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RobertCloud -> RE: Women you most admire and why (10/17/2009 12:00:32 AM)
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LOL... Yeah.... Not meaning to belittle anyone's experience but I too have been through my own private holocaust.
For 16 years, nearly 17, I was married to a woman with 1. BiPolar Disorder, 2. Paranoia, 3. Delusions of Grandeur, 4. Anxiety Disorder, 5. Clautrophobia, 6. Xenophobia, 7. Mild Agoraphobia, 8. Compulsive Exagerator, 9. Delusions (Her dreams became in her mind real occurances), 8. Disassociative Identity Disorder (16 personalities whose names I knew, but according to one personality there were over 100).
She accused me of abuse, killing 3 of our pets (even though they were obviously accidents or I was no where around when it happened), child abuse, adultery (with my male mechanic, even though she knew I was not gay), of trying to kill her even though she was the one sitting with a knife hovering over me when I awoke, (I slept in a different room and a locked door for the last 3 years of the marriage). Plus she had fibromyalgia, Reynald's syndrome, displaced spine, could barely walk, and not at all without a cane or walker. She was nearly blind, one retina had detached and she had a band around it to repair it.
People asked me why I did not divorce her earlier. It was because I knew she needed help and I was doing everything I could to find her doctors for both her physical and mental disorders that she could afford on her disability check. She had been fired by over four doctors because she would argue with them having thought they had done something wrong to her when they had done nothing. For three years she even tried to get one doctor disbarred over her imaginary infraction.
The first time I filed for divorce I was in NY and unless we had lived apart for a year the only way I could file was to clain cruel and inhumane treatment. However, she refused to accept the filing unless she got to include a letter explaining herside and MY GOD it was nothing but one lie or exageration or half truth after another. The judge had already approved the divorce but was waiting for a document from her. She called the judge and in the process so rattled the judge that he refused to grant the divorce unless we went to a hearing. By that time we had already moved to Indiana and even though I could return there was no way she could so he dismissed the case.
I had to refile in Indiana. Even here it took longer than it should of because she required extra steps that were not required by the law. She would not notarize any documents and then send them to me because she believed I would alter them. Even the judge threw his hands in the air on this one. There was one document that she was supposed to download and send in. She could not find it even with the secretary of the judge on the phone telling her exactly where to go. Finally, I asked the court to allow her to simply write the information out in her own words and they accepted that.
It still took more than a month longer because she delayed everything as long as she could. Even though she was in desparate need for the divorce to be finalized as well because she needed Medicaid help and as long as we were still married she could not get all she wass allowed.
Finally, it was approved. I sent her her copies and she pitched a bitch because they were photo copied and not original. I had to have the court call her and tell her that that was okay.
My only alimony to her is that I have to keep her in a cell phone as long as she does not abuse the services of her phone. Since this is only 10 to 15 dollars a month I see it as a very small price to pay for my freedom from her.
Now to top things off. One month after our separation, before the divorce was complete, I discovered I had Cancer. It was not treatable by surgery. Oh, they can remove the largest tumor but not all of them because there are several on the surface of my bones. The first oncologist told me that he did not think I would last a year.
Of course I got a second opinion, and that doctor said he did not see an expiration date written on me anywhere. The surgeon he sent me to said I might make it 5 years. My own doctor again said that was absurd, I had a Chronic disease and not a terminal one. (Not yet terminal anyway). The first drug he put me on worked wonderfully and reduced the sizes of my tumors by more than 50%. Then it stopped working and the tumor regrew 10%. I was terrified, was even told by one of his assistants that that was not a good sign and that he doubted that any other medicine I took would help. Again I was told 2 to 5 years.
They put me on an experimental drug. And it began working. The tumors shrunk again, smaller than they had reached before and then stabilized. The last three scans the reduction has been in the millimeters, (still reducing but not enough to really count, hell to me any reduction is counting). So they say I have stabilized. I am told that this will more than likely last this way and perhaps I can live out my normal lifespan. No longer any deadline to worry about. And because of a side effect that causes my tongue to hurt severely, makingit difficult to eat, I am losing my weight on a regular basis. My first visit to the oncologist I weighed 365, (highest ever was 475), I am now down to 259, 106 pounds lost in 18 months at the doctor, and 216 pounds lost in four years.
I am in the best physical shape I have been since I was eighteen except for the tumors, and yes they do cause me pain. I take extremely strong pain killers and they help. I am no longer even phased by the medicines as far as drowsiness or dizziness like many people would be if they took oxycontin 80mg three times a day and vicodin 10mg codiene, 1 to 2 tablets up to 6 times a day. Most people would not even awake to eat.
So that is my personal Holocaust, and had it not been for my angel I do not know if I would be here. There were several times during the divorce and the fight of the cancer that I wanted to just give up, but thanks to her I found the strength to continue the fight.
Sorry for taking so much of your time and talking in a forum that had nothing to do with this topic, but oh well.
Robert
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