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RE: Domina Down - 12/22/2009 7:15:23 AM

hardbodysub

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Joined: 8/7/2005
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quote:

Domina Down

I think they make really sexy pillows with this.

(in reply to Lockit)

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Post #: 41

RE: Domina Down - 12/22/2009 8:06:19 AM

Underumam

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I think this thread just goes back to show how many of us have different ways of doing things and handling matters in different ways. My version of down time goes something like this:

My work situation before the move wasn't the most positive experience on the planet. There were a lot of hours and a lot of stress. I had a specific habit of coming home, having a diet pepsi, and then showering. OK, a lot of Dominants out there have that as one of the services that their subs provide as bathing them and drying them afterward. Now, I like that, too, but specifically showering after work was My time to relieve stress. That to Me is more important than My boy's need to 'serve' at that particular moment. Doing the reverse would be more a case of Me serving his wants, as Mia pointed out.

Des made a very good point about the difference between extroverts and introverts. I'm more the extrovert type, so social opportunities rank pretty high in My book. (My other half would put that as 'she goes stir crazy' if it's not happening.) Going out for a good time can keep Me in a more positive mood for a week. I'm not doing that to 'get away' from My submissive or to take time away from him. I'm doing it for Me because I like to do it. In addition, I lean more to thinking that it's positive thing to have other relationships such as friendships and those we have things in common with as well as having our SO or D/s in our lives. The very same thing could be said for those who have hobbies that their s type isn't particularly interested in.

I was a little concerned about this comment:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Underumam
Sometimes even Dommes get so overwhelmed by sickness and fatigue they are quite simply, not able to function as a Domme anymore without being unreasonable and angry. This doesn't bode well for any subbies who should happen to depend on them for a place to live etc.

It kind of made Me wonder two things. If the Dominant in question became ill, isn't he serving Me by taking care of Me until I get well again? I won't speak for anybody else, but I can promise you if I get the flu, I'm not going to be Mary Sunshine. I'm going to be a bit grouchier because I'm sick and not feeling up to par for the things that I want to do. The males deal with it, just the same way I do when they aren't 100%. We do this because we honestly care about each other and know that not being in perfect health is part of the human condition.

The other is, why is the s type "depending" on the Dominant for a place to live? Is the s type not contributing to the household? If the Dominant is the primary financial supporter of the household and became too ill to work, wouldn't it be the submissive's obligation if he was living there to take himself out to the workforce to pay the bills that were incurred due to the fact that he resides in the same home?
As peon said, we're no different than our non kinky counterparts in this. A vanilla man who would leave his wife due to illness is no better than a sub doing so. I certainly hope that wasn't the thinking behind the comment. It would be a pretty selfish way of thinking if that was the intent.

Lady Pact, I will send you a pm with my response if you truly wish to know my opinion, as the particulars should not be aired in public. But for the mean time, I wasn't referring to a simple flue/virus type illness. Some illnesses affect the mind as well as the body..........And I was NOT referring to anything through a selfish mindset.

< Message edited by Underumam -- 12/22/2009 8:07:10 AM >

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RE: Domina Down - 12/22/2009 8:43:27 AM

LadyPact

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I'm not airing anyone's anything aside from My own. I have this out there in prior posts that date back a bit, but it might be just as easy to rewrite it here now.

About a year and a half ago, I had a cancer scare. A mass had been found during a routine check up. A follow up confirmed the abnormality and through some kind of screw up it was told to Me that it was malignant. Now, I'm a fairly practical person in most ways of life, but there are certain words when used when in regards to your own medical condition that will influence you to think of things in terms that you never have before. Was I the most rational person at the time? Nope, I sure wasn't.

However, attempting to be practical, with some basic information on possibilities about treatment plans and so on, for some fool reason, it occurred to Me that I should offer clip the option of release. Not because I wanted to release him, but because I didn't want him to have to be tied to Me if I was going to have to go through the illness. Basically, clip looked at Me like I was nuts and asked Me why in the world would I think he loved Me any less just because I might be sick.

Quite frankly, he was right. I didn't receive the same news, process it the same way, and then go to My husband and say, "You know, I may not be able to be the same person who is healthy physically when you married Me. It might be in your best interest to go out and get another wife because what I'm looking at isn't a pleasant road." It sounds really dumb when it's put that way, doesn't it?

I suppose that's how I'm looking at this now. There are things that occur in life where a person, Dominant or otherwise, isn't going to be 100%. My slave hasn't abandoned Me through those times. If anything, he's made his attempts to be supportive throughout, just the same as if this wasn't based on an authority structured dynamic.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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Post #: 43

RE: Domina Down - 12/22/2009 8:55:12 AM

Underumam

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'm not airing anyone's anything aside from My own. I have this out there in prior posts that date back a bit, but it might be just as easy to rewrite it here now.

About a year and a half ago, I had a cancer scare. A mass had been found during a routine check up. A follow up confirmed the abnormality and through some kind of screw up it was told to Me that it was malignant. Now, I'm a fairly practical person in most ways of life, but there are certain words when used when in regards to your own medical condition that will influence you to think of things in terms that you never have before. Was I the most rational person at the time? Nope, I sure wasn't.

However, attempting to be practical, with some basic information on possibilities about treatment plans and so on, for some fool reason, it occurred to Me that I should offer clip the option of release. Not because I wanted to release him, but because I didn't want him to have to be tied to Me if I was going to have to go through the illness. Basically, clip looked at Me like I was nuts and asked Me why in the world would I think he loved Me any less just because I might be sick.

Quite frankly, he was right. I didn't receive the same news, process it the same way, and then go to My husband and say, "You know, I may not be able to be the same person who is healthy physically when you married Me. It might be in your best interest to go out and get another wife because what I'm looking at isn't a pleasant road." It sounds really dumb when it's put that way, doesn't it?

I suppose that's how I'm looking at this now. There are things that occur in life where a person, Dominant or otherwise, isn't going to be 100%. My slave hasn't abandoned Me through those times. If anything, he's made his attempts to be supportive throughout, just the same as if this wasn't based on an authority structured dynamic.

Bless you Lady Pact. The man difference between our experiences other than being on opposite sides of the kneel, is that you knew when NOT to engage others. No amount of service or beneficient supprt can force the afflicted one to think/interpret people, places, or things in a good way......

Yes, clip acted just like a good man(human being) should.May your future be sunny and bright!

< Message edited by Underumam -- 12/22/2009 9:02:14 AM >

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RE: Domina Down - 12/22/2009 9:29:44 AM

allthatjaz

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Lady Pact you have remided me once again to eat my own words!
I fully understand what your is saying here. It was just over a year ago that I went through the same thing. Something like this isn't a small blip that passes by but its something that can be life changing.
When I was going through all those fears I asked Stephen if he would prefer to leave. Actually thats a lie... I told Steve he was going to leave because everything from here on in was going to change and the last thing I wanted was his pity. He refused and he made me face up to my own fears whilst standing right by my side and supporting me.
I remember saying to him that I didn't think I could ever go down the D/s or BDSM route again and I just wanted a nilla existence. I didn't want time out, I wanted out and he was cool with that too but he still wasn't going anywhere.

_____________________________

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RE: Domina Down - 12/22/2009 9:49:34 AM

LadyPact

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Nah. No word eating, Maria. This is one of those subjects that can be seen in a multitude of ways. I think down time, or battery recharging, or whatever you want to call it can come from a variety of different things. It can be something as simple as holiday stress or coping with life changing events.

As far as I know, nobody out there is 100% all of the time. It's a life and there are different things out there that can throw us or put our mind in a place where we might not be on top of our game. We're not absolved of such things just because we're kinky.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Domina Down - 12/22/2009 9:52:12 AM

mnottertail

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Domina Down!!!!!!!! Call in the SWAT. Lets off the Perps......

1 adam 12 see the woman, domina down, proceed with caution, suspects are considered armed and dangerous..........

Sgt. Joe Friday

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RE: Domina Down - 12/22/2009 10:25:00 AM

LadyHibiscus

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Underumam, I think you should check yourself.

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RE: Domina Down - 12/22/2009 10:36:36 AM

MzMia

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Underumam, I think you should check yourself.

note to self, no serious relationships with regular posters on the message boards.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

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Post #: 49

RE: Domina Down - 12/22/2009 11:04:47 AM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Underumam

Bless you Lady Pact. The man difference between our experiences other than being on opposite sides of the kneel, is that you knew when NOT to engage others. No amount of service or beneficient supprt can force the afflicted one to think/interpret people, places, or things in a good way......

Yes, clip acted just like a good man(human being) should.May your future be sunny and bright!

This comment seems to have changed since the first time I read the reply. Either that or I didn't quite have enough caffeine yet.

I think you're giving Me far too much credit here. Don't think by any means that I've always had the sense when not to engage others. (This is not My reflections on S/m btw.) When it comes to people in My life, they have to understand that it's a whole life. Not just the good parts, not just play, not just the D/s, but all of it which also includes Me being a whole person. Stuff like, yes, I'm bitchy if My nose is running and My temp has hit 104 or I'm going to be visibly shaken if I'm involved in an auto accident. I think I'd be engaging in dishonesty if I said the people in My life don't know to tread carefully if I think someone is harming a member of My family. To put it plainly, there are times when it's smarter to get out of My way. LOL.

But, I'm looking at this thread in many ways. A few of them come back to the thought that Dominant women are still women. Sure, women who want the power of the dynamic to be in their hands, but at the same time, their hands can be full with other things that life brings us as well. It can be the day to day, or the unusual events that happen just once in a while.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Domina Down - 12/22/2009 4:44:07 PM

Politesub53

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My idea of any relationship is being there for your significant other when they need you the most. The more they need help, the more you should be there.....period.

It matters not if it is a vanilla or a D/s relationship. One of the whole reasons for being with some one is to give, and receive, loving support. I also think anyone who wants to play the D/s angle with someone who is ill is somewhat selfish. If I fail to serve someone when I am ill, there is no second reason, just that I am ill. If She isnt up to play time, or wants to take time out, whats the problem ?

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RE: Domina Down - 12/22/2009 7:40:04 PM

Underumam

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Underumam, I think you should check yourself.

Why?

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RE: Domina Down - 12/22/2009 9:32:12 PM

Lockit

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It is unfortunate that you feel the need to slander me with your lies that you admitted to in email and on a thread with a post you mostly deleted when a couple of dominant’s protested. Miscommunication and incompatibility, etc. has resulted in a public display I find very distasteful. It was bad enough when you did it in excitement and/or trying to impress me. I will not air all the dirty little factoids on you as I do not want this drama to continue. I know how good you can try to be and how that makes a person feel, but I was not totally blinded and found the errors. I have never said you were trash and never said you were all bad or anything of the like.

It wasn’t good enough to wish one another well and move on. No… you have to save face or prove something and that suggests some pretty ugly things. I did wish you well, including talking to you more as a human kindness thing, for the better part of three days… up to the day before you went to your new dominant. And with what I did after you left; I find this all rather odd. I was trying to be honorable and a decent human being. There is record with Western Union. I did not make you homeless and I am not responsible for your state of affairs or your need to find another dominant fast.

Your continued slander about me in email done already and offered to others now is one thing. This public display is another. I will ask you to stop coming to my profile and bothering me here and doing so publicly. If there is something that needs discussion, it should be off the boards and with your new dominant’s permission, awareness and/or involvement. However I would prefer not to add this drama and it’s continuation to my life.

Do keep in mind that I save every communication, etc. that can be kept.

Don’t forget, you are not the only man to have met me, spent time in my home in the last six months, ever been with me or lived with me. They have their own stories and they don’t match with your own and a couple aren’t too far away.

I’ve learned my lessons here… maybe you should consider it.

Enough is enough.

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RE: Domina Down - 12/23/2009 6:30:46 AM

allthatjaz

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Hi Lockit,
Your further posts make more sense to me than your initial post.
When you say 'Domina Down Time' it does imply that your taking a break from your dominance and not just taking a break.
You also spoke in your first post about 'stepping out of role' and that reminded me of work. At work for example I may think, live breath in the real estate world. I live the role during working hours but when I come home I stop thinking about it and just become Maria again.
From what you have said in your proceeding posts I don't see what you wrote in your initial post.

_____________________________

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Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

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RE: Domina Down - 12/23/2009 7:10:08 AM

Lockit

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My first post was worded poorly. I cannot step out of charactor... I am who I am. I just want no demands put on me for a lil dommy action, expectations of doing anything serious or important, other than my taking care of myself.

It was the same with my family. I didn't stop being a mother when I needed a mommy break. Everything was expected to continue on. The stage is set... everyone is settled or taken care of and mom goes to have a break. She doesn't want to hear or see anyone unless the house is on fire or someone is bleeding. I am not talking a young family here, but handle when mom goes to her room and chills.

I said the role part in a sense because other's seem to look at you as that role sometimes and not who you are. Hell... my children didn't see who I was for a very long time! lol I do expect more of an adult though! lol

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RE: Domina Down - 12/23/2009 8:01:07 AM

MissDita

Posts: 33
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

Hi Underumam, I guess what I am trying to say is that I absolutely refuse to be expected of because being expected off only ends with fulfilling someone elses needs. Everything we do together needs to be the most natural thing in the world.
There are times when I will take my submissive and be extremely hard, harsh, cruel, sadistic and dominant with but those times are reserved for what I call 'our special moments' the rest of the time I am just me in relaxed mode. I have been told that my relaxed mode is dominant but I never think of it that way. I refuse to feel guilty if I don't dominate for a day, a week, a month and neither will I think of it as taking a break from my dominance. If a submissive can't cope with the real me then to be honest I don't want her around.
I like my own time but I never think of my own time as time out from being dominant. I just think of it as my time.

Thank you for basically expressing how I feel.
I was born a Dominant woman and I will die a Dominant woman.
This is who I am, this is not a role I play.
If I decide to lay in bed for 5 months, if I decide to NEVER take on a submissive, I will always
be a Dominant woman.
If there is a submissive in MY life, than when I am not feeling well, it is his job to take care of me.
I have a full time job that is demanding, and I have a very full and active life.
If having a "submissive" becomes a "job" or a "chore", than that is not the submissive for me.
My submissive is in my life to make it better for me, hell I don't need another job!
Now where is that submissive that should be cleaning this house, fixing dinner, finish wrapping Christmas gifts, shovel the snow, and then giving me a foot rub?
Aren't submissives supposed to serve?
The day I start serving submissives, you will see Professional Dominant in front of my name.
At that point, it might as well be a job I am compensated for.

*But let me add, we all "live" this "lifestyle" differently I am in this "lifestyle" for a service oriented submissive, that puts the "s" in service.**
Actually, make that slave.
I will be the first to admit, finding a strong and dedicated service oriented submissive is hard.
There are very few submissives that really live to "serve" their woman, but there are a few.
They would jump at the chance to serve you, and you can be down all you want!
I don't need a fair weather submissive, only looking to serve me when things are "fun" for him.
Again, I will not make excuses for taking all the damn down time I want.
I love "Down" time, and my submissive doing chores gives me more of it.

Between you two I don't have much to add aside from this is simply who I am. Do I go for a massage or a spa day, of course, but I never stop being a Domme. It isn't a role I play or an act I put on. I am as Dominant in my flannel gnome pajamas and my moocow slippers as I am in full blown leather. I don't have to wield a riding crop or a whip. I am simply me and in doing so I am always and will always be a Dominant Woman. I don't accept submission when convenient...he is submissive period. It is an undercurrent that is there 24/7 365 days of the year.

I stop being a Domme the day I die.

quote:

Between you two I don't have much to add aside from this is simply who I am. Do I go for a massage or a spa day, of course, but I never stop being a Domme. It isn't a role I play or an act I put on. I am as Dominant in my flannel gnome pajamas and my moocow slippers as I am in full blown leather. I don't have to wield a riding crop or a whip. I am simply me and in doing so I am always and will always be a Dominant Woman. I don't accept submission when convenient...he is submissive period. It is an undercurrent that is there 24/7 365 days of the year.

I stop being a Domme the day I die.

I completely agree with all of the above.

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RE: Domina Down - 12/23/2009 8:46:05 AM

munchkind

Posts: 1
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This is my very first post ever on these boards and i feel the need to reply in support of Ms Lockit on this topic . As a submissive male that has spent about a year with Ms Lockit online and then lived with Her and Her family for another period of time i have nothing but respect and admiration for Her as a caring and concerned Woman that just happens to be dominant . She has amazed me with Her ability to be fair and open-minded even though She has dealt with many very hard situations in her life . Underumam , i find it hard to believe that you can consider yourself submissive and as soon as you don't get your way you throw a tantrum so very early into a relationship . i agree with LadyHibiscus and think that you sir , really do need to check yourself and your motives .

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RE: Domina Down - 12/23/2009 9:34:29 AM

poeticfreak

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this is where knowing your partner comes into play, you put fun time on the back burner and take care of things knowing what your partner likes and needs, you do what you can to lighten the load while still giving them space, everyone has downtime but knowing someone is there to both help and leave you alone at the same time and will still be there once you've recharged makes things easier

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I have believed the best of every man. And find that to believe is enough to make a bad man show him at his best, or even a good man swings his lantern higher.- yeats

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Post #: 58

RE: Domina Down - 12/23/2009 9:40:06 AM

poeticfreak

Posts: 80
Joined: 6/1/2008
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this would have made a much more interesting movie than black hawk down

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Domina Down!!!!!!!! Call in the SWAT. Lets off the Perps......

1 adam 12 see the woman, domina down, proceed with caution, suspects are considered armed and dangerous..........

Sgt. Joe Friday

_____________________________

I have believed the best of every man. And find that to believe is enough to make a bad man show him at his best, or even a good man swings his lantern higher.- yeats

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Post #: 59

RE: Domina Down - 12/23/2009 1:02:44 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

Hi Underumam, I guess what I am trying to say is that I absolutely refuse to be expected of because being expected off only ends with fulfilling someone elses needs. Everything we do together needs to be the most natural thing in the world.
There are times when I will take my submissive and be extremely hard, harsh, cruel, sadistic and dominant with but those times are reserved for what I call 'our special moments' the rest of the time I am just me in relaxed mode. I have been told that my relaxed mode is dominant but I never think of it that way. I refuse to feel guilty if I don't dominate for a day, a week, a month and neither will I think of it as taking a break from my dominance. If a submissive can't cope with the real me then to be honest I don't want her around.
I like my own time but I never think of my own time as time out from being dominant. I just think of it as my time.

Thank you for basically expressing how I feel.
I was born a Dominant woman and I will die a Dominant woman.
This is who I am, this is not a role I play.
If I decide to lay in bed for 5 months, if I decide to NEVER take on a submissive, I will always
be a Dominant woman.
If there is a submissive in MY life, than when I am not feeling well, it is his job to take care of me.
I have a full time job that is demanding, and I have a very full and active life.
If having a "submissive" becomes a "job" or a "chore", than that is not the submissive for me.
My submissive is in my life to make it better for me, hell I don't need another job!
Now where is that submissive that should be cleaning this house, fixing dinner, finish wrapping Christmas gifts, shovel the snow, and then giving me a foot rub?
Aren't submissives supposed to serve?
The day I start serving submissives, you will see Professional Dominant in front of my name.
At that point, it might as well be a job I am compensated for.

*But let me add, we all "live" this "lifestyle" differently I am in this "lifestyle" for a service oriented submissive, that puts the "s" in service.**
Actually, make that slave.
I will be the first to admit, finding a strong and dedicated service oriented submissive is hard.
There are very few submissives that really live to "serve" their woman, but there are a few.
They would jump at the chance to serve you, and you can be down all you want!
I don't need a fair weather submissive, only looking to serve me when things are "fun" for him.
Again, I will not make excuses for taking all the damn down time I want.
I love "Down" time, and my submissive doing chores gives me more of it.

Between you two I don't have much to add aside from this is simply who I am. Do I go for a massage or a spa day, of course, but I never stop being a Domme. It isn't a role I play or an act I put on. I am as Dominant in my flannel gnome pajamas and my moocow slippers as I am in full blown leather. I don't have to wield a riding crop or a whip. I am simply me and in doing so I am always and will always be a Dominant Woman. I don't accept submission when convenient...he is submissive period. It is an undercurrent that is there 24/7 365 days of the year.

I stop being a Domme the day I die.