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"Under consideration" - 10/14/2009 2:29:40 AM

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After an interesting conversation, I have come to the conclusion that "under consideration", at least from the side of the D-type, is bunk.

Really. It's just a way to put a prospect on layaway so that other buyers can't purchase it. In addition, it offers up the illusion of commitment from which a D-type can then command from the s-type what the expected obedience should be if there was a genuine relationship without having to actually put anything on the table.

'Test drives' are one thing, where there is an understood expiration date for an attempt to see if compatibility would be functional in a real relationship environment between two people, but this 'under consideration' is just plain silly. Now, don't get me wrong...I place the responsibility heavily on the s-types, since it is their decision to adhere to this nonsensical ritual that gives it its power...but, really.

So...yeah. There wasn't a question in there but that doesn't mean you can't jump into the talk and point out where you think the same or differently. Obviously people who have played with the 'under consideration' thing and then gone on to long-term relationships will be likely to look back on it fondly, but I think that's often just an irrelevant path that just happened to intersect this concept at the beginning.

Anyhow...feel free to discuss.

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 10/14/2009 2:31:47 AM >

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RE: "Under consideration" - 10/14/2009 2:34:46 AM

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I agree. Mostly.

I have known folks who the phrase "under consideration" actually means just that.. that they are considering somene as their sub, based on terms set out beforehand.

Of course, those situations were between folks that had actually spent physical time together.. LOTS of time.......(i.e. more than 30 minutes.. usually more than 6 weeks/months)

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RE: "Under consideration" - 10/14/2009 2:41:59 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

I agree. Mostly.

I have known folks who the phrase "under consideration" actually means just that.. that they are considering somene as their sub, based on terms set out beforehand.

Of course, those situations were between folks that had actually spent physical time together.. LOTS of time.......(i.e. more than 30 minutes.. usually more than 6 weeks/months)

From a strictly ritualistic sense, I can see that. But, really...isn't everyone "under consideration" the moment there's the obvious hint of potentially mutual interest?

I guess I'm differentiating between "let's see how compatible we are in how we act and in what we seek" and "let's see if you do everything I would want you to do if I was in a relationship with you before actually deciding I want to offer you that commitment".

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RE: "Under consideration" - 10/14/2009 2:44:46 AM

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100 points ;)

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RE: "Under consideration" - 10/14/2009 2:47:42 AM

zephyroftheNorth

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

I agree. Mostly.

I have known folks who the phrase "under consideration" actually means just that.. that they are considering somene as their sub, based on terms set out beforehand.

Of course, those situations were between folks that had actually spent physical time together.. LOTS of time.......(i.e. more than 30 minutes.. usually more than 6 weeks/months)

From a strictly ritualistic sense, I can see that. But, really...isn't everyone "under consideration" the moment there's the obvious hint of potentially mutual interest?

I guess I'm differentiating between "let's see how compatible we are in how we act and in what we seek" and "let's see if you do everything I would want you to do if I was in a relationship with you before actually deciding I want to offer you that commitment".

Awwww now you've gone and made me all self-conscious-like, NZ, lol

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RE: "Under consideration" - 10/14/2009 3:47:47 AM

ranja

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Of course it is all really silly... like people who book a hotel room provisionally... i mean eh? is that then booked or not?
The response should be: "yes Sir, if you like to make that reservation, then can we have your down payment please?"

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RE: "Under consideration" - 10/14/2009 4:21:51 AM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

I agree. Mostly.

I have known folks who the phrase "under consideration" actually means just that.. that they are considering somene as their sub, based on terms set out beforehand.

Of course, those situations were between folks that had actually spent physical time together.. LOTS of time.......(i.e. more than 30 minutes.. usually more than 6 weeks/months)

From a strictly ritualistic sense, I can see that. But, really...isn't everyone "under consideration" the moment there's the obvious hint of potentially mutual interest?

I guess I'm differentiating between "let's see how compatible we are in how we act and in what we seek" and "let's see if you do everything I would want you to do if I was in a relationship with you before actually deciding I want to offer you that commitment".

When I asked M to own me, we'd known each other as good friends in real life for roughly 5yrs. He took a week to decide and consider whether he was prepared to take that level of commitment on.

During that week, the relationship that would ensue was *under consideration*, not just me.

It was a very long week for me.

agirl

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RE: "Under consideration" - 10/14/2009 4:46:58 AM

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I don't put much stock into 'under consideration' as I mainly view that type of action as wishy washy and I know fairly well that if a submissive trued that route with a prospective dominant there would be no beginnings to a relationship. Frankly if dom states to m that I'm under consideration then, I'm apt to reply and inform him that he is also while I "shop" around for a potentially better model better deciding if this one is better quality or if there's a better make or model if I wait a little longer before deciding.

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RE: "Under consideration" - 10/14/2009 5:01:57 AM

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-FR-

Well take my opinion with a grain of salt since I've never been 'under consideration' but I think it has to do with the fact that people on internet BDSM sites have a tendency to jump into relationships.

Like, in vanilla dating (and in BDSM dating for those of us who didn't coat-check our sanity at the TOS tick-box) you can go out with someone and not be their boyfriend/girlfriend/committed partner. That's what normal people do - date a bit to see if you're compatible, then commit.

I would see 'under consideration' as a parallel except it seems to expect some sort of commitment from the submissive's part. I can see considering the relationship, putting your best foot forward and seeing if you're compatible before committing to each other, but I don't know if that's how people do 'under consideration.' I always see 'under consideration' next to 'not looking' which to me is the commitment stage.

I dunno, I thin it would be an alright concept if there was no commitment on either side, if it was the equivalent to dating and getting to know each other. The way it is now seems to complicate things rather than make them simpler.

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RE: "Under consideration" - 10/14/2009 5:06:14 AM

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I would not be suprised if in many of these "under consideration" situations, the submissive initiates it, asks the dominant if he will take her under consideration so she can post it on her profile and thus cut down on the email, which is no longer wanted.

I personally find trial periods in which a slave must prove him- or herself, especially if they are extensive, to be extremely romantic. They hark back to the middle ages tradition of knights or troubadors committing themselves to a noble lady and proving their love through acts of valor or creativity. The sense of uncertainty, the need for the one with less power or control to qualify themselves by their words and deeds to the one with more, the pressure to prove one's dedication time and again... imagine the state of alertness and constant frissons, the highs of feeling accepted, the lows of feeling convinced you'd blown it, the constant edge-of-your-seat wonder about it all, and how meaningful it will feel if the dominant one day says, "you're mine." For submissive women in particular, perhaps sickened by being placed on a pedastal in these ridiculous "I have the pussy, therefore I have the power" days, finding themselves enthralled with a man who is capable of not being equally overwhelmed by them (or at very least, not showing it) might be a refreshing and wonderful experience, despite all of the uncertainty, the fear, and, especially, the apparently one-sided _need_ that accompanies it.

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RE: "Under consideration" - 10/14/2009 5:08:54 AM

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The way most seem to use "under consideration" -- I think its bull pucky.

I don't put much stock into 'under consideration' as I mainly view that type of action as wishy washy and I know fairly well that if a submissive trued that route with a prospective dominant there would be no beginnings to a relationship. Frankly if dom states to m that I'm under consideration then, I'm apt to reply and inform him that he is also while I "shop" around for a potentially better model better. . . (Bear)

Although I do think during the very beginning of a relationship there is a time you are both exploring, I don't allow myself to become emotionally invested unless the other person does as well. I assume I am an option (and the other person should, too), unless he makes it *dayum clear* I am a priority.

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RE: "Under consideration" - 10/14/2009 5:45:23 AM

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I will say that MOST of the people who use this term "under consideration" are doing so in just the fashion that the OP laid out. It is a blantant attempt to get the milk without buying the cow so to speak. It is really a pretty dispicable practice. I don't hold a whole lot of high opinion for someone who operates in this fashion. I think the submissive who accepts these types of situations either are very naive and really think it is all leading somewhere or must be working under some kind of false ideas. It is also entirely possible that the submissive is equally unwilling to lay it all on the line too and is just as much using the dominant.

The flip side is the small percentage that use it as a stepping stone. I guess in one way, two people who are interacting are always "under consideration" with regard to the next step in the relationship, whatever that may be. I think that in the case of stating that he/she is "under consideration" it has more to do with going from a casually committed relationship to something more in depth and long term, basically a "lifestyle" form of engagement in a sense. I don't use the term myself, but I suppose I would be in this "under consideration" category. My partner is very aware he is equally under MY consideration as well. If I had to label this time, I would say that we have long since moved into a deeper commitment, but that we are planning a formal collaring in the near future. In all actuality, we are probably beyond this step and into some other part of the grey area between playmates and collared, lifelong relationship. We have considered and accepted each other, but now have to wait for all the logistics to be in place.

I don't see anything wrong with labeling and honoring the stages of a developing relationship. I would imagine it would help give a sense of forward motion, growth, and ever expanding commitment. When these labels are abused, as they often are, it carries with it equivalent pain. Words and labels in and of themselves are not harmful. I would not want to judge others for using these terms just as much as I wouldn't want to pry into their relationship or choices of kink. It functions within the relationship however they have chosen for it to. Discrediting the entire concept based on the fact that someone will use it in an abusive manner makes no more sense than railing against the use of canes because they can be abused and cause injury or death. Let people be responsible for themselves and the outcome of the decisions they make in their lives. I think this is far more respectful than taking that own personal power out of their hands. I understand the OP did not intend that by his statements, but I have been on enough of these threads to know what positions people tend to take.

lovingpet

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RE: "Under consideration" - 10/14/2009 6:22:28 AM

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I put potential subs under "consideration" to see if they can follow basic directions and are serious. These directions consist of a daily report to me about their day, making a list of a few things like likes, dislikes and hard limits and if they can follow a few extremly simple riuals. Usually by the 3rd meeting in the 3rd week they have failed. Under consideration, for me, is just a way to weed out the posers and men who are just here for sex.

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RE: "Under consideration" - 10/14/2009 6:37:12 AM

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I remember I had someone put me "under consideration" once. After awhile I thought about it and decided that was just taking me off the market and keeping me as a back-up while he shopped around to see if he could find a shinier model. Plus, he didn't want me to keep looking even though he was. So here I was in limbo while he kept searching and I knew he really didn't want me, he just wanted a back-up for just in case. I'd never do it again.

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RE: "Under consideration" - 10/14/2009 6:38:38 AM

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I have never understood why a submissive would label herself 'under consideration' and feel proud of it. Either the dom in question wants her or he doesn't, and if he hasn't told her for sure then what is there to be proud of? That he might like her enough? To me 'under consideration' means he is still checking out other options and if he doesn't find anything better he will make do with what is currently being offered.

Doms who put subs under consideration to test their seriousness doesn't seem right to me either, because the sub needs to equally make sure that the dom is genuine. It's a two way street, but it seems so one sided. Both parties consider each other in the early stages of a relationship but you don't ever see a dom stating 'omg! I'm under consideration by this sub! I'm so happy!' I say forget labelling what might be until you have both made the decision to move forward and then by all means, say 'Yay, he picked me, I'm his'.

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RE: "Under consideration" - 10/14/2009 6:55:49 AM

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It's not something that I would do personally since it's just not my style but I can see the value and purpose that people get out of the under consideration thing. I don't think there is one static under consideration model that includes all of the generalizations that are included in the OP but rather that it is one of those fluid things that varies widely from one prospective couple to the next. Sure, there are some doms with less than sincere intentions who practice UC but there is no shortage of doms with less than sincere intentions in general anyway so there you go.

"Under protection" is a crock but I can live with under consideration.

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RE: "Under consideration" - 10/14/2009 7:06:10 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GraciousLady

I put potential subs under "consideration" to see if they can follow basic directions and are serious. These directions consist of a daily report to me about their day, making a list of a few things like likes, dislikes and hard limits and if they can follow a few extremly simple riuals. Usually by the 3rd meeting in the 3rd week they have failed. Under consideration, for me, is just a way to weed out the posers and men who are just here for sex.

This is why I say it as well.
After an initial meeting if a sub is informed of the term..
then I explain what it means to me.

I also explain I too am under consideration at that point therefore it is a time for many more questions...energy exchanges and checking on further compatibility

"Agreeing" to the term means for me and my process..
the 'next step"in a"process"
..the next stage of building a possible relating-ship.
It signifies for me( as I relay to the "potential"
sub.)......... a seriousness.

AS Gracious says it is a weeding period...can they adhere to timelines?small tasks?How do they check if I am a fit for them or are they grabbing at anything?

I agree that MANY misuse the term for hidden agenda.

GM

< Message edited by GYPSYMAMBO -- 10/14/2009 7:09:22 AM >

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RE: "Under consideration" - 10/14/2009 7:08:07 AM

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As a former retailer I am going to award you 50 points for this:

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

It's just a way to put a prospect on layaway so that other buyers can't purchase it.

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RE: "Under consideration" - 10/14/2009 7:22:05 AM

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disclaimer - i, nor anyone i personally (as in real time) i know has been under consideration, but i was thinking that maybe its like that other strange american custom - the promise ring - where you don't have enough money or maturity to actually afford an engagement ring, so you get a cheap substitute until such time that you can afford the real thing.

I've often wondered what a collar of consideration was made of - scotch mist? paper? that material you use in sewing that disappears when it gets wet?

Its like many other things in real life - it has the meaning -spoken and unspoken - that the participants put into it, and if one of the unspoken things is that the dom is going to continue to look, then the lack of integrity is part of that relationship from the get-go.

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RE: "Under consideration" - 10/14/2009 7:52:19 AM

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I know a couple of people who have gone the "collar of consideration" or "training collar" route and were happy with the results, but in general, I agree. When my Master and I were dating, I let him know that I wasn't comfortable with making a one-sided commitment, or getting taken off the market while he continued to shop. All of the "collar of commitment" experiences I'd read about here really put me off of them. We did lots of things to discover compatibility in various aspects while we were dating.

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 10/14/2009 7:53:12 AM >

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