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ORIGINAL: aidan

It's not what I was looking for, and certainly not something I would put in my profile, but it is what I found.

Ever since Mistress has come into my life I've become a better, more complete person. She brought out parts of my being I didn't know where there or had been ashamed of. She makes me a better aidan, an aidan that makes Her happy, and I feel like that's the aidan I should be.

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ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda

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ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama



Honestly, the pleas that I see in some profiles, of men desperately looking for direction, authority and wisdom in their lives, sometimes make me very sad.  I can only imagine the despair that a person like this must feel when they see that need so flippantly dismissed by someone who doesn't even know them.  The automatic assumption is that because you need someone to be the Light of Your Life, that you're automatically vapid and weak--rather than just driven by a deep emotional and spiritual need.

The question that tears at many a submissive's heart and mind is not How to Live, but Why.  I'm not going to say that this is true of all the men who ask for someone to take them in hand--I'm sure some of them are probably just lazy or looking for a meal ticket/free ride/"get out of life free" card.  But in many cases, "make me the man I should be" is really the cry of the ronin--the samurai without a master.  What he's really saying is "give me a cause to fight for, a home to build and defend, a reason to get up every morning and do my best and to lie down at night knowing that what I've done was right, because it was for you."

Some submissives simply aren't able to worship in the Temple of Me the way many of us do.  They aren't able to cultivate standard Western-style narcissism, where "I'm awesome" is the only reason you need to live.  They know what the world expects or wants from them, but the world hasn't really impressed them much and they haven't really seen much reason to care.  They need to live for something greater than themselves--something beautiful that inspires passion.

Wow. I don't know what it is that's inspired your household tonight, but between the pair of you, you've just written two of the most beautiful and insightful posts I've read here in a very long time. Thank you.

Yours was especially moving. You wrote that as though you were reading it directly from my heart. I"m one of the most self-sufficient, self-contained people I've ever met, and in many ways it only works against me. Almost everyone who knows me thinks, "Oh, that Panda. He doesn't need anyone. He's happy, and always doing so much cool stuff on his own." What none of them ever even imagine is that, paradoxically, it's because I'm so self-contained that I need someone to serve - everything within my own life, my own orbit, is so orderly and so self-sustaining, it's almost impossible for me to find anything inside of me to challenge myself, to inspire passion. I need something else to orbit around, some larger mass, something - as you say - greater than myself to give me a sense of purpose more inspiring than simply managing my own life. Passion - true passion - lies in the regions beyond my orbit, further than I'm able to reach by myself. I know that my life has always worked best when I've had that bright, stable star in the center of my universe, someone whose gravity was strong enough to hold me stable while I spin at velocities high enough to soar through those distant altitudes.

Do I need to be fixed? No. I work fine. I just work much better when I have some purpose greater than myself to serve, and to me, there is no greater purpose than love. Thank you for understanding that so well, and putting it so eloquently.

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ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama

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ORIGINAL: CarrieO
Yes, I can relate.  Thanks for stating my own opinion on this.  I have to wonder if what's really need, instead of a Mistress, is a Life Coach.

Just as an aside...I don't think the two are mutually exclusive.

Honestly, the pleas that I see in some profiles, of men desperately looking for direction, authority and wisdom in their lives, sometimes make me very sad.  I can only imagine the despair that a person like this must feel when they see that need so flippantly dismissed by someone who doesn't even know them.  The automatic assumption is that because you need someone to be the Light of Your Life, that you're automatically vapid and weak--rather than just driven by a deep emotional and spiritual need.

The question that tears at many a submissive's heart and mind is not How to Live, but Why.  I'm not going to say that this is true of all the men who ask for someone to take them in hand--I'm sure some of them are probably just lazy or looking for a meal ticket/free ride/"get out of life free" card.  But in many cases, "make me the man I should be" is really the cry of the ronin--the samurai without a master.  What he's really saying is "give me a cause to fight for, a home to build and defend, a reason to get up every morning and do my best and to lie down at night knowing that what I've done was right, because it was for you."

Some submissives simply aren't able to worship in the Temple of Me the way many of us do.  They aren't able to cultivate standard Western-style narcissism, where "I'm awesome" is the only reason you need to live.  They know what the world expects or wants from them, but the world hasn't really impressed them much and they haven't really seen much reason to care.  They need to live for something greater than themselves--something beautiful that inspires passion.

In another life, they might have become the priests of Kybele or some other goddess that demanded lifetime devotion.  Nowadays they tend to go looking for a mortal woman to take on the role.   

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama

The question that tears at many a submissive's heart and mind is not How to Live, but Why.  I'm not going to say that this is true of all the men who ask for someone to take them in hand--I'm sure some of them are probably just lazy or looking for a meal ticket/free ride/"get out of life free" card.  But in many cases, "make me the man I should be" is really the cry of the ronin--the samurai without a master.  What he's really saying is "give me a cause to fight for, a home to build and defend, a reason to get up every morning and do my best and to lie down at night knowing that what I've done was right, because it was for you."

Shakti,
While I don't entirely agree with all of what you've written, I think you've stated very closely the situation for many male submissives; particularly those in search of inspiration or fulfillment in their lives through a D/s dynamic.

Many of us have a need to serve. Not being able to have that need satisfied, leaves an emptiness or yearning in our lives for something more that we know is missing for us. There's often a desire to be "owned" and as you've said, to feel as though we're a part of (sic) "something greater than ourselves". I think you've very on target with that comment. I'll add that I think most of us want it to be of a synergistic nature.

In my case, I always have a desire to become a better man in whatever ways I can. I aspire to maintaining ongoing continuous self-improvement and growth on a personal level as a regular part of my life; to learn from my mistakes and the learning opportunities that present themselves. IMO, to feel one doesn't need to improve themselves or has learned all they need to know, is a recipe for becoming stagnant and dull. Its a sure way to quit growing as a human being. I know many of my strengths and weaknesses and will readily share them with a Dominant woman I'm considering having a relationship with. I'd expect her to be willing to share her strengths and weaknesses with me as well. After all, none of us is perfect, despite how much some of us might want to think we are.

I tend to look for a woman who has strengths and weaknesses that compliment mine, one who can mentor me where I know I need it and would especially like to make improvements. If she identifies other areas that I'm not fully aware of or currently don't see as having a high priority for me to improve upon, I'm open to focusing on improvement in other areas as well utilizing the benefit of her guidance. To me, that's part of submission and learning to satisfy her desires while taking advantage of an opportunity to continue to grow as a individual when the opportunity presents itself. I also look for a woman who's wise enough to utilize my strengths to the benefit of our relationship and in the previous example, one who's willing to share her insights and guidance with me for both my benefit and the benefit of the relationship.

I don't need to be micromanaged and think that's a poor use of a woman's time. I'd view someone who did that as a woman who has too strong of a need to be in control of everything around her. I'll add that for me, learning a woman's preferences is not being micromanaged but instead a part of learning what's necessary to provide anticipatory service for her. I see a good Dominant as akin to being a good manager of a relationship; a woman who can delegate and use our various skill sets to our mutual advantage. Being in a D/s relationship requires trust, not only for the submissive but for the Dominant as well. She needs to trust that I'll handle any assignments she's delegated to me. As an adult, I need to be responsible for meeting the deadlines for any I've been given and accepted.

- pixel

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ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

~FR~
 
My answer is a qualified "maybe." 
 
It depends on the person and whether or not he has realistic expectations of said training.  If he's looking for a crutch, then no.  However, if he has ambition and a reasonable amount of self-control yet needs a little extra incentive to achieve the results he wants, then I might be willing to take on such a project.  For example, if the guy is 100 lbs overweight, eats like crap, and never exercises, but wants me to turn him into Charles Atlas without putting in any work himself...not gonna happen.  However, if he's been trying to drop the last 20 lbs, eats right most of the time but occasionally succumbs to a weakness for fast food, and does moderate exercise but needs someone to push him, then yes I'd consider it. 

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ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian
That's really the question, isn't it? To be "made" in of itself and from an organic process of serving is one thing, but there is a strange pall cast over the notion when it becomes the centerpiece motive for serving. In essence, the servant is seeking to be served, and in light of that consideration, one of course naturally asks next if the entreaty is even legitimate in the first place, or merely bait to solicit interest.

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ORIGINAL: kccuckoldmist
Another problem sometimes is when a man in fact has a firm idea in his head how he wants to be molded that in reality reduces me to an object and not a person who wants to be their mistress.

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ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan
It depends on the person and whether or not he has realistic expectations of said training.  If he's looking for a crutch, then no.  However, if he has ambition and a reasonable amount of self-control yet needs a little extra incentive to achieve the results he wants, then I might be willing to take on such a project.

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ORIGINAL: MsStarlett
I don't want a man who wants me to 'remake' him.  Mostly, because to 'remake' a man into what I want means to change him from what he really is.  That would make him a fake.  I don't like fakes.  I enjoy helping someone else explore their desires and sort out which are true needs and which are just fantasies.  But I'm a believer in "True change comes from within."  If the desire for change is not burning in a man's heart, then nothing anyone else can do will effect the outcome.

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ORIGINAL: pixelslave
I don't need to be micromanaged and think that's a poor use of a woman's time. I'd view someone who did that as a woman who has too strong of a need to be in control of everything around her. I'll add that for me, learning a woman's preferences is not being micromanaged but instead a part of learning what's necessary to provide anticipatory service for her. I see a good Dominant as akin to being a good manager of a relationship; a woman who can delegate and use our various skill sets to our mutual advantage. Being in a D/s relationship requires trust, not only for the submissive but for the Dominant as well. She needs to trust that I'll handle any assignments she's delegated to me. As an adult, I need to be responsible for meeting the deadlines for any I've been given and accepted.

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ORIGINAL: Lockit
I will leave my other thoughts for when I have recovered from the activity of the last couple of days.

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ORIGINAL: Drifa
My Lady doesn't need to fix me. But we both support one another in our respective efforts to grow professionally and personally. We learn from one another, we each have our own roles in the relationship and we compliment one another.

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ORIGINAL: CarrieO

So many times I see profiles and postings here in the forums from submissive males asking for a woman (actually, they ask for a Mistress, but that's another topic) who can make them the person they're meant to be.  They will say they are a victim of their own desires or need a woman (read; Mistress) to teach/train them to be what they should be.

My question is... Ladies, would you be interested in a man like this?  One who couldn't handle himself be it sexual, professional, medical/health or daily life? 

For the men... Is this what you seek?  A woman who can train you to be the person you "should" be?

I'm trying to understand this instead of passing judgement.  It just seems to be a recurring theme and I want to understand.  Thanks.

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ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian

That's really the question, isn't it? To be "made" in of itself and from an organic process of serving is one thing, but there is a strange pall cast over the notion when it becomes the centerpiece motive for serving. In essence, the servant is seeking to be served, and in light of that consideration, one of course naturally asks next if the entreaty is even legitimate in the first place, or merely bait to solicit interest.

Marc,
This snippet, when quoted by itself, is out of context and as such misleads from the general message conveyed in your original post. Since CarrieO quoted it as above in her overall response to this thread, I wanted to make a comment on it as well.

I think in a D/s or M/s dynamic, both the Dominant and the submissive (or slave) both serve each other. Its a yin - yang kind of thing where one can't exist without the other. The service provided by each is different, but its still a form of service to each other whether or not its thought of as such. In the leather community, this view is very common held.

- pixel

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ORIGINAL: pixelslave

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ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian

That's really the question, isn't it? To be "made" in of itself and from an organic process of serving is one thing, but there is a strange pall cast over the notion when it becomes the centerpiece motive for serving. In essence, the servant is seeking to be served, and in light of that consideration, one of course naturally asks next if the entreaty is even legitimate in the first place, or merely bait to solicit interest.

Marc,
This snippet, when quoted by itself, is out of context and as such misleads from the general message conveyed in your original post. Since CarrieO quoted it as above in her overall response to this thread, I wanted to make a comment on it as well.

I think in a D/s or M/s dynamic, both the Dominant and the submissive (or slave) both serve each other. Its a yin - yang kind of thing where one can't exist without the other. The service provided by each is different, but its still a form of service to each other whether or not its thought of as such. In the leather community, this view is very common held.