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Who should pay? - 8/30/2004 5:44:09 PM

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I have just entered the lifesyle after years of interest. I have a question of etiquette. If a sub shows interest in say, corset training, should she buy the corset, or should I buy it to give to her? Mind you that she is not my slave, or commited to me other than as a dom. Should I wait until there is a commitment before such purchases?

RE: Who should pay? - 8/30/2004 6:09:57 PM

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*pokes her head in the Master's forum again* Just lemme know if you get sick of me in here okay?

Greetings,

Personally, i think whichever person is more financially able to afford the purchase at the time should do so. A few other things to consider - when i had purchased items for use with my previous Dom i considered them to be gifts to Him and thus they were left with Him when i asked for release. So, if You do buy the corset perhaps think about whether You wish this to be a gift to her to be kept by her should the relationship end (my, i'm a bright spot in Your day i'm sure) or if it is to be purchased as an addition to Your personal toy collection. In my opinion, this decision needs to be made clear (in a tactful manner, of course - if it's to be Yours then replacing it in Your toybox/bag after You have finished with the training for that period of time) when the item is first received/used in order to prevent any unexpected miscommunication about the who's who sort of thing should something happen in the relationship.

Well wishes

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(in reply to onsight9)

RE: Who should pay? - 8/30/2004 6:12:07 PM

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Unless you like wearing corsets, or simply have to have her in one, I would have her buy it. If she is not commited to you, when she moves on, you are stuck with it.

(in reply to onsight9)

RE: Who should pay? - 8/31/2004 7:04:55 AM

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I would also look at the sanitary side of the equation, is it an item that should not be used by someone else?, if it is a corset, would it fit someone else?
I think a Dom should purchase toys for their subs, but if it is not a committed relationship, then personal items should be the responsibility of the sub.

(in reply to onsight9)

RE: Who should pay? - 8/31/2004 8:32:17 AM

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Since this is not a committed relationship, the sub should pay. Doms are no longer the jaded wealthy elite with money to burn and a really good corset, useful for corset training is very pricey. If she is as interested as she says, she will cover the cost. I agree with Destinysskeins that if you pay for it, she wears it during her time with you, then it gets taken off & you put it away for next time. There are way too many stories of expensive toys bought then disappearing when the relationship hit the rocks.

A suggestion, get about 5 rolls of nicely colored duct tape, put her in an old t-shirt that will fasten between her legs, pull the back & front of the t-shirt together at her crotch and fasten in place with duct tape, then begin to wrap her in duct tape tightly, create a corset shape out of the duct tape, wrap 4 or 5 layers over her. Trim the t-shirt that hasn't been duct taped back to the tape so it appears she is wearing only the duct tape. Suitable for a fet party, as long as she doesn't need to go to the washroom, or you can incorporate the cutting it off her with medical shears into the scene.

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(in reply to onsight9)

RE: Who should pay? - 8/31/2004 8:53:44 AM

perverseangelic

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I believe that in the case of something like a corset, the submissive person should pay, UNLESS being in a corset is something dirrectly ordered by her dominant party.

I've just been shopping for my first corset, and they are -very- expensive, and if the submissive person doesn't have an interest in it in the first place, or will be doing corsetry solely to please the dominant party, I think it is the dominant party's responsiblity to outfit his/her girl or boy as the dominant party wants.

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RE: Who should pay? - 8/31/2004 10:10:06 AM

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onsight you should wait until you guys are involved so you could buy her a nice gift. Corsets are pretty pricey and she would get the wrong idea or feel freaked. If you guys do play and want to give her a gift then that would be a different situation. I like to buy small gifts when I play with a girl but nothing too price like a bullet viberater or a butt plug. I would hold off on the corset until you collar her.

(in reply to onsight9)

RE: Who should pay? - 8/31/2004 4:52:03 PM

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My first dom was always short of money so i paid for everything except for a few lunches and a tens unit, which was a gift from him. I was happy to pay. We usually played at his place, but the few times that we used a motel i also paid for that. When i had to leave him he gave me everything except my collar, which he wanted to keep for the memories.

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(in reply to onsight9)

RE: Who should pay? - 8/31/2004 5:21:10 PM

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Whoever is planning on keeping the item should pay unless it's special request or a gift. As far as a corset goes, personally I'd probably buy it for them but I enjoy buying clothes, jewelry, things of the sort for the people I'm with because I prefer to be the one picking out what they are to wear...but I'm lucky enough to have the resources to do such. If you can afford it, I'd do it but I'd agree with waiting and buying one in real life so you can get actual measurements and get the enjoyment out of seeing/reacting the other wear it.

(in reply to onsight9)

RE: Who should pay? - 8/31/2004 10:15:48 PM

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I lean towards the side of her paying for it. You do not own her, she is not your responsibility. It is her interest.

Take care,

Attachment (1)

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RE: Who should pay? - 9/2/2004 7:47:09 PM

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If you like her and you can afford it, buy it for her; if you don't care weather she stays or goes, than don't buy it...
I say chivalry is good even in a BDSM affair.
I hope the gentlemen/Doms don't mind my prowling your area...
Am new and learning with you.
Domme in RI

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 9/2/2004 7:48:30 PM >

(in reply to Destinysskeins)

RE: Who should pay? - 9/8/2004 7:51:38 AM

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She should pay for it.. or for toys until you make a committment to each other..

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

RE: Who should pay? - 9/9/2004 6:48:30 AM

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From: New York
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quote:

ORIGINAL: onsight9

I have just entered the lifesyle after years of interest. I have a question of etiquette. If a sub shows interest in say, corset training, should she buy the corset, or should I buy it to give to her? Mind you that she is not my slave, or commited to me other than as a dom. Should I wait until there is a commitment before such purchases?

Just my .02 but I think you should wait to see if a serious two way commitment develops before making such purchases. Good corsets are anything but cheap. And it is unlikely that you will want to keep it for yourself. Besides, would another sub want to wear a corset that had been used by another? Maybe, then again maybe not.

The proper etiquette in this situation is somewhat hard to pin down, because we (the audience) don’t have enough insight into the developing relationship between the two of you. Are you actively courting her? Does she just want casual play? Without that kind of information it makes it tough to decide what would be the proper course of action in this situation.

If you’re actively courting her – and she is responding to such, then making the purchase could certainly be considered an appropriate gesture. But under no circumstances, given the information you have provided, should you feel obligated to purchase the item.

Terry

(in reply to onsight9)

RE: Who should pay? - 9/9/2004 10:02:22 AM

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A corset, especially a properly fitted one, is a very personal as well as expensive item. True corset training involves many fittings and a progressive tightening over a considerable period of time. It's really not something to get involved in as part of a casual relationship. If the sub is interested in that type of corset, it should be at her expense. You won't be able to take it back and use it on your next play partner.

If your sub is talking about one of those off the rack things they sell at Victoria's Secret or Fredrick's then it's another matter. It's still not something I would take back, but a lace corset is a nice gift for a sub, especially one who you are playing with regularly.

Merc

(in reply to onsight9)

RE: Who should pay? - 9/11/2004 9:55:06 PM

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*consults King Arthur*

I would not ask my sub to wear anything I was not willing to buy for her.

Im not sure this is a lifestyle issue, but it is definitely me.

Sinergy

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