ElanSubdued
Posts: 1511
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Futuresocks, LadyPact, Santoro, DarkSteven, CarrieO, Venatrix, and Everyone; I think Futuresocks question was slightly misunderstood. True enough, it's not an uncommon phenomenon that male submissives post threads with the notion of turning a vanilla or non-dominant woman into a domina, and it's clear that the fantasy is coming from the submissive and not from the woman herself. I don't see that in Futuresocks' OP. Granted, we don't know much about the woman in question, but Futuresocks asked in a polite, literate way and I don't see undertones of forcing this down and unsuspecting woman's throat. I disagree with the notion that "she'll find BDSM herself if she's interested" - some do and some don't. I have quite a few kinky friends who *did not* "find it for themselves", but once exposed to the ideas they started reading and exploring for themselves. Me? I didn't find BDSM myself, but rather happened upon the BDSM lifestyle by being exposed to others' interest. When I was a dominant, one of my partners (who became my slave) had no prior exposure or knowledge. We talked openly. I gave her books to read. She made notes, highlighted sections that appealed to her, and asked questions. I answered her questions as best I could and she continued reading. What resonated most with her was a place somewhere between submission and slavery, and she showed interest in exploring from that perspective. So that's where we started... *very slowly*. Futuresocks: Where I largely agree with the feedback posted thus far is that someone who is dominant in other aspects of her life may not be dominant in her personal relationships. This isn't to say that she won't take to domination like a fish to water, but it's incumbent upon you to approach carefully, with respect, and to respect your friend's wishes and boundaries. If she shows no interest, don't keep pushing along the lines of "oh, but if you just read some more, you'll find this is really great stuff". I don't think there is anything wrong with introducing someone to BDSM as you're attempting to do. Please though, use sensitivity and your best judgment before approaching. You can often gauge interest by slowly discussing certain topics. For example, the idea of sensual spanking (using bare hands to tease and pleasure) can be brought up without specific dominant, submissive, or BDSM underpinnings. If your friend's response is akin to "that's hot, you'd look cute over my knee", you've got a pretty good indication of her initial mindset and attraction. Much more likely are answers like "hmmm, that would be interesting to try", "I never thought of that", "I'd love it if you did that to me", "that's weird", and "sexual predators do stuff like that... you're not into that kind of thing are you?". Based on her reaction, you can gauge whether to go further and if so, how to go further. I can't stress enough that if she's not interested, *she's not interested*. Don't keep pushing thinking you're eventually get her to come around. I'll underline again: respect your friend's wishes and boundaries. As for literary material, while online reading is easily accessible, I highly recommend the offline, paper sort. This is less threatening and allows more personal interaction. There's just something a little more creepy in reading about BDSM for the first time on a medium like the Internet. So if you can and if you have the resources for this, purchase a few books for her. Some that I've found helpful as a starting place are: Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission (Gloria G. Brame, William D. Brame, and Jon Jacobs) The New Topping Book (previously called "The Topping Book") (Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton) The New Bottoming Book (previously called "The Bottoming Book") (Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton) The Loving Dominant (John Warren and Libby Warren) "The New Topping Book" and the "The New Bottoming Book" should be purchased together as they really are companion pieces that intersect. There's an old standby that, personally, I don't recommend: "Screw The Roses, Send Me The Thorns". This book is dry, technical, and, oddly, for a technical book, lacking detail. Hopefully, my parting words will resonate with you (and yes, in the interest of success for you and your friend, I'm being super redundant). While you may be doing the introduction, follow your friend's lead, even if this is "no thanks, I'm not interested". Good luck. :-) Elan.
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