ShadeDiva
Posts: 1005
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline
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I'm going to say something rather unpopular and it agrees with some of what Riot said.
I think safecalls for the most part lend people a real false sense of security.
They are only good while you are ON the phone. Period.
In fifteen minutes - hell five, if the situation is going to go badly - you can disappear.
All they have to do to get that amount of "getaway time" is allow you to make that call. After that - the call isn;t much good. No matter the time increments that you are making calls, unless it is completely disrupting the meeting and being counterproductive to the entire point of meeting someone, lol, once you make that call they have that window of time before the next call to get you away or worse.
If dealing with a true wacko of the worst order - they don't NEED much time to grab you and have enough time to effectively put a good distance between themselves and the authorities, and worse, they have little info to go on, even if it IS factual and true.
If you are worried about death in the sense of the barrel fellow, well it doesn't take that long to seriously injure or kill you.
If you are SERIOUSLY worried and want to be as paranoidly safe as possible (and I'm not saying that in a bad way), then here are some other suggestions that you might find helpful:
Only meet in VERY busy public places.
Park a few blocks away in a well populated space. That way you walk to your car, and have less chance of them being able to observe your vehicle, since address info is REALLY easy to get with a license plate number or VIN number.
Or have someone drop you off, even better.
Try to aim for daytime.
If night, make sure everything is lit REALLY good.
Know the space you are going to intimately. Go there prior and really observe the space. Walk around it.
Choose a neutral place - not one you go to often and not one in your normal haunting grounds.
Bring a friend, have them sit somewhere else so that they can watch at a distance.
Realize that the ONLY *main* way to get you to LEAVE under your own power under their control is through intimidation. They will expect that fear will make you compliant. Any weapon that someone will show you as a means of intimidation is ONLY meant to intimidate you enough to convince you to go with them without a fuss. And the ONLY reason someone would EVER threaten you with a weapon as in saying "I have this and don't scream and do as I say" is to TAKE YOU TO THE ACTUAL SCENE OF THE CRIME that they are about to try to commit. Period. So DON'T shut up. Look at it this way - it's a bluff. They aren't going to stab or shoot you in public where people can say THAT'S THE GUY. No they want to get you somewhere where they have more of a shot to get away with it. And even if they WOULD shoot you or stab you or whatever ... ask yourself this: would you prefer that he does it in public where a BUNCH of people are around and will come to your aid and help to call the caops and the medics .... or have him do the same thing in some remote quiet place far away from people that can help you? So MAKE a scene. Fight back.
That being said PLENTY of dominants (myself included) are often armed in some manner as many of us have an affinity for knives. Just HAVING one isn't a threat in and of itself. It is when they seem to be trying to imply that they would USE it on you that it becomes a threat. I personally love knives and would probably ask to see someone's blade just cuz I collect them and am interested in them, lol.
And something else that most people seem to overlook in all the safety tips and rules for meetings - NO one ever seems to mention that you ought to keep a VERY close eye on ANYTHING you drink or eat. This is the OTHER way that they can get you to leave under their control. You pass out due to a little date rape type of drug, it would be easy for him to say oh she fainted I should get her home. Anything you consume must never leave your sight. There are all sorts of lovely little drugs that are VERY easy to slip into a drink. I'd suggest eating BEFORE you go (and this isn't paranoia as much as being sensible, drugging people is common even in the vanilla scene) and not allowing him to go get any drinks for you. Buy your own, keep it near you and if possible, keep it covered or far enough away that any approach to the glass is not subtle. If any redirection attempts are made such as "ooo look at that!", pick UP your drink before you turn your head.
And what Riot said is good suggestions too.
I've *never* had any trouble in the BDSM scene, but that might be due to me being in MANY really really bad bad bad situations as a teenager and getting out unharmed and none the worse for wear overall and so I learned how to spot bad things very quickly and I try to level the odds on my favor. Part of it was luck, but a LOT of it was how I handled the situation.
And one or five meetings doesn't make someone safe. The best predators know that if they don't rush and bide a little time, a better opportunity will present itself.
I know in my area there are quite a few male submissives that have a goal to get a female dominant in a place where they can turn on them and beat the hell out of them or rape them or worse and I know a few that it happened to. So it's not just submissives that need to be aware, female dominants do as well.
Being smart, being aware, assessing what you can handle or not are important things to know.
And never let someone intimidate you with bodily harm to gain your compliance. That what they WANT you to do. The LAST thing they want is a fight in most cases, because in most cases, someone waving a weapon at you and bothering to threeaten you with that is basically a coward. The ones that tend to want you to fight don't tend to threaten, they just go for it, in my experience. But even if that's their aim if someone puts ME in a situation where I'm forced to defend myself then by god the gloves are off and they had better watch out because I'm going to be trying to take THEM down. lol. And when it comes to your life or your well-being ... there ARE NO RULES. Use everything you can. Dirt in the eyes, kick them in the kneecap as hard as you can, scream the entire time, and use every advantage your surroundings give you. Personally I always wound up opting for screaming that I'm going to fucking kill them and rip off their balls and hang them on my mantle with the rest of my collection and that kind of crap. lol. Kinda throws them a bit since they aren't expecting me to come at them and attack THEM but are expecting me to defend myself.
But then I'm someone that will always call a bluff like that. I WILL attack them if I have no other option and I will make them the embodiment of every evil nasty ugly thing on this planet everyone that ever hurt me everyone that fucked with me and I will consider it an opportunity to go apeshit without consequence on someone and get a hell of a lot of angst out of my system while I attempt to annihilate and erase them from existence. Basically I'll just tap into my rage and go at them. As afar as I'm concerned at that point it's my life or theirs and I'm going to fight for mine until I can't. I think something about having a frothing rabid chick screaming at you about the time you fucking did this or that to one and calling them by different names of people you have angst about and saying you are going to fucking wipe them out while coming at them with a board with nails in it and throwing rocks and cans and glass bottles kind of has a psychological effect they don't like very much. LOL.
And again, I was in some REALLY bad nasty situations as a kid. None of which was the result of any online meeting, LOL. But it is REALLY unlikely that most folks will EVER find themselves in SUCH a bad situation as that when they go to meet someone. But then again, being prepared and forwarned is being forearmed.
Honestly the majority of online meetings areNOT going to be that bad. But when you have some sort of plan in your head you tend to avoid the deer in the headlights reaction, and depending on a call alone is never the best idea IMO.
Geez. I feel like I just did a scared straight program. LOL.
Rereading this and it just kind seems to come off slightly like a bunch of scare tactics. lol.
I don't mean to scare anyone as much as say sometimes bad things happen and you can level the odds in oyur favor and that a victim mindset in a bad situation usually isn't a great idea.
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~ShadeDiva
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