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getting past fears - 12/29/2009 8:18:55 PM

subtlebottomgirl

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greetings to everyone, particularly the slaves here. I am about to enter into a Owner/slave type relationship. I am very excited, yet extremely nervous. We have not met in person , that will be coming soon in January of 2010. We have talked online and phone for over two months now. I have a full understanding of what he will require of me in my new life as his slave.I am to never leave the home alone, no money , no bank accounts, I will not be allowed a Drivers license, a completely chained exsistance.My humble question is: Can you please share some of your biggest fears and how you got over them, once you realized you would need to turn over your autonomy to your new Owner or Master. My fear is a selfish one, I am not young any more, 45. I worry that what " If " for what ever reason, the relationship ends, what financial securities did I proved for myself, if I am left in the cold and penniless I did not serve myself well, did I. ( having trouble here ) If I go into this new relationship with my main focus on myself, How am I serving him ? please advise with wisdom.

RE: getting past fears - 12/29/2009 8:21:06 PM

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what do you get from this? that is the overriding question before much can be advised....

a great headspace? the release of all decision making? what do you get?

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to subtlebottomgirl)

RE: getting past fears - 12/29/2009 8:32:28 PM

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From: California
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Well, all the wisdom I can muster up says it's foolhardy to give up everything and go to a "chained" existence with someone you have never even met. What if you meet in January and the chemistry isn't there? What then???

What if the master were to die first? What then? What if he decides he doesn't want his girl anymore? What then? Dump her out on the street?? All of the wise masters that I know prepare for the uncertainty of the future. They have addressed those questions legally and financially, making arrangements for their slave(s) future and well-being.

Doesn't sound like this master you're going to meet cares enough about your future to take care of those things (I tried to make that sound less harsh, but I failed).

Cali

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(in reply to mnottertail)

RE: getting past fears - 12/29/2009 8:36:15 PM

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As far as I'm concerned, your concerns over providing yourself with financial security should your relationship end are not selfish, but self-preserving.

_____________________________

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
~ Carl Jung

(in reply to subtlebottomgirl)

RE: getting past fears - 12/29/2009 8:39:06 PM

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Ugh-
I just see red flags everywhere here.
Trying to be positive....but the degree of imprisonment you speak of sounds like:

A. The kind of thing you need to REALLY get to know the person before attempting- NOT talking for a while, but spending time with him, finding out the things he didn't want to share with you on the phone. Phone calls are like first dates- you reveal what you want, when you want, how you want; there is that whole truckload of shit you don't even know about yourself that is not revealed.

B. Thought thru a little bit more. Have you even spent 6 weeks like this? 6 days?
What happens when you both get bored of this after about 6 months? For the first few weeks it is sexy and dangerous and wildly erotic, like living as O and Sir Stephan. Then after a while you stop being the naked sexy slave, and start being the slatternly housewife who spends all day slumped on the couch and forgot to scrub the toilet.

I'm not saying this sort of existance is bad, or even impossible- its just that it sounds a bit rushed, hasty and poorly considered. You are considering becoming this man's wife (yes, I know, you prefer slave- but in essence are the housewife- deal with it) and yet you haven't really spent much time with him, other than mutual fantasizing over the phone.

I don't know this guy- but I do know he doesn't wear a cape and shoot lightning bolts out his cock- he is- if you are lucky! a normal guy, who has all kinds of quirks and maddening, endearing, and godawful personality traits.

Maybe spend a few weekends with him, and see how it goes, and make whatever relationship adjustments are needed.

I guarantee the man you discover when you live with him, will not be the man you talk to on the phone. might be a better man, or worse- but he won't be what you were expecting.

(in reply to subtlebottomgirl)

RE: getting past fears - 12/29/2009 8:57:58 PM

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlebottomgirl

greetings to everyone, particularly the slaves here. I am about to enter into a Owner/slave type relationship. I am very excited, yet extremely nervous. We have not met in person , that will be coming soon in January of 2010. We have talked online and phone for over two months now. I have a full understanding of what he will require of me in my new life as his slave.I am to never leave the home alone, no money , no bank accounts, I will not be allowed a Drivers license, a completely chained exsistance.My humble question is: Can you please share some of your biggest fears and how you got over them, once you realized you would need to turn over your autonomy to your new Owner or Master. My fear is a selfish one, I am not young any more, 45. I worry that what " If " for what ever reason, the relationship ends, what financial securities did I proved for myself, if I am left in the cold and penniless I did not serve myself well, did I. ( having trouble here ) If I go into this new relationship with my main focus on myself, How am I serving him ? please advise with wisdom.

The best wisdom I can give a woman of 45 is to re-read the underlined portion above. Think of how you might advise a friend of yours. Perhaps you might slow down the fantasy part and wait for some reality before making such decisions based on someone you have never met.

(in reply to subtlebottomgirl)

RE: getting past fears - 12/29/2009 9:10:09 PM

subtlebottomgirl

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Joined: 7/4/2009
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what do I get ? I will be serving this wonderful man,whos mind I adore, being molded and reshaped into the slave we both need me to be. while the examples of my new life are most extreme, we both are in agreement it takes time to build that degree of enslavement, it would not happen over night. and while he does not allow me to leave the home alone, we have talked about online colleges and programs to school me while under his care. I am just having a hard time with the financial aspects of this, and why I am trying to get views of other slaves who have had to turn over all financial accountability to their owner. thank you

(in reply to subtlebottomgirl)

RE: getting past fears - 12/29/2009 9:24:38 PM

osf

Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlebottomgirl

greetings to everyone, particularly the slaves here. I am about to enter into a Owner/slave type relationship. I am very excited, yet extremely nervous. We have not met in person , that will be coming soon in January of 2010. We have talked online and phone for over two months now. I have a full understanding of what he will require of me in my new life as his slave.I am to never leave the home alone, no money , no bank accounts, I will not be allowed a Drivers license, a completely chained exsistance.My humble question is: Can you please share some of your biggest fears and how you got over them, once you realized you would need to turn over your autonomy to your new Owner or Master. My fear is a selfish one, I am not young any more, 45. I worry that what " If " for what ever reason, the relationship ends, what financial securities did I proved for myself, if I am left in the cold and penniless I did not serve myself well, did I. ( having trouble here ) If I go into this new relationship with my main focus on myself, How am I serving him ? please advise with wisdom.

you should have thought of all this before you agreed

ok, that is past

but i'd seriously suggest you delay any deeper involvement till you have these issues resolved

having them nag at your mind after you two are together will do nothing but poison the relationship

talk to him and voice your concerns

and never having met??????? i've only ever heard of one relationship that started that way, lasting from a cold start

even colonial slaves owned personal property and had side businesses

my thinking is you're a slave to the relationship, you both serve the relationship

so be sure that's a relationship you want to serve

< Message edited by osf -- 12/29/2009 9:28:22 PM >

_____________________________

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i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to subtlebottomgirl)

RE: getting past fears - 12/29/2009 9:34:01 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlebottomgirl

what do I get ? I will be serving this wonderful man,whos mind I adore, being molded and reshaped into the slave we both need me to be. while the examples of my new life are most extreme, we both are in agreement it takes time to build that degree of enslavement, it would not happen over night.

Not over two nights either.

To me, it would seem like 'starting over', after getting together face to face, like friends who have decided that they are a couple now or so.

quote:

and while he does not allow me to leave the home alone, we have talked about online colleges and programs to school me while under his care.

Just curious, what is he going to do all day?

quote:

I am just having a hard time with the financial aspects of this, and why I am trying to get views of other slaves who have had to turn over all financial accountability to their owner. thank you

Accountable, yes, but hand it over is a total different ball game.

_____________________________

There are no rules, there is only compassion.

Simple religion:
There is no need for temples,
No need for complicated philosophies
My brain and my heart are my temples
My philosophy is kindness (DL)

'There's a fire burning in my heart'

(in reply to subtlebottomgirl)

RE: getting past fears - 12/29/2009 9:51:05 PM

subtlebottomgirl

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Joined: 7/4/2009
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The meeting part is not that easy, with myself residing here in utah and he resides in australia. Took time to get the passport and make the plans. While we meet online, it was a mutual friendship we struck up , starting chatting of our needs and desires, it was his mind that made me want to serve him, not what he looks like.

He does not want an independant slave, most of my independence comes from me being financially responsible for myself was hoping another slave could relate to handing over the self governing of their financial aspects for the future.
We agree meeting is very important, we both hope the chemistry is there.
I am thankful for the replies

(in reply to subtlebottomgirl)

RE: getting past fears - 12/29/2009 9:59:16 PM

osf

Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlebottomgirl

The meeting part is not that easy, with myself residing here in utah and he resides in australia. Took time to get the passport and make the plans. While we meet online, it was a mutual friendship we struck up , starting chatting of our needs and desires, it was his mind that made me want to serve him, not what he looks like.

He does not want an independant slave, most of my independence comes from me being financially responsible for myself was hoping another slave could relate to handing over the self governing of their financial aspects for the future.
We agree meeting is very important, we both hope the chemistry is there.
I am thankful for the replies

believe me when you meet in person all that happened on line means zip, you will really be meeting a new person you never met before

your mental image of him will be replaced by reality

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to subtlebottomgirl)

RE: getting past fears - 12/29/2009 10:04:24 PM

Posts: 289
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlebottomgirl
The meeting part is not that easy, with myself residing here in utah and he resides in australia. Took time to get the passport and make the plans. While we meet online, it was a mutual friendship we struck up , starting chatting of our needs and desires, it was his mind that made me want to serve him, not what he looks like.

reality is going to hit though.

quote:

He does not want an independant slave,

But he sure would like to see you well provided for in case anything would happen to him in the future. Not?

quote:

most of my independence comes from me being financially responsible for myself was hoping another slave could relate to handing over the self governing of their financial aspects for the future.

I actually do relate, except I wasn't a slave, I was a stay at home wife/mother, in a strange country, with no job and no work experience, at the hands of an abusive spouse, who controlled all finances. The most powerful 'tool' he had that withheld me from leaving were those finances... Financial dependence like this casts a very long shadow.

quote:

We agree meeting is very important, we both hope the chemistry is there.
I am thankful for the replies

What is not clear is, is this a visit or a migration. If it's only a short visit, why turn over finances?

I am sure everyone here wishes you best of luck.

_____________________________

There are no rules, there is only compassion.

Simple religion:
There is no need for temples,
No need for complicated philosophies
My brain and my heart are my temples
My philosophy is kindness (DL)

'There's a fire burning in my heart'

(in reply to subtlebottomgirl)

RE: getting past fears - 12/29/2009 10:15:14 PM

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quote:

The meeting part is not that easy, with myself residing here in utah and he resides in australia

Booking an Australia vacation to get to know each other is not rocket science, getting a passport is not either, "not that easy" is complete BS. I don't know why you are building this up so (or why you have no profile, so we don't know who we are talking to), but it is a completely crazy exercise. Australia is a rough country, and from the looks of it you've been manipulated into doing something that could end up being a disaster to you being very dead.

Then coming here asking for other people's experience with turning over autonomy to their master, and not providing the rather important information that you're leaving for Australia - you have your residence visa? Because if they let you enter the country as a tourist, and you end up staying, you'll be an illegal alien - and the way the Ozzies currently deal with illegal immigrants, the first time you get sick and need to see a doctor you'll be in an immigration jail for six months, then deported. You need to get your head straight. Pronto. Have a nice flight.

(in reply to subtlebottomgirl)

RE: getting past fears - 12/29/2009 10:25:59 PM

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hey, australia's not all that bad, tyvm.

and we tend to deal more harshly with illegal immigrants coming in on boats. y'know, the non "caucasian" sort. there's a history of that.

her biggest issue is likely to be proof that she has several thousand dollars safe in an account in the states. immigration has been known to turn away backpackers that look like they're set to stay put, and can't prove they have money.

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RE: getting past fears - 12/30/2009 12:53:55 AM

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From: Charleston, WV
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Would you be comfortable doing this if this were a person you were going to date? There's nothing wrong with going slow.

Master Fire

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(in reply to subtlebottomgirl)

RE: getting past fears - 12/30/2009 1:10:39 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlebottomgirl
I am just having a hard time with the financial aspects of this, and why I am trying to get views of other slaves who have had to turn over all financial accountability to their owner. thank you

Maybe your higher sensibilities and natural sense of self-preservation are trying to kick in. Mine would be if I thought there was even a remote possibility of getting dumped out on my ass with absolutely nothing after giving it all to Someone I don't really know..... Think about it. If your best friend told you she was planning on doing what you are, and asked for your advice, what would you tell her??

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In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to subtlebottomgirl)

RE: getting past fears - 12/30/2009 1:12:38 AM

sissyshoefetish

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Joined: 5/6/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlebottomgirl

greetings to everyone, particularly the slaves here. I am about to enter into a Owner/slave type relationship. I am very excited, yet extremely nervous. We have not met in person , that will be coming soon in January of 2010. We have talked online and phone for over two months now. I have a full understanding of what he will require of me in my new life as his slave.I am to never leave the home alone, no money , no bank accounts, I will not be allowed a Drivers license, a completely chained exsistance.My humble question is: Can you please share some of your biggest fears and how you got over them, once you realized you would need to turn over your autonomy to your new Owner or Master. My fear is a selfish one, I am not young any more, 45. I worry that what " If " for what ever reason, the relationship ends, what financial securities did I proved for myself, if I am left in the cold and penniless I did not serve myself well, did I. ( having trouble here ) If I go into this new relationship with my main focus on myself, How am I serving him ? please advise with wisdom.

It seems to me that as you seem set on this idea, you would benefit from spacing out the committments involved. While handing over control in one go may seem exciting, the reality of relationships of any kind is that they take some bedding in. i suggest you talk to you master and agree a plan to submit to these committments over time.. perhaps setting dates where you agree to each element of your loss of autonomy, the full financial parts coming at the end stages, once practical issues of moving to his country etc are sorted.
That may not seem total enough for you but consider how delicious it would be to look forward each new stage of handing over your life; from intial servitude, to not being allowed out, to having no personal money in hand, and finally agreeing to sign over each and every financial arrangement. In this way you would gain mutual trust, keep the excitement and lose those nagging fears |(for which another name might be "doubts") abou this relationship.

(in reply to subtlebottomgirl)

RE: getting past fears - 12/30/2009 1:19:55 AM

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I have to agree with everyone, especially CalifChick.

quote:

What if the master were to die first? What then? What if he decides he doesn't want his girl anymore? What then? Dump her out on the street??

Worse possible scenario. What if that happened though? You will be in a foreign country, with no money and no family there to help you out.

I don't know you or anything, but I would say to step back and really think about the situation.

_____________________________

"The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt"

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RE: getting past fears - 12/30/2009 2:03:14 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KMsAngel

hey, australia's not all that bad, tyvm.

and we tend to deal more harshly with illegal immigrants coming in on boats. y'know, the non "caucasian" sort. there's a history of that.

her biggest issue is likely to be proof that she has several thousand dollars safe in an account in the states. immigration has been known to turn away backpackers that look like they're set to stay put, and can't prove they have money.

My mom's coming to my wedding in Sydney on an Electronic Tourist Visa, you apply online and get instant approval...I'd recommend the OP get a passport, get the 3 month ETA tourist visa, come here in May or June or something when flights are ridiculously cheap, and spend a few months living with this guy before turning over all finances.

If everything is good, have him marry you so you can get residency. Australia is ridiculously hard to migrate to, unless you're very skilled in an in-demand profession your best bet is to get married.

From another yank who fell in love with an Aussie, good luck!

(in reply to KMsAngel)

RE: getting past fears - 12/30/2009 2:27:51 AM

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It takes a period of time and various circumstances before you can say you know someone. My advice to you would be to seek someone less desperate for a relationship. Someone who is willing to discover things and not jump head first into a shallow pool. I do not understand your decision-making.

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“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Elisabella)

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