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RE: The Art of "Letting Go"... - 3/19/2006 8:53:28 AM   
luckyslaveboync


Posts: 69
Joined: 3/18/2005
Status: offline 		The question posed by Mistress Hathor is tantamount to the question of how trust develops, since trust is the main element required for the sub to "let go."

For lucky what has helped trust most, apart from a policy of total honesty on both sides, is consistency of a Domme who is knowledgable and able to think in terms of development steps for the slave, which in turn involves little steps, bigger steps, etc., and helping the slave feel successful and rewarded at each stage. Reward, of course, for a true submissive has a lot to do with simply knowing he has made his Mistress happy.

"Letting go" can be impeded when the sub or Domme goes too fast, or too slow, or if the Domme has no sense of what they wish their sub to become. The latter gives control to the sub, which is self-contradicting. When the Domme has goals, there is something to which the sub may "let go."

Rambling,
lucky

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: The Art of "Letting Go"... - 3/19/2006 9:07:52 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		I have nothing of value to add except to thank everyone who posted to this...

You have all given me so much to think about.

Thank you!

(in reply to luckyslaveboync)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: The Art of "Letting Go"... - 3/19/2006 10:58:39 AM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

you have spent your life "in control"---protecting and shielding (is that a word?) your soul, your life, your heart


What I immediatly focus on is what happened in his life that he's not telling me. From my experience people that rather unnaturally put energy into "being in control and normal" are the very ones that have had some experience that they are hiding. Some "demon" that has controlled them in all the wrong ways and forced them to cope by walling off that "thing". Many times it's something that they've never confided in someone else (abuse, rape, gay feelings or experiences). Getting to the bottom of this takes a long time and effort because the very coping skills that they've learned are contrary to what you're wanting to accomplish as a Domme. This is a step by step, 2 steps forward & 1 step back kind of deal. It's not unheard of for you to "fix" one coping mechanism and move forward only to feel that door slam behind you and you're going what the frock...didn't we just deal with this? It's a long process that's worth the fight...you'll both be better for it if done right.

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: The Art of "Letting Go"... - 3/19/2006 9:21:28 PM   
CERCKL


Posts: 1039
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline
quote:

This is a fairly regular struggle for me . . . . as Your student has probably also been trained by mainstream that the only safe place is the place we find behind constructed walls preventing "them" from seeing into who we really are inside.


her insight is very sharp here...We are to put up defenses, we are to play roles, we are never to let anyone in, even our most intimate partners, since if we do they'll hurt us...I learned this lesson early and well...even as a Master I choose to allow My girl to know Me so she can have the trust to follow and serve. IMHO. Well, sometimes humble, well, who the hell am I lying to??? IMO at least...
C

_____________________________

AND I AM TOO AN ASSHOLE, I HAVE REFERENCES!!!

"Please, please, please believe me, I really am an asshole. All that Enlightenment and Higher Learning shit was all a ruse."

(in reply to sweetnessforsir)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: The Art of "Letting Go"... - 3/20/2006 5:24:11 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		I want to thank all of you who posted, I know My student will be studying this soon---luckyslavenc--your insight here is very valuable---trust--BUT it is a trust within ourselves as well---we may trust another, but may never trust ourselves enough to really let go--CERKEL mentioned the way we are "mainstreamed"--we are taught to keep close to the vest as they say--it is a growth to overcome those early learnings.

Have an idea of where you want your submissive to go ( thanks again lucky!)--One cannot simply "dive in"--there needs to a some thought or ideas given as to where they hope to see things go, change, develop--going too fast, too slow, One has to be able to read the submissive---and that only comes from communication---on BOTH sides.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to CERCKL)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: The Art of "Letting Go"... - 3/20/2006 10:19:36 AM   
Submotive


Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline 		Thank You MH for this thread ~~~smiles and bows ~~~ and to all W/who have so kindly shared Y/your experiences and realizations.

Letting go is a moment by moment, day to day experience. i am learning how to recognize when and why i find myself running to the old patterns that don't work, but are familiar.  What i'm starting to experience too is being permitted to learn and grow how i'm able to. my Master does not demand that i learn in any way other than how i can learn. He embraces what i offer. He is very wise. He demands of me only what i have asked Him to demand.

Also, i've become aware  of the vulnerability of B/both sides of M/s. W/we all bare the scars of past betrayals. IMHO i think Dominants are a very incredible breed of Beings. They not only accept and contend with Their own vulnerabilities, but They embrace ours as well. Thank You!

i have found within the BDSM community an incredible depth of understanding and relating that, unfortunately, seems to have all but disappeared elsewhere. my quote for the day - "only the gods are wise enough to teach us on grounds considered evil".





_____________________________

Owned by Scotch Master

i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

(in reply to luckyslaveboync)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: The Art of "Letting Go"... - 3/20/2006 10:20:40 PM   
classykindasassy


Posts: 291
Joined: 12/13/2005
Status: offline 		If I was a Domme or Mistress, I'd counsel my sub/slave who is needing to release, to pursue their spiritual life and to meditate. This aids one in what it is to submit the spirit first and have the body follow. Meditation allows one to be with circumstances (life OR play/pain) and be present to experience instead of avoiding, or judging and assessing the experience.

For me, the biggest part of my development as a sub has been to learn to be fully present. To not hide behind substances, or avoid pain but embrace it. It is a gradual process requiring much patience on both sides. And no pressure. A sub is always trying to get it right instead of just submitting as a self expression. Your bigness of heart, and acceptance of what they can give and what they can't, will give them the space to willingly give more control over to You.

_____________________________

"The less I seek my source for some definitive, the closer I am to fine." -The Indigo Girls

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: The Art of "Letting Go"... - 3/21/2006 9:15:48 PM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline 		i think for me it will be a struggle to overcome fears, change old habits, stifle the anger at being "bossed around"; finding the joy in being looked after; a slow process requiring an experienced and kind Dom.
 
candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 3/21/2006 9:17:41 PM >

(in reply to classykindasassy)
Profile   Post #: 28
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