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Karasuman -> New to this (8/31/2004 10:13:14 PM)

Hello, all. I was wondering if any of you had any advice for a person (read: me) who is new to this sort of thing. It feels a little strange bridging the gap between fantasy and reality, and I've tried to get all the info I could on the subject. But it's still been unfamilar, so I wanted to ask all of you about your experiences getting into this scene at first. Reactions, thoughts, dos, don'ts etc. Any advice would be helpful. (I decided to ask in here because though I've never thought of myself in definate terms, I guess the closest would be sub.) Anyway, thanks for the help.
Yours,
Karasuman



perverseangelic -> RE: New to this (8/31/2004 11:13:26 PM)

I know most people will disagree with me on this, but I found it best to first enter real-life play with a dominant partner who was also new to bdsm. It was wonderful to be able to grow together, and slowly feel our way onto new ground.

I was advised to seek out an experienced dominant person to start me. I'm glad I didn't, because things went very slowly and there were huge ammounts of comunication. We took little steps and discovered each others limits and reactions.

So...my best advice is to find someone new to start with, and to feel comfortable talking about what your doing so you can say "this hurts" or "this is making my hackles go up."



siamsa24 -> RE: New to this (9/1/2004 5:03:42 AM)

I agree with perverseangelic.
However, my first BDSM relationship (which also happened to be my first relationship) was with another sunmissive, things didn't get too far [:)], but we learned a lot about ourselves and what makes us happy. I believe that is is more important to find someone you trust to learn with, although having them be dominant would be very helpful.
Also, I have a friend who thought she was a submissive until she actually tried being dominant, then she changed her mind and keeps telling me that I am missing out. I'm not saying that would happen, but you never know [:)]



cheeba0228 -> RE: New to this (9/1/2004 7:50:03 AM)

well someone had to disagree right? I'd say its different for each person as to weather you should find someone new or experienced. This lifestyle is more about what you WANT than what other think you SHOULD do. Do you want someone inexperienced to grow with or would you rather have someone who knows what they are doing to teach you. I often find that 2 inexperienced people when put together still dont know what to do. But thats my experience on the matter. I've found for me not actually serving or Being Dom helped at first so I just found a Mentor to follow. Now I have my own experiences and others experiences to pull from.



subbiejenn -> RE: New to this (9/3/2004 5:19:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karasuman

Hello, all. I was wondering if any of you had any advice for a person (read: me) who is new to this sort of thing. It feels a little strange bridging the gap between fantasy and reality, and I've tried to get all the info I could on the subject. But it's still been unfamilar, so I wanted to ask all of you about your experiences getting into this scene at first. Reactions, thoughts, dos, don'ts etc. Any advice would be helpful. (I decided to ask in here because though I've never thought of myself in definate terms, I guess the closest would be sub.) Anyway, thanks for the help.
Yours,
Karasuman



For me was easier with a experienced Dom, i am very shy (who knew huh) but in BDSM play Y/you have to be very careful and safe and being new i wanted a Dom who knew how to be safe for the both of U/us.

My advice to Y/you is read, read, read and read some more first before Y/you get into any BDSM play. First of all Y/you have to trust who Y/your playing with tremendously. There are many threads on what to watch out for before Y/you meet someone from online. Found this one below it is good...

first meeting guidelines


second Y/you need to know Y/your hard limits and express them very well to Y/your partner. Make sure they know Y/your new and need to start off slow.

There is so much to learn and even those in the lifestyle or a long time still learns everyday. i wish Y/you luck but i can't express enough how important it is to BE SAFE!

Castle realm is the first site a Dom friend gave to me when i was new for me to read... It's a excellent source and good place to start... Reading the boards is wonderful learning, very experienced people here with a lot of knowledge.

castle realm

If i can help more in anyway i would be glad to chat more with Y/you off the boards... My name is jenn and Y/you can contact me in collarme email.

Hugs and wonderful luck to Y/you!!



Maltor -> RE: New to this (9/3/2004 8:47:53 AM)

Hope I'm not stepping on anyone's toes by posting here... but I have a few things that might be good for submissives... Links to follow:

Online Predators

Acid Test for Dominants

Remember these aren't set in stone, just meant to help submissives... and may very well be posted elsewhere here.



Karasuman -> RE: New to this (9/3/2004 1:42:33 PM)

Hey, thank you A/all for the info! I really appreciate Y/you taking the time to help me out.



sub4hire -> RE: New to this (9/10/2004 11:03:39 AM)

Something that wasn't suggested here. Why don't you seek out a munch in your area? Let the host know prior you are new and learning. Not quite sure how you identify with the lifestyle yet. They can sort of hold your hand. Introduce you around.
Perhaps even set you up to play in public. With someone who will be gentle, knowing your predicament. It will give you a better idea if you even like to play. What you like, etc?



Karasuman -> RE: New to this (9/10/2004 6:20:26 PM)

I have looked into some groups near my area, and have actually been invited to one by some people I met on this site. (if you're reading this, thanks) The main problem is that while there are several groups near me, me getting there has complications. (some time/distance issues) The main problem, however, is the fact that I'm apprehensive (read: scared ****less) about doing anything in public.
I know that sounds kind of lame, but it's just the way I am. I realize than many groups would be more than happy to show me the ropes, so to speak, but I'm doubtful about putting myself out there when I'm still not sure about my own position on the lifestyle.
For a long while now, my involvement in this scene has been very private (secret). More theory than anything else. Because of that, the move into the reality of the scene has been problematic. I've read many accounts of people who got into it because a friend introduced them, and I have to say that I envy them quite a bit. All the steps I've tried to take have been alone, and I wish it had been otherwise.
Wow, I think i'm the most long-winded person I know. (laughs)



sub4hire -> RE: New to this (9/10/2004 11:29:53 PM)

Then I suggest you go to one of these groups. Tell them of your aprehensions...communicate. Then while at a party they can take you in a private room and play.
Just have a DM watch over you.



Thanatosian -> RE: New to this (9/11/2004 1:12:24 PM)

quote:

The main problem, however, is the fact that I'm apprehensive (read: scared ****less) about doing anything in public.


That is one of the nice things about munches - you are not really expected to do anything other than show up, eat, drink, and be merry - oh and have the opportunity to discuss lifestyle topics with like minded people, all in a casual public setting - most munches there is no repeat no play involved at all (as they are held in vanilla restaurants ) although there may be a demo scheduled (if held in a private room at the restaurant) - it is more a chance to get out and meet and greet people with similar interests to yours - to explore, if you will, to find out if this is actually something you would like to pursue/become, to learn form others who may have experience in what you are going through - to network and mayhap find someone to accompany you on your journey if you decide the lifestyle is for you

a munch is also a nice intermediate step between the fantasy/research part of the lifestyle and actually stepping out and living the lifestyle - where you might be uncomfortable at a play party, knowing that action will be taking place and may be expected of you, you may find the 'vanilla' setting of a munch more amenable

hope this helps



Kenandkate -> RE: New to this (9/13/2004 8:21:10 PM)

My Husband and i are both new to the scene, We have been married for 28 years. We are taking it slowly. i can't imagine having any other Master



subbiejenn -> RE: New to this (9/14/2004 6:33:44 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kenandkate

My Husband and i are both new to the scene, We have been married for 28 years. We are taking it slowly. i can't imagine having any other Master


Welcome to collarme boards... this is a wonderful place to learn... BDSM is wonderful in itself but to have Love and 28 years of marriage already must be a awesome feeling. i wish Y/you both the best!!

Growing and learning together, discovering new things ~~ have fun but be safe :)

*hugs*



CarnalCravings -> RE: New to this (9/16/2004 11:14:37 PM)

If I may, I began this lifestyle with my exwife; both of us green. We thought the same thing, we will grow into this and add to the smorgasbord of our life. What we did not foresee was that we would actually grow apart. What we needed, as we progressed, wasn't what the other did. We eventually ended up going our own separate way in life and the lifestyle. No way do I state that this would be true for every married couple coming into this. It is just that the possibility exists. I suggest many many discussions on why you are drawn, your expectations and what you want from it. I also suggest a mentor (if possible) for the each of you to assist in your goals.

I highly recommend, one way or another, to find a munch near you, even if it is a few hours away. That is the easiest and safest avenue to take to meet like-minded others. One last thing to the subs here. As a founding member of a local group here in my area I have found the hardest to draw to a munch, workshop or any other function are the single subs. Other than forums such as this, they offer you the safest haven to talk, ask questions, listen and learn. If possible, do attend workshops...know what activities are in this lifestyle and what they entail. Though they may not end up as something you partake in at least you have the knowledge to make a better decision. If it is something that heats your blood, you can indulge with the knowledge of all the safety precautions in place to enjoy it to it's fullest.

CC



MarieR -> RE: New to this (9/17/2004 3:24:00 AM)

Reading this has helped a lot, thanks folks.



theroebabe -> RE: New to this (9/17/2004 7:39:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karasuman

Hello, all. I was wondering if any of you had any advice for a person (read: me) who is new to this sort of thing. It feels a little strange bridging the gap between fantasy and reality, and I've tried to get all the info I could on the subject. But it's still been unfamilar, so I wanted to ask all of you about your experiences getting into this scene at first. Reactions, thoughts, dos, don'ts etc. Any advice would be helpful. (I decided to ask in here because though I've never thought of myself in definate terms, I guess the closest would be sub.) Anyway, thanks for the help.
Yours,
Karasuman


Hi Karasuman,

my first advise is patience that is the hardest thing for me. Take the time to read read read and meet people before jumping into things with someone. I am a jumper so i know and its hard to take a step back and when you are new and we have whats been referred to as the frenzies, it can ge almost impossible not to go full steam ahead.

Find a sub that you relate to and can talk to and learn from their experinces. Please be safe on this journey, there are some really not nice people out there that like newbies so they can take advantage of. That is something i would hope no one has to experience as some have already.

Be well, enjoy the ride and take your time! Roe



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