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lovingpet -> RE: Leaving Marks?? (10/30/2009 12:44:08 PM)
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~FR~
I can see a couple of reasons and I am sure most of them have been mentioned. Compatibility for starters. If he is not into leaving marks and you want them, then it's a no go. Same goes the other way around. I cannot stress enough how important this really is. I have had one person I played with who was mentally damaged by leaving marks on me. I loved them, but I did not like what it did to him emotionally, so we don't play anymore. He lacked the skill to prevent marks and I tend to play a little heavy, so there really was no other resolution.
The second is trust. I don't know how long you have been playing with a given partner, but it is a high risk move to leave marks. Those marks would make it very easy to claim assault or abuse had occurred or is ongoing. Even if you would never to do such a thing, he may not be sure that you know what you are asking and can handle the reality of it. I am not talking about the pain, but seeing the results after the fact when it is too late to go back. Many a dominant has had a partner freak out when they saw the extent of the damage and lost her trust entirely.
A third is your pain tolerance and body language. A dominant party, especially someone who is new in general, will often need some time to learn to read you and determine how much you can actually handle. Marks can be achieved with a great deal of pain or with what is really very little, so the first few times may be more experimental to see what you can and like to take. He may not wish to mark you so he has the ability to try out several different toys in one visit or session to find the right sensations for you. This reason would speak of a great deal of respect and concern for their partner, so don't make them regret it by making a snap judgement.
A fourth may be that the toy itself is new to the dominant and they are treading carefully still. Again, this is for your safety. Not all toys are the same and the force that marks with one (cane for instances) will potentially break bone with a different one. It is better to forego marks and work a bit more cautiously.
A fifth may be a lack of knowledge about your overall health. Some people cannot be hit in certain places. Some cannot be bruised. Others it is a bad idea to break skin. If you have not had a thorough discussion about your health prior to play, I would say for one that you are rushing and two that this might fuel hesitation. Let's not forget also this includes your mental health and any trauma or abuse you may have in your past. Many a submissive has been triggered into a ptsd episode during play, especially heavy play. Emotional landmines are tricky because they can surface most any time even in things you have done together a million times before. If your partner doesn't know what might be going on, he may be unwilling to play to a level that may produce such a response.
A sixth may be privacy concerns. If you share your life together and are private about your play, then having you marked up for family gatherings, doctor's appointments, work, and more can be an issue. Keep in mind also, that if he knew you had a doctor's appointment coming up prior to play, he may not leave marks because it is entirely possible for a doctor to report abuse and for many jurisdictions to prosecute it without your assistance or even knowledge. It really can be a big deal.
A seventh may be that you are not his to mark. If this is a play partner or someone you are offered to at a party or something of that nature, it is often with the understanding that no marks are to be left on your dominant's property. This is a fairly common practice. If you feel safe receiving marks from someone who is forbade to do so, you might want to talk to your partner about this. It is often a rule for the comfort of the submissive. Other times it is the pure possessiveness of the dominant. The only way to know is to talk about it.
An eighth may be to increase the frequency of play or the extent of long term effects. Not every session can be directly out of a Saw movie or you are not going to be of much use for very long. If he wants to play with you daily, he may choose not to mark you during most session. If he doesn't want you to produce a case of leather ass, he may also reduce the level of play. Permanent scarring lessens the overall sensation received from play. Most also do not do heavy sessions again with a submissive who is heavily marked until she heals.
A ninth may be simple communication. Have you been honest about this? A lot of times it is hard to accept that you want such things and even more so to admit that to a partner who may be willing to oblige. Looking your kink in the face can be difficult for many people. If you are dodging questions and giving sideways answers, then it is entirely possible he doesn't want to give you marks until you are more clear in your interests and more certain of decision. I wouldn't lay one mark on someone who didn't seem sure of what they wanted.
Those are just a few off the top of my head, but as you can see there can be many reasons. The best thing you can do is establish good, open, honest communication. It is often something that can be worked through. I wish you all the best and good luck and happily marked bum to ya!
lovingpet
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