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RE: Differences in what you want - 12/18/2009 10:28:24 AM

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Again, Im a memeber of a TNG group here. Again, the dommes I meet there have 0 interest in what Im looking for. So what exactly am I supposed to do then?

Understand, BDSM isnt a game to me. I cannot function in a fully vanilla relationship, it just doesnt work for me. This is almost as much a part of me as my music, its a peice of my spirituality. I dont wish to sell my soul to obtain my dreams.

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RE: Differences in what you want - 12/18/2009 10:40:13 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

Understand, BDSM isnt a game to me. I cannot function in a fully vanilla relationship, it just doesnt work for me. This is almost as much a part of me as my music, its a peice of my spirituality. I dont wish to sell my soul to obtain my dreams.

OP,

In many ways, I can relate to the above quote. I'm one of those you mentioned who really began to explore this later...in my case, 39-40ish...but I can still understand your frustration with not finding a match. I do agree with the statement LadyPact made...

quote:

If you know who you are and what you want at 22, then you're ahead of the game. Yes, you may have to wait for some in your age group to catch up in that area.

It's hard to be patient when you think you know what you want. but sometimes it the only way to approach a situation. Settling is never a good option...you lose something of yourself when you do.
I have nothing else to add, advice-wise, that hasn't already been mentioned. All I can say is best of luck in your search.

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~

(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

RE: Differences in what you want - 12/18/2009 10:59:08 AM

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From: Maryland
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I know exactly what he is saying. He does not want a over baked lets fly it on a flag over the top life-style. Most real time life-stylers are like that. The online lifestylers are well, online over the top life-stylers, lol. Good luck in your quest.

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RE: Differences in what you want - 12/18/2009 12:45:23 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff
So what exactly am I supposed to do then?

Be patient.

quote:

Understand, BDSM isnt a game to me. I cannot function in a fully vanilla relationship, it just doesnt work for me.

I doubt anyone had a different impression

quote:

This is almost as much a part of me as my music, its a peice of my spirituality. I dont wish to sell my soul to obtain my dreams.

What steps are you taking to make sure that music plays an important role in your life?

(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

RE: Differences in what you want - 12/19/2009 7:18:16 AM

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All I hear is be patient.
Im sick of being patient.
Im sick of dumbing myself down so I dont make anyone else feel threatened.
Im sick of using tact with idiots instead of honesty.
Im sick of betraying myself to find acceptance, wich never comes anyway.
Im sick of being the dumping ground for everyone, then nobody bothers to listen to me when I have a problem
Im sick of every single day. looking at a bottle of pills, or a gun, and wondering if I should just fucking end it all

The faces change, but the bullshit remains the same. Everyone here knows its the truth.

_____________________________

You dont need to question my sanity, I can assure you Im quite mad. Its ok though, all the best people are

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RE: Differences in what you want - 12/19/2009 7:24:55 AM

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Song lyrics?

(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

RE: Differences in what you want - 12/19/2009 7:34:39 AM

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no, brutal honesty

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You dont need to question my sanity, I can assure you Im quite mad. Its ok though, all the best people are

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RE: Differences in what you want - 12/19/2009 7:38:32 AM

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Well youth and angst geoff.

Guns and pills, eh? Here is the thing, there are two types of people in this world:

I'm the problem, or if I was to kill myself, everything would be fine.

AND

You're the problem, if I kill ALL you motherfuckers, everything is going to be fine.

I am of the latter persuasion, and I recommend it highly for anyone considering a career in angst.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

RE: Differences in what you want - 12/19/2009 7:41:30 AM

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From: The Asylum
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Ron,
So your basically suggesting I take enough pills to get high and then proceed to kill everyone I know? hmmm... I may not get away with it, but its a hell of a relapse

ETA: None of you have to worry about me getting violent. Id rather not spend the rest of my life in prison

< Message edited by youngsubgeoff -- 12/19/2009 7:43:09 AM >

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You dont need to question my sanity, I can assure you Im quite mad. Its ok though, all the best people are

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RE: Differences in what you want - 12/19/2009 7:42:51 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Well youth and angst geoff.

Guns and pills, eh? Here is the thing, there are two types of people in this world:

I'm the problem, or if I was to kill myself, everything would be fine.

AND

You're the problem, if I kill ALL you motherfuckers, everything is going to be fine.

I am of the latter persuasion, and I recommend it highly for anyone considering a career in angst.

Ron

How much does a career in angst pay?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Differences in what you want - 12/19/2009 7:45:21 AM

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well, if you can write lyircs and play guitar like I can, we're talking upwards of several million dollars a year. If not, your probably gonna end up being the unibomber

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RE: Differences in what you want - 12/19/2009 7:50:32 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

well, if you can write lyircs and play guitar like I can, we're talking upwards of several million dollars a year. If not, your probably gonna end up being the unibomber

And, again... what are you doing to make sure that music plays an integral role in your life? My question isn't a trap. I'm trying to figure out how many cakes you're trying to get in front of you before you eat them all. Are you currently monetizing your musical gifts, or is that in the "want" pile along with seemingly normal child-rearing Domme?

(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

RE: Differences in what you want - 12/19/2009 7:52:50 AM

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Actually Im working on getting a band together right now. All we really need is a drummer and we're set. Its actually a very rare time when Im not doing something music related.

_____________________________

You dont need to question my sanity, I can assure you Im quite mad. Its ok though, all the best people are

(in reply to Lucienne)

RE: Differences in what you want - 12/19/2009 8:07:23 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

All I hear is be patient.
Im sick of being patient.

Get in line. In my 40+ years I've learned it's better to be patient then to be partnered with some ass who has no clue who you really are, but hey...the sex is good.

Im sick of dumbing myself down so I dont make anyone else feel threatened.

Why dumb yourself down? If you feel the need to do that, I would suggest you take a look at the women you're spending time with and why they can't handle the complete you.

Im sick of using tact with idiots instead of honesty.

What's wrong with tactful honesty?

Im sick of betraying myself to find acceptance, wich never comes anyway.

And never will. Being a people pleaser is fake and most intelligent people see it for what it is...the need for acceptance because of insecurity.

Im sick of being the dumping ground for everyone, then nobody bothers to listen to me when I have a problem

Well, speaking as someone who had to dump her best friend of 10+ years for this very reason, you're not alone. Many times, people go through phases where they need to shed. Sounds like you need to shed the bullshit from your life and get on with growing new skin.

Im sick of every single day. looking at a bottle of pills, or a gun, and wondering if I should just fucking end it all

Yeah, this worked great for one of my family members...she'll be spending yet another holiday season in the ground. Nothing solved...nothing gained.

The faces change, but the bullshit remains the same. Everyone here knows its the truth.

Maybe you are the one who needs to change. I told the friend I mentioned above after her very messy divorce to take some time and find out who she is...date herself instead of jumping into another co-dependant gig. She didn't and now she's right back in the same situation...same shit/different guy. Everyone develops patterns over time, some good and some that need to be released.

You sound like an intelligent young man who is making the effort to get his life and art in order. Enjoy that process and focus on the steps towards your goal...not just the goal itself.

_____________________________

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RE: Differences in what you want - 12/19/2009 8:07:59 AM

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Recommendation: start advertising for a female drummer.

(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

RE: Differences in what you want - 12/19/2009 8:17:04 AM

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You do realize that 99% of drummers are either: drunks, drug adicts, unemployed and living with mom, total dicks, lazy, useless, or any combination of such, right? So how the hell is the fact that its a female going to change it?

_____________________________

You dont need to question my sanity, I can assure you Im quite mad. Its ok though, all the best people are

(in reply to Lucienne)

RE: Differences in what you want - 12/19/2009 8:25:46 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

You do realize that 99% of drummers are either: drunks, drug adicts, unemployed and living with mom, total dicks, lazy, useless, or any combination of such, right? So how the hell is the fact that its a female going to change it?

The same can be said of drywallers, however; houses get built and repaired. It aint a show stopper, it just is.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

RE: Differences in what you want - 12/19/2009 9:05:50 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

You do realize that 99% of drummers are either: drunks, drug adicts, unemployed and living with mom, total dicks, lazy, useless, or any combination of such, right? So how the hell is the fact that its a female going to change it?

First of all, how are you going to make a living as a musician if you can't get along with people who are drunks, addicts, total dicks, lazy, useless, etc.?

Second of all, you have noticed that you're really fucking young, right? I've read plenty of your posts, you seem like a very nice and intelligent person. But you are still acheingly (new word!) young. Like, I'm reading your posts in this thread thinking how happy I am that these sites didn't exist when I was your age so there's no ancient internet record of my angst. You're so young, I want to answer your question with "because I said so!" :)

Now, in defense of the rhythm section... in my voluminous experience (Gen X here, when I was your age 90% of my friends were in bands, I still have good friends who are in bands, and I have friends who actually get paid to tour as musicians, like, really paid, not drive to Des Moines in the bassist's mom's van and crash on somebody's couch paid) drummers, on average, tend to be the healthiest and most well-adjusted types. It's you singer/songwriter types that tend to cause the most drama.

Why go out of your way to get a female drummer? Because female musicians tend to be cool in general, and appreciative in particular when they're given equal opportunity to perform. There is such a thing as too much testosterone. Because you'll already have a girl around who likes to pound things, and if you're really lucky, she'll tie your ass up and keep you in line. Even if she doesn't end up being kinky or a partner, it would seem to benefit your long term goal to incorporate a strong assertive female into your musical life.

(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

RE: Differences in what you want - 12/19/2009 9:53:08 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucienne

quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

You do realize that 99% of drummers are either: drunks, drug adicts, unemployed and living with mom, total dicks, lazy, useless, or any combination of such, right? So how the hell is the fact that its a female going to change it?

First of all, how are you going to make a living as a musician if you can't get along with people who are drunks, addicts, total dicks, lazy, useless, etc.?

Ian Mackaye manages to do it

Second of all, you have noticed that you're really fucking young, right? I've read plenty of your posts, you seem like a very nice and intelligent person. But you are still acheingly (new word!) young. Like, I'm reading your posts in this thread thinking how happy I am that these sites didn't exist when I was your age so there's no ancient internet record of my angst. You're so young, I want to answer your question with "because I said so!" :)
Im sorely tempted to say something smartassed like "ok, mom"

Now, in defense of the rhythm section... in my voluminous experience (Gen X here, when I was your age 90% of my friends were in bands, I still have good friends who are in bands, and I have friends who actually get paid to tour as musicians, like, really paid, not drive to Des Moines in the bassist's mom's van and crash on somebody's couch paid) drummers, on average, tend to be the healthiest and most well-adjusted types. It's you singer/songwriter types that tend to cause the most drama.

That was then. Nowadays, the drummers Ive met couldent even bother showing up for practice... when it was at theyre own damn house!

Why go out of your way to get a female drummer? Because female musicians tend to be cool in general, and appreciative in particular when they're given equal opportunity to perform. There is such a thing as too much testosterone. Because you'll already have a girl around who likes to pound things, and if you're really lucky, she'll tie your ass up and keep you in line. Even if she doesn't end up being kinky or a partner, it would seem to benefit your long term goal to incorporate a strong assertive female into your musical life.

Hey if she can run a double bass as good as a guy can, Im all for her being behind the kit. That being said though, I dont date bandmates. thats too close to incest for me

_____________________________

You dont need to question my sanity, I can assure you Im quite mad. Its ok though, all the best people are

(in reply to Lucienne)

RE: Differences in what you want - 12/19/2009 12:26:07 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

All I hear is be patient.
Im sick of being patient.
Im sick of dumbing myself down so I dont make anyone else feel threatened.
Im sick of using tact with idiots instead of honesty.
Im sick of betraying myself to find acceptance, wich never comes anyway.
Im sick of being the dumping ground for everyone, then nobody bothers to listen to me when I have a problem
Im sick of every single day. looking at a bottle of pills, or a gun, and wondering if I should just fucking end it all

The faces change, but the bullshit remains the same. Everyone here knows its the truth.

geoff,

What I'm about to write you will probably not help your current state of mind, but at the same time, a certain dose of reality is required.

I'm 37 years of age. I have wanted what you've wanted for the last 10 years. I've dated, tried to find the right person, had extended moments where I was happy with someone, but the ultimate reality is that life has led me to be single at 37. Are there days that I wish it wasn't so? Yes. Are there days that this bums me out? Yes. Do I let myself get into a funk and stop me from moving forward? No. The reason is that I do not define myself by this. I have a lot going for me in my life and to be honest, I would rather be single right now than in the wrong relationship.

The thing that I'm trying to convey to you is that you will need to find other ways of validating yourself in the meantime. I can tell you that I feel your pain, but at the same time I warn you that you will have to find ways to deal with it as love is not something that you can have any control over. It will come when it will come.

In the meantime, you can just work on becoming the best person you can be so that when the right person comes along, they will see your worth and want to invest in a life with you.

- LA

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(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

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