RE: getting past fears

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elleX -> RE: getting past fears (12/30/2009 2:50:35 AM)
subtlebottomgirl your questions need answers You should talk to him about it Your financial security is what can save you if things goes bad , you will be able to run away, because things like that happens too !!! there is no urge to give it from the beginning , and as others members said ,,you still can have surprises ,, been it good or bad ,,,,, dont put aside any safety that could save you

UniqueRaven -> RE: getting past fears (12/30/2009 8:03:38 AM)
i have done this before, save the foreign country thing. i did move from one state to another to live with my Master at the time, and yes, he took full financial responsibility for me, both during my slavery and during my transition after our M/s relationship ended (4 years). Some people have made some very good points here. i will add to them and list my own here as well: 1. i have never seen this done in a "snap" or an "instant" transition and have it turn out well. For me, it was a period of about 4 months, traveling back and forth, talking, opening finances, setting things up, and ultimately we had a written agreement between us of how he would provide for me, and what he would do if we separated. These agreements aren't particularly legally binding, but it is something that you can count on for that initial "getting to know you" period. 2. Once actually his Owned property as slave, he set up for me a bank account that he contributed to periodically for my well-being in the event something happened to him. Yes, men do get hit by the bus - even Owners. This account had my signature, and it was money that was my "just in case the world ended" fund - that let me go on living if something happened. 3. After a period of time, he also set up a life insurance policy on him with me as the beneficiary. He also purchased private health insurance for me in my name. 4. As AnimusRex pointed out, ultimately being Owned property is very much like being a housewife. Yes, you are there to be used for his pleasure and fun and amusement, but it is human nature, especially when you live together 24/7, to find some sort of "rhythm" to everyday life, and it is generally akin to marriage, with him holding all the decision making power. However you also lack many of the legal benefits of marriage. So you have to be smart. 5. And yes, you can still be Owned property, and be smart. And if he is a good Owner, he will understand the financial responsibility he has taken for you. And he needs to make it very clear to you how he will do so. If he is not a wealthy man, you need to be even more wary, as if the relationship goes south - and these relationships often do, unfortunately - you may find yourself out on the street with nothing. Don't let the romance and the beauty of being Owned cloud your vision. Hm, typing this reminds me of something i wrote years ago about being an Owned slave. i think i'll start a new thread for it - perhaps it will be of help to you. :) good luck, julie

osf -> RE: getting past fears (12/30/2009 8:12:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven i have done this before, save the foreign country thing. i did move from one state to another to live with my Master at the time, and yes, he took full financial responsibility for me, both during my slavery and during my transition after our M/s relationship ended (4 years). Some people have made some very good points here. i will add to them and list my own here as well: 1. i have never seen this done in a "snap" or an "instant" transition and have it turn out well. For me, it was a period of about 4 months, traveling back and forth, talking, opening finances, setting things up, and ultimately we had a written agreement between us of how he would provide for me, and what he would do if we separated. These agreements aren't particularly legally binding, but it is something that you can count on for that initial "getting to know you" period. 2. Once actually his Owned property as slave, he set up for me a bank account that he contributed to periodically for my well-being in the event something happened to him. Yes, men do get hit by the bus - even Owners. This account had my signature, and it was money that was my "just in case the world ended" fund - that let me go on living if something happened. 3. After a period of time, he also set up a life insurance policy on him with me as the beneficiary. He also purchased private health insurance for me in my name. 4. As AnimusRex pointed out, ultimately being Owned property is very much like being a housewife. Yes, you are there to be used for his pleasure and fun and amusement, but it is human nature, especially when you live together 24/7, to find some sort of "rhythm" to everyday life, and it is generally akin to marriage, with him holding all the decision making power. However you also lack many of the legal benefits of marriage. So you have to be smart. 5. And yes, you can still be Owned property, and be smart. And if he is a good Owner, he will understand the financial responsibility he has taken for you. And he needs to make it very clear to you how he will do so. If he is not a wealthy man, you need to be even more wary, as if the relationship goes south - and these relationships often do, unfortunately - you may find yourself out on the street with nothing. Don't let the romance and the beauty of being Owned cloud your vision. Hm, typing this reminds me of something i wrote years ago about being an Owned slave. i think i'll start a new thread for it - perhaps it will be of help to you. :) good luck, julie you'r ruining the fantasy with all this reality

UniqueRaven -> RE: getting past fears (12/30/2009 8:20:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf quote: ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven i have done this before, save the foreign country thing. i did move from one state to another to live with my Master at the time, and yes, he took full financial responsibility for me, both during my slavery and during my transition after our M/s relationship ended (4 years). you'r ruining the fantasy with all this reality You know, you need the reality to facilitate the fantasy. How are you able to serve completely, with full awareness and focus on your Owner/Master, if you have a worry in the back of your mind all the time about what will happen to you if he dies/gets critically ill/injured/releases/dumps/abandons you? It is just part of good slave maintenance to make sure that she has no worries, and that includes finances. [:)] And yes, i know you're being tongue-in-cheek.

Underumam -> RE: getting past fears (12/30/2009 8:44:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf quote: ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven i have done this before, save the foreign country thing. i did move from one state to another to live with my Master at the time, and yes, he took full financial responsibility for me, both during my slavery and during my transition after our M/s relationship ended (4 years). Some people have made some very good points here. i will add to them and list my own here as well: 1. i have never seen this done in a "snap" or an "instant" transition and have it turn out well. For me, it was a period of about 4 months, traveling back and forth, talking, opening finances, setting things up, and ultimately we had a written agreement between us of how he would provide for me, and what he would do if we separated. These agreements aren't particularly legally binding, but it is something that you can count on for that initial "getting to know you" period. 2. Once actually his Owned property as slave, he set up for me a bank account that he contributed to periodically for my well-being in the event something happened to him. Yes, men do get hit by the bus - even Owners. This account had my signature, and it was money that was my "just in case the world ended" fund - that let me go on living if something happened. 3. After a period of time, he also set up a life insurance policy on him with me as the beneficiary. He also purchased private health insurance for me in my name. 4. As AnimusRex pointed out, ultimately being Owned property is very much like being a housewife. Yes, you are there to be used for his pleasure and fun and amusement, but it is human nature, especially when you live together 24/7, to find some sort of "rhythm" to everyday life, and it is generally akin to marriage, with him holding all the decision making power. However you also lack many of the legal benefits of marriage. So you have to be smart. 5. And yes, you can still be Owned property, and be smart. And if he is a good Owner, he will understand the financial responsibility he has taken for you. And he needs to make it very clear to you how he will do so. If he is not a wealthy man, you need to be even more wary, as if the relationship goes south - and these relationships often do, unfortunately - you may find yourself out on the street with nothing. Don't let the romance and the beauty of being Owned cloud your vision. Hm, typing this reminds me of something i wrote years ago about being an Owned slave. i think i'll start a new thread for it - perhaps it will be of help to you. :) good luck, julie you'r ruining the fantasy with all this reality As she well should. I know what it's like being left high and dry with nothing. Actually, the chances of things NOT working out are far greater than them working.

lally2 -> RE: getting past fears (12/30/2009 9:32:55 AM)
if you have any collaterol at all invest it in YOURE name. if you have no collaterol to invest then you need to seriously consider where the money is going to come from should you need to pack up, leave and fly home. if he wishes for you to stay at home and not work then it would be reasonable to ask for some pocket money that is invested for you in youre name and requires youre signature to release it. you need to get this sorted out before you go. he should understand youre concerns and be willing to ease them. if he isnt then i personally would not go. if he isnt prepared to accept that relationships can go wrong and that you will be entirely dependant upon his help and support to get home then i would not go. he needs to show responsibility, pragmatism and a realistic attitude to all areas of youre welfare since he is expecting you to give up all independence in order to be with him. if he cannot/will not discuss/do any of the above for you, i would not go.

SlaveSimone -> RE: getting past fears (12/30/2009 9:52:12 AM)
Speaking as a submissive who doesn't have a drivers license, doesn't have an income, didn't have a bank account until fairly recently, and is home alone left with a lot of house work and very little social interaction, I believe you're getting your self into a pretty unhealthy situation. I've partly chosen this path, but am mostly held back due to some moderate anxiety issues, and am slowly inching my way out of the woods. Luckily my dominant has not put these restrictions on me otherwise I would have ran for the hills loooong ago. The reality of the situation is that not having the financial standing to leave a relationship is terrifying, being stuck alone in a house all day can create mental instability and depression, having no transportation becomes frustrating and debilitating, having little social interaction outside of a relationship can become tiresome and lonely. Things may start out rosey, but at the end of the day they can turn non-consensual pretty freaking fast. And then what? You'll leave? How? With what money? Where will you stay? How will you survive after your career, your friendships, your ability to take care of your self have all been diminished for some strangers unrealistic fantasies? Relationships, particularly new ones can end for so many reasons, having the ability to leave when you feel they need to end is not something that should be taken for granted. Beyond that, it's only been two months, you're still deeply engrossed in the honey moon phase, and once all those chemicals in your brain wear off, things might not be so pretty. It's usually beneficial to wait a good 6 months (of fairly frequent face to face interaction) before making any huge life changing decision when it comes to relationships. To sum it all up,forget about him for just one second, and realize that your fears aren't insignificant, they are pointing out to you some HUGE red flags that need to be very carefully examined. You are human first, sub/slave second, and there is absolutely no reason to destroy your self preservation for some stranger you've only known for two whole months because that's what he says you need to do. If you want to continue your relationship I would suggest that you bring these issues up to him- If he absolutely refuses to provide you with some sort of financial fall back, then he clearly has no regard for your well being, and frankly, that's dangerous. Good Luck, Simone

wisdomtogive -> RE: getting past fears (12/30/2009 10:18:17 AM)
Hi subtlebottomgirl I will be meeting my Sir in Jan. as well and for the first time. At that point, i am going back to his state with him. There are some differences though in my situation compare to yours. Yes, i will be his slave that is were the similarity ends. I have known Sir for 2 and half years, and he has been a friend the whole time. He also is a client of mine, so i been able to see his behavior..consistent. I do not have a driver's license, but that is not an issue. I know people in his state, if i need to leave. I am to continue to work, and he is wanting me to deposit some of my earnings in a seperate account. After 6 months, he will draw up legal papers so if any thing happens to him, he knows i will be taken care of, which he brought up. My widow's pension which starts a little a year from now, will stay in my own account. Yes there will be money put into his account as well, for us. He though wants to make sure i am left with funds if need be. He has already informed me, that if this doesn't work out, he will fly me or drive me back to where i am at now. He is in his early 60's and i am now 58, both of us are widow/widoweer, and we know how life can create a large bump in the road. Financially i need to support myself, and he understands that. He though is not a Dominant that needs tributes. I also met him 2 and half years ago in a chatroom he hosted. i got to see how he treated people. So though we have not physically met, we are close enough to create a M/s relationship to serve him, and for me to embrace. I have taken major risks throughout my life, though not often. Each time they were successful because there was no nagging feeling to 'run' or stop. If your gut is speaking another way, then i would say listen to your gut. blessings, wisdomtogive

littleone35 -> RE: getting past fears (12/30/2009 10:25:51 AM)
The biggest thing to me is the no money. Sure you can turn over all you finances to him AFTER you agree how you will be provided for in case it does not work out or something happens to him. You are not allowd to leave the house alone is that leave with anyone or just not leave without him? I am guessing it is tha latter. What if you have to need to run to the store get something you forgot for dinner. Well you can't cause you will not have a drivers licence or any money for public transpo. You do see wharer i am going wiith this. I also talked to my Master on the phone before meeting him and when we met it was different but still good. Just think long and hard about this. Having no social interaction but with him and no money sound like a recipe for depression and poor heath. Matt's littleone

rockspider -> RE: getting past fears (12/30/2009 10:46:49 AM)
Seems like the OP is putting all her eggs in one basket. Before you do that make sure the basket is very sound and suitable for your use. I have tried to turn LTR's in to real time relationships on several occasions. I caqn only agree wholeheartedly with Animus on his sentiments. No person is the same in real life as they are on the chat. In OP's situation i would book a 3 month open return ticket and go there and find out. For the financial handing over, do that if you decide to trow the return ticket away, and not before the 3 months up.

wisdomtogive -> RE: getting past fears (12/30/2009 10:58:17 AM)
Op, i wanted add, that Sir and i have an arrangement. i am not 'in love' with him, yet i admire and adore him and always have. We have more in common then not, and to us it is a natural way for things to come about. He's been patiently waiting and never pushing these past couple years, letting me deal with the relationships i was in. It now is the right timing for us, and neither of us are in la la land. We already have set up plans in case it doesn't work.

CalifChick -> RE: getting past fears (12/30/2009 11:07:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subtlebottomgirl I am trying to get views of other slaves who have had to turn over all financial accountability to their owner. Okay, we get it. You don't want to hear from the naysayers... you just want to hear from people that have done it. That's the problem... I don't know anyone who has done it the way YOU are planning on doing it. You've heard from some people who had turned over financial responsibility; however, they've had safeguards in place. Your scenario has NONE. You haven't heard from Kyra yet (one of Knight's girls). She moved from the US to Canada, and if I'm remembering correctly, she turned over finances to Knight. However, I know I have read that he has provided for all of the people under his charge (both of his girls as well as the children). Her name is on certain legal documents (and the house, I think), she has access to money if something were to happen to Knight, etc. As an aside... forgive me Kyra, if I have scrambled the details... the important part is that Knight has thought ahead to the unpleasant "what ifs" in life, and provided for your future. Cali

Mercnbeth -> RE: getting past fears (12/30/2009 11:18:34 AM)
quote: I am just having a hard time with the financial aspects of this, and why I am trying to get views of other slaves who have had to turn over all financial accountability to their owner. this slave would probably have a hard time with it too, the way you present it. this slave wasn't required to turn over all financial accountability until we had met in person and spent a big chunk of time together...6 months down the road from that initial meet. quote: ...He does not want an independant slave, most of my independence comes from me being financially responsible for myself was hoping another slave could relate to handing over the self governing of their financial aspects for the future... sorry, can't help you with that one as this slave had only spent about 3 weeks of her adult life being independently financially responsible for her-own-self (and failed miserably) approximately 20 years before meeting Master, so it really wasn't that big of a leap when He expressed the desire to be financially accountable for her. best wishes to you.[:)] quote: I am to never leave the home alone, no money , no bank accounts, I will not be allowed a Drivers license, a completely chained exsistance. My humble question is: Can you please share some of your biggest fears and how you got over them, once you realized you would need to turn over your autonomy to your new Owner or Master. My fear is a selfish one, I am not young any more, 45. I worry that what " If " for what ever reason, the relationship ends, what financial securities did I proved for myself, if I am left in the cold and penniless I did not serve myself well, did I. ( having trouble here ) If I go into this new relationship with my main focus on myself, How am I serving him ? please advise with wisdom. EDITED TO ADD MERC's [sm=2cents.gif] I'd like to say a couple of things and I'm glad I found this before the 'Edit' feature had timed out.... You must be crazy to consider this under the circumstances you provide. It's true I have a similar arrangement with beth. Similar because I do have full financial responsibility for, not only her, but a few other responsibilities of hers that it was, and is, my decision to continue. beth had, has, and always will have a drivers license; if for no other reason to serve my needs and 'fetch'. It is true that beth does not have a bank account - she has access to mine. she also lived a 'chained existence' - literally - for about the first year we were together. However, although cuffs are still a requirement, the chains are not pragmatically possible where we live now - although I wish it were - because he knees would be worn down to the bone crawling on our floors, and I happen to like flesh on her knees. However if I showed up with that requirement at the first meeting I sincerely hope that beth never would have agreed to meet me at all. Everything I know about her personal strength, integrity, and intelligence would be invalidated if she did. What we have now evolved. There was a great connection from that first glance; including a overwhelming amount of what is referenced here as 'sub (and dom) frenzy. Even if beth due to her limited experience at the time didn't see it I was never going to allow her to commit to me at that extent until she knew EXACTLY what that meant. The process didn't really take all that long in our case, but there was some time involved. We had to get a lot more 'naked' mentally and emotionally taking much more time than the hour and a half it took to get physically naked. What are you thinking 'subtlebottomgirl'? Not concluding that this won't work out but if it will, time won't change that. You better be sure of his agenda and he better be sure of yours. Even if you never use it as a 'contract' or 'rules' you should write out your expectations and assign responsibilities to each other to insure your definition of 'slave' and his are exactly in line. If not - you'll be back on these same threads asking us why your 'master' was too intense, not intense enough, so cruel, too kind, or why he wanted to flog you while in white face singing 'My Ding-a-ling' while wearing a red clown nose. If you are as you say you are, 45; having only talked to this guy on the phone for two months, never meeting in person and your contemplating this move which includes turning over your bank accounts and everything else you wrote - you are either in a mental condition that needs help or are desperate and think this is the last port in your life's stormy journey. I really hope this is just a posting from one of the many bored HS or College kids on holiday break, like many other recent posts.

osf -> RE: getting past fears (12/30/2009 11:32:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 if you have any collaterol at all invest it in YOURE name. if you have no collaterol to invest then you need to seriously consider where the money is going to come from should you need to pack up, leave and fly home. if he wishes for you to stay at home and not work then it would be reasonable to ask for some pocket money that is invested for you in youre name and requires youre signature to release it. you need to get this sorted out before you go. he should understand youre concerns and be willing to ease them. if he isnt then i personally would not go. if he isnt prepared to accept that relationships can go wrong and that you will be entirely dependant upon his help and support to get home then i would not go. he needs to show responsibility, pragmatism and a realistic attitude to all areas of youre welfare since he is expecting you to give up all independence in order to be with him. if he cannot/will not discuss/do any of the above for you, i would not go. crosses lally off list of suckers to rip off

DesFIP -> RE: getting past fears (12/30/2009 11:39:41 AM)
My suggestion is that you don't do this with someone you've never met. You don't go from not ever seeing what he's really like to burning your bridges. Presumably he claims he has a place big enough for both of you to live. What happens if you get there and he's living in his mother's basement. He's taken all your money and you have no way out. I would strongly suggest you consider if you would recommend this to your mother, your sister or your daughter. Or would you prefer to know they were safe? This is a red flag situation of the largest order. If he was the real thing, he wouldn't be desperate for you to learn to trust him instead of demanding it unearned. He wouldn't be desperate to gain control by leaving you no alternatives instead of you wishing to give him the control. At the very least, keep a fully charged emergency cell phone so you can call 911. I'm very afraid you will need it.

VirginPotty -> RE: getting past fears (12/30/2009 12:37:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick quote: ORIGINAL: subtlebottomgirl I am trying to get views of other slaves who have had to turn over all financial accountability to their owner. Okay, we get it. You don't want to hear from the naysayers... you just want to hear from people that have done it. That's the problem... I don't know anyone who has done it the way YOU are planning on doing it. You've heard from some people who had turned over financial responsibility; however, they've had safeguards in place. Your scenario has NONE. You haven't heard from Kyra yet (one of Knight's girls). She moved from the US to Canada, and if I'm remembering correctly, she turned over finances to Knight. However, I know I have read that he has provided for all of the people under his charge (both of his girls as well as the children). Her name is on certain legal documents (and the house, I think), she has access to money if something were to happen to Knight, etc. As an aside... forgive me Kyra, if I have scrambled the details... the important part is that Knight has thought ahead to the unpleasant "what ifs" in life, and provided for your future. Cali Let's not forget another regular poster until recently, who moved from the farms of Iowa to Canada and now is banned from any contact from friend's & family & only 1 or 2 people are allowed to contact her. She met her dom once or twice before moving & now we have no clue abut her status.

HisSweetElysium -> RE: getting past fears (12/30/2009 1:09:26 PM)
I don't understand why you can't discuss these fears with him. Personally, I have been married, had my finances intertwined, worked, made money, and STILL ended up sleeping in my car when things turned south. It was better than being in my home, with him, in fear. I love my Master with all my heart, and I trust Him completely. He wants to know ANYTHING that gives me mild anxiety, because it is His job to take care of me. This is a HUGE anxiety, or it should be. IMO a good Master would want to assuage your fears and do anything to make you comfortable, especially at the outset, set up a bank account, have a plan for both of you. I wish you the best...

Hierodule -> RE: getting past fears (12/30/2009 2:46:00 PM)
I had similar fears at the beginning my relationship. But we had a longer period of face to face, real life, getting to know each other before he asked me to move in with him. And it isn't a "completely chained existence" for me since I can go out with friends or to the grocery store. I just have to try to ask first, if he is busy at work or something, then I get to use my best judgment. I started a thread on this forum asking about financial provisions that owners take to ensure their slaves are secure in case of emergency. In the end, what helped me get over the fear was talking to my Master about it and coming to an agreement with him. This happened before he gave me his collar, a couple months before my move in date (which is tomorrow! yay!) I say, know what you are getting into before you pledge your whole life to someone. A lot of little details are going to come up. Talk to your partner about them. All of them. If he dismisses them or tells you you aren't being submissive by bringing them up then its time to re-think things.

mstrslve4fun -> RE: getting past fears (12/30/2009 2:54:02 PM)
While i'm relatively new to this lifestyle, i would NEVER give that much power to someone i had never met, and not someone i'd only known 2 months. Be careful, be very careful. If he is requiring all this of you on such short notice, i would question his motives. One other thing i'd like to point out... you hear in the news all the time of women being taken by con men who take all their money and the woman is never heard from again.

mstrslve4fun -> RE: getting past fears (12/30/2009 3:01:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subtlebottomgirl The meeting part is not that easy, with myself residing here in utah and he resides in australia. Took time to get the passport and make the plans. While we meet online, it was a mutual friendship we struck up , starting chatting of our needs and desires, it was his mind that made me want to serve him, not what he looks like. He does not want an independant slave, most of my independence comes from me being financially responsible for myself was hoping another slave could relate to handing over the self governing of their financial aspects for the future. We agree meeting is very important, we both hope the chemistry is there. I am thankful for the replies So, let me get this straight.... you plan on leaving your country, and moving in with a man you've known barely 2 months, have never met, and give him complete control over you AND your finances? And what happens in 3 months when you have nothing and he decides to boot your butt out the door? What will happen to you then?

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