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Realizing just how much of a switch you are. - 10/11/2009 5:07:55 AM

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For the longest time I thought I was a submissive, and a bitch. To wit, I'd go looking for relationships in which I was the submissive, then I'd get all power-cravey and think I was just being bitchy.

For me, the submissive side was so strong that it overpowers the Domme side of me, until I get that need met. Then when my subby self is taken care of, the Domme comes out to play. And she likes to play hard.

Is anyone else like this...did it take awhile to realize that you're a switch because one side burns so hot until the need is met? And does it still make me a switch if I can only enjoy my Domme side when I'm already submitting to someone else?

RE: Realizing just how much of a switch you are. - 10/11/2009 6:16:57 AM

Level

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quote:

Is anyone else like this...did it take awhile to realize that you're a switch because one side burns so hot until the need is met?

Not here. All my desires and traits started out all mumbly-jumbly, and it took a few years to just sort them out.

quote:

And does it still make me a switch if I can only enjoy my Domme side when I'm already submitting to someone else?

Short answer, yes.

Are you sure you can only enjoy it then, or has that just been the time that it's happened, so far?

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to Elisabella)

RE: Realizing just how much of a switch you are. - 10/11/2009 7:31:39 AM

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You're not unique. I talked with a woman once who had a deep need to submit to a man, and then needed to have a woman to Domme. She told me that it made her submit better, but I suspect now that she was scratching her other itch that way.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Level)

RE: Realizing just how much of a switch you are. - 10/11/2009 10:05:07 AM

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From: Chico, Nor-Cali
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FR, after read thru

For me it's not so much about the power dynamics, it's the sadomasochism that drives a certain amount of my switchiness . . . . .

I have a certain need for some pain play, bottom & top.

If I'm doing very much pain play in one direction or the other, I start to really feel the need for the other . . .. That is, if I'm doing very much pain topping I start getting the intensified desire for pain bottoming, & vice versa . ..

lol . . . . & if I don't have any partnered outlets for those impulses I'm just mean to me . . . .

_____________________________

Snarko ergo sum.

The Verbossinator

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: Realizing just how much of a switch you are. - 10/12/2009 3:01:08 AM

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greetings to all,

hi Elisabella! (long time no see, by the way!).

I'm the same way you are; I have an innate need to submit myself as a slave to a man, and when that need is fulfilled, my dominant side will naturally (as you put it) "come out to play" (mostly towards other women, but it comes out very strongly towards certain types of men as well).

For me, my "switchiness" comes down to comfort and security; my primary need (slavery) is met, and so my secondary one (dominance) asserts itself. I learned awhile back that this is classified as a "switch personality", but to tell you the truth, I've always thought of it as "just me".

You are just as much a submissive person as you always were; I strongly believe that a person has unique (and very different) reactions to each individual person in their lives (just because someone feels at their most comfortable when switching outside their primary relationship does not make them less of an overall slave, or a sub, or a dom/me or what have you).

Have a great night!

well wishes,

(in reply to DemonKia)

RE: Realizing just how much of a switch you are. - 10/13/2009 6:47:53 PM

impishlilhellcat

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I am a switch who tends to fall a little bit more to the submissive side. I'm another one of those that is typically submissive to males and who likes to dominate other females. However, when I'm in submission mode I particularly enjoy sadomasochism. I love pain play!!! When I'm in submission mode I don't generally tend to get the need to be in Dominant mode mainly because when I am submissive to someone they are incredibly strong personalities (as I am one myself) and the desire is so strong in me that often a simple look will chill me out. Additional to that because of my education and work skills I often take a very Dominant role in work activities and teams and that tends to help with the need to be in control. I've already done it for 8-10 hours of the day. When I am in that Dominant mode I tend to enjoy more of a power exchange relationship than that of a sadomasochist relationship with whomever I'm dominating. I enjoy getting pain, but don't often enjoy giving it. So essentially each half fills a need for me but they don't usually coincide together.

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Anyone who says they have only one life to live must not know how to read a book - Unknown

(in reply to XaviersXian)

RE: Realizing just how much of a switch you are. - 10/13/2009 7:58:38 PM

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quote:

tends to help with the need to be in control. I've already done it for 8-10 hours of the day. When I am in that Dominant mode I tend to enjoy more of a power exchange relationship than that of a sadomasochist relationship with whomever I'm dominating. I enjoy getting pain, but don't often enjoy giving it. So essentially each half fills a need for me but they don't usually coincide together.

I can't say that one desire takes priority over the other with me. I may be in the mood to take a dominant or submissive role on a particular day, but if that need doesn't get met I might still be in the opposite mood on the next day.

(in reply to Elisabella)

RE: Realizing just how much of a switch you are. - 10/13/2009 9:42:15 PM

impishlilhellcat

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Elipsis

quote:

tends to help with the need to be in control. I've already done it for 8-10 hours of the day. When I am in that Dominant mode I tend to enjoy more of a power exchange relationship than that of a sadomasochist relationship with whomever I'm dominating. I enjoy getting pain, but don't often enjoy giving it. So essentially each half fills a need for me but they don't usually coincide together.

I can't say that one desire takes priority over the other with me. I may be in the mood to take a dominant or submissive role on a particular day, but if that need doesn't get met I might still be in the opposite mood on the next day.

And for me it seems to be sort of the opposite. Mine really isn't a day to day alternating type of situation. Mine tends to center around relationship dynamics. If I start a relationship as a submissive then I will see that relationship through as a submissive or vice versa.

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Anyone who says they have only one life to live must not know how to read a book - Unknown

(in reply to Elipsis)

RE: Realizing just how much of a switch you are. - 10/13/2009 11:35:41 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

Is anyone else like this...did it take awhile to realize that you're a switch because one side burns so hot until the need is met? And does it still make me a switch if I can only enjoy my Domme side when I'm already submitting to someone else?

i was aware of the dominant side, it is my natural inclination and where i began. submitting fed a different need and provided challenges i didn't find while on top. unlike some i don't generally like to control the one i'm yielding to, but that is largely due to the kind of situations i preferred and my level of surrender. recently my switch came out and it was an uncanny day. i truthfully felt like myself but then oddly out of sorts. that part of me is able to embrace things i'd frown on when submitting.

what i discovered from this and other events was the need to step back. in a strange way it is like taking a deep breath and exhaling. the switch provides a balance that i didn't have as a slave. the latter left me far too exposed and while there were merits the possibility for harm was much greater. there's also the fact that everything was amplified and being in that heightened state and maintaining it takes a lot of energy. i believe it was the best decision for me.

my alter ego is generally fed through mentoring, which i anticipate i'll delve into more. there's also the possibility of exploring my switch, but i haven't decided if i'm ready to do that again. for now mentoring is enough and i feel that teaching and the other changes being made will leave me in good stead in the long run. in this capacity i can envision having someone switch with for both roles, but that would have been unthinkable otherwise.

porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to Elisabella)

RE: Realizing just how much of a switch you are. - 10/14/2009 12:30:58 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

For the longest time I thought I was a submissive, and a bitch. To wit, I'd go looking for relationships in which I was the submissive, then I'd get all power-cravey and think I was just being bitchy.

For me, the submissive side was so strong that it overpowers the Domme side of me, until I get that need met. Then when my subby self is taken care of, the Domme comes out to play. And she likes to play hard.

Is anyone else like this...did it take awhile to realize that you're a switch because one side burns so hot until the need is met? And does it still make me a switch if I can only enjoy my Domme side when I'm already submitting to someone else?

For me, either "half" is good, but if I am serving I prefer to be serving, and if otherwise, I expect the dynamic to remain. What would confuse me is bottoming to my submissive, or topping my mistress, then going back into the neat little world of the previous arrangement. In short, I like consistency and structure. The longer that remains, the more I can let the "other half" sleep. I prefer to have one side active at a time. Even so, that's why I call myself a switch: because I have two opposite and equally powerful sides. Thankfully, they don't vie for control when out of season.

(in reply to Elisabella)

RE: Realizing just how much of a switch you are. - 10/18/2009 3:43:01 AM

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I have had similar experiences with my switch side, I began exploring the lifestyle with submissive desires but when I started to explore things with my current partner I was very suppressed to discover that I also had a big Dominant side. Over time this has felt a lot more natural than my submissive side and seems to have taken over as my primary desire. However every now and again submissive feelings come back to me and once they are satisfied, disappear. For us it has created problems as we are both eager for my partner to submit fully but it’s unfair of me to enter something like that when my mental state can change so suddenly.

Leggs

(in reply to SimplyIsaac)

RE: Realizing just how much of a switch you are. - 11/21/2009 7:19:14 AM

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Smiling...so very very, did I say VERY true Elisabella!...I have experienced that as well in my past. My sub tastebuds were craving the quenching taste but upon play n play n play, frustration kept existing....I tried to go into D mode but that did not seem to be the cure....so...switched back to sub...and at LAST that button was pushed...felt the quench of sub, and whalla back in D mode and in full throttle.

At times as a switch I am in the D mode for such a long time it becomes too shall I say: automatic. I enjoy it enormously but that sub within that keeps jabbing inside begins as a whisper, then a voice, then a SCREAM...recognizing that about myself has been a challenge but now that I have recognized it, whew! relief!

Very articulate and "hit the spot" post Elisabella, thank you for putting into words what I knew but had not yet.

(in reply to Elisabella)

RE: Realizing just how much of a switch you are. - 11/21/2009 5:05:18 PM

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Good Topic, one never knows what they truly are, until they continue to grow. Sometimes they grow in ways that scare them. One day on Top..then you think, hmmmm bottom can be fun to. Then you wake up scratch your balls, your head, your lover and say WTF....who am I? I'm a Convertible, Top up, Top down...it's all good.

(in reply to suavelady)

RE: Realizing just how much of a switch you are. - 11/29/2009 8:58:10 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: leggs11

I have had similar experiences with my switch side, I began exploring the lifestyle with submissive desires but when I started to explore things with my current partner I was very suppressed to discover that I also had a big Dominant side. Over time this has felt a lot more natural than my submissive side and seems to have taken over as my primary desire. However every now and again submissive feelings come back to me and once they are satisfied, disappear. For us it has created problems as we are both eager for my partner to submit fully but it’s unfair of me to enter something like that when my mental state can change so suddenly.

Leggs

Personally I attribute what you're describing to a need to feel loved, protected, cared for and cared about. In a relationship it can be structured so those "switches" stay in the off position through rituals that make life easier for you.
Something as simple as rubbing your neck while asking "how was your day dear" and them actually listening to the answers, especially when you have things on your mind, helps to fill some of those voids. Finding for yourself what motivates your sub desires is the key to bringing them into check.
This isn't to say that the freak flag will never fly again. Acknowledge that this is part of you and honor it. Your strength as a dominant comes from respecting your own weaknesses and understanding how they work.

quote:

I'm a Convertible, Top up, Top down...it's all good

I like this comment a lot.

< Message edited by theRose4U -- 11/29/2009 9:00:44 AM >

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to leggs11)

RE: Realizing just how much of a switch you are. - 12/13/2009 8:33:10 PM

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(Blackhorn here)

I'm a switch, but I love to be really dominated- a little more than my current Master is comfortable with (long story). However, once I've filled that need, like you- my Dom comes out to play- and I love it. It was a little awkward at first, and confusing, but now my Master (who is also a switch) and I have figured it out and work with it. What works nicely is that I'm about %70 sub, and %30 switch around him, and he the opposite around me. Works great.

Around others.... totally different story for some other time.

(in reply to theRose4U)

RE: Realizing just how much of a switch you are. - 12/24/2009 10:04:19 AM

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i am currently coming to terms with these things myself, am glad to come across these posts. i too have strong need to submit, then got bitchy, i thought. For me, i am thinking it is about letting go, as sub, getting a little overwhelmed, needing to take control to deal with the fears, or whatever, then feeling comfortable again to let go, if that makes sense. i long to know what it is like to have a parnter i can trust more and more over time, and see how that works on me. i am so grateful to come across such informative, thoughtful posts as i am a newcomer.

(in reply to Diasnis)

RE: Realizing just how much of a switch you are. - 12/24/2009 12:16:25 PM

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Before I am a dominant,or submissive I'm a sadomasochist. It was drives both sides of me,beacuse mentally causing pain turns me on,and physically pain turns me on. In which case,when I am in my sado domme side I can pick up the role like it's something I do all the time,beacuse it is what I enjoy. Howeve,my submissive side even tho it is driven for my extreme need for pain is a bit harder to come into play. I look for a true lover to TRULY submit to,day in and day out. Other sadist i might have,or will see,i can only do a short term relationship. Somewhere down the line,I don't enjoy their ownership or their methods when it's someone I don't full heartedly love.
Now when it comes to a sexy strong female,i'm weak in the knees. So You can also say that I pick up on a persons vibe,if they're submissive,I become dominant...and the other way around. Over all, my kink clearly is pain and when it comes to that,i can go both ways in a heart beat. Whether or not there's a power exchange involved is depending on the level of the relationship as well. Altho this can be kind of confusing,but this is me! I enjoy doing it.

(in reply to gorlove)

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