How to choose a switch

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How to choose a switch - 12/6/2009 1:05:07 PM

ordinary

Posts: 27
Joined: 10/8/2005
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I've thought about it before, but I've honestly never known anyone who described themselves as a switch so I couldn't ask. I'm submissive, and ideally I'd like a loving relationship with a dominant man. I've gotten a few emails from switches, and maybe they're nice people, but this little voice inside my head nags at me 'They'll never be satisfied with just you'. I assume people call themselves switches because they have desires on both ends of the spectrum, however I am a one man woman, and I want a monogamous relationship so bringing others into our relationship would not fly. I have no interest in being dominant, so how would my switch partner satisfy his submissive side, too? I realize there are switches who lean more heavily towards one or the other, but there's always going to be that nagging voice in my head 'what if he wants that and I can't give it to him?'

Has anyone felt like this before? Does anyone have any advice? Any thoughts?

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RE: How to choose a switch - 12/6/2009 2:36:12 PM

Level

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A lot of switches wouldn't be satisfied. Some would. If the nagging doubts are bad enough, then you're probably wise in avoiding a switch as a partner, if for no other reason than peace of mind.

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Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

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RE: How to choose a switch - 12/6/2009 2:37:58 PM

Tinkerer

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It all depends on the individual. Some switches feel a need for both positions, while others can be content with either role without the other. My lady rarely feels submissive. Even if she never felt that way, I would still enjoy my position permanently in her collar. I might even cherish the security of knowing my position couldn't change. The same might be true if roles were reversed and I were the master.

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RE: How to choose a switch - 12/24/2009 12:34:20 AM

johndafreak

Posts: 46
Joined: 3/26/2007
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Being switch for me doesn't mean that I need to have these different
" desires on both ends of the spectrum" met. It just means that I am able to enjoy the spectrum more. plus I believe that it helps me to understand the other side of the whip and I'm one who can bring more to the table.
As far as being satisfied in a relationship, sex and play is only a part of the whole. Sometimes just knowing that I'm loved is enough to satisfy.
Then there's the idea that maybe you are more worried about them not being able to satisfy you or down the road you'll need something different. Maybe one day you'll top from the bottom and decide that you like to have power. What if you want to try poly years from now.
Switch people vary as much as Doms and subs. There is no mold for the switch.
If anything, let me offer you this; see the person before you see the label.

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PEACE

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RE: How to choose a switch - 12/24/2009 10:45:42 AM

Reform

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There is nothing wrong with feeling that a switch might not be the best partner for you, as long as you're not assuming all switches will be unsatisfied with only one person. I'm a switch in a monagamous relationship with my boy, and I'm very satisfied. The only need of mine he hasn't been able to meet yet is my masochistic needs. I desire a good flogging every now and then and he doesn't have the skill to weild one on me. But that doesn't mean I'm unsatisfied with what he and I have, it's just an activity I miss for the time being.

As others have said, there is no mould. Not for doms, subs, or switches.

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RE: How to choose a switch - 12/25/2009 10:22:47 AM

Elipsis

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I could be very happy in a vanilla relationship with the right person if everything else was really great... so a situation where I'm always dominant or always submissive certainly wouldn't be unfulfilling.

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