RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman

RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman (Full Version)

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Lockit -> RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman (1/1/2010 4:55:12 PM)
Well then... you call it a whine or crying if you like. I called it more... directly addressing something.

SDFemDom4cuck -> RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman (1/1/2010 4:55:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Thank you for taking the time to post that. I really enjoyed it. I'm so very glad! quote: ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck LA That happens to be one of my favorite books as well. I've always translated it more as "time one is unable to get back but not regretted" more so than wasted. Yes spent would be closer to what I'm thinking. Perhaps invested would be a better word? My mom used to read me this book when I was little. She read it to me a lot. I read it again as teenager and now a few times as an adult in French, and eventually in English. As I've read it at different times in my life, I see different things in it as it's so rich. I'm not surprised some stuff would be lost in translation. - LA LA I read it, and a few other books as well every year about this time to get the right mindset for the year to come. I won't derail by posting them here but yes, the language or the intent behind the language often does not translate. Perhaps a bit like the language of males and females themselves does not always translate so well even though both are speaking English. It is the intent and heart behind the words themselves that does not translate so very well. But I digress....

RedMagic1 -> RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman (1/1/2010 4:56:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pollux My point's pretty simple, really. If you don't want to be objectified, don't emphasize the aspects of yourself that feed into objectification. Isn't that a bit like asking black people to "act white" so they'll be more accepted by the so-called mainstream? I thought the whole point of this thread was to ponder the question: "How can I be a sexual being, and still be appreciated as whole person?" Your (non)answer seems to be: "Be an asexual being, so you appreciated as less than a whole person." I don't see how that's on point.

SDFemDom4cuck -> RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman (1/1/2010 4:59:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pollux quote: ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck pollux Wow I'm really surprised by this from you... The point may be that we would like for subs to see past the outer window dressing...whatever that may be...and see us for who we are as human beings. As Women. As Dominant Women and every other facet of who we are as people that inhabit the same little green and blue ball of dirt that you do. I dont look at your picture and judge your abilities as a sub by how you are dressed or undressed. I get to know you as a person and evaluate your abilities at being a sub by your actions. Your appearance has little to do with who you are and what your abilities are as a sub. You're surprised that I'm encouraging a female dominant who's complaining that she's been objectified that she might want to emphasize other aspects of her person-hood instead of the "femdom/fetish" aspect, if she expects to be treated as something other than a fetish object? I didn't really think this was all that controversial. While you may have read what I wrote I think that what is missing is the comprehension of what I said.

BitaTruble -> RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman (1/1/2010 5:01:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pollux My point's pretty simple, really. If you don't want to be objectified, don't emphasize the aspects of yourself that feed into objectification. Such as? Clothing? Hair style? Make-up? Perfume? What about brushing your teeth or wearing a bra? Maybe dominants should walk around barefoot in torn, dirty clothing smelling of cigarettes and days old beer just to keep from being objectified? Maybe get a tooth or two pulled just so those who are unable to help themselves will have an easier time exhibiting even a modicum of self-control? Where should the line be drawn? Where does personal responsibility come into play and where does individual self-expression and the choice of what to wear and when to wear it fall? I agree with you, though. Your point is very simple. Too simple. That's the problem with it. There is no standard that will please all the people all the time, so who should the dominant try to please.. the nameless, faceless masses who may or may not objectify a particular characteristic or body part .. or themselves?

LadyAngelika -> RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman (1/1/2010 5:04:29 PM)
quote: You're surprised that I'm encouraging a female dominant who's complaining that she's been objectified that she might want to emphasize other aspects of her person-hood instead of the "femdom/fetish" aspect, if she expects to be treated as something other than a fetish object? What you (and a few other men, but certainly not all) are missing is the point of the OP. I reponded the following to you here (http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2980370) which you might not have seen and though it's not my style to repeat things I've already written, I feel this time it is merited. And for the record, if you look at the OP, this was not a complaint about pervy wankers. This was a thread about what creates the horny wanker (the fetishization) and why can't he get over it to be a gentleman (maturity and great role models). Edited because I think I was unecessarily harsh. - LA

pollux -> RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman (1/1/2010 5:14:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 quote: ORIGINAL: pollux My point's pretty simple, really. If you don't want to be objectified, don't emphasize the aspects of yourself that feed into objectification. Isn't that a bit like asking black people to "act white" so they'll be more accepted by the so-called mainstream? A little bit, actually, yeah. But my point's a little more nuanced than that. Let's say I was advising an inner-city youth about what it takes to get a decent job. Would I advise him to go into the interview with gangsta clothes, and answer questions from the interview in slang from the hood? It's all about what's appropriate, and what mask to wear at a given time, given what you want to achieve. quote: I thought the whole point of this thread was to ponder the question: "How can I be a sexual being, and still be appreciated as whole person?" Your (non)answer seems to be: "Be an asexual being, so you appreciated as less than a whole person." I don't see how that's on point. Then you've missed my point, entirely. It's all a question of timing, and what one chooses to emphasize and reveal, and when. It's like a hyper-intelligent bikini model with an oiled set of 36DDs walking into a bar and complaining that no one wants to talk to her about nuclear physics. If she walks in with oiled boobies bursting out of her swimsuit, she's going to be ogled. That's not right, or wrong, or good, or bad, it just is. If she wants to talk nuclear physics (and be taken seriously), she might need to reconsider the bikini. And the bar.

Lockit -> RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman (1/1/2010 5:17:45 PM)
Wow... stone age's anyone?

RedMagic1 -> RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman (1/1/2010 5:28:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pollux It's like a hyper-intelligent bikini model with an oiled set of 36DDs walking into a bar and complaining that no one wants to talk to her about nuclear physics. Have you ever dated a model? I have... and I don't look like one. If you look at a ridiculously attractive woman's eyes (not her chest) and ask her about her hopes, dreams and aspirations -- and barely mention she's hot -- you've got a good shot at getting her phone number. Why? Because it's really hard to fake it if you're interested in her mind more than her body. Women know the difference. Care more about who she is than how she looks, and her body might follow. Just look at these message boards. Most of the people on them are kinky as hell, and have widely different educational backgrounds. It's kind of a bar atmosphere. Also, a lot of the women who post have smexy photos and avatars. Which men do women flirt with more? The guys who post things like, "Wow you have a great photo," or the guys who post things that are funny -- maybe even mild "put downs" of the women sometimes? It's the men who treat women like human beings, instead of like bizarre alien creatures, who tend to get the attention.

LadyAngelika -> RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman (1/1/2010 5:30:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit Wow... stone age's anyone? Maybe you should cover up a little Lockit, something a little more like this. - LA

seekingOwnertoo -> RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman (1/1/2010 5:32:46 PM)
quote: So because men are hungry... they aren't expected to act like adults and can just grab at anything that looks like a meal? When has hunger... sexual or otherwise given one the right to act like a beast? Have W/we asked a different question .... if a man was soooo hungry .... wouldn't he learn to become a better hunter?

Lockit -> RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman (1/1/2010 5:33:15 PM)
ROFL... hell, even there... someone would want up my skirt! Add glasses... and another type of fetish'er to the mix.

Lockit -> RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman (1/1/2010 5:35:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo quote: So because men are hungry... they aren't expected to act like adults and can just grab at anything that looks like a meal? When has hunger... sexual or otherwise given one the right to act like a beast? Have W/we asked a different question .... if a man was soooo hungry .... wouldn't he learn to become a better hunter? LOL! One would think so... but I do believe that common sense has no place within the fantasy realm!

LadyAngelika -> RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman (1/1/2010 5:50:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit quote: ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo quote: So because men are hungry... they aren't expected to act like adults and can just grab at anything that looks like a meal? When has hunger... sexual or otherwise given one the right to act like a beast? Have W/we asked a different question .... if a man was soooo hungry .... wouldn't he learn to become a better hunter? LOL! One would think so... but I do believe that common sense has no place within the fantasy realm! It's like what seekingOwnertoo said many pages back, it's about the moment when they mature. A mature hunter knows exactly how to capture what he wants. He's patient, he's skillful, has developed strategies and knows that to get the prize, it requires that he focusses his attention on only on the prize. Why do I feel like Bambi all of a sudden? :-) - LA

Lockit -> RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman (1/1/2010 5:53:23 PM)
ROFL!

LaTigresse -> RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman (1/1/2010 5:56:00 PM)
What I find interesting is that some of the people on the forums I have found most appealing, I have never seen their face and certainly not a provocative photo.

cloudboy -> RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman (1/1/2010 5:59:49 PM)
Let me know who gets in the last word.

LadyAngelika -> RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman (1/1/2010 6:04:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cloudboy Let me know who gets in the last word. I usually keep gag balls handy so that I do ;-) - LA

cloudboy -> RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman (1/1/2010 6:16:51 PM)
quote: task of growing up Growing up: the world is not our easy EDEN. To me the OP's issue is a universal one -- namely the tyranny of the superficial in dating and its trumping power over more substantive considerations.

pollux -> RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman (1/1/2010 6:44:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo Have W/we asked a different question .... if a man was soooo hungry .... wouldn't he learn to become a better hunter? Good question... And the same could easily be asked of the women here, too. I wonder how many threads & posts we've had from female dominants bemoaning the fact that male subs aren't interested in them as human beings? And always -- ALWAYS -- 100% of the blame lies with the men. "Help! My inbox is filled with email from horny wankers!" "Help! The men I date don't see me as a whole person!" "Help! My sub only sees me as a life-support system for their fetish!" You'd think after a while that they might consider that the problem may not lie entirely with the men. Heaven forfend the women turn inward for a nanosecond, and consider changing themselves, or their strategy.

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