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tsatske -> RE: abuse vs ownership (12/23/2009 3:17:18 PM)
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when I lived with a prevoius owner in Philly, I was attending college. I took a psche class, and the text book had something I had never seen anything like before. A quiz to rate how 'abusive' your relationship is/was. I've seen lots of 'are you being abused' quizes, but they were always of the 'if you answer even one of these questions yes, call this number' variety.
This quiz had a lot of questions and asked you to rate how they applied in your current on a scale of 1-5. then it had some ratings - the average and median for abused women rathing the relationship they were seeking help with, the average and median for American women who did not identify themselves as being abused.
I was interested. I took the test. I tried to answer all questions honestly, EXCEPT for the ones about hitting, physical stuff, ect. I rated all of those at the HIGHEST rating, e.g. 'the happens quite frequently'. when I was done, I tallied my score. Even with the highest number being used on the 'hitting' type ones, I reated as significantly less abused than the average American woman.
This is the difference between what we do and abuse, in a nutshell. My whole family knows my sexual prefrence, so they know, if I am with a guy, chances are very high that he hits me (to my great delight). All of my family will tell you, the men who I have had in my life treat me VERY well.
I had to be hospitalized for my mental illness about a year ago. Every day someone would ask me the state mandated quesiton, ' in the past year, has anyone hit you, hurt you, harmed you or frightened or threatened you'. Every time, I answered, 'I am active in BDSM. No one has hit me in the last year without my consent.' And the proffessionals, to a man, answered, 'Oh, that's not abuse.'
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