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Question on the topic of gay male dom's - 10/15/2009 1:31:23 PM

geomease

Posts: 56
Joined: 9/25/2009
Status: offline

So I've been here a little bit, have gotten to know people and sent out a few responses to people in m,y area regarding their profiles just asking to get to know them. I am bisexual and do have an interest in men, but there's one thing that also struck me as kinda unusual. For some reason a lot of the men that approach me are 40+ years old, now I'm not entirely sure why it is that there are so many older gay doms and so few younger ones. I'm just wondering why it seems that there are so many male doms that are substancially older than me. Likewise comparitively there are many female doms who are generally much more evenly spread out in the average age range. Is there any particular reason why there are more younger female doms than there are male doms?

Post #: 1

RE: Question on the topic of gay male dom's - 10/15/2009 1:34:32 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

well, don't know about gay doms, but for the most part the Men are older when they find themselves.

Not to say ALL...............but your older Dominatrixes are probably same boat............any woman with a pussy can sit there and say on your knees bitch, but few of the youngsters can carry it off.............

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to geomease)

Post #: 2

RE: Question on the topic of gay male dom's - 10/15/2009 1:40:16 PM

Wolf2Bear

Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: geomease

So I've been here a little bit, have gotten to know people and sent out a few responses to people in m,y area regarding their profiles just asking to get to know them. I am bisexual and do have an interest in men, but there's one thing that also struck me as kinda unusual. For some reason a lot of the men that approach me are 40+ years old, now I'm not entirely sure why it is that there are so many older gay doms and so few younger ones. I'm just wondering why it seems that there are so many male doms that are substancially older than me. Likewise comparitively there are many female doms who are generally much more evenly spread out in the average age range. Is there any particular reason why there are more younger female doms than there are male doms?

It is a common fact that in the gay community, a large proportion of older gay men are fascinated and fixated with acquiring younger gay men as their lovers/partners. For some they enjoy the company of younger men to avoid facing the fact of aging, for some they are genuinely attracted to younger men and for others; I'm really don't understand it myself. Yet I am in the process of communicating with a younger sub (17 yrs my junior) and it's a matter of we had clicked on so many levels that the age factor has no bearing on what we are creating.

_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to geomease)

Post #: 3

RE: Question on the topic of gay male dom's - 10/15/2009 1:51:04 PM

geomease

Posts: 56
Joined: 9/25/2009
Status: offline

Thank you for the insight on the functionings of the gay community, and once again thank you for your revelations mnottertail. I somehow find it, a little uncomfortable, to face the idea of being intimate with some 20+ years my senior, not sure if my feelings are unfounded because it seems like this is a rather standard occurance in the gay community. In any case I am wondering whether or not there is any plausible younger male doms that are within traveling distance of mysel, seeing at that seems to be a bit of a rarity. I suppose the best i can do is keep my hopes up, but even if I can't find the right guy for me I can always hope to find the right girl. I suppose it's my advantage that i'm not too overly picky (large age difference aside)

(in reply to Wolf2Bear)

Post #: 4

RE: Question on the topic of gay male dom's - 10/15/2009 1:53:57 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

well, you been hitting the munches and I just found out Grumpies (Grumpys) in Roseville has one the 2nd and 4th thu of the month, see if panda wants to go......you already see there is a Sempai/Kohai relationship as the main gay Domination Submission dynamic, that means if you are looking to serve closer to your age in men, you are going to have to dig harder.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to geomease)

Post #: 5

RE: Question on the topic of gay male dom's - 10/15/2009 1:54:35 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

It's pretty much the same in hetero-world, too, geo. A lot of men, a WHOLE lot of men, can't seem to accept that they're the age that they are and they seek out women 10-15 & 20 years younger than they are. Read the dom-searching ads for men over 40 and see how many of them say "I am searching for a YOUNGER sub....."

It's not a "gay" thing....it's a "man" thing, lol.

< Message edited by windchymes -- 10/15/2009 1:56:26 PM >

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to geomease)

Post #: 6

RE: Question on the topic of gay male dom's - 10/15/2009 2:45:45 PM

geomease

Posts: 56
Joined: 9/25/2009
Status: offline

quote:

It's not a "gay" thing....it's a "man" thing, lol.

heh one more reason men can be so infuriating.

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 7

RE: Question on the topic of gay male dom's - 10/15/2009 2:47:08 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

Oh honey, you have nooooo idea! lol

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to geomease)

Post #: 8

RE: Question on the topic of gay male dom's - 10/15/2009 2:58:08 PM

geomease

Posts: 56
Joined: 9/25/2009
Status: offline

Just one more thing to add to my list of why I believe women are inherently better than men.

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 9

RE: Question on the topic of gay male dom's - 10/15/2009 3:06:48 PM

WestBaySlave

Posts: 501
Joined: 9/24/2008
Status: offline

I don't find the age thing to be particularly true. What I have found in the gay world is that it seems like most doms, whether they're eighteen or eighty-five, are looking for a sub 18-25 or maybe up to 30. I'm twenty-two right now, but I do feel highly uncomfortable with the knowledge that I might as well be dead to the gay BDSM scene when I hit the dreaded three-zero.

(in reply to geomease)

Post #: 10

RE: Question on the topic of gay male dom's - 10/15/2009 3:18:46 PM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: geomease

So I've been here a little bit, have gotten to know people and sent out a few responses to people in m,y area regarding their profiles just asking to get to know them. I am bisexual and do have an interest in men, but there's one thing that also struck me as kinda unusual. For some reason a lot of the men that approach me are 40+ years old, now I'm not entirely sure why it is that there are so many older gay doms and so few younger ones. I'm just wondering why it seems that there are so many male doms that are substancially older than me. Likewise comparitively there are many female doms who are generally much more evenly spread out in the average age range. Is there any particular reason why there are more younger female doms than there are male doms?

Evidently this site does not fit their needs, we are not the only game in town

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to geomease)

Post #: 11

RE: Question on the topic of gay male dom's - 10/15/2009 5:19:31 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

More men want to be done than to do, is the best guess I can make. And I'm basing that on a comment by a gay friend, alas long gone now, that "everyone wants to be fucked, nobody wants to fuck".

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Acer49)

Post #: 12

RE: Question on the topic of gay male dom's - 10/16/2009 5:46:20 PM

LanceHughes

Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline

Just found this string!

Y'all have it wrong!

It's NOT a gay thing, nor is it a man thing!

The doms who are "missing" are the ones that died of AIDS.

When I give my BDSM lectures I explain that there is a gap - the people that should be lecturing (instead of me) are those that I would have as my "boys." Instead, I find myself lecturing to my "grandsons." They thirst for the knowledge that they instinctively know they missed.

When I was 35 (some 25 years ago - you do the math) I had a boy of 62. I'm now working with a local novice (from this here pasture) - he is 21 years my junior.

Instead of looking at calendar age, look at years "in the scene." I have not approached novices before this one. Frankly, y'all are too much work. LOL! But I decided that I'd been saying "Train 'em the right way - my way," for long enough.

geomease - I think you're cute as a bug, but LDR (Long distance relationships) are not my cup of tea.

In the Old Guard parlance, you're just running into the chicken hawks. (Men that like the new-born cute, twinkies and again, frankly, were notorious for taking advantage of the naivete of said chickens.)

Maybe a different picture? Naw! That one's nice and refreshing.....

What to do? What to do? ..........
.
.
.
.
.
I've got it!
.
.
.
.
.
COMUNICATE with 'em! <how absolutely brillant, Lance!!!!> LOL!

Sort 'em out. You should be doing this anyway.

There's a story that I like to tell: How were the reefs off the Atlantic coast mapped? Sailors ran a boat against them, put an X on the map and when two or three X's were close to each other.... guess what? They drew a line connecting thse X's and didn't try to sail thru them.

Your various posts indicate, that like so many newbies, you're looking for the secret chant, the magic fairy wand, the silver bullet.

Wish I knew where those things were..... but after almost 40 years in this life-style, I'm here to tell you that those things are in your heart, mind and courage. No wonder the KEY saying for gays entering gay bars (not nessecarily leather bars) is "Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas any more."

Now, that all sounds DAMN! discouraging, but simply remember that we ALL started with zero knowledge - just as you started.

PLEASE, Please, please....... remember that someday YOU will be 60 and giving advice to the young'uns following you. So, learn well, learn well for yourself, and learn well for those that will need to learn from you.

Keep your wits about you!

Warmest personal regards, Lance
P.S. Personal c-mail ALWAYS accepted.

< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 10/16/2009 5:47:23 PM >

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 13

RE: Question on the topic of gay male dom's - 10/16/2009 7:26:44 PM

LanceHughes

Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline

AND!!!!

Why the HELL would you "want" a Master/Dom close to you in age? They are probably just now learning which end of a flogger to hold and which to throw. LOL!

I suggest you go for the experienced man. That's why I said (above) "Look at years in the scene."

And the reverse is true....... I've totally enjoyed my slaves/subs that have had some experience.

Another "secret" I teach: The best Tops were first the best bottoms. BUT that does NOT mean the "path" leads from bottom to top. The RL example is the "Top Sergeant" in the army, who, when offered an Officer's position, replies, "Thank you, SIR, but I'd prefer to continue working on being the best Top Sergeant this Army has ever seen."

Another "secret": Many of the best Tops/Doms were smart enough to learn from more experienced bottoms/subs that were "under their hand." So, go learn about being a good sub, and then approach a Top close to you in age, and see what happens! I wish you good luck!

< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 10/16/2009 8:11:18 PM >

(in reply to LanceHughes)

Post #: 14

RE: Question on the topic of gay male dom's - 10/16/2009 7:30:23 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Lance, don't you think that's pretty rude, to tell him he hasn't any right to be attracted to the men he's attracted to? Some people don't mind their partner being twice their age. Others prefer to have a lot of commonality. If he wants someone who likes the same music, understands the same references, that's his right.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to LanceHughes)

Post #: 15

RE: Question on the topic of gay male dom's - 10/16/2009 8:08:08 PM

LanceHughes

Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline

I "told" him no such thing. The OP was "where are the younger Doms?" I had two answers: Those in the 35-50 range are mostly dead from AIDS; those in the 20-35 range are still learning their trade - especially if they started WIITWD at the age of 30.

Let's see if I can make it more PC:

OP: I would suggest that if you are looking for a well-experienced Master/Dom, you will have difficulty finding that characteristic in a man of younger years. From your posts, profile, and other threads, I'm guessing that you would prefer a man of experience as opposed to a man closer to your own age who has not had the chance to gain the experience, knowledge and skills you seek. As most new-bies, you want it all. Nuthin' wrong with wanting it all, but in this instance - sorry, it's simply not available. I certainly wish it was....... I, too, have a fantasy. That fantasy is that I would like a man fully trained as MY slave to appear at my front door, and quietly ask "How may I serve you, Sir?"

:: sigh ::: Polite enuf for you?

< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 10/16/2009 8:16:41 PM >

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 16

RE: Question on the topic of gay male dom's - 10/16/2009 8:35:03 PM

Wolf2Bear

Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline

DesFIP, I'd like to echo mostly what Lance posted. As one who is searching for a dom to eventually serve, yes I will be more inclined and more attracted to one who has a few years on me, chronologically. When I see a dom who is 5, 10 or even 15 years mysenior and been in this lifestyle for many years, I can have a greater sense of trust in that person knowing they have that greater experience and they would have that stability on all levels which I seek. Yes it would be grand to have a dominant to serve who was in my age range yet that isn't the case and I am quite willing to seek the next best thing which is one who is older. In my eyes, an older male equates to a maturity which I strive to achieve some day.

_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 17

RE: Question on the topic of gay male dom's - 10/16/2009 9:17:18 PM

Lucienne

Posts: 1175
Joined: 9/5/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WestBaySlave

I don't find the age thing to be particularly true. What I have found in the gay world is that it seems like most doms, whether they're eighteen or eighty-five, are looking for a sub 18-25 or maybe up to 30. I'm twenty-two right now, but I do feel highly uncomfortable with the knowledge that I might as well be dead to the gay BDSM scene when I hit the dreaded three-zero.

You are clever and adorable and I refuse to believe in a world where you can't find a decent partner. Refuse!

(in reply to WestBaySlave)

Post #: 18

RE: Question on the topic of gay male dom's - 10/16/2009 9:24:13 PM

LanceHughes

Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucienne

quote:

ORIGINAL: WestBaySlave

I don't find the age thing to be particularly true. What I have found in the gay world is that it seems like most doms, whether they're eighteen or eighty-five, are looking for a sub 18-25 or maybe up to 30. I'm twenty-two right now, but I do feel highly uncomfortable with the knowledge that I might as well be dead to the gay BDSM scene when I hit the dreaded three-zero.

You are clever and adorable and I refuse to believe in a world where you can't find a decent partner. Refuse!

A wise man I knew once said, "The best time to look for 19 year olds is when you are 19 years old."

You see, it seems to me that 20-29 year olds are ONLY looking for men their own age. This whole thread boils down to "I'm ageist and going to stay that way even though older, wiser, more experienced advice runs counter to my whining needs and wants." LOL!

<edited to add P.S.>

P.S. Hmmmm. c-mail just came in from Aussie-land complimenting me on my response(s) here and his main remark was: "why aren't you here in Melbourne"? He's 39, 20 years my junior. Your honor, I rest my case.

< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 10/16/2009 9:28:44 PM >

(in reply to Lucienne)

Post #: 19

RE: Question on the topic of gay male dom's - 10/16/2009 9:45:30 PM

Lucienne

Posts: 1175
Joined: 9/5/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucienne

quote:

ORIGINAL: WestBaySlave

I don't find the age thing to be particularly true. What I have found in the gay world is that it seems like most doms, whether they're eighteen or eighty-five, are looking for a sub 18-25 or maybe up to 30. I'm twenty-two right now, but I do feel highly uncomfortable with the knowledge that I might as well be dead to the gay BDSM scene when I hit the dreaded three-zero.

You are clever and adorable and I refuse to believe in a world where you can't find a decent partner. Refuse!

A wise man I knew once said, "The best time to look for 19 year olds is when you are 19 years old."

You see, it seems to me that 20-29 year olds are ONLY looking for men their own age. This whole thread boils down to "I'm ageist and going to stay that way even though older, wiser, more experienced advice runs counter to my whining needs and wants." LOL!

<edited to add P.S.>

P.S. Hmmmm. c-mail just came in from Aussie-land complimenting me on my response(s) here and his main remark was: "why aren't you here in Melbourne"? He's 39, 20 years my junior. Your honor, I rest my case.

I'm confused as to how to a man 20 years your junior finding you attractive proves your case that men between the ages of 20-29 are only searching out partners the same age.

(in reply to LanceHughes)

Post #: 20

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