Dominance and Intelligence

Dominance and Intelligence (Full Version)

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greeneyedreamer -> Dominance and Intelligence (12/6/2009 8:55:09 PM)
Question: Is it important to you that you have a dominant with superior intelligence? Or at least is more intelligent than you are? And that they have information on psychology and health so that he/she doesn't do harm to you physically, mentally or emotionally? Just curious as to how submissives think in this matter.

littlewonder -> RE: Dominance and Intelligence (12/6/2009 8:57:53 PM)
It's important to me for him to be intelligent, probably even moreso than me since I like a man who can give me advice, teach me and knows something about life in general more than I do. I don't expect him to know about psychology or health. I expect him to know about me.

mbes -> RE: Dominance and Intelligence (12/6/2009 8:59:06 PM)
It is important to me that my partner and I have reasonably equitable levels of intelligence. I would not want someone either much less or much more intelligent than I as a partner. There are many kinds of intelligence, though, and no need for ours to match completely.

Aileen1968 -> RE: Dominance and Intelligence (12/6/2009 9:00:29 PM)
Heh...I prefer them big and stupid. [:D] But in reality, intelligence mixed in with common sense, an adventurous spirit and a compatible personality goes a long way... He could be the smartest guy, but if he's boring and we have nothing in common then what good is it?

subonmission -> RE: Dominance and Intelligence (12/6/2009 9:03:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: greeneyedreamer Question: Is it important to you that you have a dominant with superior intelligence? Or at least is more intelligent than you are? And that they have information on psychology and health so that he/she doesn't do harm to you physically, mentally or emotionally? Just curious as to how submissives think in this matter. Yes, it is important to me that my Dominant is more intelligent. I get off on the fact I cannot pre empt every move like i'd be able to with someone of lesser intellience. I also think it's important he has a basic undertanding of psychology if he's gonna be messing inside my psyche...

lovingpet -> RE: Dominance and Intelligence (12/6/2009 9:09:06 PM)
I will not say that I need someone of superior intellect, but one with differing areas of strengths that compliment and even in some cases undermine my own on occasion. He needs to be superior to me in critical ways. I don't mind having areas of expertise that are above his either, however. I just want to know I can be bested in some areas and that some of my strengths can become stumbling blocks. As far as knowing about psychology and health to keep me safe. I think that is just smart and responsible for a dominant to have adequate background. I don't think it is a one sided responsibility either. These are just key to taking good care of each other. I can't imagine how devestated my partner would be if his own knowledge base was insufficient to protect me and something terrible happened. I can serve him well by educating myself too. lovingpet

breatheasone -> RE: Dominance and Intelligence (12/6/2009 9:14:01 PM)
This is a toughy. There are areas i am "smarter" and there are areas Master is "smarter" We "sharpen" each other.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Dominance and Intelligence (12/6/2009 9:28:37 PM)
Well, my ex husband had an IQ of 74. Yep, he was tested, and yep that is borderline retarded (or whatever the PC term is these days). Obviously it didn't work. So from experience, I can tell you that you don't want someone who is significantly less intelligent than you are, even if for no other reason than they will bore you in time. It kind of sounds like you are wondering if it would be helpful if they were more intelligent because it will be easier to feel less superior than them. That can eventually lead to resentment. Really though, I think most people want someone they can have enjoyable conversations with. After all, for many of us submission isn't about a life filled with kneeling and kinky sex. Real life and companionship enter into the mix, and you need to be able to enjoy that person's company. You certainly want them to be able to form complete sentences and string them together, but at the same time, you likely don't want to listen to someone talk about quantum theory (unless of course that is your thing) while you sit there and go "huh?" Compatibility is the key. If dominants needed to be well versed in psychology and health, most would fall short. Common sense tells most people to figure out what makes a person happy and what makes them not so happy. Common sense tells you not to break bones or cause long term injuries.

HisSweetElysium -> RE: Dominance and Intelligence (12/6/2009 9:50:19 PM)
intelligence is of vital importance. If someone can't keep up with me, how can they dominate me? I firmly believe that the mind is the most significant erogenous zone and I need someone who can play on that level. Additionally, I need to respect my Dom, and if I am significantly more intelligent, that's not going to happen. I have to know He's capable of making the right decisions for us both, otherwise, I'll end up dominating the relationship, and not feeling safe. I'm blessed to be owned by a man I consider brilliant. I love supporting Him in His work, doing His editing and proofing, talking through His ideas as He completes His graduate work. I am smart enough to know He's smarter than me, but I have my own value in the relationship, including emotional intelligence, a playful and youthful energy, creativity and intensity. I know He appreciates me for those things, as I appreciate Him.

breatheasone -> RE: Dominance and Intelligence (12/6/2009 10:06:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HisSweetElysium intelligence is of vital importance. If someone can't keep up with me, how can they dominate me? I firmly believe that the mind is the most significant erogenous zone and I need someone who can play on that level. Additionally, I need to respect my Dom, and if I am significantly more intelligent, that's not going to happen. I have to know He's capable of making the right decisions for us both, otherwise, I'll end up dominating the relationship, and not feeling safe. I'm blessed to be owned by a man I consider brilliant. I love supporting Him in His work, doing His editing and proofing, talking through His ideas as He completes His graduate work. I am smart enough to know He's smarter than me, but I have my own value in the relationship, including emotional intelligence, a playful and youthful energy, creativity and intensity. I know He appreciates me for those things, as I appreciate Him. i was wondering if you mind me asking what you mean not feel safe. If you would rather answer in a collarme email thats cool too.

HisSweetElysium -> RE: Dominance and Intelligence (12/6/2009 10:43:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: breatheasone quote: ORIGINAL: HisSweetElysium . I have to know He's capable of making the right decisions for us both, otherwise, I'll end up dominating the relationship, and not feeling safe. i was wondering if you mind me asking what you mean not feel safe. If you would rather answer in a collarme email thats cool too. pmed :)

WyldHrt -> RE: Dominance and Intelligence (12/6/2009 10:48:35 PM)
quote: i was wondering if you mind me asking what you mean not feel safe. If you would rather answer in a collarme email thats cool too. The question wasn't to me, but I'll answer it from my perspective because I feel the same way. I need to have confidence in my Dom's ability to make the right choices for us and our relationship. Without that confidence, I can't let go, and would probably end up running the relationship myself (when I was younger, anyway. Now I would just leave). As my natural inclination is to follow, not lead, being forced into the position of leader makes me feel very uncomfortable and unsafe.

HisSweetElysium -> RE: Dominance and Intelligence (12/6/2009 10:53:08 PM)
pretty much verbatim what I wrote [:)]

greeneyedreamer -> RE: Dominance and Intelligence (12/6/2009 10:59:55 PM)
quote: intelligence is of vital importance. If someone can't keep up with me, how can they dominate me? I firmly believe that the mind is the most significant erogenous zone and I need someone who can play on that level. Additionally, I need to respect my Dom, and if I am significantly more intelligent, that's not going to happen. I have to know He's capable of making the right decisions for us both, otherwise, I'll end up dominating the relationship, and not feeling safe. I'm blessed to be owned by a man I consider brilliant. I love supporting Him in His work, doing His editing and proofing, talking through His ideas as He completes His graduate work. I am smart enough to know He's smarter than me, but I have my own value in the relationship, including emotional intelligence, a playful and youthful energy, creativity and intensity. I know He appreciates me for those things, as I appreciate Him. I have the same needs and I agree with you totally. My dom is a brilliant man too. It's so comforting to me to know he can handle most anything that could come up. Of course, he values my strong qualities that aren't his strong points. He appreciates my strength and my intelligence, but I am always sure who's in charge. It's a good feeling to me.

WestBaySlave -> RE: Dominance and Intelligence (12/6/2009 11:24:33 PM)
I think I'd need someone as or more intelligent than myself to lead me, but I'd be open to someone less bright if they had a lot of common sense and we felt a strong emotional connection.

WyldHrt -> RE: Dominance and Intelligence (12/6/2009 11:34:08 PM)
quote: pretty much verbatim what I wrote [:)] Well, yeah... LOL [;)] I was actually in this position with my (nilla) ex. He couldn't/ wouldn't take charge of things, so I had to. I hated every second of it.

elleX -> RE: Dominance and Intelligence (12/7/2009 4:18:17 AM)
To me He has to be as intellingent as i am at least , i could not go for less,, but intelligence alone , is not enough, self confidence is also very important elleX

DesFIP -> RE: Dominance and Intelligence (12/7/2009 4:28:26 AM)
I'm highly intelligent so it's rare for me to meet someone who has more. It is important that he be able to comprehend me, not a book that I can't. As far as psychology and health, we usually use common sense. I don't want a psychologist or a journalist. I'm drawn to men who are competent with their hands not those who work with a pen. We've both been through therapy and know the value of it and that we can if necessary go talk to an expert in that field. I have to do taxes every year but I don't need him to be an accountant. As far as safety in play, you can get most of what you'll need if you aren't too edgy in Jay Wiseman's books. For those who do edgier play, the best thing you can do is learn at workshops.

breatheasone -> RE: Dominance and Intelligence (12/7/2009 6:28:31 AM)
quote: I'm highly intelligent so it's rare for me to meet someone who has more. LMAO! Its not easy being green[;)]

DarkSteven -> RE: Dominance and Intelligence (12/7/2009 6:28:36 AM)
/Looks at all the big words in this thread/ /Scratches head/

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