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Trouble Classifying myself - 11/29/2009 9:45:59 AM

BeowulfKaine

Posts: 32
Joined: 10/11/2009
From: Tulsa Oklahoma
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I'm having a bit of trouble classifying myself as to what I am, I know that I am the Dominant, but My wife and I are equals in our relationship, however she doesn't partake in any of the BDSM that I do. She's obviously aware that I am looking for a slave but says she probably won't have much to do with the day to day, so then, what exactly does that make us as a couple dynamic wise? Male Dom Couple? Dom Men? Poly Couple? I'm kinda confused now!

< Message edited by BeowulfKaine -- 11/29/2009 9:52:57 AM >

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RE: Trouble Classifying myself - 11/29/2009 10:00:03 AM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
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It makes you complicated.
If I'm reading this correctly you're looking for a slave (harder to find than sub), that's presumably single when you're married to a non-kinky wife that's your equal in a rather religous and conservative part of the country.

Easy box to check would be male dom couple then explain. Catch is a non-kinky wife likely will become territorial once a real live person is included in this idea you say you've discussed with her. Equal with the slave in that framework won't fly allowing you to check the triangle poly box.

Kind answer is you have your work cut out for you and a long journey ahead, be patient!

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Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to BeowulfKaine)

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RE: Trouble Classifying myself - 11/29/2009 10:13:00 AM

DarkSteven

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You can't really know. Your wife says right now that she won;t be involved much, but that could change. When and if it does, there's no telling what role she'll take.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Trouble Classifying myself - 11/29/2009 10:32:45 AM

AnimusRex

Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
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Co-Dominant Low Protocol Poly/Open Trainer TPE/Ms/ MG with UVW LfP *

Yes. That is the precise category you fit into.

You are welcome.

Signed,
The Sorting Hat.

*Married Guy with Understanding Vanilla Wife Looking for Playmate

Ok, Ok, I am a bit snarky. In all seriousness, you don't need a classification or a bunch of acronyms to describe you. You are a Dominant guy looking for a submissive. You just happen to have a complicated situation, thats all.
Which, in fact, most people do.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

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RE: Trouble Classifying myself - 11/29/2009 11:26:39 AM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
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Rex is right. You can be a dominant, and married, without your wife being a submissive, or switch, or dominant. It's obvious that you saw something in one another, in order to get married, but it just wasn't the kink.

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Fake the heat and scratch the itch
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One more trip and I'll be gone

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(in reply to AnimusRex)

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RE: Trouble Classifying myself - 11/29/2009 2:28:58 PM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BeowulfKaine

I'm having a bit of trouble classifying myself as to what I am, I know that I am the Dominant, but My wife and I are equals in our relationship, however she doesn't partake in any of the BDSM that I do. She's obviously aware that I am looking for a slave but says she probably won't have much to do with the day to day, so then, what exactly does that make us as a couple dynamic wise? Male Dom Couple? Dom Men? Poly Couple? I'm kinda confused now!

And this matters why? Just live your life and worry about the important stuff, not the trivial

< Message edited by Acer49 -- 11/29/2009 2:30:33 PM >

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RE: Trouble Classifying myself - 11/29/2009 5:20:27 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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You're dominant in a relationship with a vanilla. Although your wife accepts you having a sub on the side, the sub will be less important to you than your wife and must be willing to accept being cancelled at the last minute if your family issues interfere. That's what you should tell a prospective.

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RE: Trouble Classifying myself - 11/29/2009 10:12:35 PM

breatheasone

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Joined: 7/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

You're dominant in a relationship with a vanilla. Although your wife accepts you having a sub on the side, the sub will be less important to you than your wife and must be willing to accept being cancelled at the last minute if your family issues interfere. That's what you should tell a prospective.

This is rather cut and dry, but there are woman out there that are looking for good consistent play partners. So OP be patient, and willing to compromise some yourself.

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Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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candy posts in pink font

(in reply to DesFIP)

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RE: Trouble Classifying myself - 11/30/2009 12:55:09 AM

aldompdx

Posts: 538
Joined: 10/24/2004
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You are your avatar. What is that?
As Plato quoted Socrates, "First know thyself."
Every person is unique, and thus, their own category.

(in reply to breatheasone)

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RE: Trouble Classifying myself - 11/30/2009 2:41:11 AM

Fitznicely

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
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Does it really matter what label you choose?

All the energy you're wasting worrying about what box to tick on a web form could be redirected into educating yourself and your wife into the fact that you can be dom and she can be sub without compromising the equality you already have.

That'd be easier than moving a slave/toy/pet into the house, I'm thinking.

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I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

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RE: Trouble Classifying myself - 11/30/2009 2:16:25 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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Good Afternoon OP,

If I'm reading this correctly, I'm basically the female version of you. I tend to call Myself a sadistic poly Dominant who is married. (Yes, I really do introduce Myself that way when I'm meeting new groups.) My other half at various times been disinterested in kink, a top, wanted to be a Dominant, and some other variations since we've been together. My husband, who is of course a part of the poly family, does not get involved in the authority structured dynamic that I have with My own boy.

Can you do it? Yes. However, I can promise you that you will have some work ahead of you and a lot of communication that is necessary for everyone involved.

Good Luck.

LP

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(in reply to Fitznicely)

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