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RE: Collar vs wedding ring - 4/12/2006 9:42:08 AM

edianspet

Posts: 24
Joined: 2/17/2006
Status: offline

I do see them both as symbols of a defined relationship. One is wrapped around my love which I give freely, the other wrapped around my power which was taken from me. My wedding ring encompasses every part and parcel .. the entirity of 'me' and would never have been placed on my finger if the collar was not already attached. They are not equally important to me. The collar can exist without the wedding ring.. that wedding ring, for me, can not exist without the collar.

Celeste
[/quote]

I feel exactly the same way Celeste. I've been with Edian who is my partner, best friend, father of 1 of my children for 6 years now. He's asked me to marry him a few times...
Recently he 'collared' me, our journey as D/s, M/s, has grown and strengthened. I've finally set a wedding date for this summer :)

Edianspet J

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 61

RE: Collar vs wedding ring - 4/12/2006 9:54:12 AM

kajirared

Posts: 8
Joined: 4/8/2006
Status: offline

collar or wedding ring you want to screw a nice M/s realtionship replace the collar for a wedding espcieally if it is the second marriage for the slave. the two realtionships should never cross, for at least in my case when it did, our M/s realtionship fell apart. and you can not get back that to which once was and is no more. When i said i do my master who became my husband stop being what i really wanted and tried to become what he thought a husband should be, so now i not only have a M/s realtionship but i am not also facing another divorce. so bewared and careful

(in reply to edianspet)

Post #: 62

RE: Collar vs wedding ring - 4/12/2006 10:42:04 AM

peasantsub

Posts: 15
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

To be completely cynical, a collar is cheaper but takes more effort to maintain.

Having spoken with my Master, Whom i will never marry, i believe this is true. many men have often rushed out to purchase an engagement ring and either been rejected or with a bit of money and time in court/lawyer's office the relationship ended.

Those Wwho are true to the lifestyle do not believe in what Wwe often refer to as "velcro collars"so the search for the proper Oone for us takes a bit longer.

Master has allowed me to speak of Oour situation in reference to meatcleaver's comment. Master and i spent many hours in the beginning of Oour relationship talking online and over the phone. At that time i was not sure exactly what i wanted out of Oour relationship. part of me wanted a husband and Master, the other part of me knew that i did not want one without the other. Could i marry Master if that were an option for Uus, yes, and yes i would. i could never serve a Master who did not meet my requirments for a husband. For me, my commitment to Master is so much deeper than the commitment that i would have to a vanilla spouse. When i gave Master my body, i gave Him my heart and soul at the same time. there is not one part of me that Master does not own. Oour relationship is not a legal binding one; to Uus it is so intense and involved, there is no way an atty could ever figure it out. Just as married couples exchange vows and wedding rings, Master and i exchanged vows of Oour own and He place my collar around my neck. He chose a collar that i could wear 24/7 and not have to explain. He shopped for over a year before finding one that would allow me to do so. So to me, my collar well exceeds the value of a wedding band/ring.

the beauty of this lifestyle is that we can taylor it to meet each Master/slave Dom'me/sub's individual needs. what works for Master and i may not work for another couple. but for Uus it could not be more perfect.

(in reply to meatcleaver)

Post #: 63

RE: Collar vs wedding ring - 4/12/2006 4:29:46 PM

Rayne58

Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kajirared

collar or wedding ring you want to screw a nice M/s realtionship replace the collar for a wedding espcieally if it is the second marriage for the slave. the two realtionships should never cross, for at least in my case when it did, our M/s realtionship fell apart. and you can not get back that to which once was and is no more. When i said i do my master who became my husband stop being what i really wanted and tried to become what he thought a husband should be, so now i not only have a M/s realtionship but i am not also facing another divorce. so bewared and careful

Just have to ask - were you living together at the time or did you and he move in together when you got married? Master and I have been living together for over two years and I don't see our dynamic changing just because of a piece of paper and a few vows before a celebrant. We are committed in our hearts and have been since day one. I have had the engagement ring for a year and we would be married right now were it not for His health problems.

This will be the second marriage for us both and having been in bad relationships before we know when we've got a good thing going

(in reply to kajirared)

Post #: 64

RE: Collar vs wedding ring - 4/12/2006 4:49:07 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

I see them as being equal in my relationships, but have nothing against folks who can separate the two and live well with those decisions...
I consider a married man collared by his wife, and so if I use him in any capacity it would be as an occasional toy/servant, not as mine... I'm relatively possessive and controlling of mine, so he can't have a wife who is legally (in my opinion) his owner.
**Envisioning cloudboy coming to tell me how wrong this thinking is

*** M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 65

RE: Collar vs wedding ring - 2/10/2009 3:51:41 PM

KnottyMcLovin

Posts: 10
Joined: 12/27/2007
Status: offline

I have to be completely honest here. First of all, let me say that I am monogamous and happy. I think that, as symbols in general, they are both valid and very different. So, that said, I don't want to spend any more time on what they are, just what they mean to me in my experience.

FOR ME, the social constructs around marriage tend to drag it into the archetype of a "duty" or a "chore" in my sub-conscious. I struggle with it, I think everyone does, and that is a part of the process.

Once I put a collar on someone, every day of our lives we are giving each other a tremendous, beautiful, wonderful gift.

I acknowledge that being married to someone is also a gift, I'm not going to argue that with anyone. I'm just saying that for me, the collar is free from all the "what should we be doing now that we are married, what does everyone else say it is supposed to mean" and is all "we have made a commitment to each other to negotiate everything under the sun, no matter how weird or dark or silly, what do we negotiate and consent to as 2 (loving) individuals". There is a tremendous joy and power in that.

Viola

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 66

RE: Collar vs wedding ring - 2/10/2009 4:04:07 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

~Fast Reply~

Collars and rings are exactly the same to me. They are jewelry that can cost a dollar or upwards of a thousand. They can have a great deal of meaning or none at all.

For me, my wedding ring means slightly more than my collar. My collar is a symbol of our devotation to our particular type of relationship. My wedding ring will be the symbol of the knitting together of two families, a celebration of love and our commitment to raise our own family together, bringing new lives into the world. Of course, we wouldn't be coming together as husband and wife if we didn't both enjoy a power dynamic but I also wouldn't have accepted his collar if he didn't want to marry me.

Other people won't have that same feelings of course.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to KnottyMcLovin)

Post #: 67

RE: Collar vs wedding ring - 2/10/2009 4:11:02 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I am one who finds them equal. I would like to have both someday again in the same man. For me a ring is a bond between us both in the eyes of our God, we are connected spiritually and have taken an oath to be devoted and to love one another, till death do we part.

A collar is a symbol of our lives together as Master/slave. I agree to submit and surrender to him in exchange for his domination and control over me.

I don't take either one lightly and I don't rush into either one of them quickly. Both mean quite a lot to me.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 68

RE: Collar vs wedding ring - 2/10/2009 4:31:41 PM

StrangerThan

Posts: 1515
Joined: 4/25/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Just curious about how others feel on this........do you see a collar as being equal to, less than, or more valuable than a wedding ring? Or do you even see the two as being in the same category?

Level

Lots of personal opinions because.. that's what it is. So I'll toss mine in the pot. To me a collar is best put on the woman who will also wear your wedding ring. Both symbolize the giving of self but perhaps, in different ways. For that reason, a wedding ring should have more symbolic value for the simple reason that both wear them, and in doing so, demonstrate the gift of each other.

Gift threads appear on D/s boards often where the value of submission debated as a gift or not. The true gift is what you give each other, not what one side of the equation gives. History is littered with relationships and marriages where one gives and the other doesn't regardless of whether those relationships have kink embedded or not.

You don't have to wear a wedding ring for both sides to give. One gives her or his submission, emotions, need, desire, lust, ache for that feeling of being complete and safe while riding the need, lust and emotion of the one who dominates. The ownership of that submission, the responsibility it entails not just for physical things but mental and emotional health, the caring that is returned is the gift given in reverse. A collar symbolizes those things, the gift both give to the other. A wedding ring does too in many cases, and while the value of either will always be in the eyes of the beholder, it seems the best of both worlds when they're on the same person.

That's the philosophical viewpoint. In legal terms, it's the wedding ring.

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 69

RE: Collar vs wedding ring - 2/10/2009 4:52:58 PM

kinkytinkerbell

Posts: 2
Joined: 1/17/2009
Status: offline

That is exactly how i feel. I have never put it into words but thats exactly it.

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 70

RE: Collar vs wedding ring - 2/10/2009 8:24:39 PM

pdx97219

Posts: 1
Joined: 7/7/2008
Status: offline

We are switches and we see our wedding rings as our "public" collars. It reminds us of our roles...inside her ring reads, "mine" and inside my ring reads, "mine2".

(in reply to TeeGO)

Post #: 71

RE: Collar vs wedding ring - 2/10/2009 10:36:47 PM

TazDevil

Posts: 155
Joined: 2/24/2005
Status: offline

some of you may have troble reeding my post just go to the end :)

it may help some of you to know something way ,way way back in the day we talking 2000 years ago slaves got marred by having to have golden rings put on them uesley parsing but some times DODODOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! rings over time woman become noting to men but slaves when men marred woman by aronced marge she have to where a goold or sliver ring to show what man owned her, over that that was forgotten and today both men and woman where rings to show there "love" but in true is the rings show they own each other NOT! love each other
wow! ok word p time not helping much lol
Long storey short, at one time all the ring was for was a coller! It just not seen that way today

(in reply to pdx97219)

Post #: 72

RE: Collar vs wedding ring - 2/11/2009 10:48:45 AM

gypsygrl

Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline

I don't see them as being in the same category at all.

When me and my ex-husband got married, we decided against rings, wrote our own vows, didn't change our names and when we had kids, gave the first one my name and the second one his name. Instead of a wedding cake, we had a sheet cake and had "this is a sheet cake not a wedding cake" written on it. Sometimes it pays to point out the obvious. Needless to say, I've never had much patience for traditional weddings or marriages. Our divorce, however, was pretty conventional with the caveat that we save a whole lot in legal fees because I absolutely refused to fight. I could have gotten us a 5$ divorce but he was in a hurry so did it his way. (That still sticks in my craw: what kind of man would pass up a 5$ divorce?)

In any case, whenever anyone compares a collar to a wedding ring, I cringe. I just have no patience for that conversation. If I was interested in something like a wedding ring, why wouldn't I just go out and get me something that is a wedding ring? Why reconstruct all the traditions associated with conventional marriage and call it alternative? It doesn't make sense to me.

_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 73

RE: Collar vs wedding ring - 2/11/2009 11:05:37 AM

FRSguy

Posts: 653
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline

One will be worth 50% of everything you build up between now and your divorce as well as (depending on your location) 50% or more of your future disposable income.

The other one tells other Doms that your girl has a steady lay....

Not much of a comparison.

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 74

RE: Collar vs wedding ring - 2/11/2009 12:15:18 PM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

Wedding ring- vanilla symbol of marriage. Marriage means different things in different cultures and to different peole. For me it's a financial arrangement and a partnership.
Collar/brand- symbol of a D/s or M/s relationship. Ownership by one person of the other.
If I ever collar or brand someone it will mean far more to me than my marriages.

(in reply to FRSguy)

Post #: 75

RE: Collar vs wedding ring - 2/11/2009 12:27:42 PM

Marion001

Posts: 54
Joined: 7/24/2008
Status: offline

just make sure that the price of the collar is close to the price of a ring. dont want them to be skimpy you know...

(in reply to TeeGO)

Post #: 76

RE: Collar vs wedding ring - 2/11/2009 1:25:34 PM

kristileigh

Posts: 1078
Joined: 3/23/2008
Status: offline

i think the collar is more valuable to me.......bound me heart and soul to Master. Now since it has only been less than a week since wearing the wedding band i might feel different later.........but i highly doubt it.

slave kristi

_____________________________

proud submissive/slave belonging heart and soul to
Master Chris!

(in reply to TeeGO)

Post #: 77

RE: Collar vs wedding ring - 2/11/2009 1:27:28 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

whenever anyone compares a collar to a wedding ring, I cringe. I just have no patience for that conversation.

yeah, same here. When collarings are recognized as legally binding, I might change my mind.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to gypsygrl)

Post #: 78

RE: Collar vs wedding ring - 2/11/2009 1:57:50 PM

starshineowned

Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

Just curious about how others feel on this........do you see a collar as being equal to, less than, or more valuable than a wedding ring? Or do you even see the two as being in the same category?

I don't think one has any real value over the other simply by virtue of the item itself. If you seek to be a partner of equal status and express a commitment to that person..then the wedding ring is more readily recognized as a symbol of that.

If you seek to be in a status that is not equal and express that you are owned property of that person..then a collar is more readily recognized as a symbol of that.

In the end..the actual item may come and go or change a few times but as long as your in the right status of that dynamic..whatever the item is..it will probably be extremely valuable to you.

starshine

< Message edited by starshineowned -- 2/11/2009 1:58:27 PM >

_____________________________

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." --Abraham Lincoln

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Post #: 79

RE: Collar vs wedding ring - 2/11/2009 9:32:59 PM

StormsSlave

Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline

Having just married, My Lord and I understand without ever speaking of it beforehand that my agreement of marriage to him is a certificate of ownership. The collar is uneccessary.

_____________________________

Congratulate me...I'm a missus!!

--nobody's resident anything.

(in reply to starshineowned)

Post #: 80

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