Acer49
Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009 Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: AAkasha In first meetings, first emails, first dates, have you ever thought to yourself: "I wish he asked me more about my kinks." "I wish he made a move to kiss my feet without my asking." "He isn't submissive enough, he has not begged me for anything yet." "I wish he would not say a word until I tell him to speak." "I wish he would use an honorific without me telling him to." Is it safe to say that a submissive really is better off really turning off ALL his kinks, urges, submissive inclinations - and let the lady really, honestly take the lead and set the pace? Or is that potentially dangerous and a man may not seem "submissive enough" when getting to know a lady? I know what I like personally, but I wonder if other women do PREFER if a man is more "proactively submissive" (do not confuse this with polite or chivalrous) -- meaning, he kind of puts the submissive agenda on the table so there is no confusion about his kinks or hot buttons, or his ability/desire to serve at her whim. Rather than, for example, just being an equal, but a gentleman, and waiting for her to set the tone. Some subs are very, very eager to please. In doing so, they come off as pushy or one-track-minded. These are not bad eggs, they are misguided. But are they potentially missing out if they change this behavior and honestly just act -- well, NOT submissive? Just like an average guy, and let her define the boundaries and roles? As a femdom, I have never had trouble setting the femdom stage. With submissives, I have generally had to tell them to back off, turn it down a notch, chill out, calm down or simply, "wait." If I have to keep telling them to tone it down or knock it off, and to just "act like a normal guy - don't be so shot out of a cannon" then I lose interest. If I look to the single most prominent characteristic in all my highly successful femdom pursuits, the man (submissive OR vanilla) did not push the kink agenda - EVER - not one bit, not even a hint, a question, or a comment. It was 100% at my pace. Chemistry is a weird thing. What I'm trying to illustrate is another point here: there have been times I met a man (submissive) who I was not initially attracted to. Over time, my attraction to him grew. Chemistry just took off. There were also men I met (submissive) who I was VERY attracted to initially (and thought were hot) who quickly were a turn off to me because they could not settle down and chill with the kink stuff. Chemistry is immediately destroyed at the first "minor irritation" with most of these guys, because it's "same ol, same ol" and they get lumped into that bad category. No matter how much they bring to the table. Yet I fear that some submissive men think it's their duty to at least properly proactively show their submission, share their kinks, or make sure the lady knows he's available to submit. It's as if he thinks if he never, ever says one thing about his kinky side, or tries some random submissive gestures like kneeling in public or calling her "My Goddess" then he will be cast aside by her. Yet, I have not met any femdoms who are too shy, who don't know what they want, who can't ask for what they like or can't define their parameters when they feel the time is right. Look guys - we know what we like, after all, we're femdoms. Can you give us some breathing room? Or do some ladies *like* this shot-out-of-a-cannon approach and enjoy "reeling them in"? Akasha The following replies are to the questions only and in no way a reflection upon the OP or anyone who may have assited in their composition. Since it is a first email, first date. The dominant has no reasonable justification for expecting anything that even remotely resembles submission. "I wish he asked me more about my kinks." Why? the submissive can't act on this information. The only thing they need to voice is any and all hard limits, the rest is up to the dominant after collaring "I wish he made a move to kiss my feet without my asking." Unless the dominant has said that the submissive may be proactive and not concern themselves with other factors, a submissive's actions could be virewed as attempting to satisfy their own needs, which is unacceptible behavior for a collared submissive "He isn't submissive enough, he has not begged me for anything yet." Unless intrstructed to do so, begging is an unacceptible behavior by a properly trained, collared submissive "I wish he would not say a word until I tell him to speak." Unless collared, a dominant as no right to expect such behavior "I wish he would use an honorific without me telling him to." Unless collared, a dominant has no right to expect this and even if collared, the dominant would have to have earned said praise if they want it to considered genuine; since it is at most, a first date, that is not possible
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Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself. Harvey Fierstein
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