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Would this indicate a Domme is busy or lacks interest i... - 11/13/2009 9:10:41 AM

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I'm a little puzzled about this. I wrote a pro-domme a couple times on here (won't say who it is), she showed interest. She told me to call her, I did, we set up an on-going sessions deal (as long as the first one goes well) with the first session a couple weeks in advance (being that I don't live alone so I have to plan accordingly).

I wanted to call her again to further discuss session details and such, but she recommended calling a day before session. Being that I don't live alone and can't make calls anytime I please so I wrote her on collarme explaining this and asked if she had some form of instant messenger or aim because it would be easier that way.

What happened is that she read that message and didnt respond. 2-3 days later, I wrote her again just to follow up because I hadn't heard from her, 2 days after that she reads it but doesn't respond (again). So here I am now, been 2 days since she read that last message. Mind you, I'm not a rude or immature person in any sense of the word whether it comes to writing messages or any form of communication alone so I know that is not the issue.

My first and obvious guess is that she's busy. I don't know though. First session is next saturday, a week away, I have to call her the day before anyway but still, such a long wait and I'm really anticipating, wish I could at least communicate with her somehow until then. I don't want to keep writing to her and no response, it would make me look desperate and stupid I think. The only other solution I can think of is to call her again the next time nobody is here and I have the house to myself (which would be this evening).

Your thoughts? Any idea why this sorta thing would happen?

RE: Would this indicate a Domme is busy or lacks intere... - 11/13/2009 9:22:36 AM

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You are engaging a professional. As such, she is likely looking for a professional interaction - thus, your "need" to get your rocks off by talking about what you will want her to do to you before the session is not likely to get her full attention. She is a pro and thus has other clients and things to worry about.

Call her the day before and be content.

You say you "don't live alone" and allude that you cannot call except at certain times...if there is an integrity issue surrounding this meeting, I would seriously encourage you to look at your actions and the potential repercussions of those actions - namely, is there someone in your life that you are going to harm by doing this? If so, then think with your big head and your heart and try to act with integrity and honor.

Good luck to you and welcome to the forums.

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to EncasedForever)

RE: Would this indicate a Domme is busy or lacks intere... - 11/13/2009 10:32:31 AM

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EncasedForever,

Ditto what OttersSwim wrote with this extra advice:

Regarding professional services. You're calling a professional and she has made her terms clear. Yes, you can follow up if you have concerns and you have. Now the ball is in her court. If you don't like her access policies, find another professional. That's the nice thing about purchasing a service. You can shop around for the provider that best meets your needs. Should you decide to follow through, I wouldn't call again until the time you've been asked to. If you decide to cancel, do so with reasonable notice so she can fill the spot. So that she knows why she's losing the business, you could give a short, polite, one-sentence reason. Be polite and courteous at all times. If she is nasty and/or unprofessional in return, don't reply. The negotiation is done and there is nothing to be gained by further discussion.

Regarding your partner. If you have a partner who you'll be effectively lying to, cheating on, and hurting (or any variation of this scenario), I urge you to reconsider your actions. BDSM, even with a professional, is about honesty... honesty to the professional and honesty to all others you're involved with. If you can't explain this to your partner and gain consent, and you still want to do it, the real issue is you and your partner have incompatible needs. Minimally, even if you and your partner can't agree, I'd be up front about what you're doing. You are making decisions that are right for you. By withholding information from your partner, you're taking away their ability to make decisions that are right for themselves. Therefore, at the very least, I recommend that you're honest with your partner.

With communication and honesty, you may be able to negotiate with your partner so that your mutual needs are met. Keep in mind that compromise is the name of the day. A partner may say "okay, I'm comfortable with you doing this, and this, but not that". Your partner might even say "that's new and strange to me, but I'm willing to try it with you... slowly". Accept your partner's limits and, where possible, negotiate mid-ground. The conversation may not be easy and it will likely take more than one discussion (both to discuss the issues and possibly to reach a place where constructive negotiation can occur). Still, I encourage you to take this approach. Most importantly, you should be thinking about your partner's safety (emotional and physical). The things you do effect not only yourself, but your partner too.

When partners have differing and sometimes incompatible needs, this can be difficult water to navigate. The water only becomes more navigable with communication, honesty, patience, and compromise. I wish you and your partner success in communicating.

Elan.

(in reply to EncasedForever)

RE: Would this indicate a Domme is busy or lacks intere... - 11/13/2009 10:44:31 AM

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Before answering anything else, I'm going to strongly agree with Otters here. If the reason you can't call anytime is that the person you live with is a romantic involvement, I hope you take some serious thought as to how much you could potentially be hurting that person in your life. Put yourself in that other person's shoes. How would you feel if somebody went behind your back and had an appointment of this nature with someone else?

As to your actual question, I don't believe it has anything with being busy. You are looking at the situation in a different way than the professional would be. You are paying for a specific block of time with this person. Anytime that she spends on you over and above what is required for your session to go as planned is more or less a write off. She's going to talk with you the day before so your session can go well. Chatting with you days and days before hand means she's putting in more time, so she's actually earning less when you factor in that time including your session time. And, let's face it. You haven't paid her at all yet, so she has no idea of whether her time investment is going to pay off.

You're not her new friend. You're not her new interest or partner. You are a client. That means she is going to spend the time on you that you pay her for.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to OttersSwim)

RE: Would this indicate a Domme is busy or lacks intere... - 11/13/2009 10:49:35 AM

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I am not a prodomme.

I have a vanilla career where as part of it, I spend time consulting with clients and bill them for that consulting. I also spend time and effort with potential clients because that's how they eventually become clients.   Specifically what I do doesn't matter- the same applies to any professional, be they a doctor, an IT person, the woman who cleans your home, or the guy who fixes your car.

BUT - frankly, if that potential client has not yet become a client - if they haven't paid me for my time as yet - if I can't yet bill them - there's only so much time and so much information I am willing to give them. Period. I don't consult for free - my time and my expertise and my work is worth what I charge.   If a potential client wants that time and expertise and work, then funds are going to have to exchange hands in order for them to get it. They have no right to that time and expertise and work otherwise, and if they continue to try to obtain it for free, then I have the option of NOT allowing them to become a client and cutting off contact. I've done it before and I would do it again.

It sounds like you have not paid her as yet. You don't have a right to her time, and frankly, given how many guys online are just looking for instant gratification and not to follow through, she's probably thinking you're one of them since you asked to IM as well.    An IM conversation takes MUCH longer than a phone call to convey the same information.

You're an adult, and I'm not going to comment on your personal situation. You're not the only one in that situation, and asking for a phone call the day before is something that probably all of her clients manage to be able to do, even if they're in your situation.   She wants to know you're going to show up, just as you want to know that when you show up, she'll be there.   Don't want to call her from a number that your wife can check? Buy a disposable cell phone and call the lady in question from that.

(in reply to ElanSubdued)

RE: Would this indicate a Domme is busy or lacks intere... - 11/13/2009 10:53:18 AM

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she said you can call her one day before the session, she dont give a fuck about talking it over until then, end of joke and end of convo.

You are getting what you contracted for, not on your timeline, but hers.

Perhaps you could offer to pay her for a phone session where you can work this out, if the days waiting are killing you.

Nobody fucks and sucks for free. Pro or amature

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to CherokeeRose2)

RE: Would this indicate a Domme is busy or lacks intere... - 11/13/2009 11:09:06 AM

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I'ma tell you right now. Don't call her on another date and time if she gave you a specific date to call her. I can tell you now the reason she said call her the day before is to confirm. She isn't your girlfriend she doesn't really wanna chat. She told you when to call her and all you needed to do was take a walk to make that phone call. You're fuckin around on your wife and that's cool or whatever but don't expect the Pro to bend to your schedule when she tells you what her's is. If you missed a phone call because you can't plan according to the schedule that she sent you, then you fucked up and you need to figure out how to make better excuses to get out of the house for a few minutes.

Being the boi that filters for a different Pro, I can tell you that neediness like this just decreases your chances of having multiple sessions. The reason is because it's crazy, stalker, wanna have a relationship type behavior and it's not cool. Back off...do what she says and when...get creative in getting out of the house when you need to (you're gonna lie about where your money went, getting a half hour out of the house shouldn't be a problem) and follow through. You bail, you suck. You bail, you're gonna piss her off and you're not gonna hear from her again. You asking for what is potentially her personal time or other professional time with someones else is taking money out of her pocket. This is the arrangement you made. Going outside of that and attempting to contact her beyond the boundaries she's set up is not ok.

Cuz here's the deal, I filter phone calls and emails. If it were MsKitty you were contacting and you called out of the blue outside of the scheduled time, your session would be canceled and you'd get an ear full of fuck you's from me and you wouldn't get your deposit back. Then again, this is precisely the reason MsKitty doesn't schedule more than a week in advance and less than 3 days. To do so otherwise lets these guys make up a relationship in their heads that doesn't exist.

Get a hold of yourself OP.

boi

_____________________________

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(in reply to mnottertail)

RE: Would this indicate a Domme is busy or lacks intere... - 11/13/2009 11:41:49 AM

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Joined: 8/20/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ElanSubdued

Regarding your partner. If you have a partner who you'll be effectively lying to, cheating on, and hurting (or any variation of this scenario), I urge you to reconsider your actions. BDSM, even with a professional, is about honesty... honesty to the professional and honesty to all others you're involved with. If you can't explain this to your partner and gain consent, and you still want to do it, the real issue is you and your partner have incompatible needs. Minimally, even if you and your partner can't agree, I'd be up front about what you're doing. You are making decisions that are right for you. By withholding information from your partner, you're taking away their ability to make decisions that are right for themselves. Therefore, at the very least, I recommend that you're honest with your partner.

With communication and honesty, you may be able to negotiate with your partner so that your mutual needs are met. Keep in mind that compromise is the name of the day. A partner may say "okay, I'm comfortable with you doing this, and this, but not that". Your partner might even say "that's new and strange to me, but I'm willing to try it with you... slowly". Accept your partner's limits and, where possible, negotiate mid-ground. The conversation may not be easy and it will likely take more than one discussion (both to discuss the issues and possibly to reach a place where constructive negotiation can occur). Still, I encourage you to take this approach. Most importantly, you should be thinking about your partner's safety (emotional and physical). The things you do effect not only yourself, but your partner too.

When partners have differing and sometimes incompatible needs, this can be difficult water to navigate. The water only becomes more navigable with communication, honesty, patience, and compromise. I wish you and your partner success in communicating.

Elan.

All this and I never saw him ask for any advice about his partner. I don't think he was asking for a guilt trip!
Honesty to the pro about what? that he is married and cheating? Believe me a pro Domme really isn't interested in your personal life.
The good reason to go to a pro Domme is because it meets his needs without encroaching on his relationship. Its a clean cut business transaction with no threat of a bunny boiler. If every potential client told his Mrs before visiting a pro Mistress, then a pro Mistress would lose 95% of her clients.

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos

Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to ElanSubdued)

RE: Would this indicate a Domme is busy or lacks intere... - 11/13/2009 11:58:11 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: EncasedForever
I have to call her the day before anyway but still, such a long wait and I'm really anticipating, wish I could at least communicate with her somehow until then.

Why? Do you call your vet every night when she's going to look at your cat in two weeks? Do you call your mechanic when your car is almost due for a tuneup?

It is easy to confuse romantic feelings with a professional relationship, because suddenly there is someone who "gets" you physically, or at least is not turned off by your fetish, and is willing to explore it with you. However, try to see things straight here. You're not dating, and you probably never will be.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to EncasedForever)

RE: Would this indicate a Domme is busy or lacks intere... - 11/13/2009 12:08:16 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz
All this and I never saw him ask for any advice about his partner. I don't think he was asking for a guilt trip!
Honesty to the pro about what? that he is married and cheating? Believe me a pro Domme really isn't interested in your personal life.
The good reason to go to a pro Domme is because it meets his needs without encroaching on his relationship. Its a clean cut business transaction with no threat of a bunny boiler. If every potential client told his Mrs before visiting a pro Mistress, then a pro Mistress would lose 95% of her clients.

Ummmm. Actually, it does.

If we're talking about a romantic partner at home, it is encroaching on that relationship. Not only is he spending his money on the pro, but he is also spending the time on her. Unlike the pro, he's investing his session time, plus the time he's thinking about it, planning it, etc.

The OP didn't say if he lived with a partner, just someone else. It could also be a divorced father whose younglings live with him or he could have platonic roommates that he may be too embarrassed to have the situation discovered. I do tend to think it's a romantic partner which is just an assumption.

In some eyes, it's not a clean cut business transaction. There are a lot of wives out there that certainly wouldn't think so and would end the marriage over it if they discovered their husband doing it. I think the risk of such is probably more important than the potential loss of business to the pro. This definitely fits in the cheating category for a lot of folks based on the fact that he's not being honest with his partner. If it's supposedly a monogamous relationship, the kinks are being put before the commitment he made to another person. If there's a guilt trip associated in pointing out the truth of that, I'd say let the conscious decide.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to allthatjaz)

RE: Would this indicate a Domme is busy or lacks intere... - 11/13/2009 1:49:31 PM

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If you sought her out, you have to follow her agenda or else take your business elsewhere. Try giving up your expectations - - you might find yourself pleasantly surprised.

_____________________________

Saharah

S a h a r a h E v e . c o m

nanshakh.com

(in reply to EncasedForever)

RE: Would this indicate a Domme is busy or lacks intere... - 11/13/2009 2:02:39 PM

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LadyPact, I have to beg to differ here. Out there in the world of kink there are thousands upon thousands of people not able to live out their fantasy. There are many couples that split because they can't see eye to eye over what many would consider perverted and sick and there are many more that are going behind their partners back with a secondary partner they have met on sites such as this who eventually throw the towel one way or the other and cause heartbreak.
My own marriage broke up over my own perversions because he couldn't accept them. Ultimately I had to go and look elsewhere because the need in me was stronger than the alternative which was to live forever without it. I chose not to corrupt and contaminate my marriage by going behind his back but maybe if I had felt more strongly for him then I would of gone behind his back with a professional or long term play partner in a similar situation. Perhaps some would say that would be greedy and perhaps others will understand that need to take a risk.
Going to a pro is not looking for a relationship, its looking for relief and nothing more. Yes it is still and act of betrayal and I agree that the time and planning of going to see a pro deflects time together with a partner, if he indeed has a partner but we don't know this guy. We don't know if he has a wife, a partner or a hell hole. He never asked a question about betrayal of a partner.... the rest is guess work.

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos

Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: Would this indicate a Domme is busy or lacks intere... - 11/13/2009 2:04:55 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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Please don ot paste your idea of what bdsm is onto another person.You can't speak for every one definitivly about what bdsm is, You can only speak for yourself, and others may or may not share that point of view.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ElanSubdued

BDSM, even with a professional, is about honesty... honesty to the professional and honesty to all others you're involved with.
Elan.

(in reply to ElanSubdued)

RE: Would this indicate a Domme is busy or lacks intere... - 11/13/2009 2:57:00 PM

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It's not that she is not interested, she's really not supposed to be. She not a personal relationship, but a professional one. It's just like with an attorney, time is money, and every time you talk to them, they expect to get paid for that time.

She's already given you the complimentary talk regarding her services, she even gave you the added bonus that you could call her the day before your session, so I'm not understanding why you think that someone who is running a business should hold your hand 24/7.

You choose to have a professional, that's fine, but you can't have it both ways. In these "messages" did you ask her for details? I'm not a pro, but when I was looking, I'd get countless emails from guys that knew I was not into cyber, so they would try to get around that by asking, what I "usually" do, or if I did choose them what would I do in this situation or that situation...it was clearly just someone trying to wank.

I'm not saying this is what you wrote or your intention, but I'm saying this might be how she preceived your emails. Especially since she's already talked to you once...what else is there to discuss? You customer, she service provider, you had the intro discussion, next step is the actual service. In my opinion, seems like you want some kind of warm up sessions free of charge.

You want to pay her like a professional, but you want her to contact you like she's your extra marital girlfriend. You sound like a schoolgirl wanting her boyfriend to keep in contact before their prom date. Are you saying that she's supposed to be there for you whenever you deem to talk to her? She has a life too...unless that is the arrangement that you made and you are paying for it..but according to your post it isn't

I'm pretty sure you're not her only client, but it really doesn't make a difference whether she is busy or not, you made a verbal contract, grow up and stick to it and don't push her. As a "company" she has the right to refuse anyone. Call her at your planned time and hope that she hasn't decided refuse you as a client.

One way to curb being "impatient" is to make the actual session, closer to the initial conversation or in conjunction with it.

Not being mean, just saying, you want a extra woman on the side, one that you can call when your wife is not home, and talk to you whenever and do whatever, then you'll have to go out and find one that won't mind a married man. Otherwise, you pay for something, that's all you're going to get is "that" service discussed.

Good luck and I hope she still wants the agreement with you.

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....

(in reply to EncasedForever)

RE: Would this indicate a Domme is busy or lacks intere... - 11/13/2009 4:24:50 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

LadyPact, I have to beg to differ here. Out there in the world of kink there are thousands upon thousands of people not able to live out their fantasy. There are many couples that split because they can't see eye to eye over what many would consider perverted and sick and there are many more that are going behind their partners back with a secondary partner they have met on sites such as this who eventually throw the towel one way or the other and cause heartbreak.
My own marriage broke up over my own perversions because he couldn't accept them. Ultimately I had to go and look elsewhere because the need in me was stronger than the alternative which was to live forever without it. I chose not to corrupt and contaminate my marriage by going behind his back but maybe if I had felt more strongly for him then I would of gone behind his back with a professional or long term play partner in a similar situation. Perhaps some would say that would be greedy and perhaps others will understand that need to take a risk.
Going to a pro is not looking for a relationship, its looking for relief and nothing more. Yes it is still and act of betrayal and I agree that the time and planning of going to see a pro deflects time together with a partner, if he indeed has a partner but we don't know this guy. We don't know if he has a wife, a partner or a hell hole. He never asked a question about betrayal of a partner.... the rest is guess work.

You're correct, Maria, that the OP never said who this other person was that lived with him. Though just about every alternative situation (parents, younglings, roommate) could be worked around on the timing of the phone call issue.

I also agree that going to a pro is a session and nothing more. Yet, how many clients think that the play is more than it is? There's a good amount that delude themselves into that thinking.

As for the rest, I happen to think on a rather practical standpoint. I realize that it doesn't work out for every kinky person who happens to be involved with a vanilla person to have all of their wants realized. It would be My opinion, however, that people decide which thing they want more and chose one or the other if need be. If the relationship someone is in is more important than kink, they owe it to the other person to be honest and faithful if they are monogamous. If the kink is more important, they have the obligation to themselves and the other person to let that other person go if need be to explore the kink world.

Granted, this is My personal view and not everyone agrees with it. I'm thinking from the angle of the potential harm that could be dealt to someone else if it all gets found out. To Me, a third person who could be wounded emotionally, who never consented to be so, is really more important than Me having a good scene.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to allthatjaz)

RE: Would this indicate a Domme is busy or lacks intere... - 11/13/2009 5:20:10 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: EncasedForever

I'm a little puzzled about this. I wrote a pro-domme a couple times on here (won't say who it is), she showed interest. She told me to call her, I did, we set up an on-going sessions deal (as long as the first one goes well) with the first session a couple weeks in advance (being that I don't live alone so I have to plan accordingly).

I wanted to call her again to further discuss session details and such, but she recommended calling a day before session. Being that I don't live alone and can't make calls anytime I please so I wrote her on collarme explaining this and asked if she had some form of instant messenger or aim because it would be easier that way.

What happened is that she read that message and didnt respond. 2-3 days later, I wrote her again just to follow up because I hadn't heard from her, 2 days after that she reads it but doesn't respond (again).

i think the others have missed the point i'm seeing, but i started skimming after a while so who knows.

it's obvious she reads her damn mail, that's how you communicated in the beginning. the reasons she asks you to call is probably going to look like this.

1. assurance of hearing her voice.
2. professionalism.
3. time is money.
4. speech is the quickest way to exchange information and reach agreements.

and even at that, anyone who's made business plans knows it's a good idea to reaffirm it the day before in case there are last minute details to discuss, and just to be sure you are in fact coming to the appointment.

the obvious thing that kills me on the level of common sense is that you already know that writing on cm is an effective way of communicating with her because you've already used it and is how you first started, and you could have just told her anything you had to say in the 2 messages you sent.

contact only even went outside of cm because of her.

it's painfully stupid when people say things like "we need to talk; i have something to tell you and it can't wait", or they send a text message to your phone saying "call me", or write emails saying "instead of me typing in this box, why don't i hassle you to go jumping through hoops, then i'll hop through a few myself, then i'll type in some other box in the exact same fashion as i'm doing now FOR A ONE TIME OCCASION".

instead of telling her what i'm sure is nothing less than amazingly important details on collarme... which consists of you sitting on your computer in front a screen typing it out, you want to move a "conversation" over to an instant messenger which consists of you sitting on your computer in front a screen typing it out. even if she wasn't taking this as "oh god, now he thinks i'm his new best friend and wants me on his buddy list; what next... is he going to want to forward me the "funny and cute emails" his family sends him?", she still has to sit there and say "is he seriously this dense?".

you wrote on cm and talked, then called on the phone and talked, now you've written on cm asking her to download and sign up for an im client so you can talk; what IS next? are you going to call and leave an message on her answering machine to let her know she has an email, with which the email ends up being "you have a new message from EncasedForever on CollarMe", and which the message on cm consists of "didn't see you on yahoo last night, but i left you something on there", which in her offline messages ends up saying "hey i wrote you a letter the other day, it should arrive in a few days", and when the post office gets that letter to her it says "i sent a carrier pigeon to japan, where upon arrival a fine calligrapher will be writing 'very important details' for our meeting on a piece of parchment and tucking it into a bottle to throw out at sea. when you get the bottle, let me know if there are any problems."

stop playing around with contact games and just TELL HER if there's something so consequential that it can't wait untill the phone call that SHE INSISTED ON YOU MAKING ANYWAY.

if it seems stupid to imagine going to a medical web site, emailing a doctor listed there, then calling them to set up an appointment date, and have them tell you they will call back the day before the appointment to confirm you will be there and find out if there has been anything else they should be made aware of, and in turn you go home and email the doctor again asking him if they'd like to chat on msn one night about how you'd feel more comfortable if the doctor would pinch your nipples before asking you to take a deep breath or to open your mouth and say ahhhhh~...

then what you're doing here should look just as stupid unless you're not actually looking at her as a professional.

but even if you do look at her with the wrong view (in which case, any and all lack of complete attachment with this woman pretty much annihilates even the most avid supporter that this isn't cheating on your partner (which if it isn't a significant other, there's about jack and shit of an issue with someone just "knowing" you're on the phone or that it's a female; coupled by the fact you can apparently hide on the computer away from your "whoever" easy enough))... it still doesn't change the fact that you could have just told her at any damn time by writing a message on cm if it was so bloody important it couldn't wait till the phone call you already have to make.

quote:

I don't want to keep writing to her and no response, it would make me look desperate and stupid I think.

Your thoughts? Any idea why this sorta thing would happen?

too late. and it happens because unlike for you; this isn't her first dance.

and yes, i know that comes off as "harsh"

< Message edited by hopelesslyInvo -- 11/13/2009 5:35:56 PM >

_____________________________

great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.

(in reply to EncasedForever)

RE: Would this indicate a Domme is busy or lacks intere... - 11/13/2009 6:27:45 PM

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

Toppingfrmbottom,

quote:

ElanSubdued:
BDSM, even with a professional, is about honesty... honesty to the professional and honesty to all others you're involved with.

Toppingfrmbottom:
Please don't paste your idea of what bdsm is onto another person. You can't speak for every one definitivly about what bdsm is. You can only speak for yourself and others may or may not share that point of view.

This isn't the intent of my words as I wrote them, but I can (now) see they could be taken this way. Let's assume the OP doesn't subscribe to an honesty modus operandi. I'd adjust my comment thus: "consider being honest with professionals and with all others you're involved with as such an approach is often fundamental to everyone's enjoyment, participant or not". This is still my view and it wouldn't change with knowledge of the OP's modus operandi.

Elan.

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

RE: Would this indicate a Domme is busy or lacks intere... - 11/13/2009 7:08:35 PM

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

Maria (A.K.A. allthatjaz),

quote:

All this and I never saw him ask for any advice about his partner. I don't think he was asking for a guilt trip!
Honesty to the pro about what? That he is married and cheating? Believe me a pro Domme really isn't interested in your personal life.

The good reason to go to a pro Domme is because it meets his needs without encroaching on his relationship. It's a clean cut business transaction with no threat of a bunny boiler. If every potential client told his Mrs before visiting a pro Mistress, then a pro Mistress would lose 95% of her clients.

Regarding your last point, it's true, the pro domme industry might lose business if more clients are honest with their partners and find ways to negotiate with their partners. Changes in business climate happen all the time and that's part of what being in business entails.

About the other points you made. The OP didn't ask for advice about his partner, but he implied there was something he was hiding or a reason he could not make calls from home. As LadyPact suggested, this may have nothing to do with a significant other, but I took the chance it might. My comments are neither a guilt trip nor commentary on the pro domme marketplace. Hiding professional sessions from a significant other is encroaching on the relationship and on the non-consenting partner and that's why I wrote as I did.

To the OP: please accept my apologies if this line of thought has no bearing on the situation actually at hand.

Elan.

< Message edited by ElanSubdued -- 11/13/2009 7:10:51 PM >

(in reply to allthatjaz)

RE: Would this indicate a Domme is busy or lacks intere... - 11/14/2009 3:03:33 PM

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

quote:

ElanSubdued:
...such an approach is often fundamental to everyone's enjoyment, participant or not.

Clarification: "such an approach is often fundamental to everyone's *safety and enjoyment*, participant or not". I use the word "safety" as a euphemism for "emotional and physical safety".

Elan.

< Message edited by ElanSubdued -- 11/14/2009 3:05:26 PM >

(in reply to ElanSubdued)

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