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RE: Married Foot Slaves - 3/4/2006 12:41:54 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: weentsy

I understand why most lifestyle Dommes are averse to playing with married subs; I think that can be problematic for both parties. For my part, I have played in this way in the past, and it created a lot of bad feelings within me.

But I don't feel the same about simple foot play. Massaging and worshiping a Domme's feet doesn't feel like infidelity to me; and I wouldn't think a lifestyle Domme would find that objectionable, either, if foot worship is something She enjoys; most Dommes I've known have believed that One can never get too much foot attention.

I'm not just talking the sort of worship that gets the sub hard, i.e., toe sucking...of course, I wouldn't feel "complete without it ;)...I'm also talking about long, pleasurable, relaxing foot massage - the sort that makes Your legs tingle.

Anyway, I'm wondering how the Ladies and subs feel about this sort of play.

Thanks to all,

michael

I guess I completely do not understand why you can't give your wife these long, pleasureable, relazing foot massage that would make her legs tickle.

Have you offered them to her or better yet just sat her down, took off her shoes and socks and started giving her a massage? I don't think I've even met someone who didn't like a good massage -- male or female, bottom or top.

As for the more oral attention, well, you can work up to that you know. I'm betting that if you did a really good job with the massage part and you were going to make sure your wife got her orgasm eventually she really wouldn't object to having other things done with her feet. It may take several massages and lots of talking and pleasing but I think that's far less risky than seeing someone else.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to weentsy)

Post #: 21

RE: Married Foot Slaves - 3/4/2006 1:04:50 PM

FTopinMichigan

Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: weentsy
But I don't feel the same about simple foot play. Massaging and worshiping a Domme's feet doesn't feel like infidelity to me; and I wouldn't think a lifestyle Domme would find that objectionable, either, if foot worship is something She enjoys; most Dommes I've known have believed that One can never get too much foot attention.

As I see it, a "married" person can come up with any sort of rational to enjoy what they want, and find a way NOT to label their thinking as being a case of infidelity.

I'm a single woman interested in only single men. A "married" (or one with a SO at home) man has already committed to a woman. If he cannot share his interests (even if only a simple foot massage) with his wife, or the fact that he will be meeting other women to enjoy it, then I read it as infidelity. Infidelity is not defined, or confined to a sexual act alone, ya know.

When you measure the degree of the relationship with another woman, it won't technically take away the fact that you are with another woman, other than your wife.

If I met the wife, I might take on a married man, as a play partner only. Meeting the wife would be part of the criteria for developing "any" type of relationship.

K

< Message edited by FTopinMichigan -- 3/4/2006 1:05:57 PM >

(in reply to weentsy)

Post #: 22

RE: Married Foot Slaves - 3/4/2006 1:26:09 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ethne

Would I tell my wife about it? No

Right there. You may not call it cheating, but she may, and thats what matters to her divorce lawyer. Why can you do her toes? Go to a salon, watch how a pedicure is done. Go purchase the things you will need, and do her feet. You are fulfilled, and she has gorgeous feet. Win-win.

It isn't a win-win because if there's no toe sucking, he's not happy.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to Ethne)

Post #: 23

RE: Married Foot Slaves - 3/4/2006 1:29:02 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: weentsy

quote:

I also agree that if there is no reason for the Domme to think twice about it, then why not tell your wife... afterall it's just a foot massage, right? That's how I see it, but to each his/Her own.

I was going to write a pretty emotional response, but it really doesn't matter...I'll just say that life isn't always so simple, and being totally upfront can be cruel as well as "honest".

If I tell my wife that I really crave something she can't give me - and we're talking a little foot action, not sex - all that happens is that she feels inadequate. That's not my wish! But if I don't satisfy my little foot itch, it becomes a constant obsession.

Either you get this or you don't.

Michael

What is the reason she cannot tolerate your foot massages?
What makes the act bad for her?
How has this come to be something she won't even agree to?

The point is the obsession thing. You are not that interested in the woman, her feelings, her pleasure. The foot thing becomes an obsession. The woman is merely an extension of the foot. She feels objectified. You do not rub her feet for her pleasure, you do it for your own, hoping that the "side benefit" of the foot massage feels good. You hope she will indulge what you really want, and that's toe sucking. You go too fast, and try to get to the toe sucking. She gets squeamish and says no. Your effort in the foot massage goes way down. You are rushed and sloppy, and even pout that you won't get to use your mouth.

Is that how it goes?

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to weentsy)

Post #: 24

RE: Married Foot Slaves - 3/4/2006 1:33:12 PM

Misstoyou

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Is that how it goes?

My guess is that he's going to think you've been peeking in his windows, Akasha. lol

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 25

RE: Married Foot Slaves - 3/4/2006 4:44:26 PM

Firmmaster4u

Posts: 31
Joined: 8/25/2005
Status: offline

DONT PUT A TITLE ON WHAT YOU TWO DO IF IT WOIRKS FOR YOU BOTH THATS ALL THAT MATTERS JUST AS LONG AS YOU DONT CHEAT ON EACH OTHER ML

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 26

RE: Married Foot Slaves - 3/5/2006 12:23:22 AM

weentsy

Posts: 12
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

The point is the obsession thing. You are not that interested in the woman, her feelings, her pleasure. The foot thing becomes an obsession. The woman is merely an extension of the foot. She feels objectified. You do not rub her feet for her pleasure, you do it for your own, hoping that the "side benefit" of the foot massage feels good. You hope she will indulge what you really want, and that's toe sucking. You go too fast, and try to get to the toe sucking. She gets squeamish and says no. Your effort in the foot massage goes way down. You are rushed and sloppy, and even pout that you won't get to use your mouth.

Is that how it goes?

Akasha

Actually, I'm the world's greatest pussy licker, Akasha.

You're really quite the hater...where did I indicate that I don't care about my partner's pleasure? If I'm enjoying myself, that somehow precludes my caring if my partner's enjoying herself?

What the hell, go ahead and spin it any way you like...I have no respect for your opinion because you insist on misrepresenting mine to make me look like someone I'm not.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 27

RE: Married Foot Slaves - 3/5/2006 12:35:31 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

If I'm enjoying myself, that somehow precludes my caring if my partner's enjoying herself?

When you say partner, do you mean the Domme .. or your wife?

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to weentsy)

Post #: 28

RE: Married Foot Slaves - 3/5/2006 2:33:13 AM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

You still haven't answered why you can't give the feet massages to you r wife

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 29

RE: Married Foot Slaves - 3/5/2006 6:52:29 AM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: weentsy

quote:

I also agree that if there is no reason for the Domme to think twice about it, then why not tell your wife... afterall it's just a foot massage, right? That's how I see it, but to each his/Her own.

I was going to write a pretty emotional response, but it really doesn't matter...I'll just say that life isn't always so simple, and being totally upfront can be cruel as well as "honest".

If I tell my wife that I really crave something she can't give me - and we're talking a little foot action, not sex - all that happens is that she feels inadequate. That's not my wish! But if I don't satisfy my little foot itch, it becomes a constant obsession.

Either you get this or you don't.

She "can't"? Are we talking an amputee here?

As a meta comment, I think you are the one who is "not getting it." There is a consistent message I hear from the women who are responding to your post and it is that they see this as either cheating or problematic. Your response has been generally dismissive or hostile. If this is your generic method of dealing with messages like this, you are likely to experience much more rejection than acceptance in life in general and the scene in specific.

Step back and consider. They say they see toe sucking as an intimate act. You respond that it isn't. That's hardly persuasive and unlikely to foster further dialogue on their part.

There is another point that confuses me. Aakasha points out that you really aren't interested in a specific woman and, in effect, are much like a bottom who is seeking "a life support system for a whip." (An accurate analysis from my view) but your response is you are "the world's greatest pussy licker" (an assertion that Rio, Libby's sex slave, might well challenge) as if that makes a difference.

Women are more than the sum of their parts and presenting a fascination for one or two of those parts is unlikely to make you attractive to a sex who generally sees itself as a package deal to any partner.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to weentsy)

Post #: 30

RE: Married Foot Slaves - 3/5/2006 7:17:41 AM

Isara

Posts: 87
Joined: 2/4/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

Women are more than the sum of their parts and presenting a fascination for one or two of those parts is unlikely to make you attractive to a sex who generally sees itself as a package deal to any partner.

I do so love your posts John

This made my night/insanely early morning.

quote:

ORIGIONAL: weentsy

Is foot massage and toe sucking an "intimate act"? A massage can be had at any spa...the toe sucking part, while not common to a spa massage, still doesn't seem like something out of bounds. Would I tell my wife about it? No...so if that's the test, then maybe it is out of bounds. But if there's no relationship beyond the servitude, I still don't think of it as cheating.

Servitude is an intimate act, and toe sucking and foot massages as you want them to be -are- an intimate act. Fulfilling a fantasy, for you, fulfilling a need. I get that. However. That intimacy that you want, when transferred to another woman would be cheating IMHO. I'm poly, however, which means I practice open relationships, I do not however practice cheating, all involved know what's involved and with whom. Keeping such secrets from your partner isn’t going to help.

Foot worship, is just that, worship, an intensely private and deeply powerful experience. Excluding your wife/partner/significant/non-significant other on the grounds of "I just don't think they'd understand/want to" is still cheating in my book. Servitude is a relationship all in itself. As a Domme though? I want someone who’s interested in me, rather then just my feet. Foot worship is nice? But it's not enough to build a relationship on. My feet however lovely, don’t define me as a woman.

Regards

Isara.

_____________________________

"I can't -- not just like that. I'm a complicated person, you see, Aunty... Sometimes I'm nice, and sometimes I'm nasty -- hee hee!...and sometimes I just like to sing little songs, like: "See the little goblin, see his little-- " Edmond Blackadder

(in reply to JohnWarren)

Post #: 31

RE: Married Foot Slaves - 3/5/2006 5:45:08 PM

Ethne

Posts: 20
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline

quote:

You're really quite the hater.

Actually, she's just the bluntest. I was thinking the same thing, and just hoping that you would sit down and listen to the advice you asked for. Five of us asked you a question which you either ignored, or whined that it wouldn't work. *shrugs* You asked for our opinions, and when we didnt validate, but asked questions, you grew hostile or dismissive.

Either you get it or you dont.

Ethne

(in reply to Isara)

Post #: 32

RE: Married Foot Slaves - 7/27/2006 12:00:13 AM

malakas

Posts: 29
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: weentsy

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

For me, I prefer service of any kind from someone that I'm involved with - so even this would be a no-no from someone who is married to someone else.

Is that because You think it's basically a form of infidelity, or just because it's Your preference to share foot worship with someone with whom You also share something more?

Is foot massage and toe sucking an "intimate act"? A massage can be had at any spa...the toe sucking part, while not common to a spa massage, still doesn't seem like something out of bounds. Would I tell my wife about it? No...so if that's the test, then maybe it is out of bounds. But if there's no relationship beyond the servitude, I still don't think of it as cheating.

michael

I too am a foot fetishist, but I confronted this issue from a different perspective which I found enlightening.

I dated a woman who was a "foot fetish model" at Footworship Palace in New York (known as FWP). Clients (all of them men) paid to sniff, lick and worship her feet while they jerked off. Nothing else is allowed at FWP and she didn’t do anything else.

As we grew closer, her job started to bother me but I didn’t complain and I didn’t pressure her to quit because I knew she couldn’t find other work paying nearly as much and would end up resenting me if she quit on my account. However, I didn’t consider her my exclusive girlfriend and I made that clear.

Our problems arose when she wanted me to become monogamous while she continued working at FWP. In her view, what she was doing at FWP wasn’t sex so she was being monogamous to me all along.

I ruminated on her request and then I rejected it.

I concluded that analyzing foot fetishism by describing what physically occurs in a clinical, objective sense is a non-starter. To the foot fetishist, sniffing and/or licking and/or whatever that fetishist digs doing with feet, is sex - plain and simple. If one orgasms from doing something, then to that person that something qualifies as sex.

I posed an analogous (and much more innocent) hypothetical scenario in which my job was to sit in a room with a woman with the door closed and merely talk to the woman - never making physical contact - as the woman masturbated to my words. I asked her if she would consider my hypothetical job consistent with monogamy. She admitted that she would have problems with it. End of story.

I am not trying to moralize but only to pierce through what I consider - with all due respect - your weak rationalization. Do it if you wish, but call it what it is.

(in reply to weentsy)

Post #: 33

RE: Married Foot Slaves - 7/27/2006 9:18:10 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

quote:

But if there's no relationship beyond the servitude, I still don't think of it as cheating.

You might not think it's cheating but would she? If you can not freely tell your spouse of an activity in which you are participating be it a foot massage or anything else, it's cheating. If you know it would upset your wife, then you already have your answer.

You will do what it is you wish, I am sure. However, what everyone has responded thusfar is very valid and you may want to objectively look at it and what everyone is saying. Maybe you were expecting a different response than what you actually got. But, you got a pretty consistent response from everyone here.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to weentsy)

Post #: 34

RE: Married Foot Slaves - 7/27/2006 11:12:47 AM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: weentsy

Actually, I'm the world's greatest pussy licker, Akasha.

What does this have to do with anything? It is obvious that Aakasha was referring to your need to use your mouth and tongue on the toosties. Keep it in context.
All Aakasha was presenting, out of frustration to your own lack of answer 5 times, was a logical scenario of why your wife might not be willing to enjoy your worship of her feet. You're certainly not sharing, so this possibility sounds good to Me!
As to your claim, well, John Warren has advised that Libby's sex slave Rio might take exception to your bragging rights on this title, and I know lots of Toms, Dicks and Harrys who are also holding onto this coveted award.
But, if you all want to share, it's no skin off My nose!

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to weentsy)

Post #: 35

RE: Married Foot Slaves - 7/27/2006 11:20:12 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

quote:

and I know lots of Toms, Dicks and Harrys who are also holding onto this coveted award

don't forget the Susans, Marys and Lauras

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

Post #: 36

RE: Married Foot Slaves - 7/27/2006 11:30:53 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

This reminds me of a couple going to a team of marriage counselors, a married male/female team. The husband initiated it and the wife was not at all thrilled about the idea but went along to keep peace. They both met with the counselors individually and gave very honest accounts of the problems and how they felt. Then it came time for the counselors to want to meet with them together. The woman sat there miserable and concerned that perhaps she had missed something, that maybe her husband was correct in his critique of her. The husband sat back in his chair, arms crossed over his chest, rather smug look on his face. Then the counselors started talking, explaining the problems as they saw them and what measures should be taken to correct them. As the counselors spoke the demeanor of the woman changed, she relaxed and began to feel much better about herself and her instincts. The husband on the other hand, smugness changed to shock, then to quick anger, then to sadness and remorse as he realized the truth in their words. He did not want to hear what they had to say but he was at least smart enough to listen and take those words to heart.

It's not a bad idea........get past being angered that everyone is not agreeing with you and pay attention. You are getting some very good advice here.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 7/27/2006 11:39:13 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

Post #: 37

RE: Married Foot Slaves - 7/27/2006 12:08:37 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston

quote:

and I know lots of Toms, Dicks and Harrys who are also holding onto this coveted award

don't forget the Susans, Marys and Lauras

**laffs* Sorry 'bout that.
The ladies I have known were actually more than very good, and didn't seem to feel the same need to mention their expertise. Admittedly, My experience with f/f relationships is limited.
However, I am sure it hold true on both sides of the gender lines.
*Smile*

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 38

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