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Are fetishes just programmed sexual response? - 11/4/2009 12:55:14 PM

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Do you believe the theory that many sexual fetishes (foot fetish, panty-wearing fetish, shoe fetish, or other non-sexual object) are born from early impression in teenage years that are sexually reinforced through masturbation and fantasy? Do any of your fetishes fit that description?

If a fetish is so strong that it is a requirement for arousal or sexual satisfaction, is it unhealthy? Or is only unhealthy if their partner doesn't share it?

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RE: Are fetishes just programmed sexual response? - 11/4/2009 1:37:54 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Do you believe the theory that many sexual fetishes (foot fetish, panty-wearing fetish, shoe fetish, or other non-sexual object) are born from early impression in teenage years that are sexually reinforced through masturbation and fantasy? Do any of your fetishes fit that description?

If a fetish is so strong that it is a requirement for arousal or sexual satisfaction, is it unhealthy? Or is only unhealthy if their partner doesn't share it?

Akasha

A person with a real fetish kind of freaks me out. If me, all by myself, isn't enough to turn a man on or get him to climax without some prop or focus on a specific part of my body, we will never work out. That's just how I see it, and obviously I fit into the 'it's unhealthy because I'm not into it' party.

I can't comment about the rest of your post, since I didn't have any experience with masturbation until my teenage years were pretty much over.

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RE: Are fetishes just programmed sexual response? - 11/4/2009 2:41:46 PM

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quote:

If a fetish is so strong that it is a requirement for arousal or sexual satisfaction, is it unhealthy? Or is only unhealthy if their partner doesn't share it?

I would say that fetishes are partly programmed responses and partly sexualized objects. If it's a requirement for arousal I'd say you'd crossed the line into unhealthy, I mean how many times have you heard a domme say "I'm not a life support system for your fetish"? Yes it's also unhealthy if a partner doesn't share it if your goal in the relationship is long term. Ultimately the drive will need to get out somewhere, somehow and if stifled long enough may show itself in ways that damage the relationship.

Myself halloween I faced this issue...my nilla housemate asked me to help make a leather cuff and collar set for his costume. The problem came while sizing and adjusting these objects for his nilla punk rocker costume. Because I've sexualized those types of objects it was hard maintaining composure when I'm looking in the mirror at a beautiful boy and I'm putting a collar around his neck. Unhealthy? maybe... unsettling? absolutely!

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RE: Are fetishes just programmed sexual response? - 11/4/2009 2:44:13 PM

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I believe we can develop fetishes from a variety of ways. From some just how we come out wired, things developed by our nurturing and the combination of the two things. Certainly we can and develop them in the way you describe but it is not the only way.

In terms of unhealthy fetish I would say it would be something that has to be there as the only way to be aroused and climax would be unhealthy. The human body wired with a sex drive should have far more ways to get aroused and climax then one or a few specific things that put a person in danger of having limited access to another in order to get their sexual desires and needs met. Mindful of the difference between having a sex life and having the best sex life for you possible as often discussion of sex tends toward utopian expectations.

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RE: Are fetishes just programmed sexual response? - 11/4/2009 6:10:06 PM

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I think a true fetish is unhealthy. Most people don't want to be the life support system for a pair of shoes, they want to be seen as attractive and desirable as a person.

If someone said he wasn't attracted to me, just to the shoes, he wouldn't have a relationship with me. I think that's true for everyone including the fetishist. We need to be seen and loved as individuals and a fetish prevents you from doing that.

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RE: Are fetishes just programmed sexual response? - 11/5/2009 3:32:12 AM

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John Money in the 1960s described paraphilia as "a sexuoerotic embellishment of, or alternative to the official, ideological norm." By that definition, virtually everybody on this site has "true" fetish. In a society of monks, where abstinence is the ideological norm, the sexuality of penile erection and ejaculation is itself a fetish.

Sexuality is developed in part through ego association. The ego matures through at least age 24, based on contemporary studies. However, life experience shows that every person adapts to one degree or another, and their ego associations mutate. Sexual associations develop through all stages of life, from colostrum at the tit to the kiss of death.

I see the operative portion of the question to be -- "Do you believe the theory..." I encourage people to have confidence in experience which is gained over time. Trust or blind faith is more often misplaced than it is breached. Look within and bring your subconscious motives into greater conscious awareness. With that, one gains greater freedom of choice.

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RE: Are fetishes just programmed sexual response? - 11/5/2009 7:25:09 AM

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I don't have any fetishes in the "I can't get off without it" sense, but I wouldn't want to be in a relationship if there were no biting or wrestling/playfighting involved. I don't need to indulge in it every time, but not being able to at all would eventually get me frustrated. There are several kinky toys that I started out with no interest in whatsoever, maybe even some fear, which are now favourites. However, I don't need them in order to be happy in a relationship.

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RE: Are fetishes just programmed sexual response? - 11/5/2009 12:20:47 PM

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I do have fetishes in the "I can't get off without it" sense, but they aren't tangible, physical things.

A girlfriend once joked that "I find people sexy, but only because of what I can make with them", and "I'm only truly aroused by my own art".

It seems a fair enough accusation.

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RE: Are fetishes just programmed sexual response? - 11/5/2009 2:30:33 PM

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quote:

Do you believe the theory that many sexual fetishes (foot fetish, panty-wearing fetish, shoe fetish, or other non-sexual object) are born from early impression in teenage years that are sexually reinforced through masturbation and fantasy?

Umm, no.

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RE: Are fetishes just programmed sexual response? - 11/6/2009 6:17:17 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Do you believe the theory that many sexual fetishes (foot fetish, panty-wearing fetish, shoe fetish, or other non-sexual object) are born from early impression in teenage years that are sexually reinforced through masturbation and fantasy? Do any of your fetishes fit that description?

I certainly think it's one path of fetish formation. I can identify at least one fetish of my own that is linked that way. Others, that I can remember indulging prior to sexual maturity, are more complicated.

quote:

If a fetish is so strong that it is a requirement for arousal or sexual satisfaction, is it unhealthy? Or is only unhealthy if their partner doesn't share it?

I believe DSM-IV says that it's unhealthy if it causes significant stress to the individual, or limits their ability to function in society. That makes sense to me (I'm sure the DSM committee is relieved to have my seal of approval!

). So obviously the stress part can be heavily impacted by finding an accepting partner (it would certainly make a big difference to me)

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RE: Are fetishes just programmed sexual response? - 11/6/2009 9:12:44 AM

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I don't think it is an actual fetish unless that is the only thing that can get you aroused.
I do have a.. desire for the smell of rubber. Not latex, but the sort of rubber that is in tires, or even rubber bands. I also have a desire for the smell of wood that has been freshly cut. Both of these are born out of my early years where a good place for privacy was the workshop in my backyard. There is no question some smells make me wet and woozy, but I don't require them to reach orgasm. They enhance, they do not overpower.

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RE: Are fetishes just programmed sexual response? - 11/6/2009 10:18:05 AM

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none of my fetishes are unhealthy as i can have sex without them.. as i have many.. the only one i can link to being a teen and all is pain... the others cropped up later in life ...i love the way rubber feels... and i have a thing for Marines... ( once had sex with 5 of them..) ... and i love Mustangs (car) .. for some reason these things will make me extremely horny .. almost to the point that i'll hump things...

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RE: Are fetishes just programmed sexual response? - 11/6/2009 10:39:04 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Do you believe the theory that many sexual fetishes (foot fetish, panty-wearing fetish, shoe fetish, or other non-sexual object) are born from early impression in teenage years that are sexually reinforced through masturbation and fantasy?

I will abstain from "believeing" anything concerning this and actually wait till verifiable data and analysis points one way or another. The statistics are likely already out there but I just woke up and don't have the energy to find them. The answer doesn't really matter, though.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Do any of your fetishes fit that description?

I don't know that I have any genuine (clinical) fetishes. I'm sure some heavy preferences came along at some point in youth.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

If a fetish is so strong that it is a requirement for arousal or sexual satisfaction, is it unhealthy?

No.

But plenty of people like labeling personal baggage that they could not deal with due to their own personal baggage as "unhealthy"

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Or is only unhealthy if their partner doesn't share it?

Not "unhealthy". Just kind of fruitless. What would the point have been to partner up with someone that cannot provide for you a fundamental personal need?

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RE: Are fetishes just programmed sexual response? - 11/6/2009 1:28:42 PM

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quote:

They enhance, they do not overpower.

Beautifully described! I really like people that embrace healthy fetishes.

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RE: Are fetishes just programmed sexual response? - 11/6/2009 8:42:54 PM

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I'm drooling....does anybody else hear that damn bell?!

Tee hee!!

Freud would go bananas....but I suppose sometimes a cigar is just a cigar

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RE: Are fetishes just programmed sexual response? - 11/6/2009 8:59:17 PM

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I definitely believe fetishes are just strong emotional experiences reinforced through fantasy and masturbation. I've been through phases of various fetishes over the course of my life.

The most obvious of this is mentioned in the thread I've started to ask for marital advice. I once hated massaging my naked wife, and considered it a pain the arse. These days I get rock hard just sitting here thinking about oiling up her naked back and bum for some unreciprocated pampering. Simple cause and effect.

A text book case of sexual conditioning.

< Message edited by defeated -- 11/6/2009 9:00:55 PM >

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RE: Are fetishes just programmed sexual response? - 11/6/2009 11:35:42 PM

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I think fetishes are a mix of fantasy and desire ... we all have 'em ... more or less ...

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RE: Are fetishes just programmed sexual response? - 11/7/2009 2:49:41 AM

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I have a sex fetish. I find it almost impossible to achieve orgasm without some kind of sexual stimulation being involved. It's a cross I have learned to bear.

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RE: Are fetishes just programmed sexual response? - 11/7/2009 6:33:16 AM

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Interesting topic...Personally, it's a bit like asking what type of woman I prefer.(blond,redhead etc) It's the person, not the fetish, and there's many different moods that have different needs and desires. I prefer a person that cares enough to indulge in whatever W/we both decide would tickle O/our particular fantasy of the moment, and my opinion it should be a two way street. Sexual play can be used to "heal" different aspects of out of balance behaviors. For example- being orphaned as a babe, lead me down a path of false searching for my mother in all the women I have met, and the desire for a strong woman that would give me what I missed out on came/still does to an extent into play when searching for the right Woman to spend my life with. I recognize a need to be disciplined, to suckle a breast, to orally please Her, to hold Her and so on..However,I have no idea where my desire for anal sex comes from. lol. I think it has something to do with being dominated in the most intimate way possible, and to finally have that strong Female personality take charge of me.

I can also see where a Woman might need to take charge over a male due to circumstances in Her life where She might have been rendered powerless over certain situations and people in Her life. No matter how W/we size it up, we're all fetishists, D/s's for reasons, and it's all good as long as there's genuine feelings of concern and desires for a happy, productive life.

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RE: Are fetishes just programmed sexual response? - 11/7/2009 8:58:14 AM

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I thought the ground for fetishes was supposed to be laid down a lot earlier than the teens?

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