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BeginUpstairs -> Advice for a friend ... really! (11/3/2009 3:20:44 PM)
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Okay, first a very brief background on me.
I have been on & off involved in D/s for about 7 years, both online and R/T. I would describe myself as more "traditional" in the sense that I take seriously the more traditional foundations and guidelines of D/s - as opposed to a more contemporary "it's whatever you want it to be" point-of-view. I feel like there are some basic tenets that should apply in most (if not all) situations.
Okay - the situation:
I have been in dialog with a young lady online. This dialog was not started with the intent to explore a D/s relationship, in fact I was not even aware of her interest in being a sub, and the site on which we met was not a BDSM site.
After a few chats, she began to describe her current (sexual) relationship with a married couple. She has only known them for five weeks. She described some behavior that sounded rather insecure & possessive (on their part) and I said as much ... but I also didn't really know the details & particulars, so I didn't feel it was my place to press too hard.
A few more chats, and she related more and more behaviors (from the husband) that would only apply in a PE, D/s sort of situation. The husband insists that she not see anyone without permission, refers to her as belonging to him, etc. All of this would be fine but for the fact that this poor girl has no clue about any legitimate D/s guidelines, and I am concerned that she is putting herself at risk. They haven't discussed limits, rights, safety ... anything, really other than what this guy WANTS.
The worst was when she told me this guy had "collared her" ... but she really doesn't even know what it means or implies. To make matters worse, he took this step by placing a locking collar on her during a time when she was admittedly drunk, and she basically told me he tricked her into it. His language when they are together (as relayed by her) sounds like that of an insecure, un-informed phony.
The fact that this girl has basically been conned into all this without really understanding or genuinely consenting to it really ticks me off. I don't really have much of a "stake" in the situation. Other than the fact that she is an online friend, and I am concerned that she is endangering the relational health of THREE people. (Remember this guy is married, and it is not clear that his wife is really taking an informed role in the situation.)
As I was discussing this with her, she indicated she would be open to hearing what some more experienced D/s people would have to say ... thus I am posting here.
My question:
Am I over-reacting when I feel like this is a ridiculous situation and that this guy is either: A) Just clueless and possessive, or B) Knows what he is doing and is taking horribly unfair advantage of someone who doesn't know any better?
I would really appreciate hearing some third-party opinions on the matter.
Thanks!
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