Looking at that we would have to completely redfine their limits to make something work. Sometimes you have to look and ask, "is there really a point in trying to make a fit?" K

ownedgirlie -> RE: Would you rather and why? (3/3/2006 5:32:09 PM)
From a slave's perspective, i can only say that apparently i fit my Master's criteria for having the heart and will and desire. Much of the other things he wanted, he molded, but i certainly would not have considered myself a "lump", nor would he. He was willing to work to develop me to meet what he wanted, and i was willing to do the work to get there. Had he wanted a ready made slave, we would not be so fortunate as to be together now. So, perhaps there is a grey area - someone who meets the fundamental criteria, where the rest can be molded...

Submotive -> RE: Would you rather and why? (3/3/2006 5:32:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: yourMissTress Would you rather find someone that matches your criteria? Or make someone fit? Personally, i don't know if there is any such thing as really making someone fit. We are who we are. Would i be happier alone being who i am rather than attempting to be someone i'm not in order not to be alone? Yes, but it's not my preferance.

angelic -> RE: Would you rather and why? (3/3/2006 5:41:55 PM)
Since i have no idea what my criteria is.. LOL i am going to pick 'fit'. However, for me i want that heartstopping, breathtaking... connection. Yyou know, the one where Yyou think about Tthem and get all gooshie inside... Yyou can't wait to get home cuz maybe Tthey will have sent Yyou an e-mail or better yet, maybe Tthey'll call... The feeling when He says "be at xyz in 20 mins"... and your heart starts racing and you get all gooshie inside...... then panic because you only have 20 mins to get ready... sigh... lol ok sorry i went off on a tangent... snaps back to reality

Slipstreme -> RE: Would you rather and why? (3/3/2006 6:37:26 PM)
I'd prefer that my partner fit my criteria, however I do know that to expect it to happen completely is to live alone for the rest of your life in heartbreak after heartbreak. So I tend to compromise a bit, and see where we can work from there.

IronBear -> RE: Would you rather and why? (3/3/2006 6:48:03 PM)
Finding some one who fits exactly my chriteria would be ideal in an ideal world. There is one huge word which I work with when dealing with people. C-O-M-P-R-O-M-I-S-E. in all aspects of my multi-facited life, there are two components. The first is the hard core non negotiable areas. Then there is the larger flexable area, and it is within this flexable area that I am happy to make some compromises. By doing so, it allows me to look at someone who is adaptable enough and trainable enough to become what i want. E.G. I find a suitable sub who fits my requirement for needle play and shibari and who will accept that in a house collar will be trained as a Gorean kijira. It is entirely possible that in time the non Gorean sub will read and ask to be allowed to be collared as a kajira in training, thus meeting my initial specifications. I also like to see what each new person in my life, brings to the table.

Cloudz -> RE: Would you rather and why? (3/3/2006 7:54:01 PM)
Well...criteria to me includes core values and beliefs. If you are not comfortable with things spiritual, then my Buddhist beliefs may make you uncomfortable. If you do not believe that laughter is as important to daily life as worship, then my frequent bouts of amusement will be intolerable. If you do not believe that above all, never attempt to take away's one's dignity..then we have little to talk about. If indeed we share similar thoughts about respecting our fellow humans, the plants and animals we share our word with...then the other things can be taught. You can learn to please me, to pleasure me, and to amuse me. These things I will enjoy teaching you.

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