Marriage Humor

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

Marriage Humor

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Humor and Games >> Marriage Humor

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Marriage Humor - 10/29/2009 2:31:37 PM

Wolf2Bear

Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline

Wife:   'What are you doing?'

Husband:   Nothing.

Wife:   'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage   certificate for an hour.'

Husband:       'I was looking for the expiration date.'

-------------------------------

Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'

Husband:     'Sure! What are my choices?'

Wife:      'Yes or no.'

Wife:       'You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?'

Hubby:     'When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.'
Wife:       'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?'

Hubby:      'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?'

--------------------------------------------------------

Stress Reliever Girl:     'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'

Boy:     'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'

Girl:     'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'

------------------------------

Son:     'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'

Mom:   'Well, you have done the right thing..'

Son:     'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'

________________________________

A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'

'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'

------------------------------------------------------------

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.

The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning.'

-------------------------------

A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor!'

Husbands are husbands

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him on the Head with a frying pan. 'What was that for?' the man asked. The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on It that I found in your pants pocket'. The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name Of the horse I bet on' The wife apologized and went on with the housework. Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the Head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again. Wife replied. 'Your horse phoned'

_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Marriage Humor - 10/30/2009 8:58:06 PM

LadyChallene

Posts: 207
Joined: 5/18/2009
Status: offline

I really like some of those...

_____________________________

Heads I win, tails you lose.
Will that squeak if I squeeze it?
I hate torturing people, but I'm really, really good at it.

(in reply to Wolf2Bear)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Marriage Humor - 10/30/2009 9:30:22 PM

Termyn8or

Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline

We could advertise _ The sickest humor on the net.

T

(in reply to LadyChallene)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Marriage Humor - 10/31/2009 7:31:54 AM

NewMaster79

Posts: 20
Joined: 7/29/2009
Status: offline

A little, old lady got caught stealing from a grocery store. At her trial, the judge looked at her with a shocked expression and asked, "Why did you steal, ma'am?"

"Because I was hungry." She replied.

"What exactly did you steal?"

"A can of peaches."

The judge thought for a moment. He didn't really want to send a poor, old woman to jail, but he couldn't let her get away with stealing either. So, he asked her, "How many peaches were in the can?"

"Three." She answered.

"Then you shall have to spend three days in jail."

Suddenly, a man in the gallery jumped to his feet. It was her husband. He shouted, "She also stole a can of peas!!!"

(in reply to Termyn8or)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Marriage Humor - 10/31/2009 9:41:04 AM

choccywoc

Posts: 1919
Joined: 9/7/2009
Status: offline

Good stuff.

(in reply to NewMaster79)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Marriage Humor - 10/31/2009 10:35:03 AM

Saratov

Posts: 1716
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline

Remember, as a former boss used to say, 'Marriage is a wonderful institution and is ideal for those who enjoy living in institutions'.

(in reply to choccywoc)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Marriage Humor - 10/31/2009 5:31:21 PM

Louve00

Posts: 1674
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

Ok, here's one.....

A robber broke into a couple's home. He had a knife and instructed them to the bedroom, told them to lay on the bed and tied them up. He then layed over the female and appeared to be kissing her neck. Then...he dashed into the bathroom and closed the door.

While he was in there the husband said, "Hon, this man looks dangerous. I know he looks creepy and nasty, but I think he is capable to doing something horrible to us if we don't comply. I think he likes you. Let him have his way with you....no matter what it is, give in to the filth and save our lives. I know you can do it. Be strong."

She turned to him and said,..."Hon, he wasn't kissing me. He whispered in my ear. He told me he was gay and found you attractive. He asked if we had any lubricant and I told him he'd find some in the bathroom. I know you can do it, Baby...be strong."

_____________________________

For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearance, as though they were realities and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are. - Niccolo Machiavelli

(in reply to Saratov)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Marriage Humor - 10/31/2009 6:56:07 PM

mydestiny2043