Basic Starter Clear up

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

Basic Starter Clear up

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Basic Starter Clear up

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Basic Starter Clear up - 11/12/2009 9:53:18 PM

ZGuy32

Posts: 9
Joined: 8/20/2005
Status: offline

Hello one and all,
I am starting to move into this lifestyle more and more as what I feel I want in a relationship. I have read books, web pages, and even talked once with a group of people that meet in my town, but I have not been able to find exactly what I am looking for is exactly BDSM main stream I guess. I know I am looking for a something between a sub and a slave so I will not have to watch her 24/7 after I have her understanding what is expected. I'm not sure though if that fits with having her as a pet persona as well or if that will just have to be from her or brought into her. I would like to chat with some Doms that could give me some good basic things to think/look into so I do things right and not want to be right.

Many thanks
ZGuy

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Basic Starter Clear up - 11/12/2009 9:57:26 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

Are you trying to change the girl you're with now, plan on dumping her, or adding someone to the mix????

I have yet to meet anyone that needs watching 24/7 over the age of 21 or so, no matter what they call themselves.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to ZGuy32)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Basic Starter Clear up - 11/12/2009 10:29:16 PM

ZGuy32

Posts: 9
Joined: 8/20/2005
Status: offline

I am going into the military and for the next 8 and a half months I will be to busy to be taking care of the girl I'm with now she is able to take care of herself to a point but she has a tendancey to let stress build up to fast for her to deal with real life things that most people find easy as day. I'm not sure if I want to add a girl into the mix and see if she can rub off some calmness or what I just am looking for ideas on if I should finish what I have started changing in my current girl or tie the strings up as best can be and go.

Also past that I'm looking for ideas on how to more precisely train a girl than slowly changing what she thinks she wants kind of way I have done with my current girl. This comes from my desire to learn and improve.

ZGuy

(in reply to CalifChick)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Basic Starter Clear up - 11/13/2009 4:05:15 AM

CNJDom

Posts: 186
Joined: 6/6/2006
From: Southern NJ
Status: offline

It sounds like you want your current girl, but are not sure how she's going to handle the stress of everything since you sound like her anchor. First off, your current girl can do well by looking into some counseling and therapy in dealing with stress more. When you go into the military, part of your training will be about dealing with stress, and this is important. Same goes for your girl. She will need some fortification as well to become more tempered with stress. If she is devoted and willing, you don't have to watch her constantly, and she'll deal with things with help on stress therapy, while you keep in touch and provide some guidance when you can through various communication methods.

Adding another girl, may destabilize her further adding more stress to the mix, because now it may seem that there is competition, and she could be out if she don't perform right. Depends on the person, and since there is not much information about her here, I would have to assume that this could be detrimental in some way. Examine and even discuss with her what is an acceptable game plan for both of you. Communication will help you both greatly. Good luck.

_____________________________

“For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.”
~Ivan Panin

(in reply to ZGuy32)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Basic Starter Clear up - 11/13/2009 4:06:47 AM

LadyChallene

Posts: 207
Joined: 5/18/2009
Status: offline

Welcome to the boards, happy hunting.

_____________________________

Heads I win, tails you lose.
Will that squeak if I squeeze it?
I hate torturing people, but I'm really, really good at it.

(in reply to ZGuy32)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Basic Starter Clear up - 11/13/2009 5:09:02 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

You're entering the military. Ask them what kind of support groups she can join. As far as her handling stress, she handled it before she met you, she'll handle it again. Will it be as well as having you there to give her a hug? No, but she'll survive. Beyond that you could now join a munch so she can make friends. You could find her the names of therapists who teach stress relief. You could give her the names of yoga teachers, pilates teachers, and other exercise programs with a spiritual component. You could encourage her to go to her choice of religious service.

The last thing you want is to spring someone new on the relationship unless you don't want to have either of them to come back to.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to LadyChallene)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Basic Starter Clear up - 11/13/2009 1:03:01 PM

ZGuy32

Posts: 9
Joined: 8/20/2005
Status: offline

Well thank you for the suggestions and I will talk with her and also see about groups that she might like or counciling of some form. The thing I'm also going to look into is a friend of hers is also into this lifestyle so maybe I can have her be checked in on every so offten to make sure she is doing ok. :)

Thank you for all of your help.
ZGuy

(in reply to DesFIP)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Basic Starter Clear up - 11/13/2009 1:58:45 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5159
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

Yes, do get her involved with the support groups available to all military. My husband did 20 years in the service. I mentored many young men and women during those years. One fact you may have to face is that she may not be able to handle a relationship where you will be gone for considerable lengths of time. Support groups do help an awful lot, however, some people do not deal well with separation. She may need someone who is there for her all the time. Sometimes love is just not enough, no matter what you think. Believe me. I saw too many marriages break up due to separations. They were both good people. It was just not the right type of life for the one left behind.

(in reply to ZGuy32)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: Basic Starter Clear up - 11/13/2009 3:46:03 PM

ZGuy32

Posts: 9
Joined: 8/20/2005
Status: offline

yes sadly I have thought about that as well over the next week or so I will sit down and figure out the best corse to take for us both. I think the sperating for a bit might end up the best bet then when she can come join me we can see how she feels or if she has been collared by one more suitable for her. :)

ZGuy

(in reply to peppermint)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: Basic Starter Clear up - 11/13/2009 3:50:33 PM

zephyroftheNorth

Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Are you trying to change the girl you're with now, plan on dumping her, or adding someone to the mix????

I have yet to meet anyone that needs watching 24/7 over the age of 21 or so, no matter what they call themselves.

Cali

*cough*holly*cough*

_____________________________

And there's a smile when the pain comes
The pain gonna make ev'rything alright ~ Black Crows

Team Troll Trollop
Member: Cocksuckers For World Peace
Charter member: Lance's Fag Hags
Member: Subbie Mafia
Member: Hibbie's Hotties

(in reply to CalifChick)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: Basic Starter Clear up - 11/13/2009 9:55:07 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Are you trying to change the girl you're with now, plan on dumping her, or adding someone to the mix????

I have yet to meet anyone that needs watching 24/7 over the age of 21 or so, no matter what they call themselves.

Cali

*cough*holly*cough*

Sometimes I exaggerate for effect.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to zephyroftheNorth)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: Basic Starter Clear up - 11/14/2009 8:22:43 AM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

im in the military and deployed myself and my Mistress has me do things to keep abreast in the lifestyle. also i have chat available to me here so i can chat daily with Her and keep myself centered. the unit that you mobilize with will have a family support group with newsletters. also she could write a letter and send it to you explaining how she feels and what problems she has. the mobilization process can be long and may offer time to visit before you actualy leave country this may be helpfull to B/both of Y/you. the best thing is to communicate with each O/other and find what works

_____________________________

proud to serve the awsome
LadyPact

(in reply to CalifChick)

Profile

Post #: 12

RE: Basic Starter Clear up - 11/14/2009 11:26:05 AM

zephyroftheNorth

Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Are you trying to change the girl you're with now, plan on dumping her, or adding someone to the mix????

I have yet to meet anyone that needs watching 24/7 over the age of 21 or so, no matter what they call themselves.

Cali

*cough*holly*cough*

Sometimes I exaggerate for effect.

Cali

As do I lol

_____________________________

And there's a smile when the pain comes
The pain gonna make ev'rything alright ~ Black Crows

Team Troll Trollop
Member: Cocksuckers For World Peace
Charter member: Lance's Fag Hags
Member: Subbie Mafia
Member: Hibbie's Hotties

(in reply to CalifChick)

Profile

Post #: 13