Swinging parties and you. (Full Version)

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FelinePersuasion -> Swinging parties and you. (3/15/2006 11:21:43 PM)

Would it be ok to post our experinces with swinging in the groups, not name names , but say like well to me I've sung and it was like.... and I felt........ And if it's not ok here, would any one like to go somewhere else and discuss it?


was invited to a swingers party and it sounds fun and if he can make
it and the hostess agree's it's ok for me to come I'd like to go. Only
I've never attended that kind of party and I don't engage in penis to
vagina sex with others, but slap and tickle sex play is ok, so i
don't know if I'd be the odd lady out or what not.


And it's been my personal experince,

I had a friend at the time who was a swinger and her hubby her n I played, but that was always a lame experince, because couples essentially have this bond outsiders don't. and the odd man or woman out ends up feeling * horribly* left out.
Like one time her hubby had a headache so all play ceased I went downstairs to get a drink come back in less than 5 minutes and their going at it like the worlds going to end, and I was very hurt, because her and I were playing, he says ow a headache they call ALL PLAY OFF, I go downstairs and in two minutes their fucking their brains out AFTER they called a stop to the play and after I'd left the room.

and it's been that way for me every single time I've done 3 somes or swung. It was always a feeling of me getting second best, not the full amount. like for instance the guy mentioned earlier claimed he was a stuf could last for hours he would for his wife, and for me with in 5 mins bam soft as a raw egg.




LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Swinging parties and you. (3/16/2006 6:04:05 AM)

I've been to a few swingers parties and they were enjoyable. The first time I went I had absolutely no intentions of actually having sex, but everyone was so welcoming and the energy was buzzing so much that I ended up with three different guys that night. No one there expected anything more than just a hot nice romp and that's pretty much what we had.

I stopped going because it was a very long drive for me and I got busy locally. While there are aspects of the swinger culture that I really like and a few aspects that I find annoying, I'd certainly be comfortable going to another one.



IronBear -> RE: Swinging parties and you. (3/16/2006 6:08:55 AM)

Been there done that for the 13 years I was married to my second wife. On average one party evey two weeks, but lots of kinky group sex at our place inbetween... Guess I'm a tad jaded it has to be something very special these days or I can't be bothered...



MsIncognito -> RE: Swinging parties and you. (3/16/2006 9:27:06 AM)

As with any "special interest group" there are all kinds of flavours. Just like not all BDSMers are alike not all swingers are alike. We dabbled in the swingers scene for a while a few years ago and for the most part found it wasn't our cup of tea. We just weren't a good match with the people in our area that took part. However, I think that with the right mix of people (right for me, is what I mean) that it could be a heck of a lot of fun. Also, I think that as a 3rd with a couple that have an established relationship you have to have realistic expectations. In reality you're there to add some interest and spice to their relationship, not because there is a deep connection. If you can do it for the enjoyment of having an enjoyable romp, as LA so aptly put it, then great. If you're expecting any more than that then it may not be the best idea for you. As with anything I think the key is the right mix of people for you. If that's in place then it will likely be a lot more enjoyable for you.



FelinePersuasion -> RE: Swinging parties and you. (3/16/2006 11:10:45 AM)

Ms Incognito, oh yeah the intent to have an enjoyable romp, to get on with every one elses words is perfect. From other couples who're just casual lets do this let off steam I don't expect deep moving emotions lol. I do however don't wish to be made to feel either by intent or accident that I am somehow less worthy of enjoying myself in the 3 some than the wife or husband.


However, I was very hurt and insulted by my friends actions. And quite frankly thought it was rude, since she said no we don't want to play lets stop he has a headache, and in two seconds while I got a drink was on him like wheat on rice lol. and I did feel left out and when I confronted her about it she ended the friendship. Which was fine, she only called me over when she'd hoped we'd fuck later.



Vancouver_cinful -> RE: Swinging parties and you. (3/16/2006 3:41:58 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion
Which was fine, she only called me over when she'd hoped we'd fuck later.

It seems to me, from my experience with swinging that this is exactly the reason it's important to take the time to get to know someone and build a good friendship first. From what I have discovered, when a third party enters into play with a couple, it rarely goes well, unless all three people have taken the time to build a good rapport, and communication is well-established.

It's a common adage in the swinging community that it's prefered things do not happen on first meetings. A big complaint many have is that some people pressure for instant play, and that it rarely works out well.

There's a huge difference between showing up at a sex party, and entering into a more intimate play situation with a couple. The parties are set up to allow for more anonymous/instant play.

Cin



Sensualips -> RE: Swinging parties and you. (3/16/2006 4:30:14 PM)

During my Transitional Slut phase I attended quite a few swinger events. While I do not go frequently these days, I am open to it and likely will attend again in the future.

The first few events I went to were private bar parties with an option to take it elsewhere at the end of the night. I enjoyed the atmosphere (and attention!) but did not play the first few times, despite invitations. I just took it all in. My expereince was there was a large variety of people - from those looking for instant romps to those trying to establish longer term and deeper relationships to couples that rarely played at all but enjoyed the voyeuristic rev up to their own sex life. I like the themed parties as well because it gives me an excuse to dress up.

If I attend with a "that might be a kick" type person, I will take them to a bar party to satisfy their curiosity. I have had a great time with some vanilla friends at those type of events, although I was always a little on guard as I am semi-out. But when I was in the mood to just relax, I had a favorite hotel party would road trip up to in Kansas City. I made many friendly acquaintances there and even two or three friends. It is a skanky little hotel, but the appeal comes from the fact an entire building is designated for the event every other Saturday. The club staff provides security and the dance/party is held in the basement with the third floor designated as the after party with a few rooms set up as public play rooms. This allowed for a anything-goes type atmosphere. It is well organized and well run IMO.

There are things about particular groups or the overall culture that I do not like. One is the excessive drinking that often occurs. I don't drink myself but have no problem with someone enjoying themselves or getting tipsy. However, there is a point where it becomes unattractive. You can often find a couple screaming or crying in the parking lot or motel hallway, and almost always one or both of them is drunk. It intensifies any negative issues that may be present in a polysexual relationship.

I have seen an alarming amount of completely unprotected sex. Like any subculture, there are cliques and drama and you have to work hard not to be sucked in. Any time you are adding a third or a couple to an exisiting couple, there are things to be careful with.

I agree with MsIncognito about the good match. There is a regular house party that goes on that matches me well and I had a fantastic time the few times I went. It took a few months to find my spot though. Like Tross, the drive is just annoying enough to be prohibative and as I got more involved with wiitwd time became more of an issue.

I have not had the same experiences feeling like a less-important or unwelcome third in a sexual situation. If anything I might catch myself worrying that too much attention is being paid to me and one of the primary couple may feel left out. Feline, I am sorry you were hurt by what happened. If you feeling that way with couples you have been involved with, I would just move on and find a couple or group that is more compatible.

Still, there is sometimes this weird mindset of people feeling obligated to play because it is available. In order to be "polite" they play when they are not really into it, or make some transparent excuse. (There was a time when I caught myself giving courtesy blow jobs and had to reevaluate my motives and reasons for being involved.) I would much rather have someone decline play than do it half heartedly as the results are always lackluster. I would never be angry or upset that someone chose not to play (or to stop play) with me and would hope the same understanding would be given to me. I think a person needs to feel pretty okay with themselves to be comfortable in a swinger situation as any insecurities will be magnified. You WILL be rejected at some point and it WILL be based on your appearance...or personality. I am not sure which is worse! :) Rejection is inevitable so if you get upset over things like that, it makes for unpleasant experiences.




FelinePersuasion -> RE: Swinging parties and you. (3/20/2006 2:59:03 PM)

Yeah sensual, I did. After her  denouncment of the friendship I didn't contact them again or them I.

I'm ok with no I don't wish to. I say so myself sometimes, it's the pretenses though, oh I am tired oh he has a headache...... It's far easier to be rejected kindly and truthfully than to be told oh I don't feel good then see them banging someone * grins*

I also heard un attended females get lots of invites to play, but that you do not have to accept *any* play invite should you not wish to.


The swingers events at Sindulgences have been up till this week non alcholic. There was a discussion and small amounts of liqior may be had from 8 to 10 but you bring it, and only have enough for your own group please do not share it all around. Cause in past times there's been instances where like one person will go drink up all 10 extra beers or something and become an ass lol.



dynaman50 -> RE: Swinging parties and you. (12/26/2006 6:18:51 AM)

As a swing party host these last six years, it is enlightening to hear the perspective of those who have attended some events. We have had our events in our home, rather than at a bar so the drinking has been less of a problem. And most of our attendees are couples, whereas the comments here are mostly from singles. Still, very interesting, expecially since extra single females are probably the most prized attendees at swing events and here was input from three! We have a cross and spanking bench so our parties always include some whippings and such, some more than others.  We are in Central ohio in case any couples or females are searching for this kind of fun.



spankmepink11 -> RE: Swinging parties and you. (12/26/2006 6:28:53 AM)

I've not been to a "swingers party" per se.  But i think i would enjoy it. I've participated in less organized group sex with friends, and have really enjoyed the dynamic.

Feline,...sorry you had those experiences, i am generally the "single" one in the group, but fortunately, was always treated  like a shared delicacy.

I have attended swing clubs where myself and my gf's did some mild play on and off the dance floor...but...nothing more than fondling, kissing..etc..while the Gentlemen  in our group watched in great appreciation, and made suggestestions



daddysprop247 -> RE: Swinging parties and you. (12/27/2006 9:40:48 AM)

my Master and i attend swinger functions from time to time, just for "fun", although yes the whole swinger culture can be annoying in many ways. the main thing that annoys us is that with swinger's it's automatically assumed that every woman is bisexual...often women will come up to me and just start flirting with or even groping me, assuming that i'm bi. when it's explained by myself and/or my Master that i'm straight, i'm looked at as if i just said "i have 6 toes". another annoying thing is that when we actually want to sexually interact with others, it's difficult to "break up" a couple. my Master has no interest in playing with random girls, and his primary interest is always on having me used by other men...but at swinger's events most often every man is with a woman, and they come as sort of a package deal..you want one, you get 'em both, like it or not.

but if you can get past these things, a lot of fun can be had at these events. there have been miraculous times at swinger's events where i managed to be used by 3 or 4 men in an evening...without being touched by any of their wives/girlfriends! rare but possible.

edited to add a comment about the whole playing with friends thing...to me, this would be the worst. the idea of playing/being sexual with someone i considered a friend or even casual "buddy", is gross and unappealing to me, and can actually be pretty devastating to me emotionally. with these sorts of things, i much prefer to be used by strangers or people i simply don't care anything about, and who feel the same towards me.



daddysprop247 -> RE: Swinging parties and you. (12/27/2006 9:45:51 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dynaman50

As a swing party host these last six years, it is enlightening to hear the perspective of those who have attended some events. We have had our events in our home, rather than at a bar so the drinking has been less of a problem. And most of our attendees are couples, whereas the comments here are mostly from singles. Still, very interesting, expecially since extra single females are probably the most prized attendees at swing events and here was input from three! We have a cross and spanking bench so our parties always include some whippings and such, some more than others.  We are in Central ohio in case any couples or females are searching for this kind of fun.


why is that single females are always welcome at swinger events, but not single males? my Master and have only attended one such event, years ago (where single males were welcome), and found it fun and refreshing...why isn't it more common? not every couple wants to play with another woman.



DomKen -> RE: Swinging parties and you. (12/27/2006 3:03:24 PM)

I've been involved in swinging off and on for almost 20 years, I'm feeling very old, and have basically decided to stop going to parties. I quite enjoy swinging when it is a 2 couple swap that is sort of a double date with benefits but the parties and the community is just too high drama for me. Although honestly if I could find a long term partner and could then enter into a relationship with a trustworthy group of people I liked who were fluid bonded to each other I would consider that ideal.

As to why no single males, the basic answer is that they often don't respect the rules. The few times I've been to parties where it was open to singles who paid the cover some guy inevitably acted like an ass and had to be told to leave. Now I have been in swing clubs where only single females and couples were eligible to join but the guys could stay in the club even if their relationship ended. These situations are usually much better since these are real swingers who just happen to be single atm and can be counted on to be a fun third when your gf is in the mood for such.

Why are girls assumed to be bi? IME they aren't except by the bi girls. Is a little flirting from a person you're not into such a big deal whatever their gender? I've rarely seen a polite "thanks but I'm not bi" result in more drama than a little pouting. Also it is somewhat customary for the female half of a swinging couple to be the one who does the initial approaching of people they are interested in.

Swing parties aren't a good place to look for guys for a gangbang since it will usually need to be negotiated so that the ladies have something to do. Although if you put the time and effort intop getting to know a swing group well you should have no problem finding guys who will be good for that.



daddysprop247 -> RE: Swinging parties and you. (12/27/2006 4:23:29 PM)

hi DomKen,

i understand that swinger events aren't the place to look for "gangbangs", and wouldn't attempt to look for such in that environment. the experiences i've had where i was used by multiple men at swinger parties were all either 1 on 1 or 2 on 1 situations.

i also understand the concern about single males not respecting the rules, however i wonder why there isn't the same concern over single females. perhaps it's because i'm not a swinger myself, and am also a slave so am coming from a very different mindset than most of the others at such events, but imo obnoxious flirting and uninvited groping shouldn't be considered "okay" simply because the aggressor has a vagina rather than a penis. yes, most will back off after an explanation that i am not bi, however many of these will have an attitude about it, sort of a "why are you here then?"...also, since 99.99% of the females at swinger's event are either bi or claim and act to be so, it can get annoying having to spend at entire night fending off advances rather than just relaxing and having fun. for this reason, we rarely attend swinger's functions anymore.

but again, despite all the problems, we've had some enjoyable times at swinger's clubs and private parties, and met some interesting people. and when we're in the mood to go out dancing or have a few drinks, my Master still chooses a swinger's club as we do like the erotic, open-minded environment that you can't find at vanilla clubs or even bdsm clubs.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Swinging parties and you. (12/27/2006 6:04:18 PM)

Prop- I've come to believe it's mostly because most of the people involved are really insecure- so women want to keep things coupled up to not lose their man, and men don't want the competition of new lions in the den. 

I think there's a lot of good in the swinger mindset, but also a lot of annoyances- same as any sub-culture. 

I've realized that, despite the free sex attitude of swingers, despite the free authority/kinky sex attitude of bdsmers- very few people in the world view sex as a source of spirituality like I do, like your essence and wellspring.  It gets TALKED about as if it is, but it's never really treated or viewed as such.  That was a big shock to me but it helped me understand where lots of miscommunications were coming from.



DomKen -> RE: Swinging parties and you. (12/27/2006 6:49:00 PM)

Uninvited groping is against the rules of every swing organization I've ever been involved in. If a polite "No" doesn't achieve the desired results then it is time to interject some drama and go get someone in charge to toss that person out. However I've never experienced or seen such a thing initiated by a woman. In every case I've ever seen it was a guy who wasn't obeying the rules.

In general serious swingers are very respectful of personal space and I'm truly puzzled by what has happened to you. I was involved with a straight woman for almost 5 years and we went to a large number of swing parties/events and to the best of my knowledge and memory she was never touched by another woman beyond the general hugs and kiss on the cheek stuff from her friends. She had to tell a fair number of women "no thanks I'm not bi" and there were a few couples we liked that we didn't play with since the other woman was bi and not interested in a strict swap.

I'm also guessing from the way you're describing it that you didn't join the club or otherwise get involved enough to get to be well known amongst the regulars. Obviously things would be easier if you were seeing roughly the same group on a regular basis as the fact you weren't into girls would become known and your preferences would get to be known and you would start attracting the folks who are more compatible with you.

I'm sorry you didn't have more fun and hope you have better luck in the future with other things you try.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Swinging parties and you. (12/27/2006 7:48:59 PM)

Ken- it would be wrong to suggest that these things don't happen in the swinger community.  There are crappy, pressuring assholes in the swinger community just as there are anywhere else.  There are always people who don't "get" what the deal is and cross the lines without making enough of an issue to cause waves.

I went regularly enough to one swinger party to have a long list of emails and lots of invites imploring me to return- after all, a single young hot chick who threw herself into sexual energy without the emotional extremities and complimented everyone?  There were lots of great people.  And there were a few dorks and irksome people. 

It's just how communities are.  It's not necessarily a bad thing in that it means that it's an inclusive group who can tolerate a certain amount of difference and dissension.  But it still exists.



DomKen -> RE: Swinging parties and you. (12/27/2006 9:52:19 PM)

I'm not saying it doesn't happen I'm just saying I've never seen what she described.

Sure I've seen pressuring assholes but in general they went away when told to go away. I've seen way to much alcohol and drug consumption at swinger events for my tatse and entirely too much of the bullshit associated with that over indulgence. I've seen an awful lot of women who were mortified at being there and were only there to get their partner to let them be. And finally the major reason why I don't attend public parties any more, there is way too much extremely unsafe sex going on and I would rather not catch something lethal because some people I don't even know got their fluids all over everything.



daddysprop247 -> RE: Swinging parties and you. (12/28/2006 9:56:06 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomKen

Uninvited groping is against the rules of every swing organization I've ever been involved in. If a polite "No" doesn't achieve the desired results then it is time to interject some drama and go get someone in charge to toss that person out. However I've never experienced or seen such a thing initiated by a woman. In every case I've ever seen it was a guy who wasn't obeying the rules.

In general serious swingers are very respectful of personal space and I'm truly puzzled by what has happened to you. I was involved with a straight woman for almost 5 years and we went to a large number of swing parties/events and to the best of my knowledge and memory she was never touched by another woman beyond the general hugs and kiss on the cheek stuff from her friends. She had to tell a fair number of women "no thanks I'm not bi" and there were a few couples we liked that we didn't play with since the other woman was bi and not interested in a strict swap.

I'm also guessing from the way you're describing it that you didn't join the club or otherwise get involved enough to get to be well known amongst the regulars. Obviously things would be easier if you were seeing roughly the same group on a regular basis as the fact you weren't into girls would become known and your preferences would get to be known and you would start attracting the folks who are more compatible with you.

I'm sorry you didn't have more fun and hope you have better luck in the future with other things you try.


actually, my Master and i are still (despite being increasingly absent from events lately) very well-known in one of the major swinger communities in DC, and Daddy is still friends with the person who manages and promotes these functions, which is why we are still invited to private events. so yes we often see familiar faces, but many of these people can be annoying/hard-headed as well, not to mention the fact that there are constantly new people coming in who just don't have a clue. perhaps the scene in the midwest is very different from DC/MD scene, i don't know.

oh and as far as the drinking and unprotected sex goes, yes there is certainly a lot of that. but i happen to like those aspects...the freedom and lack of inhibition. many bdsm clubs don't permit drinking or on-premise straight sex, which to me makes it boring and pointless, as my Master and i just do not find anything fascinating about sitting around and watching someone be fake whipped/spanked/paddled/waxed for 3 hrs.




SATANMAN -> RE: Swinging parties and you. (2/16/2007 2:25:31 PM)

gotta find em first



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