ALTERNATE AGENDAS...SURPRISES...

ALTERNATE AGENDAS...SURPRISES... (Full Version)

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GYPSYMAMBO -> ALTERNATE AGENDAS...SURPRISES... (11/8/2009 2:49:05 AM)
Have you much to your shock and dismay come across a sub/slave who you thought that you had a good communication with and BANG..!! they drop a bomb you never expected.? or reveal a hidden agenda?you had NOT anticipated..?? I understand we meet many who are DO MEs but *What I mean is have they come out with something way out there..?like you were blindsided...??* *or omitted info...until well into a relationship??* GM

LaTigresse -> RE: ALTERNATE AGENDAS...SURPRISES... (11/8/2009 4:47:43 AM)
I think that humans are very complex animals and tend to quite often, have a lot of secrets. Maybe I am cynical but, in a relationship I expect it. I am not sure what sort of time frame you consider 'well within a relationship' to be. I know that I did not even acknowledge to myself my sexuality, let alone to my husband, until well into our relationship. My 'well within a relationship' being about 10 years married. This is not uncommon, especially in people of my age group or similar background. How many times have I read on here, submissive women saying they would never be able to maintain a relationship with a dominant man if they knew that man had submitted? Too many to count. So, how many dominant men are probably walking around with that secret? Either that they have, or would like to? Because I can tell you that I have gotten many emails from dominant profiles, male and female, with the desire for submission in their words. The very human fear of rejection, almost guarantees that we will keep things from one another that we fear will destroy or maim a relationship we cherish. Or even the fear of causing hurt to someone we care deeply for.

SnowRanger -> RE: ALTERNATE AGENDAS...SURPRISES... (11/8/2009 5:56:40 AM)
GM, perhaps this 'agenda' is a new idea to him. With out specifics it's hard to tell. Perhaps the subject just never came up before. Even the best communicators can't get everything out at once. Or maybe he wanted to sort out something in his own mind before he broached the subject with you. I don't think that there is any one person who knows everything about me. I don't think that I am dishonest because I don't disclose things I simply have discretion about what knowlege I burden people with. Respectfully, Mike.

kccuckoldmist -> RE: ALTERNATE AGENDAS...SURPRISES... (11/8/2009 6:06:15 AM)
Unfortunately my view of cyber is people putting on masks and playing delusional games often subconsciously. I think people from all roles and both genders project perfection and specifically for female dominants in cyber we appear to have way too many of us demanding instantaneously unrealistic perfection by male submissives that we in essence force men to play games with us. Do I mean all games are our fault? No and not by a long shot. But I do think there are too many female dominants that are cyber players who if any man does anything that does not communicate perfect man that they get blown off and accused of “do me” things that there is even more pressure like LaTigresse nicely wrote to project a false self out of fear of rejection. In my opinion if we want male submissives to be more out there in their honesty then we need to allow them to actually be themselves that will come with sexual thoughts and fetish desires and not to always project this mythical cyber delusional thought of a submissive being a selfless human being only there for another.

SaharahEve -> RE: ALTERNATE AGENDAS...SURPRISES... (11/8/2009 2:21:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GYPSYMAMBO Have you much to your shock and dismay come across a sub/slave who you thought that you had a good communication with and BANG..!! they drop a bomb you never expected.? or reveal a hidden agenda?you had NOT anticipated..?? I understand we meet many who are DO MEs but *What I mean is have they come out with something way out there..?like you were blindsided...??* *or omitted info...until well into a relationship??* GM Yes, this happens. There's some who kneel under the guise of submission for a completely inappropriate set of motives. Some men confuse the need for cd or masochistic play and attention with serving as a slave. These men who do so have no business claiming to be slaves at all, as they are still seeing their "Mistress" as a dispenser for their sensual escapism, where they are locked in a sort of transactional mode of thinking: I will do this for her, as long as she does A, B, C for me. That's why I feel open, honest communication from the start is imperative.

RedMagic1 -> RE: ALTERNATE AGENDAS...SURPRISES... (11/8/2009 2:28:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GYPSYMAMBO Have you much to your shock and dismay come across a sub/slave who you thought that you had a good communication with and BANG..!! they drop a bomb you never expected.? or reveal a hidden agenda?you had NOT anticipated..?? I don't have anything to add to the replies, but I wanted to say: if this relates to the man you were so happy about a couple weeks ago, then I'm sorry. One thing, though. Just because something is shocking doesn't mean it's Bad, once you look at it after the shock wears off. Perhaps this is a sign that he is growing to trust you. Be sure to make a decision based on the reality of the situation, not based on how surprised you feel.

Politesub53 -> RE: ALTERNATE AGENDAS...SURPRISES... (11/8/2009 3:33:31 PM)
The number of times I have been happily thinking sexual thoughts about a Domina, only to have her announce she wants me to do some chores or " Its all about me " is staggering. Dont you ladies know its all about me. [8D]

DesFIP -> RE: ALTERNATE AGENDAS...SURPRISES... (11/9/2009 11:05:01 AM)
The more extreme or unusual a fetish is, the more likely the person having it will be jeered at and rejected. I would expect that they wouldn't have the courage to admit it until there was an established relationship hoping that the fact that the other person cared for them would make them less likely to reject them off the bat. And that even if they rejected the fetish, they wouldn't reject the person as well.

GYPSYMAMBO -> RE: ALTERNATE AGENDAS...SURPRISES... (11/9/2009 10:03:45 PM)
ORIGINAL: SaharahEve quote: they are still seeing their "Mistress" as a dispenser for their sensual escapism, where they are locked in a sort of transactional mode of thinking: I will do this for her, as long as she does A, B, C for me. wow..THIS helped immensley...ty so much S.E.. and to all of you..very helpful indeed..ty [:D] GM

aladdinsane -> RE: ALTERNATE AGENDAS...SURPRISES... (11/10/2009 3:49:48 AM)
Well, that's very interesting because I am, in fact, made entirely out of tin. (i shall now go and sit in the corner for such a gross misuse of forum space)

MsStarlett -> RE: ALTERNATE AGENDAS...SURPRISES... (11/10/2009 5:43:54 AM)
This is why I prefer to start out with a lot of email, followed by a nice dinner where we can sit and talk quietly about what we both want out of a relationship. I tend to put all my cards out on the table. I expect a sub to pay a lot of attention to me - which means that if he didn't keep up the Email (step one) he's out before we get to the dinner part. We have to have a larger percentage of things in common than not. (See the Hobbies thread) I tend to tell people up front where all the lines are that I will not cross and if that excludes the kink they like the most, then we might as well move on. But people still hide things! As mentioned, many will pretend to be something they are not to get what they want. Happens on both sides of the kneel as well as in vanilla relationships, friendships and business arrangements. That's why, even at work, when I get the feeling that I'm being 'worked' or manipulated into something I don't like, I flat out put the breaks on and tell it like it is! These are my rules and you're not going to get me to break them. Accept them or get out.

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